Can anyone please explain the mindset of parents who allow “failure to launch”?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my parents' case it was guilt about divorcing when sibling was young.

In our divorced family’s case the two adhd/asd members estranged themselves and now that father enables that offspring. Pays their rent, food, clothes, any tuition programs they constantly sign up for, travel vacations, does their homework and continues to make excuses.

They haven’t spoken to my mother or me in over six years. I don’t think my father’s spoiling of my sibling is due to guilt though, they both think and operate so differently, and would start so many arguments.

This clocks with ADHD XDH enabling addicted DS by handing out money whenever DS asks. My XDH, like your dad, just thinks differently and often doesn't/can't put all the pieces together. The result is spoiling and enabling an addict to buy more. XDA At least XDH and I are on good terms and I can pull back the handouts by arguing reason, at least when it's not too late.

Yes we have that phenomenon. The defunct parent is easy to hoodwink and get money and overpriced materials things from. He thinks it’s love and parenting. And it’s all he does.

This doesn't make sense. People who live in a basement don't have parents that make a lot of money. I mean sure Adam Lanza's mom bought him a gun but she seemed to be the only one caring for him. Where was his dad all the time?

Parents with lots of money have nicer basements, and basements with a separate entry so they don’t have to be in each others’ faces all the time.

How many rich people do you know who are buying their slacker kids a condo?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do so many men have this problem?

The patriarchy? Not really joking.

Seems like the opposite. As it is dismantled we get more of it.

No, weird cousin Joe just stayed inside with Ma centuries ago so he wouldn’t get injured on the farm equipment or the train tracks or in the saber tooth tiger cave.

Historically, the only safety net was the extended family. And no one is unemployed on a family farm- even people with developmental or mental health issues can do work around the farm. It wasn't really until after WWII that there was an expectation in the US that every kid would move out and live separately from the larger family. Every family has "maiden aunts" and "bachelor uncles" in their history that didn't "launch", for whatever reason.

Our modern economy is not kind to people like that, since the old safety net of family isn't in great shape, and nothing has really arisen to take its place (at least not in the US).

At the same time, today with so many work at home, nocturnally, doing a programming or IT job, hermits with no social skills or common sense can work and make some money and be productive if shown the way.
They don’t even have to leave their house if they just order food or groceries all the time.
Safe and sound.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my parents' case it was guilt about divorcing when sibling was young.

In our divorced family’s case the two adhd/asd members estranged themselves and now that father enables that offspring. Pays their rent, food, clothes, any tuition programs they constantly sign up for, travel vacations, does their homework and continues to make excuses.

They haven’t spoken to my mother or me in over six years. I don’t think my father’s spoiling of my sibling is due to guilt though, they both think and operate so differently, and would start so many arguments.

This clocks with ADHD XDH enabling addicted DS by handing out money whenever DS asks. My XDH, like your dad, just thinks differently and often doesn't/can't put all the pieces together. The result is spoiling and enabling an addict to buy more. XDA At least XDH and I are on good terms and I can pull back the handouts by arguing reason, at least when it's not too late.

Yes we have that phenomenon. The defunct parent is easy to hoodwink and get money and overpriced materials things from. He thinks it’s love and parenting. And it’s all he does.

This doesn't make sense. People who live in a basement don't have parents that make a lot of money. I mean sure Adam Lanza's mom bought him a gun but she seemed to be the only one caring for him. Where was his dad all the time?

Parents with lots of money have nicer basements, and basements with a separate entry so they don’t have to be in each others’ faces all the time.

How many rich people do you know who are buying their slacker kids a condo?

Wealthy people buy or help buy property for their kids regardless if the kid is a slacker or not

[Anonymous]

If they aren’t breaking the law or committing crimes, what’s wrong?

[Anonymous]

Is op asking if she should keep dating the older guy still living with his parents?

[Anonymous]

My brother had/has mental illness since college. Bipolar. Schizophrenia. My parents did not report entirely but they knew he’d be on the street.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My brother had/has mental illness since college. Bipolar. Schizophrenia. My parents did not report entirely but they knew he’d be on the street.

???

[Anonymous]

Access to loans and debt and consumerism is the issue, people buy things they don't need or can afford because others have it. Wants became needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my parents' case it was guilt about divorcing when sibling was young.

In our divorced family’s case the two adhd/asd members estranged themselves and now that father enables that offspring. Pays their rent, food, clothes, any tuition programs they constantly sign up for, travel vacations, does their homework and continues to make excuses.

They haven’t spoken to my mother or me in over six years. I don’t think my father’s spoiling of my sibling is due to guilt though, they both think and operate so differently, and would start so many arguments.

This clocks with ADHD XDH enabling addicted DS by handing out money whenever DS asks. My XDH, like your dad, just thinks differently and often doesn't/can't put all the pieces together. The result is spoiling and enabling an addict to buy more. XDA At least XDH and I are on good terms and I can pull back the handouts by arguing reason, at least when it's not too late.

Yes we have that phenomenon. The defunct parent is easy to hoodwink and get money and overpriced materials things from. He thinks it’s love and parenting. And it’s all he does.

This doesn't make sense. People who live in a basement don't have parents that make a lot of money. I mean sure Adam Lanza's mom bought him a gun but she seemed to be the only one caring for him. Where was his dad all the time?

Parents with lots of money have nicer basements, and basements with a separate entry so they don’t have to be in each others’ faces all the time.

