When someone contacts you about being excluded from social events

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just don’t understand why it would be a big deal to invite someone to a drive by party.

I could understand not inviting someone to a real party. But ffs to a drive by? In the same neighborhood? Does it have to be exclusive?

Couldn’t you say to the organizer, do you mind if Larla joins us?

What a f**ing mean group of people you are.

And I don't understand why the excluded friend can't contact the people who actually did exclude her, directly, vs. trying to manipulate OP into being her personal friend concierge.

What you also might not understand is that some people do, in fact, have legitimate reasons for not wanting to associate with someone. Like me with my neighbor who made horrible racist remarks about our mutual acquaintance, who is biracial, in front of my children. I will not being inviting racist people to any of my events, ever, even if it is a drive-by birthday party. And that is exactly none of your business. Just as it is none of OP's business whether her other friend had some type of reason for not inviting the "excluded friend."

Do you get it?

Of course you understand why. Maybe she's shy? Nervous? Has anxiety? Is trying (until now at least) not to bring it up to the whole group due to fear of being shot down? There are many, many reasons why she did this.

And your example, above, is really not relevant here. There is nothing to suggest that happened. Just a woman and her son trying to fit in, however awkwardly, and not being permitted to do so b/c OP and her friend seem not very nice, frankly.

OP, I don't understand why it is so freaking hard for you to have a conversation, in person or not by text, about the situation. Tell her you don't want to be her go between. But also tell her that elevating things -which she did at your urging- is not helping. But, that you will do your best to include her. And then do it. You're overcomplicating what should have been a few easy ways to include a woman looking for friends. Shame on you.

"Shame" on the OP for: inviting this woman everywhere, organizing her social plans, and driving her to and from events?? Yeah, she sounds like a horrible person. What do you expect of your friends -- do they need to pay for your meal and massage your feet at the restaurant, too?

Don't be an idiot. OP isn't being asked to "invite this woman everywhere" or "organize her plans." So stop. She's asking to be included. She senses -correctly- that she is not. THe only horrible person in this is people like you looking to justify your behavior. I expect my friends to treat me like I would treat them, which is with kindness and being inclusive.

I have a very tight knit group of friends in my neighborhood. When new people move in or express wanting to get to know the others, I invite them. So do my friends. A simple "hey do you mind if I invite XXX" to the XXX. She's new and wants to get to know people. To formal parties? No. But a drive by birthdays, happy hours, etc. . .. those are not formal events. And you know that. You're just looking for a reason to have no responsibility for your actions.

I won't even respond to your idiotic response about massages or paying for meals. If that's how simple you are, it's not even educating you why that analogy is ridiculous.

I don’t think you read the post, and you appear to be bringing your own baggage to bear here. Pause and reflect.

You seem so oddly defensive here!

Have you ever thought that this woman just wants her kid to fit in and get to know the group of other kids and not be on the outside of that or feel she is holding her kid back?

Sure, but making one person your social go between isn't the way to do it, and I don't think it's fair to pile on the original poster. Some people are being downright nasty.

No but it’s very easy to read through the lines:
Fringe friend
Minion of mean, insecure queen bee type
Just so relieved and satisfied to be included
No confidence to invite someone else and be deemed uncool

I think some of us are warning her to be careful herself to fall into the trappings of this and watch your own behavior. I wouldn’t be shocked if the OP finds herself on the outside with truly no one because she was kind of a b*tch to others. Especially if this little clique blows up which it often will as dynamics change as the kids get older.

You are reading way to much into this post. OP said she invites this person along all the time and DRIVES her to events. She didn’t
invite her to someone else’s birthday party and got reamed out. What don’t you get??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just don’t understand why it would be a big deal to invite someone to a drive by party.

I could understand not inviting someone to a real party. But ffs to a drive by? In the same neighborhood? Does it have to be exclusive?

Couldn’t you say to the organizer, do you mind if Larla joins us?

What a f**ing mean group of people you are.

