Why do we tolerate trash talking and elitism as "boys will be boys" behavior?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see it too and I don’t get it. I am raising my boy to be kind and empathetic but I feel like many other parents are teaching their kids to be jerks. Even among so called “progressive” families we are witnessing the creation of bullies and aggressive/selfish behavior that is shocking but not corrected.

How old is your boy? I’m doing the same and he was bored for his kindness by several teachers. The school environment matters too. We switched from an inclusive small school to a top public and DS has brought home so much slang and jerky one upping behavior. We model and talk about kindness at home, but he is at school for 7 hours a day around this stuff. Also shocked at language and attitudes on kids TV shows. We no longer watch tv.

Do you really want to get it or do you want to not get it?

If you don’t want to get, it no amount of explanation will help you. Also not wanting to get it will drive a wedge between you and the others in your community.

If you want to get it, ask the other parents in an open non-judgmental way. You will be able to have better conversations than here.

For example, if you were to ask me, I would tell you that I have no problem with slang. Kids saying I’m cooked to their friends or in their family is not mean or rude to me. I would tell them not to talk to their pastor that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see it too and I don’t get it. I am raising my boy to be kind and empathetic but I feel like many other parents are teaching their kids to be jerks. Even among so called “progressive” families we are witnessing the creation of bullies and aggressive/selfish behavior that is shocking but not corrected.

How old is your boy? I’m doing the same and he was bored for his kindness by several teachers. The school environment matters too. We switched from an inclusive small school to a top public and DS has brought home so much slang and jerky one upping behavior. We model and talk about kindness at home, but he is at school for 7 hours a day around this stuff. Also shocked at language and attitudes on kids TV shows. We no longer watch tv.

Do you really want to get it or do you want to not get it?

If you don’t want to get, it no amount of explanation will help you. Also not wanting to get it will drive a wedge between you and the others in your community.

If you want to get it, ask the other parents in an open non-judgmental way. You will be able to have better conversations than here.

For example, if you were to ask me, I would tell you that I have no problem with slang. Kids saying I’m cooked to their friends or in their family is not mean or rude to me. I would tell them not to talk to their pastor that way.

DP but, Hi irony- how YOU doing?

“Start a conversation in an open non-judge mental way”. Like saying “do you want to get it or do you NOT want to get it? Or saying, “Not getting it will drive a wedge between you and your community?”

The part you left out is if your community is made up of people who are constantly one upping each other and putting down others in that community. The community itself isn’t really healthy or welcoming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see it too and I don’t get it. I am raising my boy to be kind and empathetic but I feel like many other parents are teaching their kids to be jerks. Even among so called “progressive” families we are witnessing the creation of bullies and aggressive/selfish behavior that is shocking but not corrected.

How old is your boy? I’m doing the same and he was bored for his kindness by several teachers. The school environment matters too. We switched from an inclusive small school to a top public and DS has brought home so much slang and jerky one upping behavior. We model and talk about kindness at home, but he is at school for 7 hours a day around this stuff. Also shocked at language and attitudes on kids TV shows. We no longer watch tv.

Do you really want to get it or do you want to not get it?

If you don’t want to get, it no amount of explanation will help you. Also not wanting to get it will drive a wedge between you and the others in your community.

If you want to get it, ask the other parents in an open non-judgmental way. You will be able to have better conversations than here.

For example, if you were to ask me, I would tell you that I have no problem with slang. Kids saying I’m cooked to their friends or in their family is not mean or rude to me. I would tell them not to talk to their pastor that way.

DP but, Hi irony- how YOU doing?

“Start a conversation in an open non-judge mental way”. Like saying “do you want to get it or do you NOT want to get it? Or saying, “Not getting it will drive a wedge between you and your community?”

The part you left out is if your community is made up of people who are constantly one upping each other and putting down others in that community. The community itself isn’t really healthy or welcoming.

I’m not the one who wants to understand?

