MIL ‘taking back’ Thanksgiving hosting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't imagine insisting that my in-laws come to my house. All of the in-laws are closer to the MIL and Aunt and will do what they want. OP doesn't have enough power in this situation to decide that that the rotation now must include her house and that's the deal. She can unilaterally decide that every 3rd Thanksgiving she and her husband do their own thing, but that's not really part of the rotation if there is a competing dinner somewhere else. The DH siblings, cousins, grandparents will naturally just go to the MIL/Aunt house, as they have for decades, instead of their uptight SIL's.

Oops, looks like you missed the update where the aunt is confirmed at OP’s house.

Sure she is. OP would have included that in her post. I don't believe it for a second.

DP. Because time stands still and people don't go on to make choices? Okay.

On what planet is the aunt going to pice her nephew's house over her sister? Do you have a family?

I have a family that makes plans and generally would feel terrible about changing them for no good reason, yes.

I also had a mother who -- when her son's wife expressed interest in hosting a holidy, if it works -- immediately said that was a wonderful thing for her to offer nad asked how she could help make it go smoothly her first time.

That's the kind of family I have. What kind of family do you have?

A normal one where people are fighting over "hosting" and people go with the flow. At no point would someone respond to the group text that they are just going take their ball and go home and whoever wants to come can come.

I am truly sorry for you. It can be done so much more well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't imagine insisting that my in-laws come to my house. All of the in-laws are closer to the MIL and Aunt and will do what they want. OP doesn't have enough power in this situation to decide that that the rotation now must include her house and that's the deal. She can unilaterally decide that every 3rd Thanksgiving she and her husband do their own thing, but that's not really part of the rotation if there is a competing dinner somewhere else. The DH siblings, cousins, grandparents will naturally just go to the MIL/Aunt house, as they have for decades, instead of their uptight SIL's.

Oops, looks like you missed the update where the aunt is confirmed at OP’s house.

Sure she is. OP would have included that in her post. I don't believe it for a second.

DP. Because time stands still and people don't go on to make choices? Okay.

On what planet is the aunt going to pice her nephew's house over her sister? Do you have a family?

I have a family that makes plans and generally would feel terrible about changing them for no good reason, yes.

I also had a mother who -- when her son's wife expressed interest in hosting a holidy, if it works -- immediately said that was a wonderful thing for her to offer nad asked how she could help make it go smoothly her first time.

That's the kind of family I have. What kind of family do you have?

A normal one where people are fighting over "hosting" and people go with the flow. At no point would someone respond to the group text that they are just going take their ball and go home and whoever wants to come can come.

I am truly sorry for you. It can be done so much more well.

So much more well? What?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't imagine insisting that my in-laws come to my house. All of the in-laws are closer to the MIL and Aunt and will do what they want. OP doesn't have enough power in this situation to decide that that the rotation now must include her house and that's the deal. She can unilaterally decide that every 3rd Thanksgiving she and her husband do their own thing, but that's not really part of the rotation if there is a competing dinner somewhere else. The DH siblings, cousins, grandparents will naturally just go to the MIL/Aunt house, as they have for decades, instead of their uptight SIL's.

Oops, looks like you missed the update where the aunt is confirmed at OP’s house.

Sure she is. OP would have included that in her post. I don't believe it for a second.

DP. Because time stands still and people don't go on to make choices? Okay.

On what planet is the aunt going to pice her nephew's house over her sister? Do you have a family?

I have a family that makes plans and generally would feel terrible about changing them for no good reason, yes.

I also had a mother who -- when her son's wife expressed interest in hosting a holidy, if it works -- immediately said that was a wonderful thing for her to offer nad asked how she could help make it go smoothly her first time.

That's the kind of family I have. What kind of family do you have?

