Yes, the 54 year old lady. |
55, sorry. |
The very first Christmas we spent together I went all out picking the perfect gifts for his family. They wouldn't even look me in the eye. I've been done ever since. Every year he asks "What are we doing for my parents / sister " and I say "I got my parents X and Y. Do whatever you want." |
DP. Not a single person, other than you, has indicated there's a single person who expects women and or the SAHP to be responsible for managing IL relationships. We KNOW there are many people, women included, with this misogynistic, patriarchal, archaic opinion. I'm so very glad so many of us are aware of how toxic this is and are raising our children with different expectations. |
Not true. There definitely have been people answering posts assuming the identity of the poster. Go back and read more closely. I know because it’s happening to ME! People responding as if they know I also posted x,y,z. |
“You give yourself away”? What does that mean? |
Very little. That's what effect it really has on the kids. It has a lot of effect on you though. Kids just want to unwrap gifts. They might not love it but oh well, they got to unwrap a gift so that's good in their book and they can add it into their total gift count so they can tell their friends when comparing. If you don't hang out with a relative when their a little kid, this doesn't mean that you can , never, ever form a relationship with them in the future. So right now the kids are building relationships with other family members. They aren't missing out. But you are missing out. Because you want a relationship with them. So that being the case, take the advice of the people in this thread and change your attitude. |
When it is "the norm" for husbands to shop for their MIL's for Christmas. When MEN are wondering "hmm, I wonder what my wife's sister wants for Christmas?" and then buying, wrapping and delivering said item (AND ANY FEEDBACK ABOUT HOW IT"S NOT RIGHT). When MEN do this entirely for their wives families of origin, we can go back to debating if it should be shifted to the middle again. The only people who argue "It's all family" or "I don't get the big deal" are people who are NOT doing the work. Because the people who are doing the work have spoken loud and clear: this is thankless grueling task that many partners take for granted until their wife drops it all in their lap. |
NO. Because the SAHP doesn't get to have a job that lasts 24 hours a day all day every day, while the other partner has set work hours. The "off work" hours for the working parent are the time they have to dedicate to the care and keeping of their family of origin. If they aren't doing that, that's ON THEM. |
You post one thing but really mean another. The poster makes it sound like this is about recognizing family, but she is worried about ending up alone. |
I have asked DH what he did before me- sometimes jokingly, but I really did wonder how he fed himself and what he did for holidays/birthdays because they don't interest him at all. Apparently his MIL/SIL would pick out gifts for him and have him send them money. ![]() I go through the routine of getting gift cards for SIL/BIL and gifts for their kids (who are older now and really just want gift cards or money anyway). But I am continually at a loss what to get his parents, and this year I put it on him. Not entirely, I sent them ornaments the kids made and a small photo collage from shutterfly. But that's all. Whereas they always send a lot. I know he won't do anything else, but I'm just spent. |
I'm not going back to look. I already told you that we know you aren't the only misogynist posting on this thread. |
... and furthermore, when it does get dropped for the husband to pick up, the wife gets blamed by in-laws if the husband does a bad job of it. I VERY early on in my relationship took a the approach of each of us being the point person for our respective families. Unfortunately, his family sees me as shirking my responsibility (because I have ovaries, I guess) to be the cruise director and maintainer of relationships, shopper of presents, sender of cards, keeper of the calendar. I don't mind taking the hit for things not getting done the exact way they seem to think that it should, but hot damn that is some sexist nonsense. |
I have to say: I’m so grateful there are so many women here who refuse to participate in this thankless BS anymore. Thank You! |
I've been married five years. The first two or three years I spent countless hours picking out the prefect presents (presents!) for my husband's five (FIVE) siblings, all of their spouses and all of their kids. His family is huge on Christmas and presents and mine isn't so I thought it was fun.
Then one year I got one present total from his family: a cookbook for dogs. A dog cookbook. I stopped and never looked back. |