When my kids are on the outside of a community, I tell them that in that building of 200 kids are 3 friends. Go find them.

Over time they come out with loads more than 3. Not everyone is one-upping. Even among kids who are one-upping not everyone is doing it for the same reasons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see it too and I don’t get it. I am raising my boy to be kind and empathetic but I feel like many other parents are teaching their kids to be jerks. Even among so called “progressive” families we are witnessing the creation of bullies and aggressive/selfish behavior that is shocking but not corrected.

How old is your boy? I’m doing the same and he was bored for his kindness by several teachers. The school environment matters too. We switched from an inclusive small school to a top public and DS has brought home so much slang and jerky one upping behavior. We model and talk about kindness at home, but he is at school for 7 hours a day around this stuff. Also shocked at language and attitudes on kids TV shows. We no longer watch tv.

Do you really want to get it or do you want to not get it?

If you don’t want to get, it no amount of explanation will help you. Also not wanting to get it will drive a wedge between you and the others in your community.

If you want to get it, ask the other parents in an open non-judgmental way. You will be able to have better conversations than here.

For example, if you were to ask me, I would tell you that I have no problem with slang. Kids saying I’m cooked to their friends or in their family is not mean or rude to me. I would tell them not to talk to their pastor that way.

What do you think I don’t get? I put those specific details in my post for a reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see it too and I don’t get it. I am raising my boy to be kind and empathetic but I feel like many other parents are teaching their kids to be jerks. Even among so called “progressive” families we are witnessing the creation of bullies and aggressive/selfish behavior that is shocking but not corrected.

How old is your boy? I’m doing the same and he was bored for his kindness by several teachers. The school environment matters too. We switched from an inclusive small school to a top public and DS has brought home so much slang and jerky one upping behavior. We model and talk about kindness at home, but he is at school for 7 hours a day around this stuff. Also shocked at language and attitudes on kids TV shows. We no longer watch tv.

Do you really want to get it or do you want to not get it?

If you don’t want to get, it no amount of explanation will help you. Also not wanting to get it will drive a wedge between you and the others in your community.

If you want to get it, ask the other parents in an open non-judgmental way. You will be able to have better conversations than here.

For example, if you were to ask me, I would tell you that I have no problem with slang. Kids saying I’m cooked to their friends or in their family is not mean or rude to me. I would tell them not to talk to their pastor that way.

Ask them WHAT? I would love to hear how you would phrase this. Be specific. Getting out the popcorn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see it too and I don’t get it. I am raising my boy to be kind and empathetic but I feel like many other parents are teaching their kids to be jerks. Even among so called “progressive” families we are witnessing the creation of bullies and aggressive/selfish behavior that is shocking but not corrected.

How old is your boy? I’m doing the same and he was bored for his kindness by several teachers. The school environment matters too. We switched from an inclusive small school to a top public and DS has brought home so much slang and jerky one upping behavior. We model and talk about kindness at home, but he is at school for 7 hours a day around this stuff. Also shocked at language and attitudes on kids TV shows. We no longer watch tv.

Do you really want to get it or do you want to not get it?

If you don’t want to get, it no amount of explanation will help you. Also not wanting to get it will drive a wedge between you and the others in your community.

If you want to get it, ask the other parents in an open non-judgmental way. You will be able to have better conversations than here.

For example, if you were to ask me, I would tell you that I have no problem with slang. Kids saying I’m cooked to their friends or in their family is not mean or rude to me. I would tell them not to talk to their pastor that way.

What do you think I don’t get? I put those specific details in my post for a reason.

I don’t know. I’m not in your community.

However, if during the period when my son was one-upping others, if you had asked me why he does it, I would’ve said probably as you did that he picked it up at school.

I would’ve told you I think some kids do it maliciously but others don’t. My son tried to one up someone’s Mercedes with our Toyota. It was neither informed nor malicious nor did I take it as an urgent issue we had to step into and stop right away. I didn’t even think it was worth having a conversation right then and there on what brands are, why people had feelings about them, and what some of those feelings were.