A normal one where people are NOT fighting over "hosting" and people go with the flow. At no point would someone respond to the group text that they are just going take their ball and go home and whoever wants to come can come.

fixed it

Ah. Well, still sorry for you. Something underlies these responses. I hope it gets better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't imagine insisting that my in-laws come to my house. All of the in-laws are closer to the MIL and Aunt and will do what they want. OP doesn't have enough power in this situation to decide that that the rotation now must include her house and that's the deal. She can unilaterally decide that every 3rd Thanksgiving she and her husband do their own thing, but that's not really part of the rotation if there is a competing dinner somewhere else. The DH siblings, cousins, grandparents will naturally just go to the MIL/Aunt house, as they have for decades, instead of their uptight SIL's.

Oops, looks like you missed the update where the aunt is confirmed at OP’s house.

Sure she is. OP would have included that in her post. I don't believe it for a second.

DP. Because time stands still and people don't go on to make choices? Okay.

On what planet is the aunt going to pice her nephew's house over her sister? Do you have a family?

I have a family that makes plans and generally would feel terrible about changing them for no good reason, yes.

I also had a mother who -- when her son's wife expressed interest in hosting a holidy, if it works -- immediately said that was a wonderful thing for her to offer nad asked how she could help make it go smoothly her first time.

That's the kind of family I have. What kind of family do you have?

A normal one where people are fighting over "hosting" and people go with the flow. At no point would someone respond to the group text that they are just going take their ball and go home and whoever wants to come can come.

I am truly sorry for you. It can be done so much more well.

So much more well? What?

Would you prefer "better?" If it excites you, feel free to substitute.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't imagine insisting that my in-laws come to my house. All of the in-laws are closer to the MIL and Aunt and will do what they want. OP doesn't have enough power in this situation to decide that that the rotation now must include her house and that's the deal. She can unilaterally decide that every 3rd Thanksgiving she and her husband do their own thing, but that's not really part of the rotation if there is a competing dinner somewhere else. The DH siblings, cousins, grandparents will naturally just go to the MIL/Aunt house, as they have for decades, instead of their uptight SIL's.

Oops, looks like you missed the update where the aunt is confirmed at OP’s house.

Sure she is. OP would have included that in her post. I don't believe it for a second.

DP. Because time stands still and people don't go on to make choices? Okay.

On what planet is the aunt going to pice her nephew's house over her sister? Do you have a family?

I have a family that makes plans and generally would feel terrible about changing them for no good reason, yes.

I also had a mother who -- when her son's wife expressed interest in hosting a holidy, if it works -- immediately said that was a wonderful thing for her to offer nad asked how she could help make it go smoothly her first time.

That's the kind of family I have. What kind of family do you have?

A normal one where people are NOT fighting over "hosting" and people go with the flow. At no point would someone respond to the group text that they are just going take their ball and go home and whoever wants to come can come.

fixed it

Ah. Well, still sorry for you. Something underlies these responses. I hope it gets better.

You wouldn't understand when you come from a dysfunctional family where this type of fighting "taking back?" over a family dinner to give thanks is normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't imagine insisting that my in-laws come to my house. All of the in-laws are closer to the MIL and Aunt and will do what they want. OP doesn't have enough power in this situation to decide that that the rotation now must include her house and that's the deal. She can unilaterally decide that every 3rd Thanksgiving she and her husband do their own thing, but that's not really part of the rotation if there is a competing dinner somewhere else. The DH siblings, cousins, grandparents will naturally just go to the MIL/Aunt house, as they have for decades, instead of their uptight SIL's.

Oops, looks like you missed the update where the aunt is confirmed at OP’s house.

Sure she is. OP would have included that in her post. I don't believe it for a second.

DP. Because time stands still and people don't go on to make choices? Okay.

On what planet is the aunt going to pice her nephew's house over her sister? Do you have a family?

I have a family that makes plans and generally would feel terrible about changing them for no good reason, yes.

I also had a mother who -- when her son's wife expressed interest in hosting a holidy, if it works -- immediately said that was a wonderful thing for her to offer nad asked how she could help make it go smoothly her first time.

