I’m so unhappy with my baby in daycare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't like how people are suggesting that this mother has an anxiety disorder because she doesn't like leaving her baby in daycare all day long. We are mammals; mammal mothers/breastfeeding are physiologically tied to their babies. I think we forget that separating infants from their primary caregiver for the majority of their waking hours is inherently distressing for many babies and mothers. I am not opposed to daycare--my kids started shortly after they were one, but with limited hours, and m=by age two were there all day. The breastfeeding and bonding hormones are real. OP, I'm happy you're following your gut and going with a nanny.

+ 1. Very good points.

+ 2. Babies should not be separated from their families all day long. Since they can’t understand that mommy and daddy are coming back, they are actually traumatized left with complete strangers in a strange place.

My background in anthropology leads me to this conclusion as well. I've been a SAHM for 7 years and we're struggling financially. I wish there were better options for working parents. Our modern society is so backwards in the regard.

? Parents throughout human history had to leave their kids to hunt, gather, work, etc until their children could join them.

You don’t have an anthropological leg to stand on with this!

Actually, the kids were looked after in large family units by family members - grandparents, siblings, uncles and aunts, cousins, mom, dad etc. They were not looked after by strangers making minimum wages.

No, the kids were looked after by other members of the tribe. Few grandparents in the early centuries due to short life expectancy. And no one made even minimum wage - just shared food and generally the worst of the hunt.

At three and four, the children worked with their parents to find food and migrate to water. Do you really think that was better than a safe home with a nanny or a clean daycare room with other kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't like how people are suggesting that this mother has an anxiety disorder because she doesn't like leaving her baby in daycare all day long. We are mammals; mammal mothers/breastfeeding are physiologically tied to their babies. I think we forget that separating infants from their primary caregiver for the majority of their waking hours is inherently distressing for many babies and mothers. I am not opposed to daycare--my kids started shortly after they were one, but with limited hours, and m=by age two were there all day. The breastfeeding and bonding hormones are real. OP, I'm happy you're following your gut and going with a nanny.

+ 1. Very good points.

+ 2. Babies should not be separated from their families all day long. Since they can’t understand that mommy and daddy are coming back, they are actually traumatized left with complete strangers in a strange place.

My background in anthropology leads me to this conclusion as well. I've been a SAHM for 7 years and we're struggling financially. I wish there were better options for working parents. Our modern society is so backwards in the regard.

? Parents throughout human history had to leave their kids to hunt, gather, work, etc until their children could join them.

You don’t have an anthropological leg to stand on with this!

Actually, the kids were looked after in large family units by family members - grandparents, siblings, uncles and aunts, cousins, mom, dad etc. They were not looked after by strangers making minimum wages.

If you think nannies earn minimum wage, I have big news for you!

Hope everyone is happy. I would never want my kid to be raised by someone else but I am glad I had options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everything in me told me not to leave my baby in daycare. I tried, but the feeling of dread never went away. I don’t have anxiety or depression, I just knew that it didn’t feel right. We dramatically changed our lifestyle so that I could stay at home until the kids were school aged. I know that’s not possible for everyone and realize how fortunate we are. A nanny wouldn’t have been any better for me. I felt physical pain when I was away from my infant all day. You are not alone. Your feelings are valid.

I posted above about how I wound up leaving my job because I hated being apart from my baby so much (I went back to work at 18 mo). This is how I felt. Everyone told me it was PPD, but they also told me going back to work would help with PPD. It wasn't PPD. I just wanted to be home with my baby for a while. It's only in this godforsaken country that this is seen as a personal failing instead of incredibly normal.

Yep I posted above too and feel this 100 percent. If we were able to take 12-18months of a mix of paid and unpaid (but job protected) leave in this country, I feel certain I would not have quit. I don’t regret it for a minute but it wasn’t anxiety or depression for me either. Everything immediately went away when I was home with my baby.

I didn’t go back to work until my youngest was 18mo. I know it’s not possible for everyone and I don’t think it’s best for every family but it is incorrect to reduce a mothers desire to be at home with her baby as a symptom of ppd or anxiety. It’s messed up to characterize the natural maternal bond a mother has with her baby as mental illness.

