I’m so unhappy with my baby in daycare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I feel like providence has spoken! Since posting this, an amazing nanny in our neighborhood became available (family is moving) and we had an interview with her this morning. She is older and so lovely! She came in and asked to wash her hands - and then held the baby for the entire interview! The baby woke up with cold number three and nanny knew how to hold him and comfort him. We talked for two hours!

She can start in two weeks after next. All of her references including our neighbor (who was crying about losing her) were fantastic! I am so relieved!!!!

I’d have to take time off anyway due to the baby’s cold and my mom has agreed to drive down for the remainder of the time so we don’t have to go back to daycare.

Thank you everyone for responding (even the poster who thinks I need medication ).

This is absolutely the right decision. I feel it in my gut.

OP here. I didn’t bring back this old thread but since someone did, I’ll update:

Our nanny is absolutely fantastic!!! We all love her and my baby lights up when he sees her. I feel happy and confident leaving for work in the morning and love that nanny easily handles all the baby chores and even makes him fresh baby food every day.

For us, leaving daycare and getting a nanny was the best decision we could have made.

I’m really glad for you OP. Thanks for the update!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I feel like providence has spoken! Since posting this, an amazing nanny in our neighborhood became available (family is moving) and we had an interview with her this morning. She is older and so lovely! She came in and asked to wash her hands - and then held the baby for the entire interview! The baby woke up with cold number three and nanny knew how to hold him and comfort him. We talked for two hours!

She can start in two weeks after next. All of her references including our neighbor (who was crying about losing her) were fantastic! I am so relieved!!!!

I’d have to take time off anyway due to the baby’s cold and my mom has agreed to drive down for the remainder of the time so we don’t have to go back to daycare.

Thank you everyone for responding (even the poster who thinks I need medication ).

This is absolutely the right decision. I feel it in my gut.

OP here. I didn’t bring back this old thread but since someone did, I’ll update:

Our nanny is absolutely fantastic!!! We all love her and my baby lights up when he sees her. I feel happy and confident leaving for work in the morning and love that nanny easily handles all the baby chores and even makes him fresh baby food every day.

For us, leaving daycare and getting a nanny was the best decision we could have made.

Yay! Having a nanny has been wonderful for all of us, too.

[Anonymous]

Glad to hear it worked out, OP. I knew early on that I wasn’t a daycare mom. Just couldn’t do it.

[Anonymous]

I am really struggling with these same feelings without even having started daycare. Baby is six weeks and I have another ten weeks of maternity leave. We toured a number of reputable daycare centers and choose one. It’s a really good daycare but… I don’t think I’m going to be able to do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't like how people are suggesting that this mother has an anxiety disorder because she doesn't like leaving her baby in daycare all day long. We are mammals; mammal mothers/breastfeeding are physiologically tied to their babies. I think we forget that separating infants from their primary caregiver for the majority of their waking hours is inherently distressing for many babies and mothers. I am not opposed to daycare--my kids started shortly after they were one, but with limited hours, and m=by age two were there all day. The breastfeeding and bonding hormones are real. OP, I'm happy you're following your gut and going with a nanny.

+ 1. Very good points.

+ 2. Babies should not be separated from their families all day long. Since they can’t understand that mommy and daddy are coming back, they are actually traumatized left with complete strangers in a strange place.

My background in anthropology leads me to this conclusion as well. I've been a SAHM for 7 years and we're struggling financially. I wish there were better options for working parents. Our modern society is so backwards in the regard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't like how people are suggesting that this mother has an anxiety disorder because she doesn't like leaving her baby in daycare all day long. We are mammals; mammal mothers/breastfeeding are physiologically tied to their babies. I think we forget that separating infants from their primary caregiver for the majority of their waking hours is inherently distressing for many babies and mothers. I am not opposed to daycare--my kids started shortly after they were one, but with limited hours, and m=by age two were there all day. The breastfeeding and bonding hormones are real. OP, I'm happy you're following your gut and going with a nanny.

+ 1. Very good points.

+ 2. Babies should not be separated from their families all day long. Since they can’t understand that mommy and daddy are coming back, they are actually traumatized left with complete strangers in a strange place.

My background in anthropology leads me to this conclusion as well. I've been a SAHM for 7 years and we're struggling financially. I wish there were better options for working parents. Our modern society is so backwards in the regard.

NP here. I work from home with a great nanny and was able to breastfeed and cuddle my kids during the day as well as give them the benefit of a bright, educated nanny. I feel like I hit the jackpot on the best of both worlds.

