Would you pay 200K for a baby that isn't biologically yours?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We paid $24k for a private infant adoption in 2012. DD is now 10 and healthy and amazing. We got 10k of that back on our taxes.

Similar story. DD age 9.
PP, We are SO fortunate!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Going through IVF right now and won't do donor egg which is causing issues with my DH. I don't understand why women are so willing to carry just so their husband's genes can carry on. For those saying infertile men did this, injecting semen is a lot less work than going through the DE process - educate yourself. Also, in that case if my DH had wanted to go adoption route I would have understood the logic, not sure if I would make peace as I am not in that position.

For those that are saying you don't know what you get with adoption, this is true with DE. How well do you really think they vet donors? I agree with you OP, but this is your friends decision and obviously you're not confronting her about these choices but understand wanting to compare notes and talk it out, especially when in same boat. Seven rounds of IVF sounds devastating for your friend.

Newsflash … you don’t know what you’re getting g with your own eggs either

[Anonymous]

To the trolls:

We adopted 2 of our children before they were a year old. Neither had "issues." We later had a birth child.

My DH is adopted and he was adamant about making adoption a part of our life, and I strongly agreed.

[Anonymous]

My very wealthy friend was pursuing donor eggs and I suspect used one for her pregnancy. She’s quite private about it - in her case, I think she had family members who were vocally against interventions and adoption. She was pregnant and is very bonded with her child and for all her family knows it was a conventional pregnancy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can speak to this. I’ve done 6 rounds of IVF with OE and 2 with DE and have never had success. I have one final DE embryo remaining and if it does not work, my journey will be over. I have never considered using a surrogate simply because I can’t afford it.

The vast majority of women will never be in my position, so they really can’t know how they would or would not react.

Nobody makes these decisions all at once. It happens bit by bit and as you go through the process, your heart aches more each time, you feel “wronged” a little more each time, and the sunk costs become more and more of a propellant to keep you going in the hope that you will finally succeed and it will have been worth it.

My DH and I did pursue adoption midway through this journey. We realized that it would be more expensive, more heartbreaking, and more ethically complicated than the path we already were on, so we went back to IVF.

Of course I’m sad that any child we potentially might have will not be genetically related to me. Then again, who is to say my genetics are so hot? After all, I’m infertile.

To me, the opportunity to raise a child, love them, and help them flourish seems like the greatest privilege there is. I hope I can be a part of that. The joy would outweigh the sadness of not having a genetic link to my child.

I wouldn’t wish this heartache on my worst enemy. I may end up with nothing to show for it except a lack of a retirement fund and a whole lot of tears. For those of you who cannot help but judge, please remember that nobody WANTS to make these choices. We are always choosing the least bad option that we feel we can live with. After so much pain, at least I won’t be left with any regrets about what more I possibly could have done. I hope you all count your blessings.

Why do you say adoption is more expensive? It is essentially free through your local child welfare agency. And sometimes the state even pays you!

[Anonymous]

I know a family that fostered and then adopted. They started with a sibling set of a toddler and infant. Long story short: they still reap financial benefits (including child care subsidies).

I know someone who has waited on private adoption for over a decade, including a few false starts where adoption fell through. Finally got a newborn.

I know another family who waited on adoption for nearly a decade. Moved up on the list after being open to a birth mother who used drugs and drank. Kid seems fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can speak to this. I’ve done 6 rounds of IVF with OE and 2 with DE and have never had success. I have one final DE embryo remaining and if it does not work, my journey will be over. I have never considered using a surrogate simply because I can’t afford it.

The vast majority of women will never be in my position, so they really can’t know how they would or would not react.

Nobody makes these decisions all at once. It happens bit by bit and as you go through the process, your heart aches more each time, you feel “wronged” a little more each time, and the sunk costs become more and more of a propellant to keep you going in the hope that you will finally succeed and it will have been worth it.

My DH and I did pursue adoption midway through this journey. We realized that it would be more expensive, more heartbreaking, and more ethically complicated than the path we already were on, so we went back to IVF.

Of course I’m sad that any child we potentially might have will not be genetically related to me. Then again, who is to say my genetics are so hot? After all, I’m infertile.

To me, the opportunity to raise a child, love them, and help them flourish seems like the greatest privilege there is. I hope I can be a part of that. The joy would outweigh the sadness of not having a genetic link to my child.

