Wife is super rigid about showing up on time

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team wife.

I guarantee there is more to this story, and it most likely involves DH always waiting until the last minute to get the kid ready, resulting in everyone always being late.

All of you who believe "5pm" really means "5:15" or "5:30" don't host much, do you?

It's a PITA to get everything ready for guests and then stand around for 15, 20, 30 or more minutes wondering when they plan to arrive.

I've set the expectation with my family and friends that whatever time we agree to meet, I will be there at that time. Not 5 minutes earlier, not 5 minutes late. At that time. I often wait in my car for a few minutes because I have arrived early, but I am knocking on the door at the agreed time. And I expect them to do the same.

Don't be coy and say "5pm" and then be in your bathrobe when your guests arrive. If you don't want people to come until 5:30, say so.

This must be regional. I live in NYC and it would be rude, flat out rude, to show up at a party at the stated time. Like a huge gaffe. The host(ess) would be gracious, but you would be the only guest for at least 20 minutes.

m

This exactly. I get annoyed when guests show up exactly on the dot. Much preferred if they come 15-20 minutes late

Why don't you tell them to come 15 minutes later?

I honestly don't understand issuing an invitation and being annoyed when people actually read it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team wife.

I guarantee there is more to this story, and it most likely involves DH always waiting until the last minute to get the kid ready, resulting in everyone always being late.

All of you who believe "5pm" really means "5:15" or "5:30" don't host much, do you?

It's a PITA to get everything ready for guests and then stand around for 15, 20, 30 or more minutes wondering when they plan to arrive.

I've set the expectation with my family and friends that whatever time we agree to meet, I will be there at that time. Not 5 minutes earlier, not 5 minutes late. At that time. I often wait in my car for a few minutes because I have arrived early, but I am knocking on the door at the agreed time. And I expect them to do the same.

Don't be coy and say "5pm" and then be in your bathrobe when your guests arrive. If you don't want people to come until 5:30, say so.

This must be regional. I live in NYC and it would be rude, flat out rude, to show up at a party at the stated time. Like a huge gaffe. The host(ess) would be gracious, but you would be the only guest for at least 20 minutes.

m

This exactly. I get annoyed when guests show up exactly on the dot. Much preferred if they come 15-20 minutes late

Why don't you tell them to come 15 minutes later?

I honestly don't understand issuing an invitation and being annoyed when people actually read it.

Exactly. Guess we all have to be mindreaders.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team wife.

I guarantee there is more to this story, and it most likely involves DH always waiting until the last minute to get the kid ready, resulting in everyone always being late.

All of you who believe "5pm" really means "5:15" or "5:30" don't host much, do you?

It's a PITA to get everything ready for guests and then stand around for 15, 20, 30 or more minutes wondering when they plan to arrive.

I've set the expectation with my family and friends that whatever time we agree to meet, I will be there at that time. Not 5 minutes earlier, not 5 minutes late. At that time. I often wait in my car for a few minutes because I have arrived early, but I am knocking on the door at the agreed time. And I expect them to do the same.

Don't be coy and say "5pm" and then be in your bathrobe when your guests arrive. If you don't want people to come until 5:30, say so.

This must be regional. I live in NYC and it would be rude, flat out rude, to show up at a party at the stated time. Like a huge gaffe. The host(ess) would be gracious, but you would be the only guest for at least 20 minutes.

m

This exactly. I get annoyed when guests show up exactly on the dot. Much preferred if they come 15-20 minutes late

Why don't you tell them to come 15 minutes later?

I honestly don't understand issuing an invitation and being annoyed when people actually read it.

Exactly. Guess we all have to be mindreaders.

I held a neighborhood party once that was meant to start at 6pm. Every. Single. Guest. Arrived after 7. I honestly thought no one was coming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm secondhand embarrassed for all these people railing on OP when they don't know basic good manners for visiting people. (I suspect a dose of misnadry, but I wouldn't accuse it.)

An invitation to arrive at 5 means you should arrive *after* 5. It's rude to crash a host before they are ready, and absurd to arrive exactly at a specific minute.

A good host announces 2 times: an "arrive after" time, and a "dinner is served" ("arive before") time.

https://emilypost.com/advice/party-etiquette-tips-for-hosts-and-guests

Thank you for this. I suspect all these “you must show up exactly on time or else it’s disrespectful”and “if you’re on time you’re late” posters don’t actually get invited to many social events in people’s homes. Even Emily Post acknowledges a 15 minute grace window for arriving and has the sense to tell people dear lord do NOT show up before your invite time. I find it amusing how many people think they’re so much superior for their rigid adherence to time, but they’re actually the ones struggling with social norms.

That link literally says BE ON TIME. The invite time plus a 15 min grace period is acceptable. Showing at 5 for a 5pm party is acceptable to Emily Post. (Wonder why it’s called a grace period?)

Did you actually read what I wrote? I never said there is anything wrong with being on time. On time or within the grace window of 10-15 min = fine. Claiming that you are already late if you are on time is rigid and unpleasant. Interpreting someone arriving a little after the arrival time as some sort of personal sleigh is petty and insecure at best. In some cases it sounds like a narcissistic test of loyalty.