And I don't understand why the excluded friend can't contact the people who actually did exclude her, directly, vs. trying to manipulate OP into being her personal friend concierge.

What you also might not understand is that some people do, in fact, have legitimate reasons for not wanting to associate with someone. Like me with my neighbor who made horrible racist remarks about our mutual acquaintance, who is biracial, in front of my children. I will not being inviting racist people to any of my events, ever, even if it is a drive-by birthday party. And that is exactly none of your business. Just as it is none of OP's business whether her other friend had some type of reason for not inviting the "excluded friend."

Do you get it?

Of course you understand why. Maybe she's shy? Nervous? Has anxiety? Is trying (until now at least) not to bring it up to the whole group due to fear of being shot down? There are many, many reasons why she did this.

And your example, above, is really not relevant here. There is nothing to suggest that happened. Just a woman and her son trying to fit in, however awkwardly, and not being permitted to do so b/c OP and her friend seem not very nice, frankly.

OP, I don't understand why it is so freaking hard for you to have a conversation, in person or not by text, about the situation. Tell her you don't want to be her go between. But also tell her that elevating things -which she did at your urging- is not helping. But, that you will do your best to include her. And then do it. You're overcomplicating what should have been a few easy ways to include a woman looking for friends. Shame on you.

"Shame" on the OP for: inviting this woman everywhere, organizing her social plans, and driving her to and from events?? Yeah, she sounds like a horrible person. What do you expect of your friends -- do they need to pay for your meal and massage your feet at the restaurant, too?

Don't be an idiot. OP isn't being asked to "invite this woman everywhere" or "organize her plans." So stop. She's asking to be included. She senses -correctly- that she is not. THe only horrible person in this is people like you looking to justify your behavior. I expect my friends to treat me like I would treat them, which is with kindness and being inclusive.

I have a very tight knit group of friends in my neighborhood. When new people move in or express wanting to get to know the others, I invite them. So do my friends. A simple "hey do you mind if I invite XXX" to the XXX. She's new and wants to get to know people. To formal parties? No. But a drive by birthdays, happy hours, etc. . .. those are not formal events. And you know that. You're just looking for a reason to have no responsibility for your actions.

I won't even respond to your idiotic response about massages or paying for meals. If that's how simple you are, it's not even educating you why that analogy is ridiculous.

I don’t think you read the post, and you appear to be bringing your own baggage to bear here. Pause and reflect.

You seem so oddly defensive here!

Have you ever thought that this woman just wants her kid to fit in and get to know the group of other kids and not be on the outside of that or feel she is holding her kid back?

Sure, but making one person your social go between isn't the way to do it, and I don't think it's fair to pile on the original poster. Some people are being downright nasty.

No but it’s very easy to read through the lines:
Fringe friend
Minion of mean, insecure queen bee type
Just so relieved and satisfied to be included
No confidence to invite someone else and be deemed uncool

I think some of us are warning her to be careful herself to fall into the trappings of this and watch your own behavior. I wouldn’t be shocked if the OP finds herself on the outside with truly no one because she was kind of a b*tch to others. Especially if this little clique blows up which it often will as dynamics change as the kids get older.

You are reading way to much into this post. OP said she invites this person along all the time and DRIVES her to events. She didn’t
invite her to someone else’s birthday party and got reamed out. What don’t you get??

I am pretty sure I read the situation for what it is. What don't you get.

I don't think she should be reamed out for this situation but I think she should watch her own behavior because this is likely not going to go well for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just don’t understand why it would be a big deal to invite someone to a drive by party.

I could understand not inviting someone to a real party. But ffs to a drive by? In the same neighborhood? Does it have to be exclusive?

Couldn’t you say to the organizer, do you mind if Larla joins us?

What a f**ing mean group of people you are.

And I don't understand why the excluded friend can't contact the people who actually did exclude her, directly, vs. trying to manipulate OP into being her personal friend concierge.

