Atheist bil won’t allow 3 year old nephew to receive a gift during holidays

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give it to him a prior unwrapped. Happy Wednesday!

❤️ If we did that and they left angrily, would we be bad people?

Yes. Why would you choose to alienate your sisters family and make her life more difficult.

You asked your sister a question (can we give Larlo a gift?), she gave you an answer (no thank you). You're taking her answer as a personal rejection and that's what's making this difficult.

No, that’s not true. My sister fully participated in Christmas until she got married. She had Christmas gifts galore as a child. Her grandmother gave her Christmas gifts. She ate candy and cookies at Christmas. She sat on Santa’s lap and had her picture taken, and watched Rudolph and Elf and all Christmas movies.

Now, after participating in Christmas and getting gifts and Christmas fun her whole life, we are supposed to change everything for her husband?

It's not true that you asked her a question? Not true that she answered? Not true that you're taking it personally?
It doesn't sound like she's asking you to "change everything" for her husband. They didn't ask you to stop the gift giving tradition.

Many people posting here suggested we not give gifts to accommodate my bil. They tried to make me feel guilty for wanting to maintain our family traditions and enjoy our celebration.

Larlo can’t receive a gift or eat Christmas goodies or watch Christmas movies or make glitter ornaments with his cousins. You tell me what he can do besides walk around and watch others have fun.

Your story is a moving target. It started as a single gift. Then sweets. Now glitter ornaments and Christmas movies.

Why does this not make sense you? Why would he allow his child any of those things if he doesn’t want to celebrate Christmas?

[Anonymous]

This makes no sense. If he doesn’t want his kid participating in Christmas traditions why is taking his kid to an event that is specifically about celebrating the family Christmas traditions? It’s his choice of course and you should respect that but it seems like he’s picking and choosing here. He’s willing to halfway participate which seems confusing.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are so exhausting. And before you tell me as you have PPs that I would understand if only I had children or a grandchild-loving mother, etc etc... I do have all of those people in my family.

Many parents are rigid about all sorts of things. Some don't let their children have cake at parties because they avoid sugar. Others don't let their toddlers play with plastic toys--only all-natural for them! Of course, don't forget the parents who prohibit or secerely limit screentime.

Most of just roll our eyes and move on when a kid isn't allowed to have a cookie or can't play video games with their cousins. When my relative requested we only gift educational, non-electronic, non-plastic toys, first we made fun of them and then we just complied with their requests.

This is life in an extended family with people of different beliefs, temperaments, and personalities. There is space for everyone, even handwringing, overwrought sisters/aunts/SILs like you!

[Anonymous]

Your family doesn't have to stop all celebrations and activities because one group doesn't want to participate. They can watch, then can throw a fit, whatever. Let the kid's parents deal with the outcomes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are so exhausting. And before you tell me as you have PPs that I would understand if only I had children or a grandchild-loving mother, etc etc... I do have all of those people in my family.

Many parents are rigid about all sorts of things. Some don't let their children have cake at parties because they avoid sugar. Others don't let their toddlers play with plastic toys--only all-natural for them! Of course, don't forget the parents who prohibit or secerely limit screentime.

Most of just roll our eyes and move on when a kid isn't allowed to have a cookie or can't play video games with their cousins. When my relative requested we only gift educational, non-electronic, non-plastic toys, first we made fun of them and then we just complied with their requests.

This is life in an extended family with people of different beliefs, temperaments, and personalities. There is space for everyone, even handwringing, overwrought sisters/aunts/SILs like you!

Gaslight much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give it to him a prior unwrapped. Happy Wednesday!

❤️ If we did that and they left angrily, would we be bad people?

Yes. Why would you choose to alienate your sisters family and make her life more difficult.

You asked your sister a question (can we give Larlo a gift?), she gave you an answer (no thank you). You're taking her answer as a personal rejection and that's what's making this difficult.

No, that’s not true. My sister fully participated in Christmas until she got married. She had Christmas gifts galore as a child. Her grandmother gave her Christmas gifts. She ate candy and cookies at Christmas. She sat on Santa’s lap and had her picture taken, and watched Rudolph and Elf and all Christmas movies.

Now, after participating in Christmas and getting gifts and Christmas fun her whole life, we are supposed to change everything for her husband?

It's not true that you asked her a question? Not true that she answered? Not true that you're taking it personally?
It doesn't sound like she's asking you to "change everything" for her husband. They didn't ask you to stop the gift giving tradition.

Many people posting here suggested we not give gifts to accommodate my bil. They tried to make me feel guilty for wanting to maintain our family traditions and enjoy our celebration.

