Do you ever think of how much STUFF you are leaving for your family to deal with?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess I am the only one who things this is NBD.

My parents both died suddenly and unexpectedly within months of eachother. My sister and I were left to clean out 40+ years of worldly possessions. We kept what we wanted, donated some and tossed some. It took a couple weeks but we weren't overly burdened by this. It felt like we were able to honor our parents by taking care of this for them.

no, you are not the only one

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is certainly ideal for people to declutter throughout the their lives, and in anticipation of their death…I also think those who have not faced old age should be slow to judge.

You have numbered days and less energy as you get old. You may also hope that the younger generation will value family heirlooms and mementos. You may find it isolating and depressing to spend your final days on the planet cleaning out all evidence of your existence. If you have devoted your whole life to others, maybe you want to do something more enjoyable with your waning days or energy.

Not justifying leaving a mess, but just trying to open younger people’s minds to why this may happen.

Plus those mementos are often what’s sustaining you through your later years. The people and places are gone, and those old theater programs or what not is your chance to reminisce of what has been. It’s cruel to demand that people vanish without a trace in order to make your life more convenient.

These later years shouldn't be "sustained." We've become a sick deranged society where a purposeless, joyless life is prolonged far too extreme.

So, in your view, people over the age of what 60? 70? should just kill themselves rather than "prolong far too extreme" their joyless life?

Kill themselves? Of course not!
But hording old theater programs in an attempt to "sustain" (https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/sustain) themselves is absurd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is certainly ideal for people to declutter throughout the their lives, and in anticipation of their death…I also think those who have not faced old age should be slow to judge.

You have numbered days and less energy as you get old. You may also hope that the younger generation will value family heirlooms and mementos. You may find it isolating and depressing to spend your final days on the planet cleaning out all evidence of your existence. If you have devoted your whole life to others, maybe you want to do something more enjoyable with your waning days or energy.

Not justifying leaving a mess, but just trying to open younger people’s minds to why this may happen.

Plus those mementos are often what’s sustaining you through your later years. The people and places are gone, and those old theater programs or what not is your chance to reminisce of what has been. It’s cruel to demand that people vanish without a trace in order to make your life more convenient.

These later years shouldn't be "sustained." We've become a sick deranged society where a purposeless, joyless life is prolonged far too extreme.

So, in your view, people over the age of what 60? 70? should just kill themselves rather than "prolong far too extreme" their joyless life?

Kill themselves? Of course not!
But hording old theater programs in an attempt to "sustain" (https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/sustain) themselves is absurd.

Sorry I misunderstood you. I thought you were saying that their life was purposeless and joyless after a certain age and that we as a society promote longevity to the extreme. You were saying that older people who like to hold on to mementos should let those items go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No more keeping things in case they ever come in handy.

I think this drives a lot of it. People can imagine uses for things, but they don’t think about what they could do if they needed something they gave away.

To be honest, I really have needed many things I initially would have tossed. Yes, I could have bought another once I realized it, but what an incredible waste of money.

Or you could have borrowed it or found it on Freecycle or Buy Nothing. I mean, not if we're talking about getting rid of a tiara, but for every one thing I need to replace or do without, there are 10 that are providing a benefit to their new owners.

Other people pay organizers hundreds of dollars. I give the hardware store $20 for new Mason jars when I get back into canning after thinking I didn't want to bother any longer.

Yeah but it's not always that simple, depending on the item you're talking about. Sure, I could buy new or borrow or find on freecycle for a lot of items but not for everything. I love decluttering and get antsy when we have too much stuff BUT I also see the value in just keeping a dedicated "junk box" where I store random cords and things that I really might need again and would be tricky to replace.

I don't think people are complaining about a lone junk box.

I also don't think you've mentioned anything for which buying a replacement would be "an incredible waste of money"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is certainly ideal for people to declutter throughout the their lives, and in anticipation of their death…I also think those who have not faced old age should be slow to judge.

You have numbered days and less energy as you get old. You may also hope that the younger generation will value family heirlooms and mementos. You may find it isolating and depressing to spend your final days on the planet cleaning out all evidence of your existence. If you have devoted your whole life to others, maybe you want to do something more enjoyable with your waning days or energy.

Not justifying leaving a mess, but just trying to open younger people’s minds to why this may happen.

Plus those mementos are often what’s sustaining you through your later years. The people and places are gone, and those old theater programs or what not is your chance to reminisce of what has been. It’s cruel to demand that people vanish without a trace in order to make your life more convenient.

These later years shouldn't be "sustained." We've become a sick deranged society where a purposeless, joyless life is prolonged far too extreme.

So, in your view, people over the age of what 60? 70? should just kill themselves rather than "prolong far too extreme" their joyless life?

Midsommar was aspiration, not horror

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you care?

I’m helping my cousins deal with their mother’s house. My aunt’s passing was very sad, but what’s even sadder is how much work my cousins have to do—amid their grief and all the legal ramifications—to deal with the stuff, stuff, stuff, STUFF.

