Sleeping in on family vacation: what is reasonable?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I predict they may not take you up on your future offers, op.

Of course they will. People like this love freebie vacations, and see absolutely nothing wrong with accepting them and then doing exactly what they want to do.

People like what? People who hustle their kids out of bed to meet grandma for a free bowl of cereal at 8:30am?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The fact that this is in the Midlife/Eldercare forum instead of Family leads me to believe this is a troll. If not, oh boy...

No way. A troll would WANT the extra eyes and drama a Family Relationships thread would bring. I think OP really did want to fly under the radar and get advice and reassurance from what she feels is a more sympathetic crowd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I’ll give you a view from the other side. We’re going on an all-inclusive vacation with elderly relatives this summer and we’re paying. We have a range of ages going on the trip and a lot of activities planned. The way I’m approaching this is to be flexible and non-judgmental. The fact that we’re paying is mute. I just want everyone to come away feeling like they had a great time. If the elderly relatives are overwhelmed by all of the activity and want more downtime, I understand. I don’t know all of their needs and don’t require them to keep up with my kids. I also don’t think that the fact that I’m paying means that I should dictate how they spend their time on the trip.

It sounds like the group vacation thing isn’t a good idea for your family right now. Maybe it will be once the kids have grown. And going forward, plan things with your son and leave your DIL out of it. She will be grateful.

Cringe!

[Anonymous]

OP, I want to give you another perspective. DH and I immigrated her after marriage. Our parents live in another country.

When our kids were born, we became closer to my parents. Mainly because my ILs were like you. They criticized DH (their son) for not shaving during the weekend, sleeping in, letting the kids sleep in, letting the kids be in PJs, letting the kids skip showers on the weekend, letting the kids eat their meals while watching TV. All of this, while they sat around wanting to be waited hand and foot to be served and not spending a minute with the children. We used to be drowning when they came to visit and things were always tense.

When my parents came, they took over the running of the household in a way. They would feed the grandkids, watch cartoons with them, cooked for us, my dad used to iron our clothes (he liked to do it, it was his thing) while he watched war documentaries on History channel and they pretty much became a part of our daily life. My DH adores them and he has been there with them as they have aged.

Parents with kids need help and not judgement. It is wonderful that you have paid for the vacation. Now, be a good grandparent and hang out with your grandkids on their terms. Let your son and DIL sleep in and be rested. They should not need a vacation after going on a "vacation" with you.

[Anonymous]

DH never goes on vacation with anyone but our nuclear family. He never stays with friends or relatives and prefers to stay in a hotel. Why? Because he wants to do nice, relaxing trips with our kids. Our kids love to go in hotels where they can go to the swimming pool. They love to go to nice restaurants. They love to wake up late. They love elaborate breakfast buffets. They only want to drive for no more than 4 hours a day for a road trip. In fact, every thing is super chilled and relaxed. We do not do more than one activity/event/sightseeing per day. That's pretty much it. All of this leisurely holiday vibe will drive other people batty, but it works for us. Even our Disney trips have been such that we go to the park super early, but some back to our room for an afternoon siesta and go back again in the evening. It is a vacation FFS, we don't have to kill ourselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The fact that this is in the Midlife/Eldercare forum instead of Family leads me to believe this is a troll. If not, oh boy...

Why? Clearly OP is in the midlife age group. Unfortunately, younger posters with Eldercare issues have dominated the conversations since Jeff renamed it from the 50 and over.

[Anonymous]

You know that you don't have to eat breakfast with them, right? Go eat breakfast early and then either bring food back for them, or go with them a second time and just have a cup of coffee.

Weirdo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Before bed tonight, say to them, we are going to breakfast at 8 tomorrow. Would you like to join us or should we meet up after for x activity?

But the point of a family vacation is to do activities and meals together! We want to do activities with them.

It's not a vacation if you have to spend every waking minute with other people.

[Anonymous]

If, by some miracle, the children/grandchilden do agree to another joint vacation, suggest that the grandchildren spend a night in your suite. You will get more time with them, your son & DIL will have some alone time, and you will get to see what it takes to get them to breakfast at 8 and then keep them occupied for the leisurely breakfast that's fun for you.

[Anonymous]

OP, next time, bring knitting.

[Anonymous]

Is waking up at 8am and making it to breakfast even “sleeping in”?!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I thought your post was going to say the grandkids are getting you up at 6 am! (Like my children!)

It sounds like you’ve provided a wonderful weekend for the family to rest and feel relaxed - it’s hard to remember what life is like with kids that age - but basically every other morning they are up early rushing around like lunatics getting kids to school and to activities. This has been one hell of a year on parents - you’ve given them a delightful weekend to relax and enjoy the lake It sounds like - great job!!

Let them sleep - it’s important - they don’t get to sleep in probably ever

+1!!

Waking up early on vacation is sheer misery for most people.

We go on vacation with my parents quite often but breakfast together is never part of the plan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You know that you don't have to eat breakfast with them, right? Go eat breakfast early and then either bring food back for them, or go with them a second time and just have a cup of coffee.

Weirdo.

Also instead of complaining about fetching juice and cutting things up, your having eaten ahead of time will make you free to help and then heaven forbid your child & their spouse get to eat a meal *since tbis is their daily routine you’re so annoyed by*

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is waking up at 8am and making it to breakfast even “sleeping in”?!!

Hell no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, here's an example from our family ~ DH and I think THE BEST time to be on the beach is from 4-8pm. We don't want "family dinner". We don't want to sit around/plan for a family dinner every night. This is our vacation (and inlaws are not paying, btw) So, we do family dinner a time or two, but it's not a routine we accept.

This sounds nice. What do you do about dinner, though?