Family wedding - no kids allowed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The only little kids at our wedding were our flower girl and our ring bearer, and they were 4 and 6 at the time. My cousin was upset that I didn't provide a babysitter (as in, pay for one myself, plus provide a "kid friendly" location) for anyone else who wanted to bring their little kids. Sorry, but no.

I don’t understand why you didn’t do this. What did you think was going to happen to the kids after you used them as props in your wedding photos?

I got married at 23, and had considerably less experience hosting parties than most of DCUM, but I was aware that there needed to be childcare and some food for the people who came in from out of town with their kids. The cost was a small percentage of the overall cost of the wedding, and it made our guests more comfortable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We were invited to my wife’s cousin wedding in Michigan. Our 2yo was not. The hotel was a 20 min drive from the Wedding venue. They offered to find a sitter to stay at hotel with DD but we said no. None of us went to the Wedding. I think they have a right to say no kids, but parents have the right to decline also and it shouldn’t upset the bride/groom.

I agree with this entirely, and something tells me this bride and groom are not going to be upset if OP declines.

Some people care. No one from our side of the family (other than my parents) went to my sister’s child-free wedding five years ago, and she is still salty about it.
It wasn’t a protest or anything. The logistics were just too difficult. It was a thousand miles away, and it was hard to find childcare to go.
Then, when our cousins weren’t going, our aunts and uncles started dropping out of going, and our grandparents and great-aunts/uncles didn’t want to fly out in their own, so no one ended up going. We did have a separate family party that night and Skype in to the wedding, so we did make an effort, but she was still mad.

If it was one of those tacky destination weddings, I can't really blame people for protesting.

It wasn’t a destination wedding. It was near her husband’s hometown. And no one was protesting. We love her and respect her decision. It was kind of hurtful that she was so angry.

[Anonymous]

What is the age when a kid can attend a “kid-free” wedding? I have a 14 year old teenager and I’m not sure if he counts. Obviously he is not a risk for bad behavior. I hope that he would be invited.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only little kids at our wedding were our flower girl and our ring bearer, and they were 4 and 6 at the time. My cousin was upset that I didn't provide a babysitter (as in, pay for one myself, plus provide a "kid friendly" location) for anyone else who wanted to bring their little kids. Sorry, but no.

I don’t understand why you didn’t do this. What did you think was going to happen to the kids after you used them as props in your wedding photos?

I got married at 23, and had considerably less experience hosting parties than most of DCUM, but I was aware that there needed to be childcare and some food for the people who came in from out of town with their kids. The cost was a small percentage of the overall cost of the wedding, and it made our guests more comfortable.

I have never heard of this. Maybe it is regional? Where are you from?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also agree with a PP that this is cultural and seems very American. And that it's a child free wedding is an odd way to start your marriage if you plan to have kids. Marriage is about family.

Agree. Totally bizarre to have a wedding without kids. (Even the Italian-American side of my family had kids there...) But it’s the bride and groom’s right just as it is your right to refuse to come. I would let them know you can’t come unless your daughter can also be there. Otherwise just send a nice gift and stop stressing about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is the age when a kid can attend a “kid-free” wedding? I have a 14 year old teenager and I’m not sure if he counts. Obviously he is not a risk for bad behavior. I hope that he would be invited.

I think teens are fine, but get extremely bored (rightfully so, at that age).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We were invited to my wife’s cousin wedding in Michigan. Our 2yo was not. The hotel was a 20 min drive from the Wedding venue. They offered to find a sitter to stay at hotel with DD but we said no. None of us went to the Wedding. I think they have a right to say no kids, but parents have the right to decline also and it shouldn’t upset the bride/groom.

I agree with this entirely, and something tells me this bride and groom are not going to be upset if OP declines.

Some people care. No one from our side of the family (other than my parents) went to my sister’s child-free wedding five years ago, and she is still salty about it.
It wasn’t a protest or anything. The logistics were just too difficult. It was a thousand miles away, and it was hard to find childcare to go.
Then, when our cousins weren’t going, our aunts and uncles started dropping out of going, and our grandparents and great-aunts/uncles didn’t want to fly out in their own, so no one ended up going. We did have a separate family party that night and Skype in to the wedding, so we did make an effort, but she was still mad.

If it was one of those tacky destination weddings, I can't really blame people for protesting.

It wasn’t a destination wedding. It was near her husband’s hometown. And no one was protesting. We love her and respect her decision. It was kind of hurtful that she was so angry.

No one went to the wedding and YOUR feelings are hurt? Wow talk about selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also agree with a PP that this is cultural and seems very American. And that it's a child free wedding is an odd way to start your marriage if you plan to have kids. Marriage is about family.

Agree. Totally bizarre to have a wedding without kids. (Even the Italian-American side of my family had kids there...) But it’s the bride and groom’s right just as it is your right to refuse to come. I would let them know you can’t come unless your daughter can also be there. Otherwise just send a nice gift and stop stressing about it.

