Insisting that DC's college be within driving distance...reasonable or not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it’s fully reasonable. DCUM is not at all representative of most parents.

Agree. I truly wanted to hug my son's college counselor at his high school when we had our parent-student meeting. Out of the blue my son started entertaining schools in California -which for govt/international relations given what's offered in this area is ridiculous on its own. Counselor also has a rising Senior and right out of his mouth was that that is crazy and that the flight cost and inconvenience, etc. It was great for him to hear from a someone else. We told him --hey grad school or professional school you are free to do what you want.

But, nah, no Cali for undergrad.

Actually it's rather sad a HS counselor felt the need to interject their OPINION on this. Most kids are capable of being a 6 hour flight from home and will do just fine.

+1
That counselor was out of line.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If limiting distance is intended to limit cost, there are much more effective ways to limit cost than setting a 7-hour driving distance perimeter. Cost is not the real issue for OP.

NP. Not necessarily. There is always the possibility of emergencies. As a person who had emergency surgery her freshman year, I appreciated the fact that one of my parents was able to drive to be with me when I was recovering from anesthesia.

Last-minute flights, if they are even available, are expensive. Driving affords more flexibility.

However, the odds of emergency surgery are small. 99% of kids make it thru college without that happening. So if kid really wants to go to a school that's a 6 hour flight away, you'd really restrict it based on that possibility?

I think it depends on the kid and the family's finances. My friend's daughter had to evacuate multiple times from Tulane during her time there (and pay for hotels), plus she had to fly there several times unexpectedly to deal with a health issue. Those flights were expensive! It's a good idea to think about these issues and discuss them with your child.

Wow! I always assumed that in those situations colleges have some type of plan to provide for the students. I had no idea that students were left to their own devices. Was your friend's daughter in a dorm, or an off campus apartment?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really have no dog in this fight, but it's hilarious that people can't see the difference in paying tens of thousands for tuition that can be funded by loans and needing to pay cash for plane tickets.

You fly to school in August and fly home in Dec, back in Jan and home in May. 2 roundtrip tickets, maybe 3 if dorms close for spring break.
Or you find friends to stay with over spring break.
Purchase those tickets in advance to get discounts. We are not talking $10K. More likely only $2K max. It's more about the parent wanting control---the need to "get to them" and to "visit".

A lot of people don't HAVE $2k.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And here's my kid applying to military academies.

?
What does that have to do with this topic? We don't know where you live--but if you live in the DC area there are 2 academies within driving distance.

My ADHD got the best of me, sorry. I meant that I don't plan on seeing him from June until Christmas if that happens, especially if he goes USAFA. OP needs to cut the cord.

[Anonymous]

A lot of people here didn't have kids in college for true emergencies.

When COVID first hit and we didn't understand it, some colleges gave a day or two of notice before shutting down dorms.

During disasters, you can't expect a college to find alternative accommodations for thousands of students.

If you have a ton of ready cash, you can throw money at these problems, of course.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it’s fully reasonable. DCUM is not at all representative of most parents.

Agree. I truly wanted to hug my son's college counselor at his high school when we had our parent-student meeting. Out of the blue my son started entertaining schools in California -which for govt/international relations given what's offered in this area is ridiculous on its own. Counselor also has a rising Senior and right out of his mouth was that that is crazy and that the flight cost and inconvenience, etc. It was great for him to hear from a someone else. We told him --hey grad school or professional school you are free to do what you want.

But, nah, no Cali for undergrad.

Actually it's rather sad a HS counselor felt the need to interject their OPINION on this. Most kids are capable of being a 6 hour flight from home and will do just fine.

+1
That counselor was out of line.

Not at all. As parents, we loved that he was going over everything- including finances, location, size, type of campus. It is a private HS so more like a private counselor.

[Anonymous]

It seems sort of provincial. If you can’t afford college otherwise, it is what it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So- here goes. The number of kids with mental illness first appearing in college has absolutely skyrocketed since Covid.

Anecdotally this is what I know:
2 co-workers (kids placed on psychaitric hold)
2 neighbors (kids fell into deep depression; parents had to fly out and bring them home)
1 woman at gym (son had first schizophrenia attack)
2 friends of neighbor's kids (depression and had to take semesters off)
1 good friend's son picked up by police wandering with first mental break--ended up in jail in another state because police didn't recognize symptoms

Studies/surveys now show kids in this demo group --30-35% are suffering from mental illness. And boys with depression can show absolutely zero signs to close family members and friends.

We aren't allowing our kids to go West to school. Not just for this reason, but also because with the airlines and the trouble and expense of flights and for the fact for both of them their intended majors are much better served in this area.

For the majority of these, I would not respond by jumping in my car to drive 7 hours.

The one sitting in a jail cell in a mental break DEFINITELY needed his parents to show up. And it was traumatic for everyone. If they hadn't stepped in it would have been ugly. They were able to drive him to and select an in-patient facility near their home. There is no way he would have gotten out of prison, had the proper legal representation and been able to be transported in his manic, schizophrenic state without his parents taking him. They were luckily 75 minute drive away.