What you also might not understand is that some people do, in fact, have legitimate reasons for not wanting to associate with someone. Like me with my neighbor who made horrible racist remarks about our mutual acquaintance, who is biracial, in front of my children. I will not being inviting racist people to any of my events, ever, even if it is a drive-by birthday party. And that is exactly none of your business. Just as it is none of OP's business whether her other friend had some type of reason for not inviting the "excluded friend."

Do you get it?

Of course you understand why. Maybe she's shy? Nervous? Has anxiety? Is trying (until now at least) not to bring it up to the whole group due to fear of being shot down? There are many, many reasons why she did this.

And your example, above, is really not relevant here. There is nothing to suggest that happened. Just a woman and her son trying to fit in, however awkwardly, and not being permitted to do so b/c OP and her friend seem not very nice, frankly.

OP, I don't understand why it is so freaking hard for you to have a conversation, in person or not by text, about the situation. Tell her you don't want to be her go between. But also tell her that elevating things -which she did at your urging- is not helping. But, that you will do your best to include her. And then do it. You're overcomplicating what should have been a few easy ways to include a woman looking for friends. Shame on you.

"Shame" on the OP for: inviting this woman everywhere, organizing her social plans, and driving her to and from events?? Yeah, she sounds like a horrible person. What do you expect of your friends -- do they need to pay for your meal and massage your feet at the restaurant, too?

Don't be an idiot. OP isn't being asked to "invite this woman everywhere" or "organize her plans." So stop. She's asking to be included. She senses -correctly- that she is not. THe only horrible person in this is people like you looking to justify your behavior. I expect my friends to treat me like I would treat them, which is with kindness and being inclusive.

I have a very tight knit group of friends in my neighborhood. When new people move in or express wanting to get to know the others, I invite them. So do my friends. A simple "hey do you mind if I invite XXX" to the XXX. She's new and wants to get to know people. To formal parties? No. But a drive by birthdays, happy hours, etc. . .. those are not formal events. And you know that. You're just looking for a reason to have no responsibility for your actions.

I won't even respond to your idiotic response about massages or paying for meals. If that's how simple you are, it's not even educating you why that analogy is ridiculous.

I don’t think you read the post, and you appear to be bringing your own baggage to bear here. Pause and reflect.

You seem so oddly defensive here!

Have you ever thought that this woman just wants her kid to fit in and get to know the group of other kids and not be on the outside of that or feel she is holding her kid back?

Sure, but making one person your social go between isn't the way to do it, and I don't think it's fair to pile on the original poster. Some people are being downright nasty.

No but it’s very easy to read through the lines:
Fringe friend
Minion of mean, insecure queen bee type
Just so relieved and satisfied to be included
No confidence to invite someone else and be deemed uncool

I think some of us are warning her to be careful herself to fall into the trappings of this and watch your own behavior. I wouldn’t be shocked if the OP finds herself on the outside with truly no one because she was kind of a b*tch to others. Especially if this little clique blows up which it often will as dynamics change as the kids get older.

You are reading way to much into this post. OP said she invites this person along all the time and DRIVES her to events. She didn’t
invite her to someone else’s birthday party and got reamed out. What don’t you get??

I am pretty sure I read the situation for what it is. What don't you get.

I don't think she should be reamed out for this situation but I think she should watch her own behavior because this is likely not going to go well for her.

I think you have read too many chick-lit books?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just don’t understand why it would be a big deal to invite someone to a drive by party.

I could understand not inviting someone to a real party. But ffs to a drive by? In the same neighborhood? Does it have to be exclusive?

Couldn’t you say to the organizer, do you mind if Larla joins us?

What a f**ing mean group of people you are.

And I don't understand why the excluded friend can't contact the people who actually did exclude her, directly, vs. trying to manipulate OP into being her personal friend concierge.

What you also might not understand is that some people do, in fact, have legitimate reasons for not wanting to associate with someone. Like me with my neighbor who made horrible racist remarks about our mutual acquaintance, who is biracial, in front of my children. I will not being inviting racist people to any of my events, ever, even if it is a drive-by birthday party. And that is exactly none of your business. Just as it is none of OP's business whether her other friend had some type of reason for not inviting the "excluded friend."