+1

Agree with the latter part. Not sure what the first part is about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We were invited to my wife’s cousin wedding in Michigan. Our 2yo was not. The hotel was a 20 min drive from the Wedding venue. They offered to find a sitter to stay at hotel with DD but we said no. None of us went to the Wedding. I think they have a right to say no kids, but parents have the right to decline also and it shouldn’t upset the bride/groom.

I agree with this entirely, and something tells me this bride and groom are not going to be upset if OP declines.

Some people care. No one from our side of the family (other than my parents) went to my sister’s child-free wedding five years ago, and she is still salty about it.
It wasn’t a protest or anything. The logistics were just too difficult. It was a thousand miles away, and it was hard to find childcare to go.
Then, when our cousins weren’t going, our aunts and uncles started dropping out of going, and our grandparents and great-aunts/uncles didn’t want to fly out in their own, so no one ended up going. We did have a separate family party that night and Skype in to the wedding, so we did make an effort, but she was still mad.

If it was one of those tacky destination weddings, I can't really blame people for protesting.

It wasn’t a destination wedding. It was near her husband’s hometown. And no one was protesting. We love her and respect her decision. It was kind of hurtful that she was so angry.

Why couldn’t you have attended solo and had your spouse stay home with your child?

[Anonymous]

Inviting kids of out of town guests is like inviting out of town guests to the rehearsal dinner, giving out gift baskets, or reserving a block of hotel rooms. Its a nice thing to do, and it makes things easier for your guests, but it’s not necessary, and it’s certainly not something you have a say in if you aren’t hosting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also agree with a PP that this is cultural and seems very American. And that it's a child free wedding is an odd way to start your marriage if you plan to have kids. Marriage is about family.

I had a kid free wedding, so you would think I would be doomed to isolation and divorce. And yet, somehow I went on to have a healthy and happy marriage with children and a loving extended family. I even did it without crapping all over anyone else’s wedding or culture for no reason!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We were invited to my wife’s cousin wedding in Michigan. Our 2yo was not. The hotel was a 20 min drive from the Wedding venue. They offered to find a sitter to stay at hotel with DD but we said no. None of us went to the Wedding. I think they have a right to say no kids, but parents have the right to decline also and it shouldn’t upset the bride/groom.

I agree with this entirely, and something tells me this bride and groom are not going to be upset if OP declines.

Some people care. No one from our side of the family (other than my parents) went to my sister’s child-free wedding five years ago, and she is still salty about it.
It wasn’t a protest or anything. The logistics were just too difficult. It was a thousand miles away, and it was hard to find childcare to go.
Then, when our cousins weren’t going, our aunts and uncles started dropping out of going, and our grandparents and great-aunts/uncles didn’t want to fly out in their own, so no one ended up going. We did have a separate family party that night and Skype in to the wedding, so we did make an effort, but she was still mad.

If it was one of those tacky destination weddings, I can't really blame people for protesting.

It wasn’t a destination wedding. It was near her husband’s hometown. And no one was protesting. We love her and respect her decision. It was kind of hurtful that she was so angry.

Why couldn’t you have attended solo and had your spouse stay home with your child?

He was doing a one year fellowship in critical care, and he I weren’t living in the same city at the time. He could only fly out to see the kids and I once every other month, and I didn’t want to go three months without seeing him.
It was an impossible situation, and I don’t think she should have been so mad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also agree with a PP that this is cultural and seems very American. And that it's a child free wedding is an odd way to start your marriage if you plan to have kids. Marriage is about family.

I had a kid free wedding, so you would think I would be doomed to isolation and divorce. And yet, somehow I went on to have a healthy and happy marriage with children and a loving extended family. I even did it without crapping all over anyone else’s wedding or culture for no reason!

And apparently couples who are planning to remain child-free do not have to invite kids to weddings!

This is exactly what OP should tell her cousin - "hey cousin, do you plan to have kids? Because if you plan to have kids, you must invite mine! Your marriage is not about you, it's about family!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also agree with a PP that this is cultural and seems very American. And that it's a child free wedding is an odd way to start your marriage if you plan to have kids. Marriage is about family.

I had a kid free wedding, so you would think I would be doomed to isolation and divorce. And yet, somehow I went on to have a healthy and happy marriage with children and a loving extended family. I even did it without crapping all over anyone else’s wedding or culture for no reason!

+1

Well said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Inviting kids of out of town guests is like inviting out of town guests to the rehearsal dinner, giving out gift baskets, or reserving a block of hotel rooms. Its a nice thing to do, and it makes things easier for your guests, but it’s not necessary, and it’s certainly not something you have a say in if you aren’t hosting.

+1

Also, helps if you are Oprah! LOL. Gift baskets.