My kid has a great group of friends. One is malicious, judgmental, perpetually hurt, and as a result, tries to hurt or condemn others, but the kids tolerate him. I think it’s a nice thing to do as otherwise the child wouldn’t have friends.

The rest are just wonderful. One gave a school-wide presentation on why bullying should stop. Another gave a presentation about insecurity. The latter is a star athlete.

Every set of kids is different. Perhaps every single child in your large public school is a terrible person who will grow up to be a terrible adult. But my bet is that’s just not true. Just as your kid who one ups others is probably not a bad kid, most kids who were one upping in our community were not bad kids. Nor was it a bad community.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see it too and I don’t get it. I am raising my boy to be kind and empathetic but I feel like many other parents are teaching their kids to be jerks. Even among so called “progressive” families we are witnessing the creation of bullies and aggressive/selfish behavior that is shocking but not corrected.

How old is your boy? I’m doing the same and he was bored for his kindness by several teachers. The school environment matters too. We switched from an inclusive small school to a top public and DS has brought home so much slang and jerky one upping behavior. We model and talk about kindness at home, but he is at school for 7 hours a day around this stuff. Also shocked at language and attitudes on kids TV shows. We no longer watch tv.

Do you really want to get it or do you want to not get it?

If you don’t want to get, it no amount of explanation will help you. Also not wanting to get it will drive a wedge between you and the others in your community.

If you want to get it, ask the other parents in an open non-judgmental way. You will be able to have better conversations than here.

For example, if you were to ask me, I would tell you that I have no problem with slang. Kids saying I’m cooked to their friends or in their family is not mean or rude to me. I would tell them not to talk to their pastor that way.

Ask them WHAT? I would love to hear how you would phrase this. Be specific. Getting out the popcorn.

I’m laughing at this since I have boys in middle and high school. I’m on this forum bc I also have an elementary aged daughter. You don’t really contact other parents about this type of banter once kids are older than age 6-7, maybe not even then. You parent your own kid.

I know the post is about 9 year olds. Wait until the kids hit the tween/teen years. Everything will be 10x worse.

Most parents don’t want their kids to be jerks and trash talk. What parent wants their kids to be the jerk? In any athletic setting, there is trash talking. If your kid is actually good at the sport, he shouldn’t care. I can see this affecting a child who already may have low self esteem. It is only going to get worse, much worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see it too and I don’t get it. I am raising my boy to be kind and empathetic but I feel like many other parents are teaching their kids to be jerks. Even among so called “progressive” families we are witnessing the creation of bullies and aggressive/selfish behavior that is shocking but not corrected.

How old is your boy? I’m doing the same and he was bored for his kindness by several teachers. The school environment matters too. We switched from an inclusive small school to a top public and DS has brought home so much slang and jerky one upping behavior. We model and talk about kindness at home, but he is at school for 7 hours a day around this stuff. Also shocked at language and attitudes on kids TV shows. We no longer watch tv.

Do you really want to get it or do you want to not get it?

If you don’t want to get, it no amount of explanation will help you. Also not wanting to get it will drive a wedge between you and the others in your community.

If you want to get it, ask the other parents in an open non-judgmental way. You will be able to have better conversations than here.

For example, if you were to ask me, I would tell you that I have no problem with slang. Kids saying I’m cooked to their friends or in their family is not mean or rude to me. I would tell them not to talk to their pastor that way.

Ask them WHAT? I would love to hear how you would phrase this. Be specific. Getting out the popcorn.

I’m laughing at this since I have boys in middle and high school. I’m on this forum bc I also have an elementary aged daughter. You don’t really contact other parents about this type of banter once kids are older than age 6-7, maybe not even then. You parent your own kid.

I know the post is about 9 year olds. Wait until the kids hit the tween/teen years. Everything will be 10x worse.