Larlo can’t receive a gift or eat Christmas goodies or watch Christmas movies or make glitter ornaments with his cousins. You tell me what he can do besides walk around and watch others have fun.

Your story is a moving target. It started as a single gift. Then sweets. Now glitter ornaments and Christmas movies.

Why does this not make sense you? Why would he allow his child any of those things if he doesn’t want to celebrate Christmas?

OP made a post about accepting a gift, making it seem like the single point of disagreement was the gift. Then five or so pages later, cookies popped up as an issue. Page 10 it’s now gift, sweets, movies and glitter ornaments. OP can’t tell the truth and is looking for drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give it to him a prior unwrapped. Happy Wednesday!

❤️ If we did that and they left angrily, would we be bad people?

Yes. Why would you choose to alienate your sisters family and make her life more difficult.

You asked your sister a question (can we give Larlo a gift?), she gave you an answer (no thank you). You're taking her answer as a personal rejection and that's what's making this difficult.

No, that’s not true. My sister fully participated in Christmas until she got married. She had Christmas gifts galore as a child. Her grandmother gave her Christmas gifts. She ate candy and cookies at Christmas. She sat on Santa’s lap and had her picture taken, and watched Rudolph and Elf and all Christmas movies.

Now, after participating in Christmas and getting gifts and Christmas fun her whole life, we are supposed to change everything for her husband?

It's not true that you asked her a question? Not true that she answered? Not true that you're taking it personally?
It doesn't sound like she's asking you to "change everything" for her husband. They didn't ask you to stop the gift giving tradition.

Many people posting here suggested we not give gifts to accommodate my bil. They tried to make me feel guilty for wanting to maintain our family traditions and enjoy our celebration.

Larlo can’t receive a gift or eat Christmas goodies or watch Christmas movies or make glitter ornaments with his cousins. You tell me what he can do besides walk around and watch others have fun.

Your story is a moving target. It started as a single gift. Then sweets. Now glitter ornaments and Christmas movies.

Why does this not make sense you? Why would he allow his child any of those things if he doesn’t want to celebrate Christmas?

OP made a post about accepting a gift, making it seem like the single point of disagreement was the gift. Then five or so pages later, cookies popped up as an issue. Page 10 it’s now gift, sweets, movies and glitter ornaments. OP can’t tell the truth and is looking for drama.

No, Larlo isn’t allowed to participate in Christmas activities, and when he was a baby it wasn’t at all a problem.

Now he can walk and talk I think it will be a problem. I am wondering if my bil wants it to be a problem so he has an excuse to keep my sister and nephew isolated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give it to him a prior unwrapped. Happy Wednesday!

❤️ If we did that and they left angrily, would we be bad people?

Yes. Why would you choose to alienate your sisters family and make her life more difficult.

You asked your sister a question (can we give Larlo a gift?), she gave you an answer (no thank you). You're taking her answer as a personal rejection and that's what's making this difficult.

No, that’s not true. My sister fully participated in Christmas until she got married. She had Christmas gifts galore as a child. Her grandmother gave her Christmas gifts. She ate candy and cookies at Christmas. She sat on Santa’s lap and had her picture taken, and watched Rudolph and Elf and all Christmas movies.

Now, after participating in Christmas and getting gifts and Christmas fun her whole life, we are supposed to change everything for her husband?

It's not true that you asked her a question? Not true that she answered? Not true that you're taking it personally?
It doesn't sound like she's asking you to "change everything" for her husband. They didn't ask you to stop the gift giving tradition.

Many people posting here suggested we not give gifts to accommodate my bil. They tried to make me feel guilty for wanting to maintain our family traditions and enjoy our celebration.

Larlo can’t receive a gift or eat Christmas goodies or watch Christmas movies or make glitter ornaments with his cousins. You tell me what he can do besides walk around and watch others have fun.

Your story is a moving target. It started as a single gift. Then sweets. Now glitter ornaments and Christmas movies.

Why does this not make sense you? Why would he allow his child any of those things if he doesn’t want to celebrate Christmas?

OP made a post about accepting a gift, making it seem like the single point of disagreement was the gift. Then five or so pages later, cookies popped up as an issue. Page 10 it’s now gift, sweets, movies and glitter ornaments. OP can’t tell the truth and is looking for drama.

DP. Because all of these things are part of Christmas--gifts, cookies, sweets, tree ornaments. Why do you think OP would plan to give gifts but not do anything else having to do with Christmas?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give it to him a prior unwrapped. Happy Wednesday!

❤️ If we did that and they left angrily, would we be bad people?