That's the kind of family I have. What kind of family do you have?

A normal one where people are NOT fighting over "hosting" and people go with the flow. At no point would someone respond to the group text that they are just going take their ball and go home and whoever wants to come can come.

fixed it

Ah. Well, still sorry for you. Something underlies these responses. I hope it gets better.

You wouldn't understand when you come from a dysfunctional family where this type of fighting "taking back?" over a family dinner to give thanks is normal.

My family is gracious, yes, and takes pride when the younger generations show interest. We support them.

I do not understand you, and I am unlikely to do so, I think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't imagine insisting that my in-laws come to my house. All of the in-laws are closer to the MIL and Aunt and will do what they want. OP doesn't have enough power in this situation to decide that that the rotation now must include her house and that's the deal. She can unilaterally decide that every 3rd Thanksgiving she and her husband do their own thing, but that's not really part of the rotation if there is a competing dinner somewhere else. The DH siblings, cousins, grandparents will naturally just go to the MIL/Aunt house, as they have for decades, instead of their uptight SIL's.

Oops, looks like you missed the update where the aunt is confirmed at OP’s house.

Sure she is. OP would have included that in her post. I don't believe it for a second.

DP. Because time stands still and people don't go on to make choices? Okay.

On what planet is the aunt going to pice her nephew's house over her sister? Do you have a family?

I have a family that makes plans and generally would feel terrible about changing them for no good reason, yes.

I also had a mother who -- when her son's wife expressed interest in hosting a holidy, if it works -- immediately said that was a wonderful thing for her to offer nad asked how she could help make it go smoothly her first time.

That's the kind of family I have. What kind of family do you have?

A normal one where people are NOT fighting over "hosting" and people go with the flow. At no point would someone respond to the group text that they are just going take their ball and go home and whoever wants to come can come.

fixed it

Ah. Well, still sorry for you. Something underlies these responses. I hope it gets better.

You wouldn't understand when you come from a dysfunctional family where this type of fighting "taking back?" over a family dinner to give thanks is normal.

My family is gracious, yes, and takes pride when the younger generations show interest. We support them.

I do not understand you, and I am unlikely to do so, I think.

+1. In my family we respect everyone as equal adults. We make choices together based on logistical needs, milestones like a new house or a new baby, etc. We all plan together, we all help out. It is warm and loving, and no one stands on ceremony.

The attitude some of you have about ILs not being real family members, younger generations having to wait for others to die or give up hosting, and hoping they fail or find hoping to be stressful is sad, ugly, and petty. I am so grateful that holidays are warm and loving in my family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't imagine insisting that my in-laws come to my house. All of the in-laws are closer to the MIL and Aunt and will do what they want. OP doesn't have enough power in this situation to decide that that the rotation now must include her house and that's the deal. She can unilaterally decide that every 3rd Thanksgiving she and her husband do their own thing, but that's not really part of the rotation if there is a competing dinner somewhere else. The DH siblings, cousins, grandparents will naturally just go to the MIL/Aunt house, as they have for decades, instead of their uptight SIL's.

Oops, looks like you missed the update where the aunt is confirmed at OP’s house.

Sure she is. OP would have included that in her post. I don't believe it for a second.

DP. Because time stands still and people don't go on to make choices? Okay.

On what planet is the aunt going to pice her nephew's house over her sister? Do you have a family?

I have a family that makes plans and generally would feel terrible about changing them for no good reason, yes.

I also had a mother who -- when her son's wife expressed interest in hosting a holidy, if it works -- immediately said that was a wonderful thing for her to offer nad asked how she could help make it go smoothly her first time.

That's the kind of family I have. What kind of family do you have?

A normal one where people are NOT fighting over "hosting" and people go with the flow. At no point would someone respond to the group text that they are just going take their ball and go home and whoever wants to come can come.

fixed it

Ah. Well, still sorry for you. Something underlies these responses. I hope it gets better.