Most parents don’t want their kids to be jerks and trash talk. What parent wants their kids to be the jerk? In any athletic setting, there is trash talking. If your kid is actually good at the sport, he shouldn’t care. I can see this affecting a child who already may have low self esteem. It is only going to get worse, much worse.

I think you do things like volunteer at book fairs and ask people where they are from and what they think of the school. Eventually you separate the community into rings of people you want to associate with, with the innermost ring being your favorite people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see it too and I don’t get it. I am raising my boy to be kind and empathetic but I feel like many other parents are teaching their kids to be jerks. Even among so called “progressive” families we are witnessing the creation of bullies and aggressive/selfish behavior that is shocking but not corrected.

How old is your boy? I’m doing the same and he was bored for his kindness by several teachers. The school environment matters too. We switched from an inclusive small school to a top public and DS has brought home so much slang and jerky one upping behavior. We model and talk about kindness at home, but he is at school for 7 hours a day around this stuff. Also shocked at language and attitudes on kids TV shows. We no longer watch tv.

Do you really want to get it or do you want to not get it?

If you don’t want to get, it no amount of explanation will help you. Also not wanting to get it will drive a wedge between you and the others in your community.

If you want to get it, ask the other parents in an open non-judgmental way. You will be able to have better conversations than here.

For example, if you were to ask me, I would tell you that I have no problem with slang. Kids saying I’m cooked to their friends or in their family is not mean or rude to me. I would tell them not to talk to their pastor that way.

Ask them WHAT? I would love to hear how you would phrase this. Be specific. Getting out the popcorn.

I’m laughing at this since I have boys in middle and high school. I’m on this forum bc I also have an elementary aged daughter. You don’t really contact other parents about this type of banter once kids are older than age 6-7, maybe not even then. You parent your own kid.

I know the post is about 9 year olds. Wait until the kids hit the tween/teen years. Everything will be 10x worse.

Most parents don’t want their kids to be jerks and trash talk. What parent wants their kids to be the jerk? In any athletic setting, there is trash talking. If your kid is actually good at the sport, he shouldn’t care. I can see this affecting a child who already may have low self esteem. It is only going to get worse, much worse.

I think you do things like volunteer at book fairs and ask people where they are from and what they think of the school. Eventually you separate the community into rings of people you want to associate with, with the innermost ring being your favorite people.

I guarantee there will be people in that innermost ring who made a one-upping comment to someone, maybe even for a period of time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see it too and I don’t get it. I am raising my boy to be kind and empathetic but I feel like many other parents are teaching their kids to be jerks. Even among so called “progressive” families we are witnessing the creation of bullies and aggressive/selfish behavior that is shocking but not corrected.

How old is your boy? I’m doing the same and he was bored for his kindness by several teachers. The school environment matters too. We switched from an inclusive small school to a top public and DS has brought home so much slang and jerky one upping behavior. We model and talk about kindness at home, but he is at school for 7 hours a day around this stuff. Also shocked at language and attitudes on kids TV shows. We no longer watch tv.

Do you really want to get it or do you want to not get it?

If you don’t want to get, it no amount of explanation will help you. Also not wanting to get it will drive a wedge between you and the others in your community.

If you want to get it, ask the other parents in an open non-judgmental way. You will be able to have better conversations than here.

For example, if you were to ask me, I would tell you that I have no problem with slang. Kids saying I’m cooked to their friends or in their family is not mean or rude to me. I would tell them not to talk to their pastor that way.

Ask them WHAT? I would love to hear how you would phrase this. Be specific. Getting out the popcorn.

I’m laughing at this since I have boys in middle and high school. I’m on this forum bc I also have an elementary aged daughter. You don’t really contact other parents about this type of banter once kids are older than age 6-7, maybe not even then. You parent your own kid.

I know the post is about 9 year olds. Wait until the kids hit the tween/teen years. Everything will be 10x worse.