Do you get it?

Of course you understand why. Maybe she's shy? Nervous? Has anxiety? Is trying (until now at least) not to bring it up to the whole group due to fear of being shot down? There are many, many reasons why she did this.

And your example, above, is really not relevant here. There is nothing to suggest that happened. Just a woman and her son trying to fit in, however awkwardly, and not being permitted to do so b/c OP and her friend seem not very nice, frankly.

OP, I don't understand why it is so freaking hard for you to have a conversation, in person or not by text, about the situation. Tell her you don't want to be her go between. But also tell her that elevating things -which she did at your urging- is not helping. But, that you will do your best to include her. And then do it. You're overcomplicating what should have been a few easy ways to include a woman looking for friends. Shame on you.

"Shame" on the OP for: inviting this woman everywhere, organizing her social plans, and driving her to and from events?? Yeah, she sounds like a horrible person. What do you expect of your friends -- do they need to pay for your meal and massage your feet at the restaurant, too?

Don't be an idiot. OP isn't being asked to "invite this woman everywhere" or "organize her plans." So stop. She's asking to be included. She senses -correctly- that she is not. THe only horrible person in this is people like you looking to justify your behavior. I expect my friends to treat me like I would treat them, which is with kindness and being inclusive.

I have a very tight knit group of friends in my neighborhood. When new people move in or express wanting to get to know the others, I invite them. So do my friends. A simple "hey do you mind if I invite XXX" to the XXX. She's new and wants to get to know people. To formal parties? No. But a drive by birthdays, happy hours, etc. . .. those are not formal events. And you know that. You're just looking for a reason to have no responsibility for your actions.

I won't even respond to your idiotic response about massages or paying for meals. If that's how simple you are, it's not even educating you why that analogy is ridiculous.

I don’t think you read the post, and you appear to be bringing your own baggage to bear here. Pause and reflect.

You seem so oddly defensive here!

Have you ever thought that this woman just wants her kid to fit in and get to know the group of other kids and not be on the outside of that or feel she is holding her kid back?

Sure, but making one person your social go between isn't the way to do it, and I don't think it's fair to pile on the original poster. Some people are being downright nasty.

No but it’s very easy to read through the lines:
Fringe friend
Minion of mean, insecure queen bee type
Just so relieved and satisfied to be included
No confidence to invite someone else and be deemed uncool

I think some of us are warning her to be careful herself to fall into the trappings of this and watch your own behavior. I wouldn’t be shocked if the OP finds herself on the outside with truly no one because she was kind of a b*tch to others. Especially if this little clique blows up which it often will as dynamics change as the kids get older.

You are reading way to much into this post. OP said she invites this person along all the time and DRIVES her to events. She didn’t
invite her to someone else’s birthday party and got reamed out. What don’t you get??

I am pretty sure I read the situation for what it is. What don't you get.

I don't think she should be reamed out for this situation but I think she should watch her own behavior because this is likely not going to go well for her.

I think you have read too many chick-lit books?

Ok. I’ll just wait for the post from the OP in two months. “I’m so frustrated. My group I thought were my friends keep excluding me. “

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a sticky friend situation. (We need a friendship board here.)

I live in a kid-friendly neighborhood; many of us have kids the same age (grade 2 and under), and there is a group of a dozen or so of us who hang out fairly regularly. Within that group, certain folks see one another more often due to proximity, kids gender, sports, what have you.

There's a mom outside this group with whom I'm friendly. Her son simply isn't as close with the kids of these parents. It's nothing personal at all; organically, get-togethers just don't involve her as much.

Before COVID, the "left out" mom (for lack of a better term) asked me to keep her informed next time this group hung out. It was a bit awkward, simply because I wasn't always the host -- for instance, if someone had a barbecue, was I supposed to ask her? If it was an outing like a bar, I would tell her. Often she would decline anyway.

