Reply to Why do we tolerate trash talking and elitism as "boys will be boys" behavior?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I see it too and I don’t get it. I am raising my boy to be kind and empathetic but I feel like many other parents are teaching their kids to be jerks. Even among so called “progressive” families we are witnessing the creation of bullies and aggressive/selfish behavior that is shocking but not corrected.[/quote]

How old is your boy? I’m doing the same and he was bored for his kindness by several teachers. The school environment matters too. We switched from an inclusive small school to a top public and DS has brought home so much slang and jerky one upping behavior. We model and talk about kindness at home, but he is at school for 7 hours a day around this stuff. Also shocked at language and attitudes on kids TV shows. We no longer watch tv. [/quote]

Do you really want to get it or do you want to not get it?

If you don’t want to get, it no amount of explanation will help you. Also not wanting to get it will drive a wedge between you and the others in your community.

If you want to get it, ask the other parents in an open non-judgmental way. You will be able to have better conversations than here.

For example, if you were to ask me, I would tell you that I have no problem with slang. Kids saying I’m cooked to their friends or in their family is not mean or rude to me. I would tell them not to talk to their pastor that way.[/quote]

What do you think I don’t get? I put those specific details in my post for a reason. [/quote]

I don’t know. I’m not in your community.

However, if during the period when my son was one-upping others, if you had asked me why he does it, I would’ve said probably as you did that he picked it up at school.

I would’ve told you I think some kids do it maliciously but others don’t. My son tried to one up someone’s Mercedes with our Toyota. It was neither informed nor malicious nor did I take it as an urgent issue we had to step into and stop right away. I didn’t even think it was worth having a conversation right then and there on what brands are, why people had feelings about them, and what some of those feelings were.

My kid has a great group of friends. One is malicious, judgmental, perpetually hurt, and as a result, tries to hurt or condemn others, but the kids tolerate him. I think it’s a nice thing to do as otherwise the child wouldn’t have friends.

The rest are just wonderful. One gave a school-wide presentation on why bullying should stop. Another gave a presentation about insecurity. The latter is a star athlete.

Every set of kids is different. Perhaps every single child in your large public school is a terrible person who will grow up to be a terrible adult. But my bet is that’s just not true. Just as your kid who one ups others is probably not a bad kid, most kids who were one upping in our community were not bad kids. Nor was it a bad community. [/quote]

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