Would I be a jerk if I backed out of my family member’s bachelorette party?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I’d say back out, but still pay your part of the Airbnb

This makes 0 sense. Let $800 go down the drain to just not attend?
If they can spend this much money and hire a private driver for $590 a person like they’re celebrities then an extra $100-$200 per person will be nothing for them.

Unfortunately I agree with PP that it would be wrong to back out to the airBnB. OP knew and agreed to that cost.

You could always go to Napa and just not participate in the wine tours/driving excursions. Just enjoy the estate and pool.

She didn’t know. She rsvpd and that’s when the organizer told them where they would be staying and then told the cost. The organizer worked backwards and was inconsiderate. That shouldn’t be on OP.

Where did OP think she was going to stay in California wine country for cheaper? Come on.

Who thinks that they’re going to stay at a place for $1800 and get $590 pp personal driver? That’s the cheaper. They don’t need those things for a bachelorette party.

Anyone who isn’t stupid? Where are you going to find a cheaper place to stay in Napa? And transportation is going to be pricey unless you want to go the designated driver route, which OP is turning up her nose at too. The was obviously going to be pricey at the first mention of “wine country,” which was before the formal RSVP.

Did you see that OP hasn’t even ever been to California? I have no idea what a 4 day extravaganza in wine country would cost and I’ve been to Sonoma!

OP is a grown-up. When she got the formal invitation for California wine country, she should have done some research before saying yes.

I’ve been to wine country and I have never stayed at a $1800 per night house nor has my group paid $590 per person for a private driver. This is not part of the research. You also seem to have forgotten from the time she was told about the trip to when the asked for the money was only a few days turn around. The organizer did this all wrong.

The lodging is 200 per person per night, which frankly sounds like a bargain for most places in Napa. The driver thing sounds expensive, but OP doesn't seem to like the cheaper option. OP KNEW the trip was 4 nights in Napa when she RSVPd. She's justified in arguing for reduced costs (like uber instead of drivers) but is just playing dumb (or is actually dumb) if she didn't realize this was a trip that would be in the $1000s.

Yes, $200 per night isn’t bad but it’s more like $400 because they’re also paying for the bride. However, they also didn’t need to get a house that’s $1800 a night. That’s still ridiculous.

Umm, you might want to check your math. There are 10 people total. Paying the bride’s share of lodging results in an extra $20 per night, not $200.

Either way they are paying for the bride to stay all those nights. That’s still ridiculous. The bride should be paying for herself no matter what the numbers are.

Okay, but $220/ night is still not a crazy amount to pay to stay in Napa, and nowhere near the $400 you claimed

[Anonymous]

I can’t imagine the expensive restaurants this party will patronize. Expect another huge expense.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I’d say back out, but still pay your part of the Airbnb

This makes 0 sense. Let $800 go down the drain to just not attend?
If they can spend this much money and hire a private driver for $590 a person like they’re celebrities then an extra $100-$200 per person will be nothing for them.

Unfortunately I agree with PP that it would be wrong to back out to the airBnB. OP knew and agreed to that cost.

You could always go to Napa and just not participate in the wine tours/driving excursions. Just enjoy the estate and pool.

She didn’t know. She rsvpd and that’s when the organizer told them where they would be staying and then told the cost. The organizer worked backwards and was inconsiderate. That shouldn’t be on OP.

Where did OP think she was going to stay in California wine country for cheaper? Come on.

Who thinks that they’re going to stay at a place for $1800 and get $590 pp personal driver? That’s the cheaper. They don’t need those things for a bachelorette party.

Anyone who isn’t stupid? Where are you going to find a cheaper place to stay in Napa? And transportation is going to be pricey unless you want to go the designated driver route, which OP is turning up her nose at too. The was obviously going to be pricey at the first mention of “wine country,” which was before the formal RSVP.

Did you see that OP hasn’t even ever been to California? I have no idea what a 4 day extravaganza in wine country would cost and I’ve been to Sonoma!

OP is a grown-up. When she got the formal invitation for California wine country, she should have done some research before saying yes.

I’ve been to wine country and I have never stayed at a $1800 per night house nor has my group paid $590 per person for a private driver. This is not part of the research. You also seem to have forgotten from the time she was told about the trip to when the asked for the money was only a few days turn around. The organizer did this all wrong.

The lodging is 200 per person per night, which frankly sounds like a bargain for most places in Napa. The driver thing sounds expensive, but OP doesn't seem to like the cheaper option. OP KNEW the trip was 4 nights in Napa when she RSVPd. She's justified in arguing for reduced costs (like uber instead of drivers) but is just playing dumb (or is actually dumb) if she didn't realize this was a trip that would be in the $1000s.

Yes, $200 per night isn’t bad but it’s more like $400 because they’re also paying for the bride. However, they also didn’t need to get a house that’s $1800 a night. That’s still ridiculous.

