Discrepancy between you want vs what you can get

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A couple of girlfriends and I have been having some honest discussions about this. We are still single into our late 30s and have good DC type jobs. (Non profits/think tanks). We are well educated and relatively successful and we each had a certain ideas about our future husbands. We wanted a go-getter professionally successful types but those guys never seemed particularly interested in us. I can say objectively that although bright and hardworking, neither of us is particularly conventionally attractive. Those guys seem to date and marry the pretty unassuming skinny type of girls.

So here we are in a dilemma. Marry someone we do not think is "worthy" of us or stay single, as the guys we want never wanted us anyway.

WWYD?

If I were you, I’d become the person I want to marry, because the likelihood that you are actually going to marry a guy like this are dim. If you want that lifestyle, you’re going to be the one paying for it.

That's pretty much what I did starting in my late 20s. I haven't made it all the way but I am so much better off as a result.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you looking for romantic partners or business partners?

OP here. After putting myself through college and graduate school and acquiring a fulfilling and interesting policy job, I really do not want to marry some average joe making 100k a year so we can squeeze into a 500k townhouse in Vienna and take yearly vacations to OBX.

I want a SHF in Chevy Chase, private school for my kids and international vacations.

Why NOT me? Only because I am not blonde and skinny?

Its depressing.

Well when I met DH I was making 75 he was making 150 and had a nice OBX house which w vacationed at. We still have the OBX house which is worth about 3 million and I am typing this from 7 million dollar house in Hilton Head. We are both 40 and we are basically retired.

How did he buy a OBX home on $150k?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP, I think men do not really look for anything more than good looks, especially at the get-go when it comes to meeting people.

Uh women specifically.
(Sorry.)

As long as a woman is attractive, fit, a great cook/housekeeper as well as an excellent Mother, w/a great sense of humor and has her own interests in life.
Those attributes mean so much more to many guys vs. how much money they generate.

A successful lawyer, physician or entrepreneur, etc. would marry a Nanny/Teacher/Nurse as long as she was physically attractive to him.
Bonus points if she is great in bed & enjoys frequent sex.

This is outdated. People assortive date now. Especially lawyers and doctors.

It’s amazing how so many people continue to ignore this.

Lol like the towns this lady wants to move to (CC MD or the like) aren’t chock full of sahms?!

SAHMs with Ivy degrees (where they met their spouses) or former big law, medicine, finance who left to raise their kids. These husbands want smart accomplished wives who will pass on smart genes and raise their kids well. No one marries the secretary anymore.

You don’t have “smart genes” just because Mummy and Daddy could afford to send you to nice schools.

If you are anywhere near being familiar with admission process of these schools, you would have known that money are just a good "extra" and not a guarantee of admission. They have hundreds of applicants from all over the world and a few are accepted. And even if you are not intelligent, after years in a private school you will have a huge educational advantage vs your peers in public schools.

My son recently came from a summer camp where he lived in tents with other kids of different background. Wilson HS kids is all about drugs, girls and partying vs a DC private school HS student who is all about college admissions, grades and future career paths. He literally felt that they spoke in 2 different languages: he's trilingual besides being far more eloquent in English. He is 2 years ahead in math vs public schools AP math level. Even their English is different: they don't know words like "abysmal". Nobody played chess or ever traveled anywhere outside the US. It was a eye opening experience for my child how privileged he truly is.

So now guess why top tier colleges still accept higher percentage of grads from my son's school vs DC public schools

I think this should just be pinned to the front page of DCUM forever!!!!!

What was his other observation is that there is no such educational gap with European schools. They had couple kids from France and Spain (from bilingual families). These kids go to public schools in their countries, are fluent in English and about same level in disciplines, sports and socially as my son in DC private.

US still has this huge educational gap between public schools: even the best public are way behind private, and thus this highly selective "casts" society when kids grow up. Everyone marries someone from a similar background: nobody wants relatives who use drugs.

So you went to public school, correct? Because surely a graduate of an elite private school would correctly use the term “caste” not “casts.” If you’re going to be an education snob, you’ve got to be word-perfect in all of your communication, PP.

Np. Oh come on. I went to public school and know that. And prob first learned it in HS British lit class or world history.

Yes, I, too, am a public school grad, and am mocking PP for claiming that private school education is soooo supeeeerior, when she cannot use a generally known term correctly. Public or private, she’s a snooty dumbass.