However my job situation is clearly not the norm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't like how people are suggesting that this mother has an anxiety disorder because she doesn't like leaving her baby in daycare all day long. We are mammals; mammal mothers/breastfeeding are physiologically tied to their babies. I think we forget that separating infants from their primary caregiver for the majority of their waking hours is inherently distressing for many babies and mothers. I am not opposed to daycare--my kids started shortly after they were one, but with limited hours, and m=by age two were there all day. The breastfeeding and bonding hormones are real. OP, I'm happy you're following your gut and going with a nanny.

+ 1. Very good points.

+ 2. Babies should not be separated from their families all day long. Since they can’t understand that mommy and daddy are coming back, they are actually traumatized left with complete strangers in a strange place.

My background in anthropology leads me to this conclusion as well. I've been a SAHM for 7 years and we're struggling financially. I wish there were better options for working parents. Our modern society is so backwards in the regard.

? Parents throughout human history had to leave their kids to hunt, gather, work, etc until their children could join them.

You don’t have an anthropological leg to stand on with this!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't like how people are suggesting that this mother has an anxiety disorder because she doesn't like leaving her baby in daycare all day long. We are mammals; mammal mothers/breastfeeding are physiologically tied to their babies. I think we forget that separating infants from their primary caregiver for the majority of their waking hours is inherently distressing for many babies and mothers. I am not opposed to daycare--my kids started shortly after they were one, but with limited hours, and m=by age two were there all day. The breastfeeding and bonding hormones are real. OP, I'm happy you're following your gut and going with a nanny.

+ 1. Very good points.

+ 2. Babies should not be separated from their families all day long. Since they can’t understand that mommy and daddy are coming back, they are actually traumatized left with complete strangers in a strange place.

My background in anthropology leads me to this conclusion as well. I've been a SAHM for 7 years and we're struggling financially. I wish there were better options for working parents. Our modern society is so backwards in the regard.

So hire a nanny from birth. The nanny will have as much connection to the baby as the father.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't like how people are suggesting that this mother has an anxiety disorder because she doesn't like leaving her baby in daycare all day long. We are mammals; mammal mothers/breastfeeding are physiologically tied to their babies. I think we forget that separating infants from their primary caregiver for the majority of their waking hours is inherently distressing for many babies and mothers. I am not opposed to daycare--my kids started shortly after they were one, but with limited hours, and m=by age two were there all day. The breastfeeding and bonding hormones are real. OP, I'm happy you're following your gut and going with a nanny.

+ 1. Very good points.

+ 2. Babies should not be separated from their families all day long. Since they can’t understand that mommy and daddy are coming back, they are actually traumatized left with complete strangers in a strange place.

My background in anthropology leads me to this conclusion as well. I've been a SAHM for 7 years and we're struggling financially. I wish there were better options for working parents. Our modern society is so backwards in the regard.

So hire a nanny from birth. The nanny will have as much connection to the baby as the father.

+1. Generally more in the typical dynamic since the nanny will be with the baby more and handle daytime feedings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everything in me told me not to leave my baby in daycare. I tried, but the feeling of dread never went away. I don’t have anxiety or depression, I just knew that it didn’t feel right. We dramatically changed our lifestyle so that I could stay at home until the kids were school aged. I know that’s not possible for everyone and realize how fortunate we are. A nanny wouldn’t have been any better for me. I felt physical pain when I was away from my infant all day. You are not alone. Your feelings are valid.

I posted above about how I wound up leaving my job because I hated being apart from my baby so much (I went back to work at 18 mo). This is how I felt. Everyone told me it was PPD, but they also told me going back to work would help with PPD. It wasn't PPD. I just wanted to be home with my baby for a while. It's only in this godforsaken country that this is seen as a personal failing instead of incredibly normal.

Yep I posted above too and feel this 100 percent. If we were able to take 12-18months of a mix of paid and unpaid (but job protected) leave in this country, I feel certain I would not have quit. I don’t regret it for a minute but it wasn’t anxiety or depression for me either. Everything immediately went away when I was home with my baby.

I didn’t go back to work until my youngest was 18mo. I know it’s not possible for everyone and I don’t think it’s best for every family but it is incorrect to reduce a mothers desire to be at home with her baby as a symptom of ppd or anxiety. It’s messed up to characterize the natural maternal bond a mother has with her baby as mental illness.

[Anonymous]

I think I have sort of the opposite reaction to daycare vs nanny. I chose day care because it wasn't just one person doing everything. There was a staff and they had breaks and lunch and they could work together. It seemed like a nice place to work and my kids were happy.

