GF went out on ..not sure what to call it...with a random guy..advice sought

[Anonymous]

She took steps to make it a NON DATE even if the guy wanted it to be more. She made it clear it is not.

The GF seems to have been aware of this possibility, too--guys do this ALL THE TIME, so most woman know this move--and took very reasonable steps to make clear to him that she is taken and not interested in romance with him.

We only have her word to OP for any of this, and what else was she going to say to the OP? Who knows how the supposed non-date actually played out.

I myself have been on supposed "non dates" where the women could have told their boyfriends or husbands completely honestly afterward that "nothing happened we just had drinks and chatted" but oh darn somehow we later ended up in the sack. I knew we were meeting so she could evaluate me. All I had to do was not screw it up. Obviously I passed the test.

"I'm not interested in you and I have a boyfriend but yes I'll go to dinner with you" has never happened to me, and frankly I don't find it very plausible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The people defending the girlfriend's behavior are laughable. Why couldn't the girlfriend just say the following from the very beginning on the phone "look I'm in a relationship so this won't work, but you could join a larger social gathering that's happening at xyz location and I can introduce you to some friends." There is really no excuse for her to go through all of that effort to meet with him. She already has limited time as a divorced mom anyway. Are people really going on "no dates" all the time with people so the guy doesn't get angry? Give me a break. She was either interested or is a flirt who likes the attention. Trust me, people who are really in love with each other or dating seriously don't play these types of games. They simply wouldn't put themselves in a situation that would make the other person uncomfortable. She is just not the one. Be glad you figured this one out now because I'm sure there would have been other boundary testing behaviors in the future.

OMG clearly you are not a woman. This is a situation that happens all the time.

Guy says, hey, I need some advice about xyz, would you be willing to talk to me about it?
Woman: sure, but I'm in a relationship.
Guy: WTF is wrong with you, I'm not asking you out, why do you think you're so hot? Proceeds to badmouth woman all over the office (playground) as being so ridiculously full of herself to assume everyone is asking her out.

so maybe the guy IS asking her out, but if he's not going to be completely honest, he's setting her up where she can't be completely upfront either without being made to look like a fool.

I'm sorry you don't know how to deal with aggressive men. There's no good reason she had to go out with him no matter how you try to spin it.

Unless she WANTS a friend. And thinks he could be one.
I am friends with guys who initially wanted to date me, but you know what? We are fine as friends. they have married other women. It is called being an adult and not a sleeze.

You don’t seem to understand that the not a date guy here is definitely a sleeze. I’m a guy and see this a million miles away. So she’s seeking out a friendship with a sleeze. Is that ok?

Nice. so YOUR ability to judge someone you never met is better than a WOMANS ability to judge someone they HAVE met?
Is that right?
She felt that it was ok to go talk with him but brought a friend. She felt ok enough to actually meet with the guy but make it clear it would be nothing more. She did nothing wrong except make her controlling BF upset here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

She took steps to make it a NON DATE even if the guy wanted it to be more. She made it clear it is not.

The GF seems to have been aware of this possibility, too--guys do this ALL THE TIME, so most woman know this move--and took very reasonable steps to make clear to him that she is taken and not interested in romance with him.

We only have her word to OP for any of this, and what else was she going to say to the OP? Who knows how the supposed non-date actually played out.

I myself have been on supposed "non dates" where the women could have told their boyfriends or husbands completely honestly afterward that "nothing happened we just had drinks and chatted" but oh darn somehow we later ended up in the sack. I knew we were meeting so she could evaluate me. All I had to do was not screw it up. Obviously I passed the test.

"I'm not interested in you and I have a boyfriend but yes I'll go to dinner with you" has never happened to me, and frankly I don't find it very plausible.

We don't know for sure what was said but no idea why OP would lie about it.
But i guess we have learned from this thread that all men are liars so i don't believe your story either bro.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The people defending the girlfriend's behavior are laughable. Why couldn't the girlfriend just say the following from the very beginning on the phone "look I'm in a relationship so this won't work, but you could join a larger social gathering that's happening at xyz location and I can introduce you to some friends." There is really no excuse for her to go through all of that effort to meet with him. She already has limited time as a divorced mom anyway. Are people really going on "no dates" all the time with people so the guy doesn't get angry? Give me a break. She was either interested or is a flirt who likes the attention. Trust me, people who are really in love with each other or dating seriously don't play these types of games. They simply wouldn't put themselves in a situation that would make the other person uncomfortable. She is just not the one. Be glad you figured this one out now because I'm sure there would have been other boundary testing behaviors in the future.

