Family wedding - no kids allowed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m just curious how others feel and would handle out of state, family weddings where your child isn’t invited. I would like to go, we have a small family and it’s my only cousin but I think it’s rude to not invite our daughter since, in my opinion, weddings are about celebrating with family and friends (including kids!). My parents will be at the wedding and my husbands family lives abroad so they are unable to help.... most likely my husband will be skipping the festivities, which makes me sad. Again, just curious how people would react - it’s making me feel sad but I don’t want to cause hurt feelings by not attending.

How old is your daughter? If you kid is over the age of 4 than they should be invited but, I wouldn't make a fuss. Just send a present and decline going.

No, they shouldn't. The bride and groom should invite the guests they want at their wedding which may or may not include children.

+1

Also, if they invite one child, they have to invite them all - including friends who are like family - then it becomes many children, then it becomes not a wedding but "why didn't you hire a balloon making clown and or bounce house?!!" Take a hint OP - the answer is no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Now that I have a kid I am even less in favor of kids at weddings. What would I even do with her? She goes to sleep so early! Obviously if you have a kid and get invited to a wedding, you bring them and hire a sitter or one spouse stays at home. Or you decline, which is fine! I just don’t get why you would even want your kids to be at the wedding. Maybe the ceremony, but not the party! Late night parties are not for children.

Agreed! It's so rare that I get a night out, I don't want to spend the wedding chasing my kids around.

I get not having good options for allowing both OP and her DH to go- I'll likely be flying to two family weddings on my own in the fall. It is what it is. Another cousin is getting married next summer in their hometown, a beach location, so we will probably travel as a family and make a vacation out of it, but hire a sitter for the wedding. In that case we know that our family members there will be able to recommend a good sitter.

We tried to strike a compromise for our wedding- encouraged local guests to leave their kids at home but were understanding with the out of town guests who didn't have great options. However at that point not many of my cousins had kids yet. And my parents' friends totally took advantage of it and brought their grandkids to the wedding without asking!! So I think it's easier just to draw a line with No Kids to avoid hurt feelings.

+1

Chasing kids while in heels and dressed up for once! Good times! Yeah, no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Now that I have a kid I am even less in favor of kids at weddings. What would I even do with her? She goes to sleep so early! Obviously if you have a kid and get invited to a wedding, you bring them and hire a sitter or one spouse stays at home. Or you decline, which is fine! I just don’t get why you would even want your kids to be at the wedding. Maybe the ceremony, but not the party! Late night parties are not for children.

Agreed! It's so rare that I get a night out, I don't want to spend the wedding chasing my kids around.

I get not having good options for allowing both OP and her DH to go- I'll likely be flying to two family weddings on my own in the fall. It is what it is. Another cousin is getting married next summer in their hometown, a beach location, so we will probably travel as a family and make a vacation out of it, but hire a sitter for the wedding. In that case we know that our family members there will be able to recommend a good sitter.

We tried to strike a compromise for our wedding- encouraged local guests to leave their kids at home but were understanding with the out of town guests who didn't have great options. However at that point not many of my cousins had kids yet. And my parents' friends totally took advantage of it and brought their grandkids to the wedding without asking!! So I think it's easier just to draw a line with No Kids to avoid hurt feelings.

+1

Wow, I think that sums up the definition of RUDE right there!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Now that I have a kid I am even less in favor of kids at weddings. What would I even do with her? She goes to sleep so early! Obviously if you have a kid and get invited to a wedding, you bring them and hire a sitter or one spouse stays at home. Or you decline, which is fine! I just don’t get why you would even want your kids to be at the wedding. Maybe the ceremony, but not the party! Late night parties are not for children.

Agreed! It's so rare that I get a night out, I don't want to spend the wedding chasing my kids around.

I get not having good options for allowing both OP and her DH to go- I'll likely be flying to two family weddings on my own in the fall. It is what it is. Another cousin is getting married next summer in their hometown, a beach location, so we will probably travel as a family and make a vacation out of it, but hire a sitter for the wedding. In that case we know that our family members there will be able to recommend a good sitter.

We tried to strike a compromise for our wedding- encouraged local guests to leave their kids at home but were understanding with the out of town guests who didn't have great options. However at that point not many of my cousins had kids yet. And my parents' friends totally took advantage of it and brought their grandkids to the wedding without asking!! So I think it's easier just to draw a line with No Kids to avoid hurt feelings.

+1

Wow, I think that sums up the definition of RUDE right there!

PP - RUDE is the ones who brought the kids anyway. I agree with drawing the line and saying no kids. Period. Because of people like OP who try to take advantage, because that is all they know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m just curious how others feel and would handle out of state, family weddings where your child isn’t invited. I would like to go, we have a small family and it’s my only cousin but I think it’s rude to not invite our daughter since, in my opinion, weddings are about celebrating with family and friends (including kids!). My parents will be at the wedding and my husbands family lives abroad so they are unable to help.... most likely my husband will be skipping the festivities, which makes me sad. Again, just curious how people would react - it’s making me feel sad but I don’t want to cause hurt feelings by not attending.

OP, stop being so selfish.

[Anonymous]

The only little kids at our wedding were our flower girl and our ring bearer, and they were 4 and 6 at the time. My cousin was upset that I didn't provide a babysitter (as in, pay for one myself, plus provide a "kid friendly" location) for anyone else who wanted to bring their little kids. Sorry, but no.