But I agree with you that on time is fine. Showing up early is flat out tacky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm secondhand embarrassed for all these people railing on OP when they don't know basic good manners for visiting people. (I suspect a dose of misnadry, but I wouldn't accuse it.)

An invitation to arrive at 5 means you should arrive *after* 5. It's rude to crash a host before they are ready, and absurd to arrive exactly at a specific minute.

A good host announces 2 times: an "arrive after" time, and a "dinner is served" ("arive before") time.

https://emilypost.com/advice/party-etiquette-tips-for-hosts-and-guests

WTAF?? Did you even read your linked source?

#2 in How to Be a Good Guest says BE ON TIME. Your link literally says guest should arrive AT or a little after (no more than 15 min) the time stated on the invitation. Nowhere does it say it’s absurd to arrive on the dot.

Which is exactly what OP did.

Do you have a teleporter? How do you get somewhere *exactly* at a time?

You seriously can’t figure that out?
If you arrive before the appointed time you wait in the car. Or drive around. Or make a stop on the way if you’re super early. No teleporter necessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm secondhand embarrassed for all these people railing on OP when they don't know basic good manners for visiting people. (I suspect a dose of misnadry, but I wouldn't accuse it.)

An invitation to arrive at 5 means you should arrive *after* 5. It's rude to crash a host before they are ready, and absurd to arrive exactly at a specific minute.

A good host announces 2 times: an "arrive after" time, and a "dinner is served" ("arive before") time.

https://emilypost.com/advice/party-etiquette-tips-for-hosts-and-guests

WTAF?? Did you even read your linked source?

#2 in How to Be a Good Guest says BE ON TIME. Your link literally says guest should arrive AT or a little after (no more than 15 min) the time stated on the invitation. Nowhere does it say it’s absurd to arrive on the dot.

Which is exactly what OP did.

Do you have a teleporter? How do you get somewhere *exactly* at a time?

I was replying to the moron who posted an article and said that a 5 pm arrival means you arrive 5 minutes after 5, when the article said no such thing. S/he was just making sh¡t up then claiming it was from Emily Post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm secondhand embarrassed for all these people railing on OP when they don't know basic good manners for visiting people. (I suspect a dose of misnadry, but I wouldn't accuse it.)

An invitation to arrive at 5 means you should arrive *after* 5. It's rude to crash a host before they are ready, and absurd to arrive exactly at a specific minute.

A good host announces 2 times: an "arrive after" time, and a "dinner is served" ("arive before") time.

https://emilypost.com/advice/party-etiquette-tips-for-hosts-and-guests

WTAF?? Did you even read your linked source?

#2 in How to Be a Good Guest says BE ON TIME. Your link literally says guest should arrive AT or a little after (no more than 15 min) the time stated on the invitation. Nowhere does it say it’s absurd to arrive on the dot.

Which is exactly what OP did.

Do you have a teleporter? How do you get somewhere *exactly* at a time?

You seriously can’t figure that out?
If you arrive before the appointed time you wait in the car. Or drive around. Or make a stop on the way if you’re super early. No teleporter necessary.

No thanks, I have other shit to do. I’m not going to plan for every possible contingency and then sit or drive around for half an hour just so I am not, God forbid, a few minutes late for dinner.

I leave a reasonable amount of time for unexpected minor delays, but sometimes shit happens and people are late.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm secondhand embarrassed for all these people railing on OP when they don't know basic good manners for visiting people. (I suspect a dose of misnadry, but I wouldn't accuse it.)

An invitation to arrive at 5 means you should arrive *after* 5. It's rude to crash a host before they are ready, and absurd to arrive exactly at a specific minute.

A good host announces 2 times: an "arrive after" time, and a "dinner is served" ("arive before") time.

https://emilypost.com/advice/party-etiquette-tips-for-hosts-and-guests

Thank you for this. I suspect all these “you must show up exactly on time or else it’s disrespectful”and “if you’re on time you’re late” posters don’t actually get invited to many social events in people’s homes. Even Emily Post acknowledges a 15 minute grace window for arriving and has the sense to tell people dear lord do NOT show up before your invite time. I find it amusing how many people think they’re so much superior for their rigid adherence to time, but they’re actually the ones struggling with social norms.

That link literally says BE ON TIME. The invite time plus a 15 min grace period is acceptable. Showing at 5 for a 5pm party is acceptable to Emily Post. (Wonder why it’s called a grace period?)

Did you actually read what I wrote? I never said there is anything wrong with being on time. On time or within the grace window of 10-15 min = fine. Claiming that you are already late if you are on time is rigid and unpleasant. Interpreting someone arriving a little after the arrival time as some sort of personal sleigh is petty and insecure at best. In some cases it sounds like a narcissistic test of loyalty.

But I agree with you that on time is fine. Showing up early is flat out tacky.

