Feeling sad that I don't have a daughter

[Anonymous]

I have two elementary-aged sons. I love them. I am also done having kids.

There's part of me that feels sad that I will never experience having a daughter, with the closeness that entails: confidences, shopping, just a closer female relationship that I see all around me. In my experience, sons don't call their moms when they grow up as much, they're not as close, they gravitate to the wife's family (if they marry), etc.

I absolutely adore my children, but there's a pang of sadness I feel for what I will never have. Is this normal? Anyone else? How can I confront/get over/feel better about it??

[Anonymous]

It's normal. Daughters are highly desired in 2022, especially if you run in certain feminist circles who hate men (a radical feminist friend stopped speaking to me because I used to take my 4 year old son into the women's restroom). I don't know that there's a solution but you're not alone.

[Anonymous]

Since this is anonymous OP, I'll admit that I'm so glad I have two daughters for exactly the reasons you outlined. DH loves his parents and is a dutiful Asian son but the level of closeness and frequency of communication is nothing like his sister has with their mom. I don't even like my own mom that much but my kids spend a ton of time at her house and we're in regular communication. It's just a different type of relationship.

[Anonymous]

Get over yourself.

[Anonymous]

I have been thinking of posting something similar.

I actually did not find out the gender ahead of birth because I did not want to be disappointed and that worked— when my son was born I was so overjoyed and I love him so mich but now he is almost out of the house and sometimes it hits me that I am a little sad I’ll never have a relationship with a daughter.

One thing I would just note is that I think often mother-daughter relationships are more fraught than mother-son relationships (and the same is true to some degree for father-son vs father-daughter), so it is hard to say what your relationship would have been like.

[Anonymous]

It's a common feeling, even if people don't acknowledge it, or dismiss it. Hopefully one day you will have a daughter in law, or granddaughter to help feel more content about your missing female bond.

[Anonymous]

Don’t stereotype. You may have a son who loves shopping. You might have gotten a daughter who hates it.

[Anonymous]

Of course - it’s extremely rare that a woman doesn’t really want a daughter. It’s just not ok to say it out loud like that. It’s acceptable say silly stuff about #boymom and other silly nonsense. Rest assured those are the women that have thinly veiled their disappointment.

[Anonymous]

I hope your children don’t find out they don’t fulfill you. I would hate for you to be my mother knowing that I’m not all you “need.” Terrible.

[Anonymous]

I think parents of all girls feel it as well and I think it's normal. I have two boys as well and I definitely had to come to grips with never having a daughter since I knew were done at two. But seeing how close my boys are to one another is awesome. I am close to my brother but not like my boys are close.

As far as old age goes, we'll see. I will say that is one reason why I never gave up my career for my kids. I've always taken 9-5, flexible jobs to be with them but I never stopped working because I want to have a career to continue when they don't need me as much. Then again, my MIL quit her job to watch my kids and she's just as close to them as my mother. So you just don't know how things are going to work out. There are a lot of factors.

I will say, I am glad that I won't have the worries that come along with teen daughters. Not that teen sons are easy, I know they won't be, but teen daughters are a whole different level of worrying (mostly because of teen boys). I am very adamant about teaching my sons to respect women and to stand up for their female friends. I want my sons to be the ones that parents of teen girls depend on to keep their daughters safe.

[Anonymous]

You adore them, yet you don’t love them for who they are. Wow!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t stereotype. You may have a son who loves shopping. You might have gotten a daughter who hates it.

This is true--my son loves going to the store with me. As long as I buy him something, but still, he'll go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hope your children don’t find out they don’t fulfill you. I would hate for you to be my mother knowing that I’m not all you “need.” Terrible.

So dramatic. She didn't say her boys didn't fulfill her. And kids really aren't there to "fulfill" a parent anyways.

[Anonymous]

Seemingly if OP had a daughter, she still wouldn’t be happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope your children don’t find out they don’t fulfill you. I would hate for you to be my mother knowing that I’m not all you “need.” Terrible.

So dramatic. She didn't say her boys didn't fulfill her. And kids really aren't there to "fulfill" a parent anyways.

Actually, she did say that.