How many rich people do you know who are buying their slacker kids a condo?

Wealthy people buy or help buy property for their kids regardless if the kid is a slacker or not

Literally all the slacker rich kids I know are in condos bought by parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my parents' case it was guilt about divorcing when sibling was young.

In our divorced family’s case the two adhd/asd members estranged themselves and now that father enables that offspring. Pays their rent, food, clothes, any tuition programs they constantly sign up for, travel vacations, does their homework and continues to make excuses.

They haven’t spoken to my mother or me in over six years. I don’t think my father’s spoiling of my sibling is due to guilt though, they both think and operate so differently, and would start so many arguments.

This clocks with ADHD XDH enabling addicted DS by handing out money whenever DS asks. My XDH, like your dad, just thinks differently and often doesn't/can't put all the pieces together. The result is spoiling and enabling an addict to buy more. XDA At least XDH and I are on good terms and I can pull back the handouts by arguing reason, at least when it's not too late.

Yes we have that phenomenon. The defunct parent is easy to hoodwink and get money and overpriced materials things from. He thinks it’s love and parenting. And it’s all he does.

This doesn't make sense. People who live in a basement don't have parents that make a lot of money. I mean sure Adam Lanza's mom bought him a gun but she seemed to be the only one caring for him. Where was his dad all the time?

Parents with lots of money have nicer basements, and basements with a separate entry so they don’t have to be in each others’ faces all the time.

How many rich people do you know who are buying their slacker kids a condo?

Wealthy people buy or help buy property for their kids regardless if the kid is a slacker or not

Literally all the slacker rich kids I know are in condos bought by parents.

Right

That’s my point

I don’t see that as any different than living with mom/dad as an adult

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my parents' case it was guilt about divorcing when sibling was young.

In our divorced family’s case the two adhd/asd members estranged themselves and now that father enables that offspring. Pays their rent, food, clothes, any tuition programs they constantly sign up for, travel vacations, does their homework and continues to make excuses.

They haven’t spoken to my mother or me in over six years. I don’t think my father’s spoiling of my sibling is due to guilt though, they both think and operate so differently, and would start so many arguments.

This clocks with ADHD XDH enabling addicted DS by handing out money whenever DS asks. My XDH, like your dad, just thinks differently and often doesn't/can't put all the pieces together. The result is spoiling and enabling an addict to buy more. XDA At least XDH and I are on good terms and I can pull back the handouts by arguing reason, at least when it's not too late.

Yes we have that phenomenon. The defunct parent is easy to hoodwink and get money and overpriced materials things from. He thinks it’s love and parenting. And it’s all he does.

This doesn't make sense. People who live in a basement don't have parents that make a lot of money. I mean sure Adam Lanza's mom bought him a gun but she seemed to be the only one caring for him. Where was his dad all the time?

Parents with lots of money have nicer basements, and basements with a separate entry so they don’t have to be in each others’ faces all the time.

How many rich people do you know who are buying their slacker kids a condo?

Wealthy people buy or help buy property for their kids regardless if the kid is a slacker or not

Literally all the slacker rich kids I know are in condos bought by parents.

You must know a lot of slacker rich kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My brother had/has mental illness since college. Bipolar. Schizophrenia. My parents did not report entirely but they knew he’d be on the street.

???

Report probably meant support

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my parents' case it was guilt about divorcing when sibling was young.

In our divorced family’s case the two adhd/asd members estranged themselves and now that father enables that offspring. Pays their rent, food, clothes, any tuition programs they constantly sign up for, travel vacations, does their homework and continues to make excuses.

They haven’t spoken to my mother or me in over six years. I don’t think my father’s spoiling of my sibling is due to guilt though, they both think and operate so differently, and would start so many arguments.

This clocks with ADHD XDH enabling addicted DS by handing out money whenever DS asks. My XDH, like your dad, just thinks differently and often doesn't/can't put all the pieces together. The result is spoiling and enabling an addict to buy more. XDA At least XDH and I are on good terms and I can pull back the handouts by arguing reason, at least when it's not too late.

Yes we have that phenomenon. The defunct parent is easy to hoodwink and get money and overpriced materials things from. He thinks it’s love and parenting. And it’s all he does.

This doesn't make sense. People who live in a basement don't have parents that make a lot of money. I mean sure Adam Lanza's mom bought him a gun but she seemed to be the only one caring for him. Where was his dad all the time?

Parents with lots of money have nicer basements, and basements with a separate entry so they don’t have to be in each others’ faces all the time.

How many rich people do you know who are buying their slacker kids a condo?

Wealthy people buy or help buy property for their kids regardless if the kid is a slacker or not

My parents gave me a down payment. They also gave one to my very successful sibling.
I'm not exactly a slacker or total failure to launch but they do help me financially as I'm alone and have trouble working full time hours.

[Anonymous]

Did people get the phrase failure to launch because of a movie? It’s a little obnoxious.

I know some divorced people in their 30s who return home to help a widowed mother. People do have close families and if their child needs to live at home then he will live at home. I don’t think too many young adults choose to live at home, they just aren’t ready for independence for many reasons.

[Anonymous]

The parents are enablers. There can be a fine line between helping your kids and enabling your kids. Enabling is often easier than it is to set expectations and encourage your kid to get a job, take a class or learn a trade. Barring some sort of profound disability the kid should be making some progress towards becoming an independent, functional adult.