Turns out OP just didn’t like her daycare choice. She’s fine and happy with leaving her baby with a nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't like how people are suggesting that this mother has an anxiety disorder because she doesn't like leaving her baby in daycare all day long. We are mammals; mammal mothers/breastfeeding are physiologically tied to their babies. I think we forget that separating infants from their primary caregiver for the majority of their waking hours is inherently distressing for many babies and mothers. I am not opposed to daycare--my kids started shortly after they were one, but with limited hours, and m=by age two were there all day. The breastfeeding and bonding hormones are real. OP, I'm happy you're following your gut and going with a nanny.

+ 1. Very good points.

+ 2. Babies should not be separated from their families all day long. Since they can’t understand that mommy and daddy are coming back, they are actually traumatized left with complete strangers in a strange place.

My background in anthropology leads me to this conclusion as well. I've been a SAHM for 7 years and we're struggling financially. I wish there were better options for working parents. Our modern society is so backwards in the regard.

? Parents throughout human history had to leave their kids to hunt, gather, work, etc until their children could join them.

You don’t have an anthropological leg to stand on with this!

Actually, the kids were looked after in large family units by family members - grandparents, siblings, uncles and aunts, cousins, mom, dad etc. They were not looked after by strangers making minimum wages.

No, the kids were looked after by other members of the tribe. Few grandparents in the early centuries due to short life expectancy. And no one made even minimum wage - just shared food and generally the worst of the hunt.

At three and four, the children worked with their parents to find food and migrate to water. Do you really think that was better than a safe home with a nanny or a clean daycare room with other kids?

Nope. I think that kids in daycare are better off than the Neanderthal babies and have better life expectancy than even 100 years ago.

However, in the DMV, in the present day, kids raised at UMC homes by educated SAHMs are better off, and most of DCUM SAHMs are financially secure and college educated.

I also think that kids in daycare and with nannies are better than kids in Ukraine and in Afghanistan. Absolutely. So I guess your kid is a winner?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't like how people are suggesting that this mother has an anxiety disorder because she doesn't like leaving her baby in daycare all day long. We are mammals; mammal mothers/breastfeeding are physiologically tied to their babies. I think we forget that separating infants from their primary caregiver for the majority of their waking hours is inherently distressing for many babies and mothers. I am not opposed to daycare--my kids started shortly after they were one, but with limited hours, and m=by age two were there all day. The breastfeeding and bonding hormones are real. OP, I'm happy you're following your gut and going with a nanny.

+ 1. Very good points.

+ 2. Babies should not be separated from their families all day long. Since they can’t understand that mommy and daddy are coming back, they are actually traumatized left with complete strangers in a strange place.

My background in anthropology leads me to this conclusion as well. I've been a SAHM for 7 years and we're struggling financially. I wish there were better options for working parents. Our modern society is so backwards in the regard.

? Parents throughout human history had to leave their kids to hunt, gather, work, etc until their children could join them.

You don’t have an anthropological leg to stand on with this!

Actually, the kids were looked after in large family units by family members - grandparents, siblings, uncles and aunts, cousins, mom, dad etc. They were not looked after by strangers making minimum wages.

If you think nannies earn minimum wage, I have big news for you!

Hope everyone is happy. I would never want my kid to be raised by someone else but I am glad I had options.

Doesn’t sound like you think you had options, PP, and that’s sad. Your husband had options - not you.

OP and I both found a great balance with good nannies. Our nanny has a degree in education and is a former teacher. She’s brought so much to my child’s life in ways that I simply couldn’t as I don’t have her skill set. She’s also taught my child about music and speaks French. And she loves my child and my child loves her!

I know leaving the workforce is right for some women and men who don’t have a passion for their work but it was never right for me or my family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't like how people are suggesting that this mother has an anxiety disorder because she doesn't like leaving her baby in daycare all day long. We are mammals; mammal mothers/breastfeeding are physiologically tied to their babies. I think we forget that separating infants from their primary caregiver for the majority of their waking hours is inherently distressing for many babies and mothers. I am not opposed to daycare--my kids started shortly after they were one, but with limited hours, and m=by age two were there all day. The breastfeeding and bonding hormones are real. OP, I'm happy you're following your gut and going with a nanny.