OMG clearly you are not a woman. This is a situation that happens all the time.

Guy says, hey, I need some advice about xyz, would you be willing to talk to me about it?
Woman: sure, but I'm in a relationship.
Guy: WTF is wrong with you, I'm not asking you out, why do you think you're so hot? Proceeds to badmouth woman all over the office (playground) as being so ridiculously full of herself to assume everyone is asking her out.

so maybe the guy IS asking her out, but if he's not going to be completely honest, he's setting her up where she can't be completely upfront either without being made to look like a fool.

I'm sorry you don't know how to deal with aggressive men. There's no good reason she had to go out with him no matter how you try to spin it.

Unless she WANTS a friend. And thinks he could be one.
I am friends with guys who initially wanted to date me, but you know what? We are fine as friends. they have married other women. It is called being an adult and not a sleeze.

You don’t seem to understand that the not a date guy here is definitely a sleeze. I’m a guy and see this a million miles away. So she’s seeking out a friendship with a sleeze. Is that ok?

Nice. so YOUR ability to judge someone you never met is better than a WOMANS ability to judge someone they HAVE met?
Is that right?
She felt that it was ok to go talk with him but brought a friend. She felt ok enough to actually meet with the guy but make it clear it would be nothing more. She did nothing wrong except make her controlling BF upset here.

No we have OPs word that there was interest there from the man making him a sleeze. OP is interested too and y’all are making up elaborate justifications. I know women like this and they are all deceitful, conniving and sneaky. DTMF ASAP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The people defending the girlfriend's behavior are laughable. Why couldn't the girlfriend just say the following from the very beginning on the phone "look I'm in a relationship so this won't work, but you could join a larger social gathering that's happening at xyz location and I can introduce you to some friends." There is really no excuse for her to go through all of that effort to meet with him. She already has limited time as a divorced mom anyway. Are people really going on "no dates" all the time with people so the guy doesn't get angry? Give me a break. She was either interested or is a flirt who likes the attention. Trust me, people who are really in love with each other or dating seriously don't play these types of games. They simply wouldn't put themselves in a situation that would make the other person uncomfortable. She is just not the one. Be glad you figured this one out now because I'm sure there would have been other boundary testing behaviors in the future.

OMG clearly you are not a woman. This is a situation that happens all the time.

Guy says, hey, I need some advice about xyz, would you be willing to talk to me about it?
Woman: sure, but I'm in a relationship.
Guy: WTF is wrong with you, I'm not asking you out, why do you think you're so hot? Proceeds to badmouth woman all over the office (playground) as being so ridiculously full of herself to assume everyone is asking her out.

so maybe the guy IS asking her out, but if he's not going to be completely honest, he's setting her up where she can't be completely upfront either without being made to look like a fool.

I'm sorry you don't know how to deal with aggressive men. There's no good reason she had to go out with him no matter how you try to spin it.

Unless she WANTS a friend. And thinks he could be one.
I am friends with guys who initially wanted to date me, but you know what? We are fine as friends. they have married other women. It is called being an adult and not a sleeze.

You don’t seem to understand that the not a date guy here is definitely a sleeze. I’m a guy and see this a million miles away. So she’s seeking out a friendship with a sleeze. Is that ok?

Nice. so YOUR ability to judge someone you never met is better than a WOMANS ability to judge someone they HAVE met?
Is that right?
She felt that it was ok to go talk with him but brought a friend. She felt ok enough to actually meet with the guy but make it clear it would be nothing more. She did nothing wrong except make her controlling BF upset here.

No we have OPs word that there was interest there from the man making him a sleeze. OP is interested too and y’all are making up elaborate justifications. I know women like this and they are all deceitful, conniving and sneaky. DTMF ASAP

Nope.
OP asked if we all thought the guy had interest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would let it go, but if she went out with him again...you know something is up.

This.

[Anonymous]

So when I am talking to a guy at my kids school and he asks if i would mind a playdate (this has happenend many times), I should assume he wants to sleep with me and decline?
Before you all ask, YES i have had playdates with a MAN and his child and GASP.................nothing romantic happened. One was even a single dad and spent the entire time talking about home renovations.

I've been on playdates with women and their kids and GASP we did not get jiggy in the playground mulch with the kids watching but GASP we did meet at a hotel on different days before picking the kids up.