Yes. Why would you choose to alienate your sisters family and make her life more difficult.

You asked your sister a question (can we give Larlo a gift?), she gave you an answer (no thank you). You're taking her answer as a personal rejection and that's what's making this difficult.

No, that’s not true. My sister fully participated in Christmas until she got married. She had Christmas gifts galore as a child. Her grandmother gave her Christmas gifts. She ate candy and cookies at Christmas. She sat on Santa’s lap and had her picture taken, and watched Rudolph and Elf and all Christmas movies.

Now, after participating in Christmas and getting gifts and Christmas fun her whole life, we are supposed to change everything for her husband?

It's not true that you asked her a question? Not true that she answered? Not true that you're taking it personally?
It doesn't sound like she's asking you to "change everything" for her husband. They didn't ask you to stop the gift giving tradition.

Many people posting here suggested we not give gifts to accommodate my bil. They tried to make me feel guilty for wanting to maintain our family traditions and enjoy our celebration.

Larlo can’t receive a gift or eat Christmas goodies or watch Christmas movies or make glitter ornaments with his cousins. You tell me what he can do besides walk around and watch others have fun.

Your story is a moving target. It started as a single gift. Then sweets. Now glitter ornaments and Christmas movies.

Why does this not make sense you? Why would he allow his child any of those things if he doesn’t want to celebrate Christmas?

OP made a post about accepting a gift, making it seem like the single point of disagreement was the gift. Then five or so pages later, cookies popped up as an issue. Page 10 it’s now gift, sweets, movies and glitter ornaments. OP can’t tell the truth and is looking for drama.

DP. Because all of these things are part of Christmas--gifts, cookies, sweets, tree ornaments. Why do you think OP would plan to give gifts but not do anything else having to do with Christmas?

+1

bil sees all those things as part of Christmas, which they do not celebrate.

I can’t blame the food thing on him, because my sister became a strict vegan before they met.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give it to him a prior unwrapped. Happy Wednesday!

❤️ If we did that and they left angrily, would we be bad people?

Yes. Why would you choose to alienate your sisters family and make her life more difficult.

You asked your sister a question (can we give Larlo a gift?), she gave you an answer (no thank you). You're taking her answer as a personal rejection and that's what's making this difficult.

No, that’s not true. My sister fully participated in Christmas until she got married. She had Christmas gifts galore as a child. Her grandmother gave her Christmas gifts. She ate candy and cookies at Christmas. She sat on Santa’s lap and had her picture taken, and watched Rudolph and Elf and all Christmas movies.

Now, after participating in Christmas and getting gifts and Christmas fun her whole life, we are supposed to change everything for her husband?

It's not true that you asked her a question? Not true that she answered? Not true that you're taking it personally?
It doesn't sound like she's asking you to "change everything" for her husband. They didn't ask you to stop the gift giving tradition.

Many people posting here suggested we not give gifts to accommodate my bil. They tried to make me feel guilty for wanting to maintain our family traditions and enjoy our celebration.

Larlo can’t receive a gift or eat Christmas goodies or watch Christmas movies or make glitter ornaments with his cousins. You tell me what he can do besides walk around and watch others have fun.

Your story is a moving target. It started as a single gift. Then sweets. Now glitter ornaments and Christmas movies.

Yes, this! OP's introduction to the issue said that the gathering was "a large meal and board games and a walk as the main activities" and that the only thing Larlo would miss was a gift. Now it's an explicitly Christmas-themed gathering with exclusively Christmas activities and BIL won't let his kid do anything? OP, it sounds like you're just trying to get random DCUM strangers to hate your BIL and piling on reasons hoping some will stick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give it to him a prior unwrapped. Happy Wednesday!

❤️ If we did that and they left angrily, would we be bad people?

Yes. Why would you choose to alienate your sisters family and make her life more difficult.

You asked your sister a question (can we give Larlo a gift?), she gave you an answer (no thank you). You're taking her answer as a personal rejection and that's what's making this difficult.

No, that’s not true. My sister fully participated in Christmas until she got married. She had Christmas gifts galore as a child. Her grandmother gave her Christmas gifts. She ate candy and cookies at Christmas. She sat on Santa’s lap and had her picture taken, and watched Rudolph and Elf and all Christmas movies.

Now, after participating in Christmas and getting gifts and Christmas fun her whole life, we are supposed to change everything for her husband?

It's not true that you asked her a question? Not true that she answered? Not true that you're taking it personally?
It doesn't sound like she's asking you to "change everything" for her husband. They didn't ask you to stop the gift giving tradition.

