Family wedding - no kids allowed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They know you are out of state with a child. They know you can't bring the child. So they are probably assuming you won't be attending. They made the rules.

I invited family to my wedding and not their kids (logistical thing where all my cousins (12 of them all have between 1-7 kids). I assume they would find childcare arrangements on their own at home if they planned to come. Some ended up bringing the kids and having an older non-invited cousin watch the others

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They know you are out of state with a child. They know you can't bring the child. So they are probably assuming you won't be attending. They made the rules.

I invited family to my wedding and not their kids (logistical thing where all my cousins (12 of them all have between 1-7 kids). I assume they would find childcare arrangements on their own at home if they planned to come. Some ended up bringing the kids and having an older non-invited cousin watch the others

+1

This is a great idea, and it shows the kids that not everything is about them, but also that things can be handled and dealt with in a diplomatic manner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is the age when a kid can attend a “kid-free” wedding? I have a 14 year old teenager and I’m not sure if he counts. Obviously he is not a risk for bad behavior. I hope that he would be invited.

When your child's name or "and family" is specifically included on the invitation. If not, assume they are not invited. Just like "and guest" on an invite to a single person. If it doesn't specify a guest, you are not welcome to bring one.

OP, go alone and have fun. I would LOVE to be able to escape for a weekend by myself with my family. Offer to help your cousin with whatever she needs and go be part of the fun!

[Anonymous]

It wasn’t a destination wedding. It was near her husband’s hometown. And no one was protesting. We love her and respect her decision. It was kind of hurtful that she was so angry.

Why couldn’t you have attended solo and had your spouse stay home with your child?


He was doing a one year fellowship in critical care, and he I weren’t living in the same city at the time. He could only fly out to see the kids and I once every other month, and I didn’t want to go three months without seeing him.
It was an impossible situation, and I don’t think she should have been so mad.

Unless the wedding was planned with less than 2 months notice, something could have been worked out for you to attend your sibling’s wedding. Including your kids being cared for by all the other family members that you mentioned didn’t want to attend solo.

It seems like there is more to this story then how you are presenting it. Some other long standing issue with the sister.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only little kids at our wedding were our flower girl and our ring bearer, and they were 4 and 6 at the time. My cousin was upset that I didn't provide a babysitter (as in, pay for one myself, plus provide a "kid friendly" location) for anyone else who wanted to bring their little kids. Sorry, but no.

I don’t understand why you didn’t do this. What did you think was going to happen to the kids after you used them as props in your wedding photos?

I got married at 23, and had considerably less experience hosting parties than most of DCUM, but I was aware that there needed to be childcare and some food for the people who came in from out of town with their kids. The cost was a small percentage of the overall cost of the wedding, and it made our guests more comfortable.

The flower girl and ring bearer were not just used as props. They were/are much loved by both my DH and myself, their parents were also in the wedding, and they stayed at the reception until they literally passed out on a sofa in the room. We were not anti-child by any means, and there were older (tween/teen) children at our wedding.
My cousin was the only other person who had a little kid and insisted on bringing him. Most of our wedding guests were localxand all to happy to have a child-free evening out. She wanted her son to attend the wedding but not the reception, and she insisted that I be the one to make arrangements for him. We paid for the wedding ourselves, and our budget was tight, and I didn't appreciate her attitude about it being my responsibility. Frankly, I think it was more that she was upset I didn't use him as my ring vearer... but we aren't close.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I agree with you completely. But you also have to do what the people hosting the wedding have decided. In your shoes, I left my kids at home with my husband and flew in for 36 hours for the wedding. I was really glad I did it - got quality time with my grandma, etc.

But yes, it is a bummer to attend a family wedding with a giant pile of aunts, uncles, cousins, siblings, and grandparents... but not kids.

Why is it a bummer?

Clearly you are not someone who values the opportunities to have large / extended families get together. Those experiences are highlights of my childhood and adult life and something I deeply cherish so yes, disappointing to not have this opportunity.

You should organize your own kid friendly event, not make demands of someone else’s event to fill your need for warm feeling of family. What part of, its not your event to make demands is Not clear?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is the age when a kid can attend a “kid-free” wedding? I have a 14 year old teenager and I’m not sure if he counts. Obviously he is not a risk for bad behavior. I hope that he would be invited.