You wouldn't understand when you come from a dysfunctional family where this type of fighting "taking back?" over a family dinner to give thanks is normal.

My family is gracious, yes, and takes pride when the younger generations show interest. We support them.

I do not understand you, and I am unlikely to do so, I think.

Using "taking back" is aggressive language. As if hosting belonged to someone and now it doesn't. Plans change and evolve. Maybe OP should talk to her MIL and find out what's going on instead of drawing a line in the sand. I guess if your family doesn't discuss things this would seem like a foreign concept.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't imagine insisting that my in-laws come to my house. All of the in-laws are closer to the MIL and Aunt and will do what they want. OP doesn't have enough power in this situation to decide that that the rotation now must include her house and that's the deal. She can unilaterally decide that every 3rd Thanksgiving she and her husband do their own thing, but that's not really part of the rotation if there is a competing dinner somewhere else. The DH siblings, cousins, grandparents will naturally just go to the MIL/Aunt house, as they have for decades, instead of their uptight SIL's.

Oops, looks like you missed the update where the aunt is confirmed at OP’s house.

Sure she is. OP would have included that in her post. I don't believe it for a second.

DP. Because time stands still and people don't go on to make choices? Okay.

On what planet is the aunt going to pice her nephew's house over her sister? Do you have a family?

I have a family that makes plans and generally would feel terrible about changing them for no good reason, yes.

I also had a mother who -- when her son's wife expressed interest in hosting a holidy, if it works -- immediately said that was a wonderful thing for her to offer nad asked how she could help make it go smoothly her first time.

That's the kind of family I have. What kind of family do you have?

A normal one where people are NOT fighting over "hosting" and people go with the flow. At no point would someone respond to the group text that they are just going take their ball and go home and whoever wants to come can come.

fixed it

Ah. Well, still sorry for you. Something underlies these responses. I hope it gets better.

You wouldn't understand when you come from a dysfunctional family where this type of fighting "taking back?" over a family dinner to give thanks is normal.

My family is gracious, yes, and takes pride when the younger generations show interest. We support them.

I do not understand you, and I am unlikely to do so, I think.

Using "taking back" is aggressive language. As if hosting belonged to someone and now it doesn't. Plans change and evolve. Maybe OP should talk to her MIL and find out what's going on instead of drawing a line in the sand. I guess if your family doesn't discuss things this would seem like a foreign concept.

She said yes, and verbalized support, and then suddenly said no, I want it back.

This isn't "taking it back?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't imagine insisting that my in-laws come to my house. All of the in-laws are closer to the MIL and Aunt and will do what they want. OP doesn't have enough power in this situation to decide that that the rotation now must include her house and that's the deal. She can unilaterally decide that every 3rd Thanksgiving she and her husband do their own thing, but that's not really part of the rotation if there is a competing dinner somewhere else. The DH siblings, cousins, grandparents will naturally just go to the MIL/Aunt house, as they have for decades, instead of their uptight SIL's.

Oops, looks like you missed the update where the aunt is confirmed at OP’s house.

Sure she is. OP would have included that in her post. I don't believe it for a second.

DP. Because time stands still and people don't go on to make choices? Okay.

On what planet is the aunt going to pice her nephew's house over her sister? Do you have a family?

I have a family that makes plans and generally would feel terrible about changing them for no good reason, yes.

I also had a mother who -- when her son's wife expressed interest in hosting a holidy, if it works -- immediately said that was a wonderful thing for her to offer nad asked how she could help make it go smoothly her first time.

That's the kind of family I have. What kind of family do you have?

A normal one where people are NOT fighting over "hosting" and people go with the flow. At no point would someone respond to the group text that they are just going take their ball and go home and whoever wants to come can come.

fixed it

Ah. Well, still sorry for you. Something underlies these responses. I hope it gets better.

You wouldn't understand when you come from a dysfunctional family where this type of fighting "taking back?" over a family dinner to give thanks is normal.