+ 1. Very good points.

+ 2. Babies should not be separated from their families all day long. Since they can’t understand that mommy and daddy are coming back, they are actually traumatized left with complete strangers in a strange place.

My background in anthropology leads me to this conclusion as well. I've been a SAHM for 7 years and we're struggling financially. I wish there were better options for working parents. Our modern society is so backwards in the regard.

? Parents throughout human history had to leave their kids to hunt, gather, work, etc until their children could join them.

You don’t have an anthropological leg to stand on with this!

Actually, the kids were looked after in large family units by family members - grandparents, siblings, uncles and aunts, cousins, mom, dad etc. They were not looked after by strangers making minimum wages.

No, the kids were looked after by other members of the tribe. Few grandparents in the early centuries due to short life expectancy. And no one made even minimum wage - just shared food and generally the worst of the hunt.

At three and four, the children worked with their parents to find food and migrate to water. Do you really think that was better than a safe home with a nanny or a clean daycare room with other kids?

Nope. I think that kids in daycare are better off than the Neanderthal babies and have better life expectancy than even 100 years ago.

However, in the DMV, in the present day, kids raised at UMC homes by educated SAHMs are better off, and most of DCUM SAHMs are financially secure and college educated.

I also think that kids in daycare and with nannies are better than kids in Ukraine and in Afghanistan. Absolutely. So I guess your kid is a winner?

Calm down, PP. No one is attacking you. But like other posters have tried to explain to you, we feel great about having loving, educated Nannie’s teach our babies during the day. My degree is in finance while our nanny’s degree, from a better college than DH or I attended, is in ECD. I worked in banks after graduation while our nanny worked in a preschool before becoming a nanny. This is my first child while nanny has been through this stage with four other children plus her own now grown kids. My feeling, like others, is that a nanny is better for my child than me being home during the day.

But know that you don’t have to try to attack WOHMs to make yourself feel better about your choices.

[Anonymous]

Nanny is a safer option IMHO what with COVID and Monkey Pox. Does your nanny do a rapid test each day or weekly? How do you manage that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't like how people are suggesting that this mother has an anxiety disorder because she doesn't like leaving her baby in daycare all day long. We are mammals; mammal mothers/breastfeeding are physiologically tied to their babies. I think we forget that separating infants from their primary caregiver for the majority of their waking hours is inherently distressing for many babies and mothers. I am not opposed to daycare--my kids started shortly after they were one, but with limited hours, and m=by age two were there all day. The breastfeeding and bonding hormones are real. OP, I'm happy you're following your gut and going with a nanny.

+ 1. Very good points.

+ 2. Babies should not be separated from their families all day long. Since they can’t understand that mommy and daddy are coming back, they are actually traumatized left with complete strangers in a strange place.

My background in anthropology leads me to this conclusion as well. I've been a SAHM for 7 years and we're struggling financially. I wish there were better options for working parents. Our modern society is so backwards in the regard.

? Parents throughout human history had to leave their kids to hunt, gather, work, etc until their children could join them.

You don’t have an anthropological leg to stand on with this!

Actually, the kids were looked after in large family units by family members - grandparents, siblings, uncles and aunts, cousins, mom, dad etc. They were not looked after by strangers making minimum wages.

No, the kids were looked after by other members of the tribe. Few grandparents in the early centuries due to short life expectancy. And no one made even minimum wage - just shared food and generally the worst of the hunt.

At three and four, the children worked with their parents to find food and migrate to water. Do you really think that was better than a safe home with a nanny or a clean daycare room with other kids?

Nope. I think that kids in daycare are better off than the Neanderthal babies and have better life expectancy than even 100 years ago.

However, in the DMV, in the present day, kids raised at UMC homes by educated SAHMs are better off, and most of DCUM SAHMs are financially secure and college educated.