I wouldn’t wish this heartache on my worst enemy. I may end up with nothing to show for it except a lack of a retirement fund and a whole lot of tears. For those of you who cannot help but judge, please remember that nobody WANTS to make these choices. We are always choosing the least bad option that we feel we can live with. After so much pain, at least I won’t be left with any regrets about what more I possibly could have done. I hope you all count your blessings.

Why do you say adoption is more expensive? It is essentially free through your local child welfare agency. And sometimes the state even pays you!

Very few kids are available.

[Anonymous]

We also spent years pursuing adoption, primarily international, and as we'd finish home studies the countries would "close" to foreign adoptions. We also pursued foster2adopt, were certified in DC, but with the goals of reunification or kinship adoption, we realized foster parenting younger children was our only option with DC, because we didn't feel equipped to handle the complex needs of teens beyond temporary respite care.

On a whim, we looked into DE (even though I had NO desire to be pregnant) and within a year I birthed a beautiful son! Total cost was $25k, far less than we would have spent on our eventual foreign adoptions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can speak to this. I’ve done 6 rounds of IVF with OE and 2 with DE and have never had success. I have one final DE embryo remaining and if it does not work, my journey will be over. I have never considered using a surrogate simply because I can’t afford it.

The vast majority of women will never be in my position, so they really can’t know how they would or would not react.

Nobody makes these decisions all at once. It happens bit by bit and as you go through the process, your heart aches more each time, you feel “wronged” a little more each time, and the sunk costs become more and more of a propellant to keep you going in the hope that you will finally succeed and it will have been worth it.

My DH and I did pursue adoption midway through this journey. We realized that it would be more expensive, more heartbreaking, and more ethically complicated than the path we already were on, so we went back to IVF.

Of course I’m sad that any child we potentially might have will not be genetically related to me. Then again, who is to say my genetics are so hot? After all, I’m infertile.

To me, the opportunity to raise a child, love them, and help them flourish seems like the greatest privilege there is. I hope I can be a part of that. The joy would outweigh the sadness of not having a genetic link to my child.

I wouldn’t wish this heartache on my worst enemy. I may end up with nothing to show for it except a lack of a retirement fund and a whole lot of tears. For those of you who cannot help but judge, please remember that nobody WANTS to make these choices. We are always choosing the least bad option that we feel we can live with. After so much pain, at least I won’t be left with any regrets about what more I possibly could have done. I hope you all count your blessings.

Why do you say adoption is more expensive? It is essentially free through your local child welfare agency. And sometimes the state even pays you!

Are these healthy kids?

[Anonymous]

No, I don't believe in purchasing human beings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can speak to this. I’ve done 6 rounds of IVF with OE and 2 with DE and have never had success. I have one final DE embryo remaining and if it does not work, my journey will be over. I have never considered using a surrogate simply because I can’t afford it.

The vast majority of women will never be in my position, so they really can’t know how they would or would not react.

Nobody makes these decisions all at once. It happens bit by bit and as you go through the process, your heart aches more each time, you feel “wronged” a little more each time, and the sunk costs become more and more of a propellant to keep you going in the hope that you will finally succeed and it will have been worth it.

My DH and I did pursue adoption midway through this journey. We realized that it would be more expensive, more heartbreaking, and more ethically complicated than the path we already were on, so we went back to IVF.

Of course I’m sad that any child we potentially might have will not be genetically related to me. Then again, who is to say my genetics are so hot? After all, I’m infertile.

To me, the opportunity to raise a child, love them, and help them flourish seems like the greatest privilege there is. I hope I can be a part of that. The joy would outweigh the sadness of not having a genetic link to my child.

I wouldn’t wish this heartache on my worst enemy. I may end up with nothing to show for it except a lack of a retirement fund and a whole lot of tears. For those of you who cannot help but judge, please remember that nobody WANTS to make these choices. We are always choosing the least bad option that we feel we can live with. After so much pain, at least I won’t be left with any regrets about what more I possibly could have done. I hope you all count your blessings.

Why do you say adoption is more expensive? It is essentially free through your local child welfare agency. And sometimes the state even pays you!

Are these healthy kids?

In some.states, like Maryland, emphasis is on family reunification,.which is great but doesn't led to as many adoptions of younger kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We also spent years pursuing adoption, primarily international, and as we'd finish home studies the countries would "close" to foreign adoptions. We also pursued foster2adopt, were certified in DC, but with the goals of reunification or kinship adoption, we realized foster parenting younger children was our only option with DC, because we didn't feel equipped to handle the complex needs of teens beyond temporary respite care.

On a whim, we looked into DE (even though I had NO desire to be pregnant) and within a year I birthed a beautiful son! Total cost was $25k, far less than we would have spent on our eventual foreign adoptions.