My family is gracious, yes, and takes pride when the younger generations show interest. We support them.

I do not understand you, and I am unlikely to do so, I think.

Using "taking back" is aggressive language. As if hosting belonged to someone and now it doesn't. Plans change and evolve. Maybe OP should talk to her MIL and find out what's going on instead of drawing a line in the sand. I guess if your family doesn't discuss things this would seem like a foreign concept.

She said yes, and verbalized support, and then suddenly said no, I want it back.

This isn't "taking it back?"

She said "I want it back?" Where?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't imagine insisting that my in-laws come to my house. All of the in-laws are closer to the MIL and Aunt and will do what they want. OP doesn't have enough power in this situation to decide that that the rotation now must include her house and that's the deal. She can unilaterally decide that every 3rd Thanksgiving she and her husband do their own thing, but that's not really part of the rotation if there is a competing dinner somewhere else. The DH siblings, cousins, grandparents will naturally just go to the MIL/Aunt house, as they have for decades, instead of their uptight SIL's.

Oops, looks like you missed the update where the aunt is confirmed at OP’s house.

Sure she is. OP would have included that in her post. I don't believe it for a second.

DP. Because time stands still and people don't go on to make choices? Okay.

On what planet is the aunt going to pice her nephew's house over her sister? Do you have a family?

I have a family that makes plans and generally would feel terrible about changing them for no good reason, yes.

I also had a mother who -- when her son's wife expressed interest in hosting a holidy, if it works -- immediately said that was a wonderful thing for her to offer nad asked how she could help make it go smoothly her first time.

That's the kind of family I have. What kind of family do you have?

A normal one where people are NOT fighting over "hosting" and people go with the flow. At no point would someone respond to the group text that they are just going take their ball and go home and whoever wants to come can come.

fixed it

Ah. Well, still sorry for you. Something underlies these responses. I hope it gets better.

You wouldn't understand when you come from a dysfunctional family where this type of fighting "taking back?" over a family dinner to give thanks is normal.

My family is gracious, yes, and takes pride when the younger generations show interest. We support them.

I do not understand you, and I am unlikely to do so, I think.

Using "taking back" is aggressive language. As if hosting belonged to someone and now it doesn't. Plans change and evolve. Maybe OP should talk to her MIL and find out what's going on instead of drawing a line in the sand. I guess if your family doesn't discuss things this would seem like a foreign concept.

She said yes, and verbalized support, and then suddenly said no, I want it back.

This isn't "taking it back?"

She said "I want it back?" Where?

I think you are misreading by inserting quotation marks. Quotation marks would have indicated a direct quotation, but MIL has not been directly quoted in this thread.

She has been described by OP as saying yes, and verbalizing support, and then expressing she has changed her mind back and wants to do something other than what she agreed to previously. How is that not "taking it back?"

[Anonymous]

PS: And why would a mother not delight in her child and their partner wanting to be involved? Do we not take joy in our children growing up and joining our traditions?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't imagine insisting that my in-laws come to my house. All of the in-laws are closer to the MIL and Aunt and will do what they want. OP doesn't have enough power in this situation to decide that that the rotation now must include her house and that's the deal. She can unilaterally decide that every 3rd Thanksgiving she and her husband do their own thing, but that's not really part of the rotation if there is a competing dinner somewhere else. The DH siblings, cousins, grandparents will naturally just go to the MIL/Aunt house, as they have for decades, instead of their uptight SIL's.

Oops, looks like you missed the update where the aunt is confirmed at OP’s house.

Sure she is. OP would have included that in her post. I don't believe it for a second.

DP. Because time stands still and people don't go on to make choices? Okay.

On what planet is the aunt going to pice her nephew's house over her sister? Do you have a family?

I have a family that makes plans and generally would feel terrible about changing them for no good reason, yes.

I also had a mother who -- when her son's wife expressed interest in hosting a holidy, if it works -- immediately said that was a wonderful thing for her to offer nad asked how she could help make it go smoothly her first time.