I also think that kids in daycare and with nannies are better than kids in Ukraine and in Afghanistan. Absolutely. So I guess your kid is a winner?

Calm down, PP. No one is attacking you. But like other posters have tried to explain to you, we feel great about having loving, educated Nannie’s teach our babies during the day. My degree is in finance while our nanny’s degree, from a better college than DH or I attended, is in ECD. I worked in banks after graduation while our nanny worked in a preschool before becoming a nanny. This is my first child while nanny has been through this stage with four other children plus her own now grown kids. My feeling, like others, is that a nanny is better for my child than me being home during the day.

But know that you don’t have to try to attack WOHMs to make yourself feel better about your choices.

Not only no one cares who raises your kids, but also no one wants to be in your shoes either. I know it is hard for you to believe that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nanny is a safer option IMHO what with COVID and Monkey Pox. Does your nanny do a rapid test each day or weekly? How do you manage that?

One of the PP’s from above. Our nanny lives alone, drives to work, and is very careful because she’s over 60. Yes, we all test weekly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nanny is a safer option IMHO what with COVID and Monkey Pox. Does your nanny do a rapid test each day or weekly? How do you manage that?

Are you WFH and also have a nanny? That would be a really great set up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't like how people are suggesting that this mother has an anxiety disorder because she doesn't like leaving her baby in daycare all day long. We are mammals; mammal mothers/breastfeeding are physiologically tied to their babies. I think we forget that separating infants from their primary caregiver for the majority of their waking hours is inherently distressing for many babies and mothers. I am not opposed to daycare--my kids started shortly after they were one, but with limited hours, and m=by age two were there all day. The breastfeeding and bonding hormones are real. OP, I'm happy you're following your gut and going with a nanny.

+ 1. Very good points.

+ 2. Babies should not be separated from their families all day long. Since they can’t understand that mommy and daddy are coming back, they are actually traumatized left with complete strangers in a strange place.

My background in anthropology leads me to this conclusion as well. I've been a SAHM for 7 years and we're struggling financially. I wish there were better options for working parents. Our modern society is so backwards in the regard.

? Parents throughout human history had to leave their kids to hunt, gather, work, etc until their children could join them.

You don’t have an anthropological leg to stand on with this!

Actually, the kids were looked after in large family units by family members - grandparents, siblings, uncles and aunts, cousins, mom, dad etc. They were not looked after by strangers making minimum wages.

No, the kids were looked after by other members of the tribe. Few grandparents in the early centuries due to short life expectancy. And no one made even minimum wage - just shared food and generally the worst of the hunt.

At three and four, the children worked with their parents to find food and migrate to water. Do you really think that was better than a safe home with a nanny or a clean daycare room with other kids?

Nope. I think that kids in daycare are better off than the Neanderthal babies and have better life expectancy than even 100 years ago.

However, in the DMV, in the present day, kids raised at UMC homes by educated SAHMs are better off, and most of DCUM SAHMs are financially secure and college educated.

I also think that kids in daycare and with nannies are better than kids in Ukraine and in Afghanistan. Absolutely. So I guess your kid is a winner?

Calm down, PP. No one is attacking you. But like other posters have tried to explain to you, we feel great about having loving, educated Nannie’s teach our babies during the day. My degree is in finance while our nanny’s degree, from a better college than DH or I attended, is in ECD. I worked in banks after graduation while our nanny worked in a preschool before becoming a nanny. This is my first child while nanny has been through this stage with four other children plus her own now grown kids. My feeling, like others, is that a nanny is better for my child than me being home during the day.

But know that you don’t have to try to attack WOHMs to make yourself feel better about your choices.

Not only no one cares who raises your kids, but also no one wants to be in your shoes either. I know it is hard for you to believe that.