It’s whether their names are on the invite or not. Most of these invites don’t say “kid free”

[Anonymous]

My family pressured me to have a kid-free wedding and Im' so glad I didn't listen. Having my spouses multitude of nieces and nephews there made it so much more fun. Truly, it was such a celebration to see 5 year olds all the way up to 90 year olds dancing on the floor. You just need a good DJ. This "adult" night that people want doesn't exist, because if you are young enough that you're not inviting kids (read: you get married in your 20s), then it's just a stupid frat party anyway. Your friends don't care about your "magical" day, they just want to get dolled up and get drunk for free and hook up with someone. Children are people. If you don't want a baby crying during yoru ceremony (which last like 10 minutes nowadays anyway), have a room off to the side with a sitter or make it easy for people to step out. Life isn't on some script. Kids cry, people fart, sirens go down the street, that is what your marriage will be like. Life is bumpy and you shoudl just enjoy the company of your family. The day is truly about all of you and the community you're trying ot build in support of your new family you're making.

[Anonymous]

Op, you go. Just you. Or you get a babysitter

It's wasted energy to judge
and worry about being judged

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We were invited to my wife’s cousin wedding in Michigan. Our 2yo was not. The hotel was a 20 min drive from the Wedding venue. They offered to find a sitter to stay at hotel with DD but we said no. None of us went to the Wedding. I think they have a right to say no kids, but parents have the right to decline also and it shouldn’t upset the bride/groom.

I agree with this entirely, and something tells me this bride and groom are not going to be upset if OP declines.

Some people care. No one from our side of the family (other than my parents) went to my sister’s child-free wedding five years ago, and she is still salty about it.
It wasn’t a protest or anything. The logistics were just too difficult. It was a thousand miles away, and it was hard to find childcare to go.
Then, when our cousins weren’t going, our aunts and uncles started dropping out of going, and our grandparents and great-aunts/uncles didn’t want to fly out in their own, so no one ended up going. We did have a separate family party that night and Skype in to the wedding, so we did make an effort, but she was still mad.

If it was one of those tacky destination weddings, I can't really blame people for protesting.

It wasn’t a destination wedding. It was near her husband’s hometown. And no one was protesting. We love her and respect her decision. It was kind of hurtful that she was so angry.

No one went to the wedding and YOUR feelings are hurt? Wow talk about selfish.

She had the wedding she wanted. People from her husband’s family came. My parents went. It’s not like she was alone. There was nothing for her to be upset about.
But some people are upset over anything.

[Anonymous]

Husband can watch the kid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They know you are out of state with a child. They know you can't bring the child. So they are probably assuming you won't be attending. They made the rules.

This is how I view it as well. They want a gift, do not want your presence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

It wasn’t a destination wedding. It was near her husband’s hometown. And no one was protesting. We love her and respect her decision. It was kind of hurtful that she was so angry.

Why couldn’t you have attended solo and had your spouse stay home with your child?


He was doing a one year fellowship in critical care, and he I weren’t living in the same city at the time. He could only fly out to see the kids and I once every other month, and I didn’t want to go three months without seeing him.
It was an impossible situation, and I don’t think she should have been so mad.

Unless the wedding was planned with less than 2 months notice, something could have been worked out for you to attend your sibling’s wedding. Including your kids being cared for by all the other family members that you mentioned didn’t want to attend solo.

It seems like there is more to this story then how you are presenting it. Some other long standing issue with the sister.

Nope. Love my sister. She loves me. She honestly wasn’t upset with me personally, more that no one came (particularly grandparents). And that really has nothing to do with me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is the age when a kid can attend a “kid-free” wedding? I have a 14 year old teenager and I’m not sure if he counts. Obviously he is not a risk for bad behavior. I hope that he would be invited.

Read the invitation to answer this question.

Mr. And Mrs. Larlo Jones - just those two people
Mr. And Mrs. Larla Jones and family - those people plus their children
Mr. And Mrs. Larla Jones and Katie Jones - just the original two, plus Katie, all others would be excluded

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I agree with you completely. But you also have to do what the people hosting the wedding have decided. In your shoes, I left my kids at home with my husband and flew in for 36 hours for the wedding. I was really glad I did it - got quality time with my grandma, etc.

But yes, it is a bummer to attend a family wedding with a giant pile of aunts, uncles, cousins, siblings, and grandparents... but not kids.

Why is it a bummer?

Clearly you are not someone who values the opportunities to have large / extended families get together. Those experiences are highlights of my childhood and adult life and something I deeply cherish so yes, disappointing to not have this opportunity.

You should organize your own kid friendly event, not make demands of someone else’s event to fill your need for warm feeling of family. What part of, its not your event to make demands is Not clear?

Yeah, wtf? My family has kid free weddings. We also have family bbqs, giant Thanksgiving, beach house rentals with hoards of small cousins, family sporting events, etc etc etc.