Umm, you might want to check your math. There are 10 people total. Paying the bride’s share of lodging results in an extra $20 per night, not $200.

Either way they are paying for the bride to stay all those nights. That’s still ridiculous. The bride should be paying for herself no matter what the numbers are.

Okay, but $220/ night is still not a crazy amount to pay to stay in Napa, and nowhere near the $400 you claimed

They are still paying for the bride. It’s the principle.
Since when do when bridal parties give an all expense paid trip for a bride??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t imagine the expensive restaurants this party will patronize. Expect another huge expense.

And the footing the bill for the bride when she goes too.

I must give it to the bride - this a very smart way to scam for a free expensive trip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t imagine the expensive restaurants this party will patronize. Expect another huge expense.

And the footing the bill for the bride when she goes too.

I must give it to the bride - this a very smart way to scam for a free expensive trip.

But think of the social consequences of telling a greedy B like this "no" and putting your foot down. I think you'd be doing yourself a favor to avoid being taken advantage of in the future. No loss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t imagine the expensive restaurants this party will patronize. Expect another huge expense.

And the footing the bill for the bride when she goes too.

I must give it to the bride - this a very smart way to scam for a free expensive trip.

But think of the social consequences of telling a greedy B like this "no" and putting your foot down. I think you'd be doing yourself a favor to avoid being taken advantage of in the future. No loss.

Precisely. Not going sounds like a win-win.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t go. Di merry there will easily be $200/pp. you are looking at another few thousand for food and wine tastings.

Man, I feel sorry for the groom to be. Hope he knows what he is getting into.

A lot of people make a lot of money. This may all be very normal in their circles.

[Anonymous]

Did OP ever come back?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did OP ever come back?

I did lol. I just provided the screenshot of the pricing after a poster said I must have misunderstood about the pricing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t imagine the expensive restaurants this party will patronize. Expect another huge expense.

And the footing the bill for the bride when she goes too.

I must give it to the bride - this a very smart way to scam for a free expensive trip.

But think of the social consequences of telling a greedy B like this "no" and putting your foot down. I think you'd be doing yourself a favor to avoid being taken advantage of in the future. No loss.

Precisely. Not going sounds like a win-win.

There's a reason this is in the "Family" forum. I don't think OP cares about the unrelated bridal party, friends and co-workers of bride, etc, the only relationship that matters is cousin and any other family members.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t go and I’d tell them it’s too expensive.

+1 I'm older and I earn a lot more than you probably do. This bachelorette party is way too expensive for me. I cannot imagine spending $2,000 before airfare and other expenses to attend this event. Yikes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d say back out, but still pay your part of the Airbnb

This makes 0 sense. Let $800 go down the drain to just not attend?
If they can spend this much money and hire a private driver for $590 a person like they’re celebrities then an extra $100-$200 per person will be nothing for them.

Unfortunately I agree with PP that it would be wrong to back out to the airBnB. OP knew and agreed to that cost.

You could always go to Napa and just not participate in the wine tours/driving excursions. Just enjoy the estate and pool.

Since it was 3 weeks ago, I also kind of think you're committed to paying for the airbnb. I think it would be totally fine to drop out if you can stomach the lost of the $800. I also think it would be fine to claim that there's some emergency at work and you will have to hang around the house most of the weekend for work stuff and will join what you can. But you would also need to clarify that you would not be paying for the activities you don't join in on - clearly these people are a little dense about money.

[Anonymous]

You’ll be forced to wear a stupid t-shirt that says “DRINK UP BIT€HEZ!” like the bachelorette group I saw once in Sonoma. For this reason alone, you must decline.

Give up the $800 as you committed to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d say back out, but still pay your part of the Airbnb

This makes 0 sense. Let $800 go down the drain to just not attend?
If they can spend this much money and hire a private driver for $590 a person like they’re celebrities then an extra $100-$200 per person will be nothing for them.

Unfortunately I agree with PP that it would be wrong to back out to the airBnB. OP knew and agreed to that cost.

You could always go to Napa and just not participate in the wine tours/driving excursions. Just enjoy the estate and pool.

Since it was 3 weeks ago, I also kind of think you're committed to paying for the airbnb. I think it would be totally fine to drop out if you can stomach the lost of the $800. I also think it would be fine to claim that there's some emergency at work and you will have to hang around the house most of the weekend for work stuff and will join what you can. But you would also need to clarify that you would not be paying for the activities you don't join in on - clearly these people are a little dense about money.

Knowing that OP is helping to foot the bill for the all expenses paid trip OP can bail and the selfish bride can pay for the difference since everything is being covered that weekend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did OP ever come back?

I did lol. I just provided the screenshot of the pricing after a poster said I must have misunderstood about the pricing

So what are you going to do?