[Anonymous]

I have a child with SN, so my perspective is colored by that, but you should do what works for your family and not worry about hurting feelings. If you don’t want to or cannot hire childcare while you attend, send your regrets and don’t look back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We were invited to my wife’s cousin wedding in Michigan. Our 2yo was not. The hotel was a 20 min drive from the Wedding venue. They offered to find a sitter to stay at hotel with DD but we said no. None of us went to the Wedding. I think they have a right to say no kids, but parents have the right to decline also and it shouldn’t upset the bride/groom.

I agree with this entirely, and something tells me this bride and groom are not going to be upset if OP declines.

Some people care. No one from our side of the family (other than my parents) went to my sister’s child-free wedding five years ago, and she is still salty about it.
It wasn’t a protest or anything. The logistics were just too difficult. It was a thousand miles away, and it was hard to find childcare to go.
Then, when our cousins weren’t going, our aunts and uncles started dropping out of going, and our grandparents and great-aunts/uncles didn’t want to fly out in their own, so no one ended up going. We did have a separate family party that night and Skype in to the wedding, so we did make an effort, but she was still mad.

[Anonymous]

Yep this goes both ways. Guests can make the choice (not to attend) that works best for them.

We invited kids to our wedding. People who could easily find childcare (local or grandparent help) loved having an evening to themselves. But cousins flying cross-country brought their little kids. Worked for everyone, including the adults who loved the open bar and dancing till midnight.

[Anonymous]

It is their wedding. People can do what they want. And you’re entitled to what want as an invitee with the information as well. Go or don’t go if no kids is a dealbreaker for you.

[Anonymous]

Also agree with a PP that this is cultural and seems very American. And that it's a child free wedding is an odd way to start your marriage if you plan to have kids. Marriage is about family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m just curious how others feel and would handle out of state, family weddings where your child isn’t invited. I would like to go, we have a small family and it’s my only cousin but I think it’s rude to not invite our daughter since, in my opinion, weddings are about celebrating with family and friends (including kids!). My parents will be at the wedding and my husbands family lives abroad so they are unable to help.... most likely my husband will be skipping the festivities, which makes me sad. Again, just curious how people would react - it’s making me feel sad but I don’t want to cause hurt feelings by not attending.

How old is your daughter? If you kid is over the age of 4 than they should be invited but, I wouldn't make a fuss. Just send a present and decline going.

No, they shouldn't. The bride and groom should invite the guests they want at their wedding which may or may not include children.

don't be so nit picky. It was short hand for I agree it would be nice to have children at a family wedding. Funny story. I also did not want children because I feared babies crying and had zero experience with children. My SIL pushed back so I relented and let the four year old attend who in the end was perfectly behaved. Their baby did stay behind with the Dad. I am so glad I was flexible and allowed the nephew to come.

Of course, it is their wedding and can do what they wish!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The only little kids at our wedding were our flower girl and our ring bearer, and they were 4 and 6 at the time. My cousin was upset that I didn't provide a babysitter (as in, pay for one myself, plus provide a "kid friendly" location) for anyone else who wanted to bring their little kids. Sorry, but no.

Agree -it's not a kid's event, it's an adult event. Also, I don't understand the guests that insist on kids - when there aren't even kids in the wedding!! Dafuq??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m just curious how others feel and would handle out of state, family weddings where your child isn’t invited. I would like to go, we have a small family and it’s my only cousin but I think it’s rude to not invite our daughter since, in my opinion, weddings are about celebrating with family and friends (including kids!). My parents will be at the wedding and my husbands family lives abroad so they are unable to help.... most likely my husband will be skipping the festivities, which makes me sad. Again, just curious how people would react - it’s making me feel sad but I don’t want to cause hurt feelings by not attending.

How old is your daughter? If you kid is over the age of 4 than they should be invited but, I wouldn't make a fuss. Just send a present and decline going.

No, they shouldn't. The bride and groom should invite the guests they want at their wedding which may or may not include children.

don't be so nit picky. It was short hand for I agree it would be nice to have children at a family wedding. Funny story. I also did not want children because I feared babies crying and had zero experience with children. My SIL pushed back so I relented and let the four year old attend who in the end was perfectly behaved. Their baby did stay behind with the Dad. I am so glad I was flexible and allowed the nephew to come.

Of course, it is their wedding and can do what they wish!

The issue is, the bride and groom are damned if they do, and damned if they don't, so it is easier to say "no kids" and mean it, than only certain kids being allowed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We were invited to my wife’s cousin wedding in Michigan. Our 2yo was not. The hotel was a 20 min drive from the Wedding venue. They offered to find a sitter to stay at hotel with DD but we said no. None of us went to the Wedding. I think they have a right to say no kids, but parents have the right to decline also and it shouldn’t upset the bride/groom.

I agree with this entirely, and something tells me this bride and groom are not going to be upset if OP declines.

Some people care. No one from our side of the family (other than my parents) went to my sister’s child-free wedding five years ago, and she is still salty about it.
It wasn’t a protest or anything. The logistics were just too difficult. It was a thousand miles away, and it was hard to find childcare to go.
Then, when our cousins weren’t going, our aunts and uncles started dropping out of going, and our grandparents and great-aunts/uncles didn’t want to fly out in their own, so no one ended up going. We did have a separate family party that night and Skype in to the wedding, so we did make an effort, but she was still mad.

If it was one of those tacky destination weddings, I can't really blame people for protesting.