I am the poster above. I didn’t go to any US school, because I am foreign born. Would love to see your writing in my native language. Wilson HS “sucks” either way.

Next time post when you are sober so we can follow what you are saying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you looking for romantic partners or business partners?

OP here. After putting myself through college and graduate school and acquiring a fulfilling and interesting policy job, I really do not want to marry some average joe making 100k a year so we can squeeze into a 500k townhouse in Vienna and take yearly vacations to OBX.

I want a SHF in Chevy Chase, private school for my kids and international vacations.

Why NOT me? Only because I am not blonde and skinny?

Its depressing.

Being skinny is a choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you looking for romantic partners or business partners?

OP here. After putting myself through college and graduate school and acquiring a fulfilling and interesting policy job, I really do not want to marry some average joe making 100k a year so we can squeeze into a 500k townhouse in Vienna and take yearly vacations to OBX.

I want a SHF in Chevy Chase, private school for my kids and international vacations.

Why NOT me? Only because I am not blonde and skinny?

Its depressing.

Well when I met DH I was making 75 he was making 150 and had a nice OBX house which w vacationed at. We still have the OBX house which is worth about 3 million and I am typing this from 7 million dollar house in Hilton Head. We are both 40 and we are basically retired.

How did he buy a OBX home on $150k?

He made good investments and saved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you looking for romantic partners or business partners?

OP here. After putting myself through college and graduate school and acquiring a fulfilling and interesting policy job, I really do not want to marry some average joe making 100k a year so we can squeeze into a 500k townhouse in Vienna and take yearly vacations to OBX.

I want a SHF in Chevy Chase, private school for my kids and international vacations.

Why NOT me? Only because I am not blonde and skinny?

Its depressing.

Well when I met DH I was making 75 he was making 150 and had a nice OBX house which w vacationed at. We still have the OBX house which is worth about 3 million and I am typing this from 7 million dollar house in Hilton Head. We are both 40 and we are basically retired.

How did he buy a OBX home on $150k?

He made good investments and saved.

Investments with money a family member gave him, I am sure. Lol.

[Anonymous]

Very amused by this thread.

I am HYP for undergrad and PhD, as dating other poor, well educated folks in DC and stumbled across my now-DH in a bar when I was 30 and he was 37. He’s a big law partner. I had no clue what that was/meant and was a little freaked out by his wealth.

Now married with 4 kids, 7000 sqft house in Bethesda, full time nanny, private schools for the kids, etc, etc.

sometimes I feel like I’m living a cliche. I do still work because I love my job and I am successful.

I love my DH a lot and we have a great marriage, but the reality is that he would not have initially been attracted to me if I wasn’t thin, attractive, and highly educated at schools similar to his. Also, we have great chemistry. While I didn’t give two sh*ts about his money, he cared a lot about my pedigree and looks.

[Anonymous]

OP, I have to agree with the people who've said that you waited too long.
I was considered a very good catch (well-educated, well-read, fun, pretty, fit, good family, etc.) in my twenties. I was also a late bloomer and wasn't ready for the high quality men people set me up with. Until I was about 23, my entire life was about achieving things and I was burnt out. I didn't want to settle down with the right man then. I wanted adventure, I wanted experiences, I wanted to date just for fun.
I talked to a lot of people about it, and most of them warned me that if I waited, I'd miss the window. I made the conscious decision to take the risk. I lived the life I craved and didn't date with much intention or seriousness until I was about 33. By then, options were more limited. The men interested in settling down with me were too old, divorced, and so on. I again made the decision not to settle down with a man I didn't really want.

So, I'm now in my mid forties and have not married. I'm at peace with it. I knew that I was taking a risk in waiting, but it was the right thing for me at the time.

No, you're most likely not going to get what you want, especially if you're not even attractive. There are tons of successful, interesting, charming, fun AND fit and beautiful women in their mid thirties who are looking for a high quality partner and they're probably a lot classier than you too. Most of them won't even find what they're looking for. My friend who was a 36 year old surgeon AND MODEL married a guy who works in a furniture store.