That's the kind of family I have. What kind of family do you have?

A normal one where people are NOT fighting over "hosting" and people go with the flow. At no point would someone respond to the group text that they are just going take their ball and go home and whoever wants to come can come.

fixed it

Ah. Well, still sorry for you. Something underlies these responses. I hope it gets better.

You wouldn't understand when you come from a dysfunctional family where this type of fighting "taking back?" over a family dinner to give thanks is normal.

My family is gracious, yes, and takes pride when the younger generations show interest. We support them.

I do not understand you, and I am unlikely to do so, I think.

Using "taking back" is aggressive language. As if hosting belonged to someone and now it doesn't. Plans change and evolve. Maybe OP should talk to her MIL and find out what's going on instead of drawing a line in the sand. I guess if your family doesn't discuss things this would seem like a foreign concept.

NP. Do you not grasp that OP and DH did talk to the family, and they did discuss things? If anyone needs to talk further, it is on MIL to initiate that conversation, as she and she alone is deviating from an already-agreed-upon plan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PS: And why would a mother not delight in her child and their partner wanting to be involved? Do we not take joy in our children growing up and joining our traditions?

People who value family do.

People who value control, the spotlight, and only their own personal preferences do not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't imagine insisting that my in-laws come to my house. All of the in-laws are closer to the MIL and Aunt and will do what they want. OP doesn't have enough power in this situation to decide that that the rotation now must include her house and that's the deal. She can unilaterally decide that every 3rd Thanksgiving she and her husband do their own thing, but that's not really part of the rotation if there is a competing dinner somewhere else. The DH siblings, cousins, grandparents will naturally just go to the MIL/Aunt house, as they have for decades, instead of their uptight SIL's.

Oops, looks like you missed the update where the aunt is confirmed at OP’s house.

Sure she is. OP would have included that in her post. I don't believe it for a second.

DP. Because time stands still and people don't go on to make choices? Okay.

On what planet is the aunt going to pice her nephew's house over her sister? Do you have a family?

I have a family that makes plans and generally would feel terrible about changing them for no good reason, yes.

I also had a mother who -- when her son's wife expressed interest in hosting a holidy, if it works -- immediately said that was a wonderful thing for her to offer nad asked how she could help make it go smoothly her first time.

That's the kind of family I have. What kind of family do you have?

A normal one where people are NOT fighting over "hosting" and people go with the flow. At no point would someone respond to the group text that they are just going take their ball and go home and whoever wants to come can come.

fixed it

Ah. Well, still sorry for you. Something underlies these responses. I hope it gets better.

You wouldn't understand when you come from a dysfunctional family where this type of fighting "taking back?" over a family dinner to give thanks is normal.

My family is gracious, yes, and takes pride when the younger generations show interest. We support them.

I do not understand you, and I am unlikely to do so, I think.

Using "taking back" is aggressive language. As if hosting belonged to someone and now it doesn't. Plans change and evolve. Maybe OP should talk to her MIL and find out what's going on instead of drawing a line in the sand. I guess if your family doesn't discuss things this would seem like a foreign concept.

She said yes, and verbalized support, and then suddenly said no, I want it back.

This isn't "taking it back?"

She said "I want it back?" Where?

I think you are misreading by inserting quotation marks. Quotation marks would have indicated a direct quotation, but MIL has not been directly quoted in this thread.

She has been described by OP as saying yes, and verbalizing support, and then expressing she has changed her mind back and wants to do something other than what she agreed to previously. How is that not "taking it back?"

Because maybe she agreed under duress and at the time didn't want an argument. And maybe it's just changing her mind, not taking something. But, again, why not just ask MIL what's going on? "Hey I thought we were hosting, what happened?" and maybe talk it through and find out what the issue is. That's why these posts are so unbelievable like it's two kids fighting over a toy instead of real people who know how to communicate.