Feeling sad that I don't have a daughter

[Anonymous]

Our friend got herself a little girl toy dog to spoil. I am not joking. It's all she's ever wanted/needed to feel complete with 2 boys in the house now. They really wanted a girl but it didn't happen. I have a boy and a girl and often wished for 2 girls so I get it. What can you really do about it you know? I didn't think too much of it but I'm really glad we did have one of each gender but at the time I really was just excited about have kids. Focus on that because the quality of your relationships is so key. The quality of your kid is so key. just think if you did have a girl and you fought like crazy or she had an IEP. To have 2 healthy and happy kids is truly everything (DS has high functioning Aspergers).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since this is anonymous OP, I'll admit that I'm so glad I have two daughters for exactly the reasons you outlined. DH loves his parents and is a dutiful Asian son but the level of closeness and frequency of communication is nothing like his sister has with their mom. I don't even like my own mom that much but my kids spend a ton of time at her house and we're in regular communication. It's just a different type of relationship.

Same, 3 daughters 0 sons and I couldn't be happier about it.

Same here. I have two daughters and a son.
I'm thrilled to have daughters. I honestly feel sorry for my friends who only have boys (on the rare occasions that I think about gender).

That said, I've had my own very hard things to deal with. We all do. Most of us don't get everything we want in life.

I do too! And I’m secretly jealous of any family that has two girls. I have one of each.

I was relieved when my eldest was a girl. After that, I didn't care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since this is anonymous OP, I'll admit that I'm so glad I have two daughters for exactly the reasons you outlined. DH loves his parents and is a dutiful Asian son but the level of closeness and frequency of communication is nothing like his sister has with their mom. I don't even like my own mom that much but my kids spend a ton of time at her house and we're in regular communication. It's just a different type of relationship.

Same, 3 daughters 0 sons and I couldn't be happier about it.

Same here. I have two daughters and a son.
I'm thrilled to have daughters. I honestly feel sorry for my friends who only have boys (on the rare occasions that I think about gender).

That said, I've had my own very hard things to deal with. We all do. Most of us don't get everything we want in life.

I do too! And I’m secretly jealous of any family that has two girls. I have one of each.

Same- I still feel sad about not having 2 daughters. I adore my son and he and I have a special bond too....but I get it.

I was relieved when my eldest was a girl. After that, I didn't care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since this is anonymous OP, I'll admit that I'm so glad I have two daughters for exactly the reasons you outlined. DH loves his parents and is a dutiful Asian son but the level of closeness and frequency of communication is nothing like his sister has with their mom. I don't even like my own mom that much but my kids spend a ton of time at her house and we're in regular communication. It's just a different type of relationship.

Same, 3 daughters 0 sons and I couldn't be happier about it.

Same here. I have two daughters and a son.
I'm thrilled to have daughters. I honestly feel sorry for my friends who only have boys (on the rare occasions that I think about gender).

That said, I've had my own very hard things to deal with. We all do. Most of us don't get everything we want in life.

I do too! And I’m secretly jealous of any family that has two girls. I have one of each.

I was relieved when my eldest was a girl. After that, I didn't care.

Same. Although my second was a girl too and when I found out I realized it was what I wanted. DH truly doesn’t seem to mind, or fakes it very well. He is very close with both of them. If we had a third I would have preferred another girl but we decided to stop at 2 kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have two elementary-aged sons. I love them. I am also done having kids.

There's part of me that feels sad that I will never experience having a daughter, with the closeness that entails: confidences, shopping, just a closer female relationship that I see all around me. In my experience, sons don't call their moms when they grow up as much, they're not as close, they gravitate to the wife's family (if they marry), etc.

I absolutely adore my children, but there's a pang of sadness I feel for what I will never have. Is this normal? Anyone else? How can I confront/get over/feel better about it??

OP, my mom and her two friends have 3 girls. None of us daughters are super close to our moms and actually two of them have truly hostile relationships. I'm here, my family is in Europe and my brother and SIL are incredibly close to my parents and visit them all the time. My SIL hasn't talked to her mom in decades. I had a period in my early 20s when I didn't see mine in over 7 years and we spoke maybe twice a month briefly on the phone; we have very different personalities. I'm old now and I've seen so many complicated mother-daughter relationships and the shopping doesn't make up for all the distress. I've also seen a lot of difficult relationships between sisters, and the competition never stops - who's the thinnest, most successful, who gets the richest husband etc.
There is a different type of closeness between sons and mothers and this is why there's always the MIL-DIL drama. The love that your boys have for you is truly unconditional and will never change. My dad adored his mom and cried his heart out when she passed away at 92. I know my H will be devastated when his mom will be gone. My brother will do anything for my mom. My boys are adults now and I'm still on the pedestal, despite the fact that I've done my share of parenting mistakes. Their poor dad got the short end of the stick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since this is anonymous OP, I'll admit that I'm so glad I have two daughters for exactly the reasons you outlined. DH loves his parents and is a dutiful Asian son but the level of closeness and frequency of communication is nothing like his sister has with their mom. I don't even like my own mom that much but my kids spend a ton of time at her house and we're in regular communication. It's just a different type of relationship.

