Reply to This is the first year in 13 years that I have completely dropped the rope with DH’s family

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Sounds like this was a good decision for you personally, but what effect does this have on your kids? Will they now get unwanted gifts from the in-laws? Will their relationship with them suffer.

In my extended family one of my nephews wives does a similar divide and conquer with her husband. The net result is that we rarely get to see those kids. Her family gets a massive amount of time and access. Over time the relationship and respect towards that family has deteriorated.  It’s unfortunate because we love them dearly but rarely get to see those kids. I see my other nieces and nephews and their children regularly. It’s a close and functional family but there is always this undercurrent of tension.[/quote]

That's on your nephew, not his wife.  [/quote]

You are absolutely correct. It’s my nephew who is primarily at fault here. But the reality is that he is working crazy hours and traveling constantly and has little time. His wife has much more flexibility to make these kinds of things happen. She is the stay at home. It is not her “fault”. But the net result is the same. We rarely see them. It’s easy to say the obvious things that she is not responsible. And she isn’t. But it’s the kids that miss out. [/quote]

You are still blaming the niece? It is plain as day that your nephew does not care that his kids have no relationship with you and your family. He does not care. [/quote]

If the nephew’s wife is SAH then yes the responsibility really should be hers. It’s sort of part of the deal. If he’s busting his buns to support her and the family she can reach out on his behalf. [/quote]

Domestic labor IS STILL labor. She does work. She works PLENTY. Have you ever had a nanny, babysitter, housecleaner? Do you pay them? Yes. So just because a family is choosing to have one person DO THOSE THINGS so another person can work for money, it does not mean you have MORE TIME. Bc running a house and raising children is WORK. [/quote]

Absolutely. And part of that work is planning the holidays, is it not? And part of that is visiting extended family in some cases, right? So still under the SAH parent’s domain. And for the record, doesn’t matter what gender the SAH parent is. [/quote]

NO.  Because the SAHP doesn't get to have a job that lasts 24 hours a day all day every day, while the other partner has set work hours.  The "off work" hours for the working parent are the time they have to dedicate to the care and keeping of their family of origin.  If they aren't doing that, that's ON THEM.[/quote]

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