Atheist bil won’t allow 3 year old nephew to receive a gift during holidays

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are so exhausting. And before you tell me as you have PPs that I would understand if only I had children or a grandchild-loving mother, etc etc... I do have all of those people in my family.

Many parents are rigid about all sorts of things. Some don't let their children have cake at parties because they avoid sugar. Others don't let their toddlers play with plastic toys--only all-natural for them! Of course, don't forget the parents who prohibit or secerely limit screentime.

Most of just roll our eyes and move on when a kid isn't allowed to have a cookie or can't play video games with their cousins. When my relative requested we only gift educational, non-electronic, non-plastic toys, first we made fun of them and then we just complied with their requests.

This is life in an extended family with people of different beliefs, temperaments, and personalities. There is space for everyone, even handwringing, overwrought sisters/aunts/SILs like you!

Yessss

Wow, the atheists get really upset about any thread that criticizes atheist behavior.

I'm not atheist. You don't have to be atheist to think OP is dramatic and exhausting. Just shake your head at sis and bil's parenting choices and move on.

+1

I was initially on OPs side but now think it is likely an exhausting drama queen and BIL is just trying to draw boundaries. Based on OPs subsequent posts, I’ve reversed sides.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are so exhausting. And before you tell me as you have PPs that I would understand if only I had children or a grandchild-loving mother, etc etc... I do have all of those people in my family.

Many parents are rigid about all sorts of things. Some don't let their children have cake at parties because they avoid sugar. Others don't let their toddlers play with plastic toys--only all-natural for them! Of course, don't forget the parents who prohibit or secerely limit screentime.

Most of just roll our eyes and move on when a kid isn't allowed to have a cookie or can't play video games with their cousins. When my relative requested we only gift educational, non-electronic, non-plastic toys, first we made fun of them and then we just complied with their requests.

This is life in an extended family with people of different beliefs, temperaments, and personalities. There is space for everyone, even handwringing, overwrought sisters/aunts/SILs like you!

Yessss

Wow, the atheists get really upset about any thread that criticizes atheist behavior.

I'm not atheist. You don't have to be atheist to think OP is dramatic and exhausting. Just shake your head at sis and bil's parenting choices and move on.

It's not OP who's exhausting, it's her atheist BIL. OP just wants to know how to handle him.

Thank you.

If he’s drawing a boundary that his son can’t get a gift or watch Christmas movies or make ornaments, ok. But the rest of the family isn’t going to change their party traditions because of his boundaries for Larlo. That’s not fair to everyone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Find another time to exchange gift that is not religious.

Xmas has nothing to do with gifts.

The gifts aren’t religious, and it’s a family tradition. We don’t get together as a family much due to logistics and this is the one time a year we are all together.

Traditions can change. You can do a family get together with gifts another time. In my family, as people married and had families, we moved our big event to Columbus Day weekend and made it Halloween themed. I know others who do a winter solstice celebration.

But if they aren’t important enough to figure out a different plan, then you have to respect their wishes.

No, they don't have to change their long standing traditions;4 to appease non believers. BIL will have to just learn to roll with it. Why does everyone have to kowtow to him?

Because that’s what people who love each other do. They look at creative ways of managing differences. No one will be hurt by moving gift giving Another time. But some will be hurt by not trying to find a compromise.

And some will be hurt by not being able to continue the traditions, despite your glossing over that obvious fact. What compromise is BIL making? None so far.

He doesn't have to. Adults get to make decisions for themselves and their families. The amount of pain some of you are expressing for this child is ridiculous.

It’s bothering everyone. We all want to include our nephew/cousin/grandson. Do you have a child? Would you take your child somewhere and allow them to watch other kids opening a gift and playing with that gift while they receive nothing?

NP. That would never come up in my family, because we would never do a gift exchange that not everyone could participate in. My SIL and her spouse and children are athiest. We gather around the holidays because that is when everyone has time off work/school, and we eat, drink and have a grand old time together with games, puzzles, a full dessert table. No gifts necessary. We mail gifts to the cousins who do celebrate Christmas.

So a guy marries into the family, asserts his belief and then EVERYONE in the family has to change their traditions to accommodate him? No,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mom said why can’t she give her grandson a gift?

Because his dad doesn’t want her to.

Because his *parents* don't want her to.