On the other hand, we did an international adoption and ours cost less than your DE arrangement. So variable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can speak to this. I’ve done 6 rounds of IVF with OE and 2 with DE and have never had success. I have one final DE embryo remaining and if it does not work, my journey will be over. I have never considered using a surrogate simply because I can’t afford it.

The vast majority of women will never be in my position, so they really can’t know how they would or would not react.

Nobody makes these decisions all at once. It happens bit by bit and as you go through the process, your heart aches more each time, you feel “wronged” a little more each time, and the sunk costs become more and more of a propellant to keep you going in the hope that you will finally succeed and it will have been worth it.

My DH and I did pursue adoption midway through this journey. We realized that it would be more expensive, more heartbreaking, and more ethically complicated than the path we already were on, so we went back to IVF.

Of course I’m sad that any child we potentially might have will not be genetically related to me. Then again, who is to say my genetics are so hot? After all, I’m infertile.

To me, the opportunity to raise a child, love them, and help them flourish seems like the greatest privilege there is. I hope I can be a part of that. The joy would outweigh the sadness of not having a genetic link to my child.

I wouldn’t wish this heartache on my worst enemy. I may end up with nothing to show for it except a lack of a retirement fund and a whole lot of tears. For those of you who cannot help but judge, please remember that nobody WANTS to make these choices. We are always choosing the least bad option that we feel we can live with. After so much pain, at least I won’t be left with any regrets about what more I possibly could have done. I hope you all count your blessings.

Why do you say adoption is more expensive? It is essentially free through your local child welfare agency. And sometimes the state even pays you!

Very few kids are available.

Very few healthy newborns are available. There are over 100 children currently waiting to be adopted in Maryland.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adoption is not a solution to infertility and is riddled with human rights abuses.

+100

I hate that I don't respect adoptive parents anymore, but I don't.

Wow.

Glad my adopted child and I are the same race so that we don’t stand out to you as an adoptive family. You have NO idea why they were available for adoption. None. Feel free to take it up with their extended birth family on both sides who chose to not adopt.

I’m also an adoptee so feel free to disrespect that as well.

Adoption is often a permanent solution to a temporary problem. An expectant mother may be very excited to be a mother, but only lack financial resources. Somehow, the only way for her to get the basic level of care an expectant mother really needs is for her to agree to put her future child up for adoption. The resources that an expectant mother temporarily gains access to from a prospective adoptive couple are NOT resources that someone should have to put their child up for adoption to get.

The expectant mother is often lied to by adoptive couples and adoption agencies about her rights, and adoptive couples are allowed to cut off contact with her after agreeing to openness in the adoption.

Truly disgusting that a woman should have to sell her child.

Ah, yes. The temporary problem of a mom prostituting her toddler son and making child sexual videos of him. Yes, those were the temporary problems that led to my friend’s child being in the foster care system and the mom’s parental rights being terminated. Really, what should have happened is returning the boy to that situation for mom’s sake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adoption is not a solution to infertility and is riddled with human rights abuses.

+100

I hate that I don't respect adoptive parents anymore, but I don't.

Wow.

Glad my adopted child and I are the same race so that we don’t stand out to you as an adoptive family. You have NO idea why they were available for adoption. None. Feel free to take it up with their extended birth family on both sides who chose to not adopt.

I’m also an adoptee so feel free to disrespect that as well.

Adoption is often a permanent solution to a temporary problem. An expectant mother may be very excited to be a mother, but only lack financial resources. Somehow, the only way for her to get the basic level of care an expectant mother really needs is for her to agree to put her future child up for adoption. The resources that an expectant mother temporarily gains access to from a prospective adoptive couple are NOT resources that someone should have to put their child up for adoption to get.

The expectant mother is often lied to by adoptive couples and adoption agencies about her rights, and adoptive couples are allowed to cut off contact with her after agreeing to openness in the adoption.

Truly disgusting that a woman should have to sell her child.

Ah, yes. The temporary problem of a mom prostituting her toddler son and making child sexual videos of him. Yes, those were the temporary problems that led to my friend’s child being in the foster care system and the mom’s parental rights being terminated. Really, what should have happened is returning the boy to that situation for mom’s sake.

Oh come on. PP was talking about just-born INFANT adoption not a child who has been put into foster care for abuse. The situation you describe is a far cry from a confused pregnant teen mother being coerced into adoption by dangling the benefits of a "wholesome, wealthy" couple in front of her which is typically the case.