Do older adults ever even consider how much stuff their adult kids/families will have to deal with? Do you care? Do you get that your family will have to deal with your STUFF after your death, or when you transition to assisted living or a nursing home, *while they are also dealing with their own homes, families, jobs, etc.?*

JFC, tell them to take what they want and get an estate sale company.

DP. Not sure it’s relevant to op but my hoarder mother hid all the sentimental stuff as well as cash throughout the hoard. It was a nightmare.

I found nine hundred dollars under a mattress, checks that had never been cashed and my dad’s ration booklets from World War Two when he was a child. His old report cards from elementary school. Not ours. His own. It was truly bizarre. I think our generation has always had the internet so we are less likely to have a room full of paper. We scan stuff in and that’s that.

That is what was precious to him. Does no part of you see this as your last opportunity to know the man who helped shape you?

dp Yes! jimagine that having his old report card when it should have been all about the pp. I wonder if they kept some of their old report cards? I hope not!

[Anonymous]

I just did this for my mother's apartment in India. 30 years of stuff -- some of it was understandable as she suddenly contracted an illness and could not clear things out. Other stuff should have been purged years ago but my parents never got around to it. Took me a couple of days and a junk hauling company to clear things out. I did discover a considerable amount of correspondence that gave me a window into their difficulties that they kept hidden from me and the joys they experienced. I hope I don't put my kids through any trouble -- but I agree that many of us accumulate way too much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is certainly ideal for people to declutter throughout the their lives, and in anticipation of their death…I also think those who have not faced old age should be slow to judge.

You have numbered days and less energy as you get old. You may also hope that the younger generation will value family heirlooms and mementos. You may find it isolating and depressing to spend your final days on the planet cleaning out all evidence of your existence. If you have devoted your whole life to others, maybe you want to do something more enjoyable with your waning days or energy.

Not justifying leaving a mess, but just trying to open younger people’s minds to why this may happen.

Plus those mementos are often what’s sustaining you through your later years. The people and places are gone, and those old theater programs or what not is your chance to reminisce of what has been. It’s cruel to demand that people vanish without a trace in order to make your life more convenient.

Ugh, no boomer you are not being sustained by the crap that you haven’t looked at in 30 years, that is sitting in boxes or piles that you can’t get access anyway. It’s a mental health and mental decline problem.

Hey, snowflake, your mental health is already down the toilet, so you have a head start. Let’s see how you hold up in your golden years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess I am the only one who things this is NBD.

My parents both died suddenly and unexpectedly within months of eachother. My sister and I were left to clean out 40+ years of worldly possessions. We kept what we wanted, donated some and tossed some. It took a couple weeks but we weren't overly burdened by this. It felt like we were able to honor our parents by taking care of this for them.

no, you are not the only one

I think the people who get upset are those who also have difficulty disposing of items.

So if their parents don't do the hard sorting job, making sure that items get sent to appropriate caretakers who will love and cherish the cut glass, the real wood furniture, their china that no one wants, all the books... then the children need to do it and they resent it because they can't just throw it all away. They feel they need to respect the objects and find them a good home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess I am the only one who things this is NBD.

My parents both died suddenly and unexpectedly within months of eachother. My sister and I were left to clean out 40+ years of worldly possessions. We kept what we wanted, donated some and tossed some. It took a couple weeks but we weren't overly burdened by this. It felt like we were able to honor our parents by taking care of this for them.

no, you are not the only one

I think the people who get upset are those who also have difficulty disposing of items.

So if their parents don't do the hard sorting job, making sure that items get sent to appropriate caretakers who will love and cherish the cut glass, the real wood furniture, their china that no one wants, all the books... then the children need to do it and they resent it because they can't just throw it all away. They feel they need to respect the objects and find them a good home.

Agree. Because part of being UMC is being trained to appreciate "the finer things". For those who don't antique or eBay, it is a rude shock to find out that culture has changed and that these supposedly valuable things aren't wanted by anyone at any price.

It is somewhat shocking to me that decent pianos, oriental rugs, and fine china sets are nearly valueless. Especially considering the work that went into making them and their durability. But this is just the case....people want their houses to look different from what Pre-Boomers and Boomers liked from 1930s-1980s. As our society has gotten wealthier and more modern, we no longer aspire to have our house interiors look like 18th-19th Century European nobility and Colonial American well-to-do living spaces. Also the Victorian-inspired cluttery eclectic knicknack look is out because it no longer signifies wealth or travels to possess all those objects.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess I am the only one who things this is NBD.

My parents both died suddenly and unexpectedly within months of eachother. My sister and I were left to clean out 40+ years of worldly possessions. We kept what we wanted, donated some and tossed some. It took a couple weeks but we weren't overly burdened by this. It felt like we were able to honor our parents by taking care of this for them.

no, you are not the only one

I think the people who get upset are those who also have difficulty disposing of items.

