Can anyone please explain the mindset of parents who allow “failure to launch”?

[Anonymous]

all the FTL kids I know have mental health issues

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This man is 21, has never had a job, doesn’t attend college, does nothing. His parents (divorced) pay for everything he does; food, gas, car, phone, clothing. He bounces between his parents houses.

What do they each gain from this? Why doesn’t he want to launch? Why do they finance his lifestyle?

guilt in bad parenting or bad genes being passed on so they believe it is there fault

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:In my parents' case it was guilt about divorcing when sibling was young.

In our divorced family’s case the two adhd/asd members estranged themselves and now that father enables that offspring. Pays their rent, food, clothes, any tuition programs they constantly sign up for, travel vacations, does their homework and continues to make excuses.



They haven’t spoken to my mother or me in over six years. I don’t think my father’s spoiling of my sibling is due to guilt though, they both think and operate so differently, and would start so many arguments.

This clocks with ADHD XDH enabling addicted DS by handing out money whenever DS asks. My XDH, like your dad, just thinks differently and often doesn't/can't put all the pieces together. The result is spoiling and enabling an addict to buy more. XDA At least XDH and I are on good terms and I can pull back the handouts by arguing reason, at least when it's not too late.

Yes we have that phenomenon. The defunct parent is easy to hoodwink and get money and overpriced materials things from. He thinks it’s love and parenting. And it’s all he does.

This doesn't make sense. People who live in a basement don't have parents that make a lot of money. I mean sure Adam Lanza's mom bought him a gun but she seemed to be the only one caring for him. Where was his dad all the time?

Parents with lots of money have nicer basements, and basements with a separate entry so they don’t have to be in each others’ faces all the time.

How many rich people do you know who are buying their slacker kids a condo?

Wealthy people buy or help buy property for their kids regardless if the kid is a slacker or not

My parents gave me a down payment. They also gave one to my very successful sibling.
I'm not exactly a slacker or total failure to launch but they do help me financially as I'm alone and have trouble working full time hours.

Why do you have trouble?

[Anonymous]

He's still a kid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This man is 21, has never had a job, doesn’t attend college, does nothing. His parents (divorced) pay for everything he does; food, gas, car, phone, clothing. He bounces between his parents houses.

What do they each gain from this? Why doesn’t he want to launch? Why do they finance his lifestyle?

Most are gaming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My brother was by all definitions a failure to launch: he would be up all night playing video games and eating pizza he ordered while sleeping literally all day. We had both come to the US for better education and opportunities. I got a masters, a job, and got married but he was sleeping all day.

It took two years of me convincing him to move back home. He finally did it and my parents helped him get married and start a business. So glad I didn’t write him off as a loser like my sister did. It is one of the things I am most proud of.

Good on you - this is indeed something to be proud of and your brother is lucky to have you. This story seems to strike that delicate balance of gently keeping lines of communication open and suggesting reasonable lifestyle modifications without totally enabling the person. Seems like the path forwards usually requires BOTH 1) the person wanting to change and 2) the person knowing that familial supports are available, within reason.

Would be curious to know more about what finally prompted the move eventually after two years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a younger relative like this. His parents ignored his learning disabilities until after he was 18, and never got him appropriate help. He did finally get a series of low skill jobs.

Thus. Some parents do the bare minimum to address SN and then complain and act like martyrs when it’s a FTL adult child they still at fir.