Of course, I've been on plenty of other playdates with women where nothing happened at any time.

What's really funny was the time when my kid and her kid didn't actually like each other much but the mom kept suggesting playdates 'cause she liked me and my son was like "why are you making me play with that kid again?"

I've been in every one of these situations:
- I'm not attracted to the mom, so we talk about banal house and kid stuff during the playdate
- I'm attracted to the mom but not getting any signals she's attracted to me, so again we talk about house and kid stuff
- I'm attracted to the mom and she's signaling interest, so I crank up the witty banter
- I'm not attracted to the mom and she's signaling interest and I'm trying to figure out how to eject from this playdate as fast as I can

[Anonymous]

We don't know for sure what was said but no idea why OP would lie about it.

We only know what the OP says she said to him. He's not lying about what she said, but that doesn't mean that she wasn't lying to him about what she said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

So when I am talking to a guy at my kids school and he asks if i would mind a playdate (this has happenend many times), I should assume he wants to sleep with me and decline?
Before you all ask, YES i have had playdates with a MAN and his child and GASP.................nothing romantic happened. One was even a single dad and spent the entire time talking about home renovations.

I've been on playdates with women and their kids and GASP we did not get jiggy in the playground mulch with the kids watching but GASP we did meet at a hotel on different days before picking the kids up.

Of course, I've been on plenty of other playdates with women where nothing happened at any time.

What's really funny was the time when my kid and her kid didn't actually like each other much but the mom kept suggesting playdates 'cause she liked me and my son was like "why are you making me play with that kid again?"

I've been in every one of these situations:
- I'm not attracted to the mom, so we talk about banal house and kid stuff during the playdate
- I'm attracted to the mom but not getting any signals she's attracted to me, so again we talk about house and kid stuff
- I'm attracted to the mom and she's signaling interest, so I crank up the witty banter
- I'm not attracted to the mom and she's signaling interest and I'm trying to figure out how to eject from this playdate as fast as I can

Awesome, but kind of proving the point that the person IN the situation (GF) should get to do what they feel is best/needs to be done. Whether that is ejecting from the situation, never talking to him again, bringing a friend or other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

We don't know for sure what was said but no idea why OP would lie about it.

We only know what the OP says she said to him. He's not lying about what she said, but that doesn't mean that she wasn't lying to him about what she said.

Dude.
Let it go. You are turning into a pretzel trying to prove GF is just some sleazy, lying whore of a woman.
If that is how OP truly feels he should not agonize over this and let her go.
But i suspect he knows deep down she did nothing wrong but it still bothers him. Which bothers him and he is trying to get validation for feeling like a controlling, judgemental boy friend.

[Anonymous]

So when I am talking to a guy at my kids school and he asks if i would mind a playdate (this has happenend many times), I should assume he wants to sleep with me and decline?
Before you all ask, YES i have had playdates with a MAN and his child and GASP.................nothing romantic happened. One was even a single dad and spent the entire time talking about home renovations.

That's great, I agree. Men and women can be friends without the guy having ulterior motives, without the guy lying about meeting. And, in most cases there is no need to say no, decline. I'm a woman and I don't instinctively feel the need to say no to every invitation.

But that's not what happened here.

The GF obviously knew this guy was up so something. She invited a friend along because she knew why he was asking her out.

The Guy didn't ask her to a play date with the kids. Guy asked her...just her... to dinner and drinks. And, yes, men and women can go out as friends to dinner and drinks. But, again, that isn't this...look at the facts.

The guy didn't invite a bunch of people (moms) for a playdate or whatever. He invited the GF. She added her wing-girl.

(When she didn't that the guy couldn't back out. To obvious. And, the guy is a p*ssy--if he wanted to ask her out he should've gotten some sack and asked her out honestly. He put her in a bad position not OP. I wouldn't go out with the guy; I would be pissed at him for setting me up.)

The guy didn't invite her to talk about home renovations or problems at school. Guy asked her out to talk about dating. Which is akin to saying: "Heh, I'd like to learn what it takes to date you, so can we go out so you can tell me how to steer you away from your bf."

In fact, the guy used the fact that their daughters play together to leverage the GF into feeling like she should go. That is pretty shitty if you ask me.

I get that women deal with all this all the time (I'm a woman and I get more than my share of attention). But, I have found if I let myself be put in these sorts of situations, I'm not doing myself any favors. I'm a stronger man than that.