[Anonymous]

We are an atheist family raising our children in the secular tradition. I absolutely love secular Christmas and have a blast taking in all the experiences. That being said, the focus on consumerism and waste has really gotten under my skin in recent years. I have done my part to slow or stop the adult gift giving and am trying to limit the amount of new in box plastic that comes in for the kids. They already have so many toys from past birthdays, Christmases, and one off visits, we have so little space, and it makes me feel very Grinchy to have to spend my precious vacation time with them around the holidays purging their spaces just to make room for junk they’ll forget in two weeks. All that is to say, Grandma’s joy brings me a lot of grief.

I am very generous with loved ones on their birthdays and special occasions. But I’d rather spend time with them and enjoy experiences with them than opening gifts.

[Anonymous]

You won’t see then in Heaven anyhow.

Look my cheap SOB BIL won’t buy gifts his nieces and nephews. A few years I did give to his kids then stopped.

His parents are horrible people. Why should I cover. No reflection on me. And good the kids see other kids get gifts. Let them know their parents suck

[Anonymous]

Just throw holy water in them and see if it burns

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You won’t see then in Heaven anyhow.

Look my cheap SOB BIL won’t buy gifts his nieces and nephews. A few years I did give to his kids then stopped.

His parents are horrible people. Why should I cover. No reflection on me. And good the kids see other kids get gifts. Let them know their parents suck

Wow. Why don't you take a minute to breathe?

Take a deep breath in.

Exhale.

Repeat until you are less awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just throw holy water in them and see if it burns

Don't burn yourself in the process!

[Anonymous]

That's abuse to bring a young child to a gift giving party, but tell them they can't have a gift. Then don't come! If it were me, I'd do my own Christmas this year and only invite your parents. Makes sense because they don't even believe in Jesus/Christmas!!! It's YOUR religion, not theirs. So you can dictate how and where you celebrate it. They are wrong if they try to dictate someone else's religious observance.

[Anonymous]

they = brother in law + wife

[Anonymous]

Perhaps BIL can have dinner with his parents on the 23rd, or 26th. Those aren't Christian holidays. And no gifts involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's abuse to bring a young child to a gift giving party, but tell them they can't have a gift. Then don't come! If it were me, I'd do my own Christmas this year and only invite your parents. Makes sense because they don't even believe in Jesus/Christmas!!! It's YOUR religion, not theirs. So you can dictate how and where you celebrate it. They are wrong if they try to dictate someone else's religious observance.

OP said it's a "family get together each Christmas, with a large meal and board games and a walk as the main activities" and in a later post added that the family rarely all gets together. It's not a "gift giving party" and it's not child abuse to get together with your family when you can while not partaking in an aspect of the evening. Maybe OP's family should talk about getting together more often, so that it would be more feasible for her sister and BIL to skip Christmas without missing out on valuable and rare family time, rather than complaining that BIL doesn't like Christmas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are an atheist family raising our children in the secular tradition. I absolutely love secular Christmas and have a blast taking in all the experiences. That being said, the focus on consumerism and waste has really gotten under my skin in recent years. I have done my part to slow or stop the adult gift giving and am trying to limit the amount of new in box plastic that comes in for the kids. They already have so many toys from past birthdays, Christmases, and one off visits, we have so little space, and it makes me feel very Grinchy to have to spend my precious vacation time with them around the holidays purging their spaces just to make room for junk they’ll forget in two weeks. All that is to say, Grandma’s joy brings me a lot of grief.

I am very generous with loved ones on their birthdays and special occasions. But I’d rather spend time with them and enjoy experiences with them than opening gifts.

There is no such thing as a secular Christmas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are an atheist family raising our children in the secular tradition. I absolutely love secular Christmas and have a blast taking in all the experiences. That being said, the focus on consumerism and waste has really gotten under my skin in recent years. I have done my part to slow or stop the adult gift giving and am trying to limit the amount of new in box plastic that comes in for the kids. They already have so many toys from past birthdays, Christmases, and one off visits, we have so little space, and it makes me feel very Grinchy to have to spend my precious vacation time with them around the holidays purging their spaces just to make room for junk they’ll forget in two weeks. All that is to say, Grandma’s joy brings me a lot of grief.

I am very generous with loved ones on their birthdays and special occasions. But I’d rather spend time with them and enjoy experiences with them than opening gifts.

There is no such thing as a secular Christmas.

It can feel secular when raised in Christianormative culture. But the lack of focus on Jesus does not, in fact, make it secular.