DH has directed us to shovel off the deck - AITA

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did DH shovel anything - driveway, walkway etc before heading to the office? Shared chores? He did the driveway - you do the deck?

He parks in the driveway. I park on the street. He shoveled the driveway and the walkway to his car.
He cleaned off his car, not mine. Which is fine, I cleaned off my own car this morning. I won't need my car until I have to drive child to school, which is closed now.

This says a lot.

Why? OP doesnt need a car as both her and kid are off today. Why would you waste extra time in the morning, on your way to your office job, to brush off a car that isnt being used until later in the week?

What if they get ill and have to rush out to go to urgent care? I thought DH was concerned about safety, safety, safety! That was the reason they need to shovel the deck that no one is walking on.

So you think, in addition to cleaning his car and the driveway, the DH should also clean OP's car(that she isn't planning to use) before he leaves for work? When she is home and can clean it herself, at her leisure? Gimme a break.

No, I was drawing an analogy that PP should not have cited cleaning her car as an unnecessary waste of time since it's not being used, given that DH was asking OP to clean the deck, which is also an unnecessary waste of time since it's not being used, on the premise of "safety." The clean car is more relevant to the supposed "safety" concern than the unused deck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Brushing off a car takes all of two minutes. As a courtesy, if you have the brush out to clear off your own car, I think it’s nice to clean off the other car(s).

It took me a lot more than two minutes to brush off the roofs of the cars this AM!

Depends on size of the brush and I guess the size of the car? Our cars each took under 5 minutes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again, I really don't mind cleaning off my car, doing laundry, doing dishes, etc. I would be happy if he would just leave me alone about this kind of trivia.

I would NEVER text him an assignment. I can't even imagine doing that unless it's to an assitant at work.

In an emergency I might say "would you mind picking up milk (for DD) on the way home?". I certainly don't complain about the way he does things and I don't make up random assignments for him.

Can you even imagine? "I'd like you to weed the cracks in the driveway today. It's going to rain all weekend and I'd like to kill them before they grow larger. Thx". Or whatever nonsense. It's absurd.

It's a text message. You read it as an "order". How about he doesn't have time to make a texts all nice a cute because he's working and your butt is at home warm still in your PJs? Stop playing the victim. Do something productive. He's at work. You are not. The fact you are crying over this is telling of the type of person you are - lazy and entitled.

I feel sorry for your husband because really he shouldn't even have to ask. But, I bet he's miserable living with you and has to tell you to do common sense things. But, you keep taking everything he says in a negative way because that's how you want it - drama drama drama.

[Anonymous]

I think you need to shovel about 200 pounds of something else out of your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to shovel about 200 pounds of something else out of your life.

Post of the day!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again, I really don't mind cleaning off my car, doing laundry, doing dishes, etc. I would be happy if he would just leave me alone about this kind of trivia.

I would NEVER text him an assignment. I can't even imagine doing that unless it's to an assitant at work.

In an emergency I might say "would you mind picking up milk (for DD) on the way home?". I certainly don't complain about the way he does things and I don't make up random assignments for him.

Can you even imagine? "I'd like you to weed the cracks in the driveway today. It's going to rain all weekend and I'd like to kill them before they grow larger. Thx". Or whatever nonsense. It's absurd.

It's a text message. You read it as an "order". How about he doesn't have time to make a texts all nice a cute because he's working and your butt is at home warm still in your PJs? Stop playing the victim. Do something productive. He's at work. You are not. The fact you are crying over this is telling of the type of person you are - lazy and entitled.

I feel sorry for your husband because really he shouldn't even have to ask. But, I bet he's miserable living with you and has to tell you to do common sense things. But, you keep taking everything he says in a negative way because that's how you want it - drama drama drama.

"Would you mind shoveling the deck please?" is far less words and politer than what he wrote.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again, I really don't mind cleaning off my car, doing laundry, doing dishes, etc. I would be happy if he would just leave me alone about this kind of trivia.

I would NEVER text him an assignment. I can't even imagine doing that unless it's to an assitant at work.

In an emergency I might say "would you mind picking up milk (for DD) on the way home?". I certainly don't complain about the way he does things and I don't make up random assignments for him.

Can you even imagine? "I'd like you to weed the cracks in the driveway today. It's going to rain all weekend and I'd like to kill them before they grow larger. Thx". Or whatever nonsense. It's absurd.

It's a text message. You read it as an "order". How about he doesn't have time to make a texts all nice a cute because he's working and your butt is at home warm still in your PJs? Stop playing the victim. Do something productive. He's at work. You are not. The fact you are crying over this is telling of the type of person you are - lazy and entitled.

I feel sorry for your husband because really he shouldn't even have to ask. But, I bet he's miserable living with you and has to tell you to do common sense things. But, you keep taking everything he says in a negative way because that's how you want it - drama drama drama.

You are a very angry man projecting whatever hatred you have for women onto OP. I'm guessing you have no woman in your life and that's a great thing.

[Anonymous]

The “I’d like you two to tag team” makes it sound like you’re his underlings at work.

Also I’m in Minnesota and can tell you that you don’t need to clear that deck. It’s fine. Tell him your friend in Minneapolis says he’s a silly goose.

[Anonymous]

It depends what your deck is made of. If it's untreated, it won't be great for the finish to keep the snow on it.

Teens should have chores around the house, so I see no problem with this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is home, at work.

I asked if he would mind explaining why this is needed, he replied,
"I'd rather the deck not become an ice rink. It's about safety".

But... no one is using the deck because it's winter and cold and snowy. So whose safety?

Again, just getting to the grill only requires a small path.

You could have shoveled the deck 10x in the amount of time you are posting here. He doesn't want it icy in case there is an emergency and you have to use it, or he decides to grill. It is going to be cold for days so may not melt for a while.

[Anonymous]

Who cleaned driveway and pathto front door?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is home, at work.

I asked if he would mind explaining why this is needed, he replied,
"I'd rather the deck not become an ice rink. It's about safety".

But... no one is using the deck because it's winter and cold and snowy. So whose safety?

Again, just getting to the grill only requires a small path.

You could have shoveled the deck 10x in the amount of time you are posting here. He doesn't want it icy in case there is an emergency and you have to use it, or he decides to grill. It is going to be cold for days so may not melt for a while.

and you could have taken 5 minutes to read that she did a long time ago. The deck is not the issue. The way he talks to her is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is home, at work.

I asked if he would mind explaining why this is needed, he replied,
"I'd rather the deck not become an ice rink. It's about safety".

But... no one is using the deck because it's winter and cold and snowy. So whose safety?

Again, just getting to the grill only requires a small path.

You could have shoveled the deck 10x in the amount of time you are posting here. He doesn't want it icy in case there is an emergency and you have to use it, or he decides to grill. It is going to be cold for days so may not melt for a while.

What kind of emergency leads to one having to use the deck? I am curious what people are imagining.

[Anonymous]

We've had issues 2x, in 2 different houses with un-shoveled snow. A gated driveway on a curve, turned solid and had to use a pick to break it up, and a deck on the NE side of the house that we didn't shovel. (We never used it at all.) Eventually the snow kept compacting until it started prying the joints apart. A giant mess.

Anyway, whoever shovels, I wouldn't leave the snow on the deck indefinitely.

[Anonymous]

Op, I don't have time to read all the responses but it sounds like your DH may have ocpd. Encourage him to get therapy. It is hard to live with someone with ocpd. Ask me how I know.