Well, there was a drive-by "parade" for one of the kids in the group's birthdays. The mom posted it on social media, with photos of people driving by and waving, a singalong etc. My "left out" friend sent me a text asking why I didn't tell her about the birthday party, saying she's really hurt, I'd told her I'd keep her in the loop about future events. I told her I was sorry, but it was not even my child's birthday, it was someone else's party. She is now upset with me and I really don't know what to say. Nobody was trying to exclude her; her son simply isn't friends with this girl and I don't think it crossed anyone's mind to invite this kid!!?

What do I say??

You need to invite the kid next time.

If you invite the kid down the street who pulled my daughter's pants and underwear down on the playground during recess to my daughter's drive-by birthday parade without asking me first, you will get an earful from me, and going forward I will be cordial to you, but we will not be friends.

So in your rush to be inclusive, understand that you are overstepping and may actually damage another friendship.

Oh good lord. You’ve said this story 10 times. This is not what is going on here!

The point is ***don't invite people to other people's events, when you are not the host!*** It is never OK to do that. Ever. Because dynamics like this one may be in play. Stay in your lane.

Nope you mention to the host that X might feel left out. Don’t be a wuss who’s afraid to speak up for what’s right. I have done that for years as a guest, and people have asked me as a host to invite others.

[Anonymous]

This new person just sounds so desperate. I'm often the odd mom out because we have moved quite frequently, and no one wants to disrupt their pre-existing friend groups. I would never beg to be let in. If the friendships arent developing naturally based on common interests or personalities that click, give it a rest. I have no desire to be part of the exclusive club anyway because it's usually just nasty, gossipy women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These boards often seem to bring out "projection" tendencies in people, who extrapolate situations and ascribe behaviors to the OP that have no relevance to their posts or questions. Insults also often get hurled. It's a fascinating psychological phenomenon.

Who on earth would invite someone else to another person's child's birthday party?? It's beyond rude.

But it wasn't really a birthday party. Didn't cost the birthday child's mother any money. It's literally driving by (on public roads). I can't imagine the birthday child would be ticked off by an additional child waving from the car and wishing them a happy birthday.

It doesn't matter! Someone else's event is someone else's event!

If someone invited a certain person in my neighborhood to even a drive-by event I organized for my child without checking with me, they would be treated to an earful about how that neighbor made racist comments in front of my children, and I choose to never have that person around me or my children EVER AGAIN. Mind your business. Hint: your business is not inviting people to anyone's event but YOUR OWN.

So, if I, a stranger, happen to drive down your street and see the birthday kid outside, and people in other cars are smiling and waving at them, and I wave and smile as well, whatcha gonna do? Oh right, NOTHING. You don’t own the street. It’s not really an event. It’s people on public property waving at your child. How does one extra child waving hurt your child? You’re a batshit crazy control freak.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just don’t understand why it would be a big deal to invite someone to a drive by party.

I could understand not inviting someone to a real party. But ffs to a drive by? In the same neighborhood? Does it have to be exclusive?

Couldn’t you say to the organizer, do you mind if Larla joins us?

What a f**ing mean group of people you are.

And I don't understand why the excluded friend can't contact the people who actually did exclude her, directly, vs. trying to manipulate OP into being her personal friend concierge.

What you also might not understand is that some people do, in fact, have legitimate reasons for not wanting to associate with someone. Like me with my neighbor who made horrible racist remarks about our mutual acquaintance, who is biracial, in front of my children. I will not being inviting racist people to any of my events, ever, even if it is a drive-by birthday party. And that is exactly none of your business. Just as it is none of OP's business whether her other friend had some type of reason for not inviting the "excluded friend."

Do you get it?

Of course you understand why. Maybe she's shy? Nervous? Has anxiety? Is trying (until now at least) not to bring it up to the whole group due to fear of being shot down? There are many, many reasons why she did this.