So if their parents don't do the hard sorting job, making sure that items get sent to appropriate caretakers who will love and cherish the cut glass, the real wood furniture, their china that no one wants, all the books... then the children need to do it and they resent it because they can't just throw it all away. They feel they need to respect the objects and find them a good home.

Agree. Because part of being UMC is being trained to appreciate "the finer things". For those who don't antique or eBay, it is a rude shock to find out that culture has changed and that these supposedly valuable things aren't wanted by anyone at any price.

It is somewhat shocking to me that decent pianos, oriental rugs, and fine china sets are nearly valueless. Especially considering the work that went into making them and their durability. But this is just the case....people want their houses to look different from what Pre-Boomers and Boomers liked from 1930s-1980s. As our society has gotten wealthier and more modern, we no longer aspire to have our house interiors look like 18th-19th Century European nobility and Colonial American well-to-do living spaces. Also the Victorian-inspired cluttery eclectic knicknack look is out because it no longer signifies wealth or travels to possess all those objects.

I disagree. Sometimes it's just the quantity of stuff that is overwhelming. As people have mentioned here, they've had to go through their parents old bank statements, childhood report cards, etc. These aren't the "finer things" yet still require going through, especially if you don't know if there is important paperwork buried in there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents and older relatives have some sick joke that if we’re inheriting all their money we have to deal with cleaning and selling.

It is what it is. I think by 85, people should have their homes parsed down and cleared out. Like spare room closets empty, attic empty, basement empty

Really they should just move into their graves - sleep in a coffin, only wear the thing they want to be buried in.

Very true! But keep in mind the Boomers want to consume all the nation’s resources before they finally go.

How dare our parents stay alive! Really, the nerve.

That false dichotomy of "accept everything or else you want us dead" is a particularly obvious way of dodging responsibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is certainly ideal for people to declutter throughout the their lives, and in anticipation of their death…I also think those who have not faced old age should be slow to judge.

You have numbered days and less energy as you get old. You may also hope that the younger generation will value family heirlooms and mementos. You may find it isolating and depressing to spend your final days on the planet cleaning out all evidence of your existence. If you have devoted your whole life to others, maybe you want to do something more enjoyable with your waning days or energy.

Not justifying leaving a mess, but just trying to open younger people’s minds to why this may happen.

Plus those mementos are often what’s sustaining you through your later years. The people and places are gone, and those old theater programs or what not is your chance to reminisce of what has been. It’s cruel to demand that people vanish without a trace in order to make your life more convenient.

+1 There is a cold detachment about some of these posts that bothers me.

Like the decedent’s children resent the hassle surrounding their demise, like “these people created a hassle for me which they should have considered as they were nearing death.”

Nobody literally sits around reading through old theater programs and ration cards and their kindergarten report card. What a bizarre idea!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you care?

I’m helping my cousins deal with their mother’s house. My aunt’s passing was very sad, but what’s even sadder is how much work my cousins have to do—amid their grief and all the legal ramifications—to deal with the stuff, stuff, stuff, STUFF.

Do older adults ever even consider how much stuff their adult kids/families will have to deal with? Do you care? Do you get that your family will have to deal with your STUFF after your death, or when you transition to assisted living or a nursing home, *while they are also dealing with their own homes, families, jobs, etc.?*

JFC, tell them to take what they want and get an estate sale company.

Estate sale companies will not just take any old house. I thought my ILs had nice stuff and enough stuff to have an estate sale when they downsized. We could not find a company to do it and had to stage a yard sale ourselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents and older relatives have some sick joke that if we’re inheriting all their money we have to deal with cleaning and selling.

It is what it is. I think by 85, people should have their homes parsed down and cleared out. Like spare room closets empty, attic empty, basement empty

Really they should just move into their graves - sleep in a coffin, only wear the thing they want to be buried in.

You're right. Wishing my parents didn't have a garage full of broken car parts is the same as wishing they were dead. You're very smart and not at all a tedious POS.

So help them get rid of that stuff now, or figure out who you're going to have to call when the time comes. What do you want them to do? You think your parents are suddenly going to become completely different people, becuase you're planning for their death?

The entitlement on this thread is astonishing.

What the actual F does the above complaint have to do with "entitlement"???? People throw that label on anything they don't like to read on here.

The people who complain about having to clean out the houses are presumably the ones who are inheriting those houses (otherwise, why bother?)

So, yeah, if someone is giving you a few hundred grands, either put in some elbow grease or share some of that bounty with people who don’t mind rolling up their sleeves. Expecting to get a free house just the way you like it the definition of entitlement.

You are welcome.

Didn't wan the house, and it cost money to get rid of it. But that's fine. My mother couldn't deal with it, so I did it for her after her death.

I don't plan to leave that burden for someone after I die. I know in *your* mind that means I have to sleep in a coffin, but no -- it just means I have a tidy uncluttered place, and things will be easy to sort when I'm gone.

Isn't it lovely not to have to resort to hyperbole? Try it sometime.