Many people posting here suggested we not give gifts to accommodate my bil. They tried to make me feel guilty for wanting to maintain our family traditions and enjoy our celebration.

Larlo can’t receive a gift or eat Christmas goodies or watch Christmas movies or make glitter ornaments with his cousins. You tell me what he can do besides walk around and watch others have fun.

Your story is a moving target. It started as a single gift. Then sweets. Now glitter ornaments and Christmas movies.

Yes, this! OP's introduction to the issue said that the gathering was "a large meal and board games and a walk as the main activities" and that the only thing Larlo would miss was a gift. Now it's an explicitly Christmas-themed gathering with exclusively Christmas activities and BIL won't let his kid do anything? OP, it sounds like you're just trying to get random DCUM strangers to hate your BIL and piling on reasons hoping some will stick.

DP. Sounds like you're stirring the pot. What's surprising to you about a Christmas gathering featuring Christmas-themed things like trees and ornaments and cookies?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are so exhausting. And before you tell me as you have PPs that I would understand if only I had children or a grandchild-loving mother, etc etc... I do have all of those people in my family.

Many parents are rigid about all sorts of things. Some don't let their children have cake at parties because they avoid sugar. Others don't let their toddlers play with plastic toys--only all-natural for them! Of course, don't forget the parents who prohibit or secerely limit screentime.

Most of just roll our eyes and move on when a kid isn't allowed to have a cookie or can't play video games with their cousins. When my relative requested we only gift educational, non-electronic, non-plastic toys, first we made fun of them and then we just complied with their requests.

This is life in an extended family with people of different beliefs, temperaments, and personalities. There is space for everyone, even handwringing, overwrought sisters/aunts/SILs like you!

Yessss

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are so exhausting. And before you tell me as you have PPs that I would understand if only I had children or a grandchild-loving mother, etc etc... I do have all of those people in my family.

Many parents are rigid about all sorts of things. Some don't let their children have cake at parties because they avoid sugar. Others don't let their toddlers play with plastic toys--only all-natural for them! Of course, don't forget the parents who prohibit or secerely limit screentime.

Most of just roll our eyes and move on when a kid isn't allowed to have a cookie or can't play video games with their cousins. When my relative requested we only gift educational, non-electronic, non-plastic toys, first we made fun of them and then we just complied with their requests.

This is life in an extended family with people of different beliefs, temperaments, and personalities. There is space for everyone, even handwringing, overwrought sisters/aunts/SILs like you!

Yessss

Wow, the atheists get really upset about any thread that criticizes atheist behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are so exhausting. And before you tell me as you have PPs that I would understand if only I had children or a grandchild-loving mother, etc etc... I do have all of those people in my family.

Many parents are rigid about all sorts of things. Some don't let their children have cake at parties because they avoid sugar. Others don't let their toddlers play with plastic toys--only all-natural for them! Of course, don't forget the parents who prohibit or secerely limit screentime.

Most of just roll our eyes and move on when a kid isn't allowed to have a cookie or can't play video games with their cousins. When my relative requested we only gift educational, non-electronic, non-plastic toys, first we made fun of them and then we just complied with their requests.

This is life in an extended family with people of different beliefs, temperaments, and personalities. There is space for everyone, even handwringing, overwrought sisters/aunts/SILs like you!

Yessss

Wow, the atheists get really upset about any thread that criticizes atheist behavior.

I'm not atheist. You don't have to be atheist to think OP is dramatic and exhausting. Just shake your head at sis and bil's parenting choices and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are so exhausting. And before you tell me as you have PPs that I would understand if only I had children or a grandchild-loving mother, etc etc... I do have all of those people in my family.

Many parents are rigid about all sorts of things. Some don't let their children have cake at parties because they avoid sugar. Others don't let their toddlers play with plastic toys--only all-natural for them! Of course, don't forget the parents who prohibit or secerely limit screentime.

Most of just roll our eyes and move on when a kid isn't allowed to have a cookie or can't play video games with their cousins. When my relative requested we only gift educational, non-electronic, non-plastic toys, first we made fun of them and then we just complied with their requests.

This is life in an extended family with people of different beliefs, temperaments, and personalities. There is space for everyone, even handwringing, overwrought sisters/aunts/SILs like you!

Yessss

Wow, the atheists get really upset about any thread that criticizes atheist behavior.

I'm not atheist. You don't have to be atheist to think OP is dramatic and exhausting. Just shake your head at sis and bil's parenting choices and move on.

It's not OP who's exhausting, it's her atheist BIL. OP just wants to know how to handle him.