Most parents don’t want their kids to be jerks and trash talk. What parent wants their kids to be the jerk? In any athletic setting, there is trash talking. If your kid is actually good at the sport, he shouldn’t care. I can see this affecting a child who already may have low self esteem. It is only going to get worse, much worse.

So if a kid is not “good at the sport” then they deserve to be mocked? That is bad behavior. Period. No amount of justification will change that. Kids who are not great at sports deserve to be treated with respect just like anyone else does. A child should not be shunned from group activities just because they are slower or possibly have a disability. If you are not teaching that to your kids then you are a part of the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see it too and I don’t get it. I am raising my boy to be kind and empathetic but I feel like many other parents are teaching their kids to be jerks. Even among so called “progressive” families we are witnessing the creation of bullies and aggressive/selfish behavior that is shocking but not corrected.

How old is your boy? I’m doing the same and he was bored for his kindness by several teachers. The school environment matters too. We switched from an inclusive small school to a top public and DS has brought home so much slang and jerky one upping behavior. We model and talk about kindness at home, but he is at school for 7 hours a day around this stuff. Also shocked at language and attitudes on kids TV shows. We no longer watch tv.

Do you really want to get it or do you want to not get it?

If you don’t want to get, it no amount of explanation will help you. Also not wanting to get it will drive a wedge between you and the others in your community.

If you want to get it, ask the other parents in an open non-judgmental way. You will be able to have better conversations than here.

For example, if you were to ask me, I would tell you that I have no problem with slang. Kids saying I’m cooked to their friends or in their family is not mean or rude to me. I would tell them not to talk to their pastor that way.

Ask them WHAT? I would love to hear how you would phrase this. Be specific. Getting out the popcorn.

I’m laughing at this since I have boys in middle and high school. I’m on this forum bc I also have an elementary aged daughter. You don’t really contact other parents about this type of banter once kids are older than age 6-7, maybe not even then. You parent your own kid.

I know the post is about 9 year olds. Wait until the kids hit the tween/teen years. Everything will be 10x worse.

Most parents don’t want their kids to be jerks and trash talk. What parent wants their kids to be the jerk? In any athletic setting, there is trash talking. If your kid is actually good at the sport, he shouldn’t care. I can see this affecting a child who already may have low self esteem. It is only going to get worse, much worse.

So if a kid is not “good at the sport” then they deserve to be mocked? That is bad behavior. Period. No amount of justification will change that. Kids who are not great at sports deserve to be treated with respect just like anyone else does. A child should not be shunned from group activities just because they are slower or possibly have a disability. If you are not teaching that to your kids then you are a part of the problem.

Ugh. We’ve been through this. Kids who are terrible at sports who get made fun of it by their friends who know them are different from kids who want to be great at sports and get made fun of by kids he doesn’t know.

My son is the latter. He doesn’t make fun of himself to fit in. He genuinely does not care. It’s genuinely very funny. He’s one of the brightest kids in his friend group, but he’s terrible at sports. His friends know not to make fun of other things that he is sensitive about.

Parent your own kid. Teach them to find good friends who respect him. Teach him to be respectful of others. But don’t make blanket statements about sports being so important no kid is can be known as being a poor athlete. Sports is one part of life. It’s ok to be bad at it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see it too and I don’t get it. I am raising my boy to be kind and empathetic but I feel like many other parents are teaching their kids to be jerks. Even among so called “progressive” families we are witnessing the creation of bullies and aggressive/selfish behavior that is shocking but not corrected.

How old is your boy? I’m doing the same and he was bored for his kindness by several teachers. The school environment matters too. We switched from an inclusive small school to a top public and DS has brought home so much slang and jerky one upping behavior. We model and talk about kindness at home, but he is at school for 7 hours a day around this stuff. Also shocked at language and attitudes on kids TV shows. We no longer watch tv.

Do you really want to get it or do you want to not get it?

If you don’t want to get, it no amount of explanation will help you. Also not wanting to get it will drive a wedge between you and the others in your community.

If you want to get it, ask the other parents in an open non-judgmental way. You will be able to have better conversations than here.

