Sleeping in on family vacation: what is reasonable?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I’ll give you a view from the other side. We’re going on an all-inclusive vacation with elderly relatives this summer and we’re paying. We have a range of ages going on the trip and a lot of activities planned. The way I’m approaching this is to be flexible and non-judgmental. The fact that we’re paying is mute. I just want everyone to come away feeling like they had a great time. If the elderly relatives are overwhelmed by all of the activity and want more downtime, I understand. I don’t know all of their needs and don’t require them to keep up with my kids. I also don’t think that the fact that I’m paying means that I should dictate how they spend their time on the trip.

It sounds like the group vacation thing isn’t a good idea for your family right now. Maybe it will be once the kids have grown. And going forward, plan things with your son and leave your DIL out of it. She will be grateful.

Im assuming this is a typo or an autocorrect and that you know the word you want here is moot, not mute.

no, it' "moo". Only cows care.

[Anonymous]

I still can't believe OP has her nose out of joint over her grandkids showing up at breakfast at 8:30.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I cannot even imagine eating breakfast on vacation before 9 am. What kind of vacation is that?!

If you're need to sleep why wouldn't you just take time off to sleep at home? Why would you pay money to go somewhere new and different just to stay in bed half the day?

I can’t even imagine what a witch OP would be if she heard that her DIL had used up her work vacation time to lounge around in bed all day at home.

OP would be on here complaining how lazy she is. And how DIL is passive aggressive because she refused a real vacation with OP for ‘nothing’.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can't control other people. Bend a little.

Get uo and have breakfast when you want.

Agree to meet up in the early afternoon for a mutually agreeable activity. Stop blaming your DIL! Why does your son escape your ire?

So many good points. OP is very hung up on the idea that she paid. One of those people who controls others via money. No thanks.

+1. So *kind* to give this *gift* and demand every moment of their time be filled as you prescribe. What a *vacation* for them. So relaxing. Do you not remember what it's like to have young children, OP? It's exhausting. You should be happy they can sleep in a little and roll a little slow in the mornings. I'll bet that your DIL recommended this place because you asked and/or you were too lazy to do the damn research yourself. She tried to make a suggestion that would fit your standards and you are hell bent on blaming her for the family schedule which is your son's fault. Good god. Writing this down for notes for my future self.

Really? I'm thinking that DIL picked a place that she and sonny boy could never afford on their own, and believes that she can operate as though this vacation is her due.

Why are you laying this all at the feet of the DIL?

For all you know, OP **asked for suggestions,*** and even if “sonny body” didn’t physically send the link, he clearly co-signed the plan.

Oh, is getting kids ready in the morning and getting them down to breakfast only women’s work?

Nice worldview.

+1. Another #boymom on the loose. Already warming up to have a sexist view that DIL should be in charge of everything, will be held responsible for all dynamics, and her perfect son is never to be criticized, questioned or blamed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL is like this. I deliberately slow-play things by at least 10 minutes just to irk her. If her son wanted to meet her expectations, he could move things along, but he doesn’t.

So you’re immature and passive aggressive. Got it

Sure am! She plays stupid games, and I supply the stupid prizes.

I'm with you PP. Needling my crazy MIL is one of my favorite hobbies.

You both sound like petty losers.

They both sound like a couple of people I’d want to be friends with. You are overlooking the fact that these PPs are actually spending time with their very irritating MILs, presumably because they think allowing grandparents and grandkids to spend time together is the right thing to do. If some minor passive aggression makes the situation a bit more tolerable (and probably amusing for their spouse) I’m not judging. Plus I think the ten minutes late thing is hysterical.

I still want to know what resort stops serving weekend breakfast at 9:00. I’ve been to plenty of places that stop at 9 on weekdays, but never on the weekend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you still around? How many hours of the day do you think they should spend with you?

I could imagine 3. Three hours during the day, then a couple more hours in the evening. So, maybe 5. I think 5 would be my limit for any 24 hour period. No more than 6

Wow. This makes me grateful I like my parents and my inlaws. Imagine being so stingy that you accept someone's invitation to pay for your family vacation, then you ice them out of spending any time together while you're there.

[Anonymous]

This sounds like a horrible vacation, the expectations and being judged. Regular like is hard enough with little kids as is.

Yeah, they don't want to get up early with an alarm and they don't value sitting for an hourlong meal, especially some buffet breakfast here.

DIL here and if you made these demands, I wouldn't agree to vacation with you next time (free or otherwise).

Don't let some unrealistic expectations mean the end of what can be perfectly nice trips

[Anonymous]

PP here. Also, when vacationing with young kids, jamming in a bunch of "activities" isn't really the point. It should be be spending some (not all) timr together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I cannot even imagine eating breakfast on vacation before 9 am. What kind of vacation is that?!

If you're need to sleep why wouldn't you just take time off to sleep at home? Why would you pay money to go somewhere new and different just to stay in bed half the day?

I can’t even imagine what a witch OP would be if she heard that her DIL had used up her work vacation time to lounge around in bed all day at home.

OP would be on here complaining how lazy she is. And how DIL is passive aggressive because she refused a real vacation with OP for ‘nothing’.

Yep, because we all have SO many vacation days. Esp ppl with kids. Eyeroll.

[Anonymous]

See this is why I limit family vacations to me, my husband and kids. I don't want my mother or MIL expecting me to get up at 8:00 to make it breakfast.

[Anonymous]

No doubt op is the DIL, one of our reverse pps! And she got exactly what she wanted, everyone tearing down her MIL. Her MIL might be a huge PITA, but still, op could post normally as herself.

[Anonymous]

What kind of place stops serving breakfast at 9?! That's entirely unreasonable. I have toddlers and we even wouldn't make that time- and toddlers wake up earlier than 6 and 8 year olds. I'd rather pay for my breakfast than be rushed. At home we usually eat at 10 or even 11 sometimes (we are slow cooks). I would never return to that hotel.

My dream would be to have either grandparents take our kids to breakfast or just skip breakfast entirely and kids eat cereal. Coffee is all we want. Luckily my parents feel the same way. Inlaw want this ginormous breakfast at 7am and I feel sick eating so much, so early. So it's a struggle when we vacation with them and it's a reason we do so rarely.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, OP. This is all I can think of when I read your post.

"You woke up early- nobody cares."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Being together is rather the point of a family vacation

OP, also you need to accept that your barometer of "enough" time together may very well be different than theirs. Both parties liekly want things to go well. But they may know in their bones that x hours of togetherness is the right amount, and not y. More and they aren't at their best. Again, you can not and should not impose your will.

You aren't in charge. The sooner you accept that the better.

I am not interested in imposing my will. But I do think rushed breakfasts and missing out while we’re treating is tough to take. I won’t say anything, because apparently only their desires and expectations matter. But I’ll keep my mouth shut. It was DIL’s idea to go here so next year if I’m paying, I’m selecting location at least.

You absolutely are interested in imposing your will. And the first time someone called you a horrible granny I thought it was ridiculous but now that you're pouting because you want all your quality time to take place between 8am and 840am because it's YOUR TREEEAT and you have to get juices at 841am instead - you are a horrible travel companion, at least. So quick to jump to the victim role over nothing at all.

Old people are up at the crack of dawn. Young families need more sleep. Stop expecting your grandchildren to be like your cribbage partners and taking it as a personal insult when they are not.

[Anonymous]

The fact that this is in the Midlife/Eldercare forum instead of Family leads me to believe this is a troll. If not, oh boy...