Weird situation with new neighbor from high school - WWYD

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She’s doing an excellent job of putting people off by how she’s acting and what she’s saying. I wouldn’t worry about it. If people ask you about it I’d very casually respond with how strange you think it is and that you really have no memory of her at all.

I’m sure she would be happy to specify exactly what the op did to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why we need to teach our children to be kind. Mean kids in high school scar their victims for life. While you may not remember your cruelty to this person, she does. You should apologize to her, genuinely. I am guessing you were mean to other people, too, not just her. Reflect on your viciousness and think about what you have learned since then that changed your behavior. You still sound mean, quite honestly.

Y’all need to stop projecting. You have NO IDEA what happened. Telling OP she was vicious when she was really indifferent is nuts.

This is what happens when you allow your kids to think everyone wants to be their friend. Teach your kids to find people that like them, and want to be around them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why we need to teach our children to be kind. Mean kids in high school scar their victims for life. While you may not remember your cruelty to this person, she does. You should apologize to her, genuinely. I am guessing you were mean to other people, too, not just her. Reflect on your viciousness and think about what you have learned since then that changed your behavior. You still sound mean, quite honestly.

Y’all need to stop projecting. You have NO IDEA what happened. Telling OP she was vicious when she was really indifferent is nuts.

This is what happens when you allow your kids to think everyone wants to be their friend. Teach your kids to find people that like them, and want to be around them.

And also how to be kind and polite to someone even if you don't want to be around them. A lot of people just don't know how to do this. It's every bit as stunted as someone who gloms onto people who don't seem to like them much, or who obsess about being part of a group. It just doesn't get called out as much because the people who bully or exclude are usually in a superior social situation and so they are given the benefit of the doubt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should trash her on DCUM. Then, IRL, let it go.

LOL

Sounds like it’s her problem not yours but seriously, that was an unusually long and detailed post that kinda comes across like a public shaming.

It is OPs problem - she bullied this woman in high school and needs to take responsibility. OP should be shamed, not the neighbor.

Nope. Neighbor needs to get a life, grow up and stop creating drama over freaking HIGH SCHOOL. Oh, and stay away from other people's minor children.

[Anonymous]

OP you were probably a jerk in high school, but mostly I like reading this thread because it makes me feel less alone in having terrible mean girl neighbors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should trash her on DCUM. Then, IRL, let it go.

LOL

Sounds like it’s her problem not yours but seriously, that was an unusually long and detailed post that kinda comes across like a public shaming.

It is OPs problem - she bullied this woman in high school and needs to take responsibility. OP should be shamed, not the neighbor.

Nope. Neighbor needs to get a life, grow up and stop creating drama over freaking HIGH SCHOOL. Oh, and stay away from other people's minor children.

+1 OP doesn't remember the neighbor or what happened in high school. But the now adult neighbor complaining about OP to OP's minor children is beyond the pale. Complaining to OP's husband and OP's other neighbor friends is far more obnoxious.

[Anonymous]

I would do pretty much all of the above. Ask for clarification, apologize, send a plant, be gracious, and if she continues, at that point I'd take a harder line. I.e. please leave my kids alone.

[Anonymous]

PS Please never say "I regret your perception" or any equivalent thereof. That is the worst thing anyone ever said to me when they really, really hurt me.

[Anonymous]

Smile and say hello. Move along. Nod and smile, move along.
Repeat.

She is irrelevant in the grander scheme. If she wants to dwell on the past people will find her very boring very fast.

Just ignore it. There is nothing to be said.

[Anonymous]

I can’t believe so many people are acting like this woman is justified. Op may have been indifferent or perhaps may have been mildly unfriendly. At worst she was a bit of a jerk. That in no excuse for this woman’s behavior! In fact, it suggests she may have been a bit of a histrionic and perhaps personality disordered nightmare. Do you want your kids to suppress their discomfort with people like that? If they don’t do you think they deserve to be hounded in their 40s about it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe so many people are acting like this woman is justified. Op may have been indifferent or perhaps may have been mildly unfriendly. At worst she was a bit of a jerk. That in no excuse for this woman’s behavior! In fact, it suggests she may have been a bit of a histrionic and perhaps personality disordered nightmare. Do you want your kids to suppress their discomfort with people like that? If they don’t do you think they deserve to be hounded in their 40s about it?

I agree there is an incredible amount of projection going on here. I feel bad for the kids who were bullied and never got over it, and I sincerely hope they can find some peace. (I was a super-awkward kid who was bullied in ES, and very careful to be kind to others thereafter). However, I do not care what the OP did or didn’t do in HS. There is zero justification for this grown woman approaching OP’s kids. That’s dangerously crazy behavior, and I don’t think OP should approach her or contact her at all. Once you are an adult, you have a responsibility to get yourself together.

[Anonymous]

Whether the neighbor is “crazy” or OP was a bully isn’t really the point for me. If I know someone feels hurt by something I did, I do my best to fix that. Diffusing this situation with the note suggested by a previous poster is the way to go. Why not take the opportunity to show some grace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whether the neighbor is “crazy” or OP was a bully isn’t really the point for me. If I know someone feels hurt by something I did, I do my best to fix that. Diffusing this situation with the note suggested by a previous poster is the way to go. Why not take the opportunity to show some grace.

This. It's best if OP apologizes, and tries to fix it. Hopefully it will.help, if not, just move on.

[Anonymous]

I think it could be that the neighbor is nervous and doesnt know how to navigate - worried that with someone who she considered (right or wrong) to be mean to her as a neighbor, now all the other neighbors will also dislike her. She probably thinks by just blurting it out in the open, she can sort of “get her arms around it” but it’s doing the opposite - just making things more awkward, and now she’s coming off a little crazy, which is contributing to her being even more awkward.

Basically, a downward spiral of awkwardness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would really like to know some specifics about what I did to her. I would listen sincerely. If she has concrete examples, apologize but don't make a big deal out of it. Be the bigger person going forward, but if she continues to be a jerk, just ignore her.

Right. Does she come with receipts to back up the accusations? The OP doesn't remember doing anything to this person. Why automatically believe the neighbor? Maybe she is confusing OP with someone else, or maybe someone in OP's social circle in HS was mean to her, and the new neighbor is simply blaming OP by association. Either way, it's inappropriate to say something to OP's kids and to everyone else in the neighborhood.

We all agree the neighbor was wrong to speak to the kids. However, OP would be well advised to approach the neighbor and try to clear the air. I think if she and the neighbor sat down for awhile and talked it through, they would end up in a much better place.

OP won’t bc she is still a mean girl who thinks she’s better than the neighbor.