Why do some men check out of their kids' lives after divorce?

[Anonymous]

My ex just hasn’t had an involved dad and doesn’t know how to do it, also too lazy to learn. He is perfectly fine with seeing his son on weekends, often without overnights, and the most they do together is go for a walk or get food at a restaurant. Otherwise they play videogames.
I think it’s better than nothing and certainly better than those “involved” dads who just make the lives of moms difficult by always demanding things to be a certain way. At least he doesn’t meddle with DS’s schooling, extracurriculars, etc.
he is a sunday dad and it is what it is.

[Anonymous]

Some moms can be pretty suffocating to their children in the modern parenting era. Maybe the dads are on to something.

[Anonymous]

I agree with those that said out of sight out of mind. I know a family that built a huge custom home in a gated neighborhood. He cheated, divorced, married ap and supports her kids. They all moved into the new home. His ex and his own biological girls are left to rent out a tiny place in a rough area. They are in actual poverty and stark contrast to previous life. They are clearly not the smartest group of people as exwife won't even take him to court for support because she feels its his money and she is proud, nevermind the girls she has to support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with those that said out of sight out of mind. I know a family that built a huge custom home in a gated neighborhood. He cheated, divorced, married ap and supports her kids. They all moved into the new home. His ex and his own biological girls are left to rent out a tiny place in a rough area. They are in actual poverty and stark contrast to previous life. They are clearly not the smartest group of people as exwife won't even take him to court for support because she feels its his money and she is proud, nevermind the girls she has to support.

This is on her not to go after child support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with those that said out of sight out of mind. I know a family that built a huge custom home in a gated neighborhood. He cheated, divorced, married ap and supports her kids. They all moved into the new home. His ex and his own biological girls are left to rent out a tiny place in a rough area. They are in actual poverty and stark contrast to previous life. They are clearly not the smartest group of people as exwife won't even take him to court for support because she feels its his money and she is proud, nevermind the girls she has to support.

This is on her not to go after child support.

I agree and everyone has told her she is failing the girls in that way. It would not be much but it would make a big difference for them. The girls are the only losers here. The guy gets his new dysfunctional family, the ex gets her "pride" and the girls get squat.

[Anonymous]

Their ex'es make it impossible for them and turn their children tagaint
them

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with those that said out of sight out of mind. I know a family that built a huge custom home in a gated neighborhood. He cheated, divorced, married ap and supports her kids. They all moved into the new home. His ex and his own biological girls are left to rent out a tiny place in a rough area. They are in actual poverty and stark contrast to previous life. They are clearly not the smartest group of people as exwife won't even take him to court for support because she feels its his money and she is proud, nevermind the girls she has to support.

This is on her not to go after child support.

That may not be the case. She may want them out of their lives. If she doesn't pursue CS she knows he won't bother them.

In those kinds of cases it's usually worth it to 86 the sperm donor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with those that said out of sight out of mind. I know a family that built a huge custom home in a gated neighborhood. He cheated, divorced, married ap and supports her kids. They all moved into the new home. His ex and his own biological girls are left to rent out a tiny place in a rough area. They are in actual poverty and stark contrast to previous life. They are clearly not the smartest group of people as exwife won't even take him to court for support because she feels its his money and she is proud, nevermind the girls she has to support.

This is on her not to go after child support.

I agree and everyone has told her she is failing the girls in that way. It would not be much but it would make a big difference for them. The girls are the only losers here. The guy gets his new dysfunctional family, the ex gets her "pride" and the girls get squat.

I don't think you understand all the dynamics. She probably doesn't want her kids over there in that mess, and her girls probably don't want to go either. I've seen that quite a few times. Usually Karma ends up biting the cheaters in the butt. They may be happy to be rid of him, the big house...who cares. He'll have newer and bigger problems as is often the case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How is it possible for some fathers to check out of their children's lives and basically phase out contact with them after a divorce? I have seen plenty of even highly educated men doing this, even if it was originally them eager to have kids, and they were adamant that they would take good care of them. As a mom, I could not go even two weeks without seeing my kid.

The lack of responsibility and selfishness is heartbreaking. How can such a thing happen? Let's say he does not get along well with the mom. That is not a reason to stop contact with the child....

Because all the red flags about their parenting and sense of entitlement and lack of responsibility is probably why they got divorced in the first place.

[Anonymous]

^^ yup

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with those that said out of sight out of mind. I know a family that built a huge custom home in a gated neighborhood. He cheated, divorced, married ap and supports her kids. They all moved into the new home. His ex and his own biological girls are left to rent out a tiny place in a rough area. They are in actual poverty and stark contrast to previous life. They are clearly not the smartest group of people as exwife won't even take him to court for support because she feels its his money and she is proud, nevermind the girls she has to support.

This is on her not to go after child support.

I agree and everyone has told her she is failing the girls in that way. It would not be much but it would make a big difference for them. The girls are the only losers here. The guy gets his new dysfunctional family, the ex gets her "pride" and the girls get squat.

I don't think you understand all the dynamics. She probably doesn't want her kids over there in that mess, and her girls probably don't want to go either. I've seen that quite a few times. Usually Karma ends up biting the cheaters in the butt. They may be happy to be rid of him, the big house...who cares. He'll have newer and bigger problems as is often the case.

Pp here You might be right, the dad works for ICE so he may have that LEO style abusive personality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ex just hasn’t had an involved dad and doesn’t know how to do it, also too lazy to learn. He is perfectly fine with seeing his son on weekends, often without overnights, and the most they do together is go for a walk or get food at a restaurant. Otherwise they play videogames.
I think it’s better than nothing and certainly better than those “involved” dads who just make the lives of moms difficult by always demanding things to be a certain way. At least he doesn’t meddle with DS’s schooling, extracurriculars, etc.
he is a sunday dad and it is what it is.

So he's not involved enough and that's bad and shows he is lazy and inadequate, but if he was actually involved and took an interest in schooling and extracurriculars that would be bad too and show he's a jerk. OK then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Their ex'es make it impossible for them and turn their children tagaint
them

Man up. I thought men were supposed to be tougher than women. Aren't your kids worth fighting for? Or are these men such wusses that they allow their exwives to dictate the relationship with their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Their ex'es make it impossible for them and turn their children tagaint
them

Man up. I thought men were supposed to be tougher than women. Aren't your kids worth fighting for? Or are these men such wusses that they allow their exwives to dictate the relationship with their kids.

You are such an idiot.

Do you know how manipulative some women can be?

At some point, there is no amount of "manning up" that will offset the toxic ways of a toxic woman - and the solution is NOT for the man to just cave to "her way of doing things" just to "keep the peace". That latter is total, total BS

These woman take it out on their ex by USING their kids. They are sick humans, not the other way around. I've witnessed it first hand and it's rather appalling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a tale as old as time. There are many men who take care of the child(ren) of the woman they are sleeping with. So, if he isn’t sleeping with her, he will not take care of her kids (even if they are his).

Sadly this.