Did you or did you not say a 5pm arrival means you arrive 5 minutes *after* 5? And then say it is absurd to arrive exactly at a specific minute? Because if that was you, you were most definitely saying that arriving in time is rude and absurd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm secondhand embarrassed for all these people railing on OP when they don't know basic good manners for visiting people. (I suspect a dose of misnadry, but I wouldn't accuse it.)

An invitation to arrive at 5 means you should arrive *after* 5. It's rude to crash a host before they are ready, and absurd to arrive exactly at a specific minute.

A good host announces 2 times: an "arrive after" time, and a "dinner is served" ("arive before") time.

https://emilypost.com/advice/party-etiquette-tips-for-hosts-and-guests

Thank you for this. I suspect all these “you must show up exactly on time or else it’s disrespectful”and “if you’re on time you’re late” posters don’t actually get invited to many social events in people’s homes. Even Emily Post acknowledges a 15 minute grace window for arriving and has the sense to tell people dear lord do NOT show up before your invite time. I find it amusing how many people think they’re so much superior for their rigid adherence to time, but they’re actually the ones struggling with social norms.

That link literally says BE ON TIME. The invite time plus a 15 min grace period is acceptable. Showing at 5 for a 5pm party is acceptable to Emily Post. (Wonder why it’s called a grace period?)

Did you actually read what I wrote? I never said there is anything wrong with being on time. On time or within the grace window of 10-15 min = fine. Claiming that you are already late if you are on time is rigid and unpleasant. Interpreting someone arriving a little after the arrival time as some sort of personal sleigh is petty and insecure at best. In some cases it sounds like a narcissistic test of loyalty.

But I agree with you that on time is fine. Showing up early is flat out tacky.

Did you or did you not say a 5pm arrival means you arrive 5 minutes *after* 5? And then say it is absurd to arrive exactly at a specific minute? Because if that was you, you were most definitely saying that arriving in time is rude and absurd.

If that wasn’t you, my bad! I take issue with the poster that said that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are on time, you are already late.

Military mindset.

My ex-ILs were like this. Except they were always *very early*, which was equally rude. And socially weird. I'll never forget the time they arrived so early to something my parents had invited them to at their house, my mom was still in a robe finishing up getting ready. And no, they didn't misunderstand the time. They were always like this. Glad we all don't have to deal with that anymore.

[Anonymous]

Military mindset is not an attribute. That’s conditioning that happened under duress. It’s ok to join the rest of the world and simply arrive on time, not early.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Military mindset is not an attribute. That’s conditioning that happened under duress. It’s ok to join the rest of the world and simply arrive on time, not early.

My ex-ILs were not military. They are just effing weirdos and social morons, especially ex-FIL.

[Anonymous]

OP, yes, this is super weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm secondhand embarrassed for all these people railing on OP when they don't know basic good manners for visiting people. (I suspect a dose of misnadry, but I wouldn't accuse it.)

An invitation to arrive at 5 means you should arrive *after* 5. It's rude to crash a host before they are ready, and absurd to arrive exactly at a specific minute.

A good host announces 2 times: an "arrive after" time, and a "dinner is served" ("arive before") time.

https://emilypost.com/advice/party-etiquette-tips-for-hosts-and-guests

WTAF?? Did you even read your linked source?

#2 in How to Be a Good Guest says BE ON TIME. Your link literally says guest should arrive AT or a little after (no more than 15 min) the time stated on the invitation. Nowhere does it say it’s absurd to arrive on the dot.

Which is exactly what OP did.

Do you have a teleporter? How do you get somewhere *exactly* at a time?

You seriously can’t figure that out?
If you arrive before the appointed time you wait in the car. Or drive around. Or make a stop on the way if you’re super early. No teleporter necessary.

No thanks, I have other shit to do. I’m not going to plan for every possible contingency and then sit or drive around for half an hour just so I am not, God forbid, a few minutes late for dinner.

I leave a reasonable amount of time for unexpected minor delays, but sometimes shit happens and people are late.

Ok so you’re rude. And can’t plan for sh¡t. You do you boo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team wife.

I guarantee there is more to this story, and it most likely involves DH always waiting until the last minute to get the kid ready, resulting in everyone always being late.

All of you who believe "5pm" really means "5:15" or "5:30" don't host much, do you?

It's a PITA to get everything ready for guests and then stand around for 15, 20, 30 or more minutes wondering when they plan to arrive.

I've set the expectation with my family and friends that whatever time we agree to meet, I will be there at that time. Not 5 minutes earlier, not 5 minutes late. At that time. I often wait in my car for a few minutes because I have arrived early, but I am knocking on the door at the agreed time. And I expect them to do the same.

Don't be coy and say "5pm" and then be in your bathrobe when your guests arrive. If you don't want people to come until 5:30, say so.

This must be regional. I live in NYC and it would be rude, flat out rude, to show up at a party at the stated time. Like a huge gaffe. The host(ess) would be gracious, but you would be the only guest for at least 20 minutes.

m

This exactly. I get annoyed when guests show up exactly on the dot. Much preferred if they come 15-20 minutes late

I hate being late! If your invitation says 5, I’ll try my darnest to be there at 5. My husband is always running late though so I’ll most likely get the late…drives me insane but I won’t run out the house without him.