Same, 3 daughters 0 sons and I couldn't be happier about it.

Same here. I have two daughters and a son.
I'm thrilled to have daughters. I honestly feel sorry for my friends who only have boys (on the rare occasions that I think about gender).

That said, I've had my own very hard things to deal with. We all do. Most of us don't get everything we want in life.

I do too! And I’m secretly jealous of any family that has two girls. I have one of each.

I feel sorry for each of your boys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since this is anonymous OP, I'll admit that I'm so glad I have two daughters for exactly the reasons you outlined. DH loves his parents and is a dutiful Asian son but the level of closeness and frequency of communication is nothing like his sister has with their mom. I don't even like my own mom that much but my kids spend a ton of time at her house and we're in regular communication. It's just a different type of relationship.

Same, 3 daughters 0 sons and I couldn't be happier about it.

Same here. I have two daughters and a son.
I'm thrilled to have daughters. I honestly feel sorry for my friends who only have boys (on the rare occasions that I think about gender).

That said, I've had my own very hard things to deal with. We all do. Most of us don't get everything we want in life.

I do too! And I’m secretly jealous of any family that has two girls. I have one of each.

I feel sorry for each of your boys.

(To each of the PP who have both and favor their daughters.)

[Anonymous]

My 8 year old daughter tells me I'm terrible, mean the worst mother in the world, etc. pretty much daily. She fights with me constantly. We do have some moments of intimacy but they are fleeting. It's mostly conflict and dealing with her intense moods. She started telling me she hated me when she was 3 (I think she learned the word at preschool). I am in therapy to try to deal with her. The relationship with my son is much less complicated and is much more pleasant. Be happy with what you have! The clothes were cuter when she as younger (now she just wears sports-type clothes), but really it's mostly been rough.

[Anonymous]

When we got pregnant we said we'd start with one. We had a girl, who was a super easy, pleasant baby/toddler/kid and now almost tween. We didn't feel any pull to have any other kids. Sometimes a fleeting thought but nothing that manifested. I remember we both thought it was a boy (by how I was carrying, all the old wives tales, etc) but were both super thrilled it was a girl. Turns out we both preferred a girl.

[Anonymous]

OP, I understand your post. I had some initial gender disappointment when I found out I was pregnant with a boy. Fortunately, it was short lived for me, and I now can't imagine it any other way. I do agree this is not an uncommon issue, though I do think it often resolves earlier on and it is good you are seeking advice on how to resolve it. For what it is worth, my husband is closer to his parents than I am to mine. He talks to them almost daily, whereas I talk to mine every couple weeks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get over yourself.

Oh stop. If your comment isn’t kind or helpful, move along.
Don’t you have someone else you can cyber bully? 🙄

OP I have two boys who are adopted. My husband wanted boys and I didn’t want to make gender an issue.
I’ve recently started to feel a little loss that I don’t have a girl. I certainly love and adore my boys but I wasn’t close with my mother and I would have loved to have that closeness with a daughter.

That said, there are ways to really foster that relationship with boys. I feel very close to my boys and I hope we will be able to stay that way.
Raising girls can be tough and there’s no guarantee it would turn out the way you envision it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 8 year old daughter tells me I'm terrible, mean the worst mother in the world, etc. pretty much daily. She fights with me constantly. We do have some moments of intimacy but they are fleeting. It's mostly conflict and dealing with her intense moods. She started telling me she hated me when she was 3 (I think she learned the word at preschool). I am in therapy to try to deal with her. The relationship with my son is much less complicated and is much more pleasant. Be happy with what you have! The clothes were cuter when she as younger (now she just wears sports-type clothes), but really it's mostly been rough.

Just had a huge fight with my teenage son.

At least he spoke some words during it. Usually I just get grunts and shoulder shrugs or head shakes or just plain ignored.

All kids are different. But in my own experience more moms of boys tell me their kids communicate very little with them than do moms of girls. Just my own personal anecdote. I know there are some communicative boys out there. I don’t have that and never have.

[Anonymous]

I chaperoned a field trip yesterday for my 4th grader. I only have boys so I only get groups of boys when I do these things. They never make the field trip groups co-ed, for some reason. I watched somewhat longingly at the girl parents chaperoning their groups of girls, who for the most part listened and followed along. My boy group was running in the walking areas and I had to stop a few from climbing things. No big deal but they require a bit more physical supervision.

Then I noticed that the girl groups had some more subtle rivalry. A girl would be excluded from a seating arrangement or a conversation. Ugh. Stopping kids from climbing a fence is much easier than that!

There are pros and cons. I love my boys and I would never have wanted anyone differently. I wouldn't have minded an addition of a girl, though.

[Anonymous]

Would you like your kid to get paid 86 cents on the dollar? That’s what I thought about while giving birth to my younger, a girl.

[Anonymous]

I don't think you really know what's going to happen OP... My friend has three grown sons -- all married with kids now, 20s-30s. All three are much closer to the husband's family and one of her sons calls every day. The others two she talks to a few times a week and all moved to be close to her after going to college and graduate school in different places.

They have a big family dinner 2x a month with all the families. They are much closer to the husband's family than any of the wives' families.