For example, if you were to ask me, I would tell you that I have no problem with slang. Kids saying I’m cooked to their friends or in their family is not mean or rude to me. I would tell them not to talk to their pastor that way.

Ask them WHAT? I would love to hear how you would phrase this. Be specific. Getting out the popcorn.

I’m laughing at this since I have boys in middle and high school. I’m on this forum bc I also have an elementary aged daughter. You don’t really contact other parents about this type of banter once kids are older than age 6-7, maybe not even then. You parent your own kid.

I know the post is about 9 year olds. Wait until the kids hit the tween/teen years. Everything will be 10x worse.

Most parents don’t want their kids to be jerks and trash talk. What parent wants their kids to be the jerk? In any athletic setting, there is trash talking. If your kid is actually good at the sport, he shouldn’t care. I can see this affecting a child who already may have low self esteem. It is only going to get worse, much worse.

So if a kid is not “good at the sport” then they deserve to be mocked? That is bad behavior. Period. No amount of justification will change that. Kids who are not great at sports deserve to be treated with respect just like anyone else does. A child should not be shunned from group activities just because they are slower or possibly have a disability. If you are not teaching that to your kids then you are a part of the problem.

Ugh. We’ve been through this. Kids who are terrible at sports who get made fun of it by their friends who know them are different from kids who want to be great at sports and get made fun of by kids he doesn’t know.

My son is the latter. He doesn’t make fun of himself to fit in. He genuinely does not care. It’s genuinely very funny. He’s one of the brightest kids in his friend group, but he’s terrible at sports. His friends know not to make fun of other things that he is sensitive about.

Parent your own kid. Teach them to find good friends who respect him. Teach him to be respectful of others. But don’t make blanket statements about sports being so important no kid is can be known as being a poor athlete. Sports is one part of life. It’s ok to be bad at it.

*former

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see it too and I don’t get it. I am raising my boy to be kind and empathetic but I feel like many other parents are teaching their kids to be jerks. Even among so called “progressive” families we are witnessing the creation of bullies and aggressive/selfish behavior that is shocking but not corrected.

How old is your boy? I’m doing the same and he was bored for his kindness by several teachers. The school environment matters too. We switched from an inclusive small school to a top public and DS has brought home so much slang and jerky one upping behavior. We model and talk about kindness at home, but he is at school for 7 hours a day around this stuff. Also shocked at language and attitudes on kids TV shows. We no longer watch tv.

Do you really want to get it or do you want to not get it?

If you don’t want to get, it no amount of explanation will help you. Also not wanting to get it will drive a wedge between you and the others in your community.

If you want to get it, ask the other parents in an open non-judgmental way. You will be able to have better conversations than here.

For example, if you were to ask me, I would tell you that I have no problem with slang. Kids saying I’m cooked to their friends or in their family is not mean or rude to me. I would tell them not to talk to their pastor that way.

Ask them WHAT? I would love to hear how you would phrase this. Be specific. Getting out the popcorn.

I’m laughing at this since I have boys in middle and high school. I’m on this forum bc I also have an elementary aged daughter. You don’t really contact other parents about this type of banter once kids are older than age 6-7, maybe not even then. You parent your own kid.

I know the post is about 9 year olds. Wait until the kids hit the tween/teen years. Everything will be 10x worse.

Most parents don’t want their kids to be jerks and trash talk. What parent wants their kids to be the jerk? In any athletic setting, there is trash talking. If your kid is actually good at the sport, he shouldn’t care. I can see this affecting a child who already may have low self esteem. It is only going to get worse, much worse.

So if a kid is not “good at the sport” then they deserve to be mocked? That is bad behavior. Period. No amount of justification will change that. Kids who are not great at sports deserve to be treated with respect just like anyone else does. A child should not be shunned from group activities just because they are slower or possibly have a disability. If you are not teaching that to your kids then you are a part of the problem.