Which makes me wonder....yes, I like having friends to, but am I so desperate for friends that I will go out with a guy who is asking me out under false pretenses? Sounds to me like she is pretty needy and needs the attention.

If the GF had to go through all of this to feel OK abut going out with this guy, odds are she probably wold have been better served in saying something like--"yes, why don't you meet my bf and I . . ." That way if the guy wanted advice, the guy could easily say yes to that.

Yes, I have friends who at one point were interested in me. They are now married to other women and we all hang out. But, that isn't this situation. This isn't going out with a friend. This is going out with a random guy--a guy who made the GF feel like she had to bring a friend to avoid something bad.

We should all stop creating alternative facts...you can change what happened and make all this different. Different circumstances are different.

I have a guy friend, I've known him for 15 years. We went out on a single date once--and we weren't for each other. He is married, happy, kids, etc. I go out with him. My husband is cool with it. My husband has met him. They've hung a bit. We've hung out as couples..us and them.

That's not what happened here.

I bet that my husband who is fine with me going out with all sorts of friends (men even lol), would not have liked this situation.

Plus, we keep inflating the OP's reaction. It doesn't sound like he jumped all over her for it. All he did was ask, heh, are my concerns legit.

Frankly, as a woman, I say yes, they are. This whole deal feels way off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The people defending the girlfriend's behavior are laughable. Why couldn't the girlfriend just say the following from the very beginning on the phone "look I'm in a relationship so this won't work, but you could join a larger social gathering that's happening at xyz location and I can introduce you to some friends." There is really no excuse for her to go through all of that effort to meet with him. She already has limited time as a divorced mom anyway. Are people really going on "no dates" all the time with people so the guy doesn't get angry? Give me a break. She was either interested or is a flirt who likes the attention. Trust me, people who are really in love with each other or dating seriously don't play these types of games. They simply wouldn't put themselves in a situation that would make the other person uncomfortable. She is just not the one. Be glad you figured this one out now because I'm sure there would have been other boundary testing behaviors in the future.

OMG clearly you are not a woman. This is a situation that happens all the time.

Guy says, hey, I need some advice about xyz, would you be willing to talk to me about it?
Woman: sure, but I'm in a relationship.
Guy: WTF is wrong with you, I'm not asking you out, why do you think you're so hot? Proceeds to badmouth woman all over the office (playground) as being so ridiculously full of herself to assume everyone is asking her out.

so maybe the guy IS asking her out, but if he's not going to be completely honest, he's setting her up where she can't be completely upfront either without being made to look like a fool.

I'm sorry you don't know how to deal with aggressive men. There's no good reason she had to go out with him no matter how you try to spin it.

Unless she WANTS a friend. And thinks he could be one.
I am friends with guys who initially wanted to date me, but you know what? We are fine as friends. they have married other women. It is called being an adult and not a sleeze.

You don’t seem to understand that the not a date guy here is definitely a sleeze. I’m a guy and see this a million miles away. So she’s seeking out a friendship with a sleeze. Is that ok?

Nice. so YOUR ability to judge someone you never met is better than a WOMANS ability to judge someone they HAVE met?
Is that right?
She felt that it was ok to go talk with him but brought a friend. She felt ok enough to actually meet with the guy but make it clear it would be nothing more. She did nothing wrong except make her controlling BF upset here.

No we have OPs word that there was interest there from the man making him a sleeze. OP is interested too and y’all are making up elaborate justifications. I know women like this and they are all deceitful, conniving and sneaky. DTMF ASAP

Nope.
OP asked if we all thought the guy had interest.

Wrong:

After I asked my gf if she thought he really just wanted advice or was he interested in her. She said, "I think there is some interest there."

[Anonymous]

^ and that is where she is trying not to hurt the BF feelings. She is sugar coating the interest for sure because it’s MUTUAL

[Anonymous]

Maybe just maybe this was an innocent occurrence and the girlfriend only invited the friend to appease the boyfriend because she knew how he would be otherwise. However jokes on her because he's still upset even though she took steps to make this situation okay.

He really just needs to break up with her because to be honest he's just going to find another reason to be upset with her a short time from now. Nothing she ever will do will be good enough for him and he will never trust her despite her having given him no reason not to

[Anonymous]

She’s downplaying his interest, minimizing it. Making the bf question himself. Being “miffed” - it’s a game for her. She is playing him.