But you cannot live your life expecting the worst things to happen. Vast majority of kids are not going to have a mental breakdown while at college. So yes, if your kid has medical issues or mental health issues already, then maybe you need to consider a place "closer to home". But most of us don't plan our lives around the worst case scenarios happening to us.
If that happened, most of us would put that airfare on a CC and figure out how to pay the $1K later. Fact is, 99.999% of the time your kid will be just fine and have no issues. Fact at most colleges there will be a significant number of parents on the Parent FB pages who live within 2-3 hours and would happily step up to assist in an emergency until you can get there---I've seen it on all 3 of my kid's college parent FB pages---I've seen local parents go to the hospital and sit with a sick kid (who needed an appendectomy) until their parents arrived 18 hours later. Sure it's not mom/dad but it's a caring adult who is a parent. Whenever someone posts with even a minor "emergency" there are always kind caring parents who step up to help....sometimes even faculty who monitor the page as well. So your kid will not be alone in an emergency if you are willing to reach out for assistance.

Except it’s happening at alarming rates these days. 30% or more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it’s fully reasonable. DCUM is not at all representative of most parents.

Agree. I truly wanted to hug my son's college counselor at his high school when we had our parent-student meeting. Out of the blue my son started entertaining schools in California -which for govt/international relations given what's offered in this area is ridiculous on its own. Counselor also has a rising Senior and right out of his mouth was that that is crazy and that the flight cost and inconvenience, etc. It was great for him to hear from a someone else. We told him --hey grad school or professional school you are free to do what you want.

But, nah, no Cali for undergrad.

Actually it's rather sad a HS counselor felt the need to interject their OPINION on this. Most kids are capable of being a 6 hour flight from home and will do just fine.

+1
That counselor was out of line.

Not at all. As parents, we loved that he was going over everything- including finances, location, size, type of campus. It is a private HS so more like a private counselor.

You said the counselor called it "crazy." That's inappropriate. Private schools can get away with a lot of abuses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really have no dog in this fight, but it's hilarious that people can't see the difference in paying tens of thousands for tuition that can be funded by loans and needing to pay cash for plane tickets.

You fly to school in August and fly home in Dec, back in Jan and home in May. 2 roundtrip tickets, maybe 3 if dorms close for spring break.
Or you find friends to stay with over spring break.
Purchase those tickets in advance to get discounts. We are not talking $10K. More likely only $2K max. It's more about the parent wanting control---the need to "get to them" and to "visit".

So, not Thanksgiving together.

Also, Xmas and summer are high traveling times, so airfare can be very expensive, especially to popular destinations like LAX.

Then you have to pay to ship everything over ever year, then back because you cannot leave your stuff in the dorms.

So you are looking at more than $2K + the hassle, delays, etc. Flying is much more cumbersome these days than driving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And here's my kid applying to military academies.

Military academies usually provide every single thing, even toothbrushes. You basically take some clothes, and that's it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it’s fully reasonable. DCUM is not at all representative of most parents.

Agree. I truly wanted to hug my son's college counselor at his high school when we had our parent-student meeting. Out of the blue my son started entertaining schools in California -which for govt/international relations given what's offered in this area is ridiculous on its own. Counselor also has a rising Senior and right out of his mouth was that that is crazy and that the flight cost and inconvenience, etc. It was great for him to hear from a someone else. We told him --hey grad school or professional school you are free to do what you want.

But, nah, no Cali for undergrad.

Actually it's rather sad a HS counselor felt the need to interject their OPINION on this. Most kids are capable of being a 6 hour flight from home and will do just fine.

+1
That counselor was out of line.

Not at all. As parents, we loved that he was going over everything- including finances, location, size, type of campus. It is a private HS so more like a private counselor.

You said the counselor called it "crazy." That's inappropriate. Private schools can get away with a lot of abuses.

He didn’t use that word for gods sakes. It was professionally stated with reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really have no dog in this fight, but it's hilarious that people can't see the difference in paying tens of thousands for tuition that can be funded by loans and needing to pay cash for plane tickets.

You fly to school in August and fly home in Dec, back in Jan and home in May. 2 roundtrip tickets, maybe 3 if dorms close for spring break.
Or you find friends to stay with over spring break.
Purchase those tickets in advance to get discounts. We are not talking $10K. More likely only $2K max. It's more about the parent wanting control---the need to "get to them" and to "visit".

So, not Thanksgiving together.

Also, Xmas and summer are high traveling times, so airfare can be very expensive, especially to popular destinations like LAX.

Then you have to pay to ship everything over ever year, then back because you cannot leave your stuff in the dorms.

So you are looking at more than $2K + the hassle, delays, etc. Flying is much more cumbersome these days than driving.

DP. Students living far away from college typically never, ever ship things home for summers - shipping indeed is too expensive. They store them in storage units ($60/mo or less if shared) or friends' basements.

Flying can be cumbersome sometimes. It just depends. (Currently have 3 kids in college who fly to/from. The farther one sometimes has stayed at school for Thanksgiving and was not alone.) Buy plane tickets carefully and keep baggage fees (or not, Southwest) in mind when pricing. It's not impossible.

Larger airports like LAX are typically less expensive to fly in/out of.

Again, any additional travel cost should be added to the cost of attendance to be compared to OP's budget. Cost in and of itself is not a reason to limit distance, as indeed a farther college could easily end up cheaper than a closer one, with so many other variables in computing college costs.

[Anonymous]

Your $, your rules.

[Anonymous]

^ we are the ones that called it crazy to pay $85k/year for a small SLAC on the west coast just for the weather and he read everyone wears flip flops and has a chill time.

Especially, when the 4 best universities for his major are in the DMV area, or at least Boston.

He knows anything goes after undergrad.