[Anonymous]

This thread is depressing. I know this lifestyle of wealthy people very well. The grass is not greener on that side, no! My exH is an actual multi millionaire, he's worth over $100mm (probably one of the wealthiest persons in DMV area, if not #1). He lives in a central DC mansion all on himself (did't marry his AP, just dates her as he doesn't trust anyone); locks his doors and windows on coded locks overnight; screams at our son at custodial visits; drinks secretly liqueur and is extremely unhappy person. He's a serial cheater (I was the wife #2, he's now with his AP. I know many SAHM from CC, many of them continue working and are successful. They are not necessarily Ivy educated but are successful real estate agents, gym owners etc. Money is with private business equity owners (chain retail, oli&gas, real estate, hotels, finance, law equity partners etc), not in 9-5pm corporate world. And what about Chevy Chase and Bethesda that makes living there so special? These are classical upper middle neighborhoods with boring retirees where I personally would never live.

Am I unhappy after we divorced and now longer living the millionaire life with catered parties, boat trips, private planes rides to Alaska? The answer is I am the happiest person in the world in my Kalorama townhouse with my can and my kids. I am no longer a multi-whatever but nobody is cheating on me, making me feel like I am below them, not worthy their family, friends and connections. I don't want to remarry ever again.

And I think I know that 60 y.o. wealthy doctor from CC who cheated and got divorced with his exwife. Whoever is dating him be very careful: the guy was violent during his divorce. He made his exW, a well know CC real estate agent, take huge loans fighting for custody an alimony. Then he wanted to reconcile 3 years after divorce, but she didn't take him and lives her calm life of a 60 y.o. cat lady in CC.

OP, just pick an IT guy in data science making 100K/year, move to an area with good public schools like Arlington or Bethesda (you can buy a condo). And be happy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you looking for romantic partners or business partners?

OP here. After putting myself through college and graduate school and acquiring a fulfilling and interesting policy job, I really do not want to marry some average joe making 100k a year so we can squeeze into a 500k townhouse in Vienna and take yearly vacations to OBX.

I want a SHF in Chevy Chase, private school for my kids and international vacations.

Why NOT me? Only because I am not blonde and skinny?

Its depressing.

Well when I met DH I was making 75 he was making 150 and had a nice OBX house which w vacationed at. We still have the OBX house which is worth about 3 million and I am typing this from 7 million dollar house in Hilton Head. We are both 40 and we are basically retired.

How did he buy a OBX home on $150k?

He made good investments and saved.

Investments with money a family member gave him, I am sure. Lol.

Or maybe dot.com or BTC “speculative investments” ie gambling.

[Anonymous]

Is your surgeon friend happy?

[Anonymous]

I think OP got scared off. Not fun stuff to hear but it is all pretty real

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you looking for romantic partners or business partners?

OP here. After putting myself through college and graduate school and acquiring a fulfilling and interesting policy job, I really do not want to marry some average joe making 100k a year so we can squeeze into a 500k townhouse in Vienna and take yearly vacations to OBX.

I want a SHF in Chevy Chase, private school for my kids and international vacations.

Why NOT me? Only because I am not blonde and skinny?

Its depressing.

Well when I met DH I was making 75 he was making 150 and had a nice OBX house which w vacationed at. We still have the OBX house which is worth about 3 million and I am typing this from 7 million dollar house in Hilton Head. We are both 40 and we are basically retired.

How did he buy a OBX home on $150k?

He made good investments and saved.

Investments with money a family member gave him, I am sure. Lol.

Nope, dumb assumption.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you looking for romantic partners or business partners?

OP here. After putting myself through college and graduate school and acquiring a fulfilling and interesting policy job, I really do not want to marry some average joe making 100k a year so we can squeeze into a 500k townhouse in Vienna and take yearly vacations to OBX.

I want a SHF in Chevy Chase, private school for my kids and international vacations.

Why NOT me? Only because I am not blonde and skinny?

Its depressing.

Well when I met DH I was making 75 he was making 150 and had a nice OBX house which w vacationed at. We still have the OBX house which is worth about 3 million and I am typing this from 7 million dollar house in Hilton Head. We are both 40 and we are basically retired.

How did he buy a OBX home on $150k?

He made good investments and saved.

Investments with money a family member gave him, I am sure. Lol.

Nope, dumb assumption.

Bitcoin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you looking for romantic partners or business partners?

OP here. After putting myself through college and graduate school and acquiring a fulfilling and interesting policy job, I really do not want to marry some average joe making 100k a year so we can squeeze into a 500k townhouse in Vienna and take yearly vacations to OBX.

I want a SHF in Chevy Chase, private school for my kids and international vacations.

Why NOT me? Only because I am not blonde and skinny?

Its depressing.

Arranged marriage works best in your situation