And your example, above, is really not relevant here. There is nothing to suggest that happened. Just a woman and her son trying to fit in, however awkwardly, and not being permitted to do so b/c OP and her friend seem not very nice, frankly.

OP, I don't understand why it is so freaking hard for you to have a conversation, in person or not by text, about the situation. Tell her you don't want to be her go between. But also tell her that elevating things -which she did at your urging- is not helping. But, that you will do your best to include her. And then do it. You're overcomplicating what should have been a few easy ways to include a woman looking for friends. Shame on you.

NP. We have a boy on our neighborhood who pulled my daughters pants and underwear down at school during recess. I am cordial, always, to his parents. But do you think I'm going to invite that little shit to wave at my daughter on her birthday?

You don't know the other parents reasons. Or maybe she legitimately, honestly forgot about someone with whom she is not particularly close.

Life happens. Grow up.

Not quite sure what you’re worried about. He can’t pants her from inside his parents’ car.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just don’t understand why it would be a big deal to invite someone to a drive by party.

I could understand not inviting someone to a real party. But ffs to a drive by? In the same neighborhood? Does it have to be exclusive?

Couldn’t you say to the organizer, do you mind if Larla joins us?

What a f**ing mean group of people you are.

And I don't understand why the excluded friend can't contact the people who actually did exclude her, directly, vs. trying to manipulate OP into being her personal friend concierge.

What you also might not understand is that some people do, in fact, have legitimate reasons for not wanting to associate with someone. Like me with my neighbor who made horrible racist remarks about our mutual acquaintance, who is biracial, in front of my children. I will not being inviting racist people to any of my events, ever, even if it is a drive-by birthday party. And that is exactly none of your business. Just as it is none of OP's business whether her other friend had some type of reason for not inviting the "excluded friend."

Do you get it?

Of course you understand why. Maybe she's shy? Nervous? Has anxiety? Is trying (until now at least) not to bring it up to the whole group due to fear of being shot down? There are many, many reasons why she did this.

And your example, above, is really not relevant here. There is nothing to suggest that happened. Just a woman and her son trying to fit in, however awkwardly, and not being permitted to do so b/c OP and her friend seem not very nice, frankly.

OP, I don't understand why it is so freaking hard for you to have a conversation, in person or not by text, about the situation. Tell her you don't want to be her go between. But also tell her that elevating things -which she did at your urging- is not helping. But, that you will do your best to include her. And then do it. You're overcomplicating what should have been a few easy ways to include a woman looking for friends. Shame on you.

NP. We have a boy on our neighborhood who pulled my daughters pants and underwear down at school during recess. I am cordial, always, to his parents. But do you think I'm going to invite that little shit to wave at my daughter on her birthday?

You don't know the other parents reasons. Or maybe she legitimately, honestly forgot about someone with whom she is not particularly close.

Life happens. Grow up.

Not quite sure what you’re worried about. He can’t pants her from inside his parents’ car.

You can’t be serious. It’s not about the particular act of pantsing. Are you being intentionally obtuse?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These boards often seem to bring out "projection" tendencies in people, who extrapolate situations and ascribe behaviors to the OP that have no relevance to their posts or questions. Insults also often get hurled. It's a fascinating psychological phenomenon.

Who on earth would invite someone else to another person's child's birthday party?? It's beyond rude.

But it wasn't really a birthday party. Didn't cost the birthday child's mother any money. It's literally driving by (on public roads). I can't imagine the birthday child would be ticked off by an additional child waving from the car and wishing them a happy birthday.

It doesn't matter! Someone else's event is someone else's event!

If someone invited a certain person in my neighborhood to even a drive-by event I organized for my child without checking with me, they would be treated to an earful about how that neighbor made racist comments in front of my children, and I choose to never have that person around me or my children EVER AGAIN. Mind your business. Hint: your business is not inviting people to anyone's event but YOUR OWN.

