What’s the best joke you’ve ever heard?

[Anonymous]

Q: How do you catch a unique rabbit?

A: unique up on it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you make a dead baby float?

Two scoops of ice cream two scoops of dead baby.

I can’t imagine anyone finding this the least bit funny.

My dad told me this joke years ago. He was kind of an a$$hole.

I thought it was funny, but I grew up in the era of dead baby jokes. I started to type a ouplc of them out just now, but...you guys won't find them funny.

[Anonymous]

Q. What do you get when you throw a piano down a mineshaft?

A. A flat minor.

[Anonymous]

How is a viola different from an onion?

-Nobody cries when you peel a viola.

How are a violist’s fingers like a scud missile?

-They’re both highly inaccurate and offensive.

If you throw a viola and a trumpet out a window, which one will hit the ground first?

-Who cares?



Orchestra nerd jokes.

[Anonymous]

https://mobile.twitter.com/iwearcrocsalot/status/1152804030055440386?lang=en" target="_new" rel="nofollow"> https://mobile.twitter.com/iwearcrocsalot/status/1152804030055440386?lang=en

[Anonymous]

My brother committed suicide but I don’t mind dark humor suicide jokes. I could totally understand someone not finding them funny but I do. That’s the thing about humor- it’s very individual. I think the pp of holocaust joke fame was clear that s/he wouldn’t tell it to people who might be sensitive to it. That seems polite to me. Recognizing That other people WOULD in fact find it funny.

[Anonymous]

What do you