To me, one nanny home alone with my baby - or worse an in home daycare -- one adult with several children to watch.... yikes I just could imagine all kinds of benign neglect. It just didn't make me comfortable. Was I overly anxious? Maybe but that's what it means to be a Mom. LOL

Ultimately I believe that Moms know what's best for their situation and make the right choice. It doesn't matter what other families do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s been a month and I still hate handing her over every morning. I hate getting her bundled up, packed up, and out of the house. The daycare is fine I guess but I worry all day long. She’s such a good baby and I fear she’s getting ignored because of one higher needs baby in her room. I also hate getting the dirty breastmilk bottles back at the end of the day (minor issue but it just bugs me). She’s also had two colds in the last month and a diaper rash.

Should I stick with it or just admit I’m not a daycare parent? We could afford a nanny if we really scrimp and stop contributing to our savings. DH was insistent that we try daycare initially but is now open to a nanny.

Sorry, it sucks. But, one day you can feel better that you are a WOHM and feel superior to SAHMs.

Your kid is being raised by others. Bravo. What did you expect? That the kid will get the love and attention that a mom gives to her baby?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't like how people are suggesting that this mother has an anxiety disorder because she doesn't like leaving her baby in daycare all day long. We are mammals; mammal mothers/breastfeeding are physiologically tied to their babies. I think we forget that separating infants from their primary caregiver for the majority of their waking hours is inherently distressing for many babies and mothers. I am not opposed to daycare--my kids started shortly after they were one, but with limited hours, and m=by age two were there all day. The breastfeeding and bonding hormones are real. OP, I'm happy you're following your gut and going with a nanny.

+ 1. Very good points.

+ 2. Babies should not be separated from their families all day long. Since they can’t understand that mommy and daddy are coming back, they are actually traumatized left with complete strangers in a strange place.

My background in anthropology leads me to this conclusion as well. I've been a SAHM for 7 years and we're struggling financially. I wish there were better options for working parents. Our modern society is so backwards in the regard.

? Parents throughout human history had to leave their kids to hunt, gather, work, etc until their children could join them.

You don’t have an anthropological leg to stand on with this!

Actually, the kids were looked after in large family units by family members - grandparents, siblings, uncles and aunts, cousins, mom, dad etc. They were not looked after by strangers making minimum wages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s been a month and I still hate handing her over every morning. I hate getting her bundled up, packed up, and out of the house. The daycare is fine I guess but I worry all day long. She’s such a good baby and I fear she’s getting ignored because of one higher needs baby in her room. I also hate getting the dirty breastmilk bottles back at the end of the day (minor issue but it just bugs me). She’s also had two colds in the last month and a diaper rash.

Should I stick with it or just admit I’m not a daycare parent? We could afford a nanny if we really scrimp and stop contributing to our savings. DH was insistent that we try daycare initially but is now open to a nanny.

Sorry, it sucks. But, one day you can feel better that you are a WOHM and feel superior to SAHMs.

Your kid is being raised by others. Bravo. What did you expect? That the kid will get the love and attention that a mom gives to her baby?

Relax, PP. OP hired a nanny six months ago and updated that she and the baby are very happy. Yes, a nanny can give love to another’s baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't like how people are suggesting that this mother has an anxiety disorder because she doesn't like leaving her baby in daycare all day long. We are mammals; mammal mothers/breastfeeding are physiologically tied to their babies. I think we forget that separating infants from their primary caregiver for the majority of their waking hours is inherently distressing for many babies and mothers. I am not opposed to daycare--my kids started shortly after they were one, but with limited hours, and m=by age two were there all day. The breastfeeding and bonding hormones are real. OP, I'm happy you're following your gut and going with a nanny.

+ 1. Very good points.

+ 2. Babies should not be separated from their families all day long. Since they can’t understand that mommy and daddy are coming back, they are actually traumatized left with complete strangers in a strange place.

My background in anthropology leads me to this conclusion as well. I've been a SAHM for 7 years and we're struggling financially. I wish there were better options for working parents. Our modern society is so backwards in the regard.

? Parents throughout human history had to leave their kids to hunt, gather, work, etc until their children could join them.

You don’t have an anthropological leg to stand on with this!

Actually, the kids were looked after in large family units by family members - grandparents, siblings, uncles and aunts, cousins, mom, dad etc. They were not looked after by strangers making minimum wages.

If you think nannies earn minimum wage, I have big news for you!