So, if I, a stranger, happen to drive down your street and see the birthday kid outside, and people in other cars are smiling and waving at them, and I wave and smile as well, whatcha gonna do? Oh right, NOTHING. You don’t own the street. It’s not really an event. It’s people on public property waving at your child. How does one extra child waving hurt your child? You’re a batshit crazy control freak.

The irony of you wanting to invite people to events you don’t host, thus controlling the guest list, and calling someone else controlling! Good chuckle. - np

[Anonymous]

For those beating up OP about the drive-by party. She clarified up thread that this was a kid party held in the host's front yard and the host handed out goody bags etc. I think it is clear that this was not a "community event". And it was held on someone's private property.

Lots of drama in this friend group, OP. I'd start distancing yourself from this clique, or, just be honest with this "outsider" friend that you can't help her be on the inside.

[Anonymous]

Groups of friends who click form naturally; it doesn't make the people in the group nasty or mean or malicious. It's called life. Good lord.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just don’t understand why it would be a big deal to invite someone to a drive by party.

I could understand not inviting someone to a real party. But ffs to a drive by? In the same neighborhood? Does it have to be exclusive?

Couldn’t you say to the organizer, do you mind if Larla joins us?

What a f**ing mean group of people you are.

And I don't understand why the excluded friend can't contact the people who actually did exclude her, directly, vs. trying to manipulate OP into being her personal friend concierge.

What you also might not understand is that some people do, in fact, have legitimate reasons for not wanting to associate with someone. Like me with my neighbor who made horrible racist remarks about our mutual acquaintance, who is biracial, in front of my children. I will not being inviting racist people to any of my events, ever, even if it is a drive-by birthday party. And that is exactly none of your business. Just as it is none of OP's business whether her other friend had some type of reason for not inviting the "excluded friend."

Do you get it?

Of course you understand why. Maybe she's shy? Nervous? Has anxiety? Is trying (until now at least) not to bring it up to the whole group due to fear of being shot down? There are many, many reasons why she did this.

And your example, above, is really not relevant here. There is nothing to suggest that happened. Just a woman and her son trying to fit in, however awkwardly, and not being permitted to do so b/c OP and her friend seem not very nice, frankly.

OP, I don't understand why it is so freaking hard for you to have a conversation, in person or not by text, about the situation. Tell her you don't want to be her go between. But also tell her that elevating things -which she did at your urging- is not helping. But, that you will do your best to include her. And then do it. You're overcomplicating what should have been a few easy ways to include a woman looking for friends. Shame on you.

NP. We have a boy on our neighborhood who pulled my daughters pants and underwear down at school during recess. I am cordial, always, to his parents. But do you think I'm going to invite that little shit to wave at my daughter on her birthday?

You don't know the other parents reasons. Or maybe she legitimately, honestly forgot about someone with whom she is not particularly close.

Life happens. Grow up.

Not quite sure what you’re worried about. He can’t pants her from inside his parents’ car.

You can’t be serious. It’s not about the particular act of pantsing. Are you being intentionally obtuse?

^^Obtuse poster is back!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those beating up OP about the drive-by party. She clarified up thread that this was a kid party held in the host's front yard and the host handed out goody bags etc. I think it is clear that this was not a "community event". And it was held on someone's private property.

Lots of drama in this friend group, OP. I'd start distancing yourself from this clique, or, just be honest with this "outsider" friend that you can't help her be on the inside.

This friend group sounds boring as hell--I wouldn't be trying to get in on anything with them!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Groups of friends who click form naturally; it doesn't make the people in the group nasty or mean or malicious. It's called life. Good lord.

This is a neighborhood group of 12 or so, not “friends” in the true sense. The only thing that needs to click is that they are moms in the same geographic area. Yes, some kids will get along more than others, and those families may click MORE than some others, but they are still part of the group at large. Surely there is room for one more at their table and at least one other mom in the group this other mom would click with.

And stop with the “because their kids play together”. At that age, they play together because they know each other, or their parents do.

I think OP gets a kick out of being one of the cool moms in the group. It takes two hot seconds to try to include this woman in events, or to put friend in touch with other people in the group.