Would you pay 200K for a baby that isn't biologically yours?

[Anonymous]

I'm happy for a friend that after 7 years of infertility, over 10 rounds of IVF with and without donor eggs and a surrogate they finally have a baby but I'm pretty sure it's amounted to 200K or more for a baby that isn't biologically hers. Would you do the same?

I feel like at somepoint I would pursue adoption because it's essentially the same. (Fwiw I'm currently undergoing IVF and am already hesitant to spend the cost on it.)

[Anonymous]

No, but I've never had to make this choice. Adopting is just as expensive - or so I thought.

[Anonymous]

Guys do it all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, but I've never had to make this choice. Adopting is just as expensive - or so I thought.

Adoption is definitely more expensive than 1 round of IVF but by the time to get to over 10 plus a surrogate it's definitely cheaper.

[Anonymous]

Yes. As long as I would have ended up with a roof and a childcare plan we could have managed so that my child was safe and well cared for, I would have sacrificed anything else to have children, and their biological connection to me didn't matter. I wanted to be a mom.

Adoption of a healthy newborn is expensive, and also has the potential to be a heartbreaking road. By the time someone realizes that IVF isn't working, they have already sunk a lot of money into it. It's not like they can get the first 100K back, and adoption can cost the other 100K.

[Anonymous]

We paid $24k for a private infant adoption in 2012. DD is now 10 and healthy and amazing. We got 10k of that back on our taxes.

[Anonymous]

Adoption isn't the same, though. It comes with considerably more emotional strings and issues, and it relies on the cooperation of a third party you know nothing about.

[Anonymous]

“Just adopt” was an option 30 years ago. It’s NOT now. Do you know anyone who has pursued adoption lately? There are way, way more families interested in adopting than there are babies to adopt. In many cases, it’s basically not an option.

One friend of mine spoke to several adoption agencies in her area (not local) and was told that there are 25 families that have paid the fees, done the home visits, jumped through all the hoops, and are now approved for every one baby that is put up for adoption.

I have another friend, local, who was told she could only adopt if she was open to adopting a baby who had been exposed to drugs or alcohol prenatally. She did move forward, and was able to successfully adopt a baby from a mom with some drug use. So far, baby seems great and healthy, but obviously, there’s no telling what the future holds.

These are married, stable, high income, loving homes.

So yeah, if I had the money, I’d do it. It’s probably your only way to have a baby.

[Anonymous]

Why you can’t legally sell your children is just beyond me!

[Anonymous]

I’m sure they were hopeful each round of IVF so saying it was a $200k decision is wrong if not a little meanspirited

[Anonymous]

It doesn't matter what I would do. I would try not to judge.

[Anonymous]

Yes. Every method has its own financial, physical and/or psychological costs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It doesn't matter what I would do. I would try not to judge.

+1 this is really mean spirited OP.

[Anonymous]

No I'm against human trafficking

[Anonymous]

Adoption is a very uncertain road as well. You don't know if/when you will be picked.

Also it wasn't $200k at the outset for this outcome. So the question doesn't make sense in the abstract.