Ugh. We’ve been through this. Kids who are terrible at sports who get made fun of it by their friends who know them are different from kids who want to be great at sports and get made fun of by kids he doesn’t know.

My son is the latter. He doesn’t make fun of himself to fit in. He genuinely does not care. It’s genuinely very funny. He’s one of the brightest kids in his friend group, but he’s terrible at sports. His friends know not to make fun of other things that he is sensitive about.

Parent your own kid. Teach them to find good friends who respect him. Teach him to be respectful of others. But don’t make blanket statements about sports being so important no kid is can be known as being a poor athlete. Sports is one part of life. It’s ok to be bad at it.

*former

Also this is why parents should butt out sometimes. They don’t know the kids. Butt in when your own feels hurt, but butt out when everyone is having fun and no one feels hurt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see it too and I don’t get it. I am raising my boy to be kind and empathetic but I feel like many other parents are teaching their kids to be jerks. Even among so called “progressive” families we are witnessing the creation of bullies and aggressive/selfish behavior that is shocking but not corrected.

How old is your boy? I’m doing the same and he was bored for his kindness by several teachers. The school environment matters too. We switched from an inclusive small school to a top public and DS has brought home so much slang and jerky one upping behavior. We model and talk about kindness at home, but he is at school for 7 hours a day around this stuff. Also shocked at language and attitudes on kids TV shows. We no longer watch tv.

Do you really want to get it or do you want to not get it?

If you don’t want to get, it no amount of explanation will help you. Also not wanting to get it will drive a wedge between you and the others in your community.

If you want to get it, ask the other parents in an open non-judgmental way. You will be able to have better conversations than here.

For example, if you were to ask me, I would tell you that I have no problem with slang. Kids saying I’m cooked to their friends or in their family is not mean or rude to me. I would tell them not to talk to their pastor that way.

That’s not bad at all. It’s the mean spirited insults that are masked as “roasting” that are the problem. It normalizes trading insults if done at a young age. I don’t want those type of kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see it too and I don’t get it. I am raising my boy to be kind and empathetic but I feel like many other parents are teaching their kids to be jerks. Even among so called “progressive” families we are witnessing the creation of bullies and aggressive/selfish behavior that is shocking but not corrected.

How old is your boy? I’m doing the same and he was bored for his kindness by several teachers. The school environment matters too. We switched from an inclusive small school to a top public and DS has brought home so much slang and jerky one upping behavior. We model and talk about kindness at home, but he is at school for 7 hours a day around this stuff. Also shocked at language and attitudes on kids TV shows. We no longer watch tv.

Do you really want to get it or do you want to not get it?

If you don’t want to get, it no amount of explanation will help you. Also not wanting to get it will drive a wedge between you and the others in your community.

If you want to get it, ask the other parents in an open non-judgmental way. You will be able to have better conversations than here.

For example, if you were to ask me, I would tell you that I have no problem with slang. Kids saying I’m cooked to their friends or in their family is not mean or rude to me. I would tell them not to talk to their pastor that way.

That’s not bad at all. It’s the mean spirited insults that are masked as “roasting” that are the problem. It normalizes trading insults if done at a young age. I don’t want those type of kids.

Yes it’s the fact that this all begins as kids begin to mask in all ways that makes this hard.

Kids pretend they’re not hurt when they are. They pretend that they’re being funny when they’re being mean. Girls can sometimes be atrocious with regard to the pretending to be nice while being mean in a way that’s absolutely horrific.

It’s also why it’s so important to parent our own kids as well as also focus on the kids. When we jump in with our own feelings instead of focusing on the kids, it backfires. Kids get confused or hide their roasting or it builds distrust with adult figures.

If instead, we teach our kids to recognize when they’re feeling hurt and how to manage it, it’s more likely our kids will be more successful.

Also if we learn to teach our kids to recognize their insecurities, defensiveness, desire to retaliate, even feelings of injustice (he did it first!) etc, we’re much more likely to raise kind kids.