I think you do want to be in my shoes, PP. Otherwise you wouldn’t be so defensive and lashing out. Something is clearly not right in your life and I know you know it. That’s the last thing I’m going to say to you, PP. You seem to need desperately to have the last word so have at it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't like how people are suggesting that this mother has an anxiety disorder because she doesn't like leaving her baby in daycare all day long. We are mammals; mammal mothers/breastfeeding are physiologically tied to their babies. I think we forget that separating infants from their primary caregiver for the majority of their waking hours is inherently distressing for many babies and mothers. I am not opposed to daycare--my kids started shortly after they were one, but with limited hours, and m=by age two were there all day. The breastfeeding and bonding hormones are real. OP, I'm happy you're following your gut and going with a nanny.

+ 1. Very good points.

+ 2. Babies should not be separated from their families all day long. Since they can’t understand that mommy and daddy are coming back, they are actually traumatized left with complete strangers in a strange place.

My background in anthropology leads me to this conclusion as well. I've been a SAHM for 7 years and we're struggling financially. I wish there were better options for working parents. Our modern society is so backwards in the regard.

? Parents throughout human history had to leave their kids to hunt, gather, work, etc until their children could join them.

You don’t have an anthropological leg to stand on with this!

Actually, the kids were looked after in large family units by family members - grandparents, siblings, uncles and aunts, cousins, mom, dad etc. They were not looked after by strangers making minimum wages.

No, the kids were looked after by other members of the tribe. Few grandparents in the early centuries due to short life expectancy. And no one made even minimum wage - just shared food and generally the worst of the hunt.

At three and four, the children worked with their parents to find food and migrate to water. Do you really think that was better than a safe home with a nanny or a clean daycare room with other kids?

Nope. I think that kids in daycare are better off than the Neanderthal babies and have better life expectancy than even 100 years ago.

However, in the DMV, in the present day, kids raised at UMC homes by educated SAHMs are better off, and most of DCUM SAHMs are financially secure and college educated.

I also think that kids in daycare and with nannies are better than kids in Ukraine and in Afghanistan. Absolutely. So I guess your kid is a winner?

Calm down, PP. No one is attacking you. But like other posters have tried to explain to you, we feel great about having loving, educated Nannie’s teach our babies during the day. My degree is in finance while our nanny’s degree, from a better college than DH or I attended, is in ECD. I worked in banks after graduation while our nanny worked in a preschool before becoming a nanny. This is my first child while nanny has been through this stage with four other children plus her own now grown kids. My feeling, like others, is that a nanny is better for my child than me being home during the day.

But know that you don’t have to try to attack WOHMs to make yourself feel better about your choices.

Not only no one cares who raises your kids, but also no one wants to be in your shoes either. I know it is hard for you to believe that.

I think you do want to be in my shoes, PP. Otherwise you wouldn’t be so defensive and lashing out. Something is clearly not right in your life and I know you know it. That’s the last thing I’m going to say to you, PP. You seem to need desperately to have the last word so have at it.

Nope. Did not have a kid to hand it to someone to raise. Actually like my kids, you know?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nanny is a safer option IMHO what with COVID and Monkey Pox. Does your nanny do a rapid test each day or weekly? How do you manage that?

Are you WFH and also have a nanny? That would be a really great set up.

Yes! I’ve always worked from home so it isn’t a Covid thing. It’s worked out really well because we have a great nanny. We pretty much isolated together during the height of Covid.

[Anonymous]

The people who are gaslighting OP into thinking she has anxiety because she is uneasy dropping off her infant at a daycare for 8-10+ hours a day should get bent. Daycare can be a wonderful option but it is not always great. It is normal to feel uneasy leaving one's baby at such a young age and as a PP said, it is only in this country that it is expected for parents to do so.

To gaslight a new mother into thinking she has anxiety because she is not okay with it is downright cruel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The people who are gaslighting OP into thinking she has anxiety because she is uneasy dropping off her infant at a daycare for 8-10+ hours a day should get bent. Daycare can be a wonderful option but it is not always great. It is normal to feel uneasy leaving one's baby at such a young age and as a PP said, it is only in this country that it is expected for parents to do so.

To gaslight a new mother into thinking she has anxiety because she is not okay with it is downright cruel.

Absolutely agree! Also, the reason it is normal to feel uneasy leaving a baby at such a young age is because little babies can't tell you if something is wrong and it is not all that unusual for something to be wrong at daycare.