Reply to When someone contacts you about being excluded from social events

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I just don’t understand why it would be a big deal to invite someone to a drive by party.

I could understand not inviting someone to a real party. But ffs to a drive by? In the same neighborhood? Does it have to be exclusive?

Couldn’t you say to the organizer, do you mind if Larla joins us?

What a f**ing mean group of people you are.[/quote]

[b]And I don't understand why the excluded friend can't contact the people who actually did exclude her, directly, vs. trying to manipulate OP into being her personal friend concierge.[/b]

What you also might not understand is that some people do, in fact, have legitimate reasons for not wanting to associate with someone. Like me with my neighbor who made horrible racist remarks about our mutual acquaintance, who is biracial, in front of my children. I will not being inviting racist people to any of my events, ever, even if it is a drive-by birthday party. And that is exactly none of your business. Just as it is none of OP's business whether her other friend had some type of reason for not inviting the "excluded friend."

Do you get it?[/quote]

Of course you understand why. Maybe she's shy? Nervous? Has anxiety? Is trying (until now at least) not to bring it up to the whole group due to fear of being shot down? There are many, many reasons why she did this.

And your example, above, is really not relevant here. There is nothing to suggest that happened. Just a woman and her son trying to fit in, however awkwardly, and not being permitted to do so b/c OP and her friend seem not very nice, frankly.

OP, I don't understand why it is so freaking hard for you to have a conversation, in person or not by text, about the situation. Tell her you don't want to be her go between. But also tell her that elevating things -which she did at your urging- is not helping. But, that you will do your best to include her. And then do it. You're overcomplicating what should have been a few easy ways to include a woman looking for friends. Shame on you.[/quote]

"Shame" on the OP for: inviting this woman everywhere, organizing her social plans, and driving her to and from events?? Yeah, she sounds like a horrible person. What do you expect of your friends -- do they need to pay for your meal and massage your feet at the restaurant, too?[/quote]

Don't be an idiot. OP isn't being asked to "invite this woman everywhere" or "organize her plans." So stop. She's asking to be included. She senses -correctly- that she is not. THe only horrible person in this is people like you looking to justify your behavior. I expect my friends to treat me like I would treat them, which is with kindness and being inclusive.

I have a very tight knit group of friends in my neighborhood. When new people move in or express wanting to get to know the others, I invite them. So do my friends. A simple "hey do you mind if I invite XXX" to the XXX. She's new and wants to get to know people. To formal parties? No. But a drive by birthdays, happy hours, etc. . .. those are not formal events. And you know that. You're just looking for a reason to have no responsibility for your actions.

I won't even respond to your idiotic response about massages or paying for meals. If that's how simple you are, it's not even educating you why that analogy is ridiculous.[/quote]

I don’t think you read the post, and you appear to be bringing your own baggage to bear here. Pause and reflect.[/quote]

You seem so oddly defensive here!

Have you ever thought that this woman just wants her kid to fit in and get to know the group of other kids and not be on the outside of that or feel she is holding her kid back?[/quote]

Sure, but making one person your social go between isn't the way to do it, and I don't think it's fair to pile on the original poster. Some people are being downright nasty.[/quote]

No but it’s very easy to read through the lines: 
Fringe friend 
Minion of mean, insecure queen bee type 
Just so relieved and satisfied to be included 
No confidence to invite someone else and be deemed uncool

I think some of us are warning her to be careful herself to fall into the trappings of this and watch your own behavior. I wouldn’t be shocked if the OP finds herself on the outside with truly no one because she was kind of a b*tch to others. Especially if this little clique blows up which it often will as dynamics change as the kids get older. [/quote]

You are reading way to much into this post. OP said she invites this person along all the time and DRIVES her to events. She didn’t
invite her to someone else’s birthday party and got reamed out. What don’t you get??[/quote]

I am pretty sure I read the situation for what it is. What don't you get.

I don't think she should be reamed out for this situation but I think she should watch her own behavior because this is likely not going to go well for her. [/quote]

I think you have read too many chick-lit books?[/quote]

Ok. I’ll just wait for the post from the OP in two months. “I’m so frustrated. My group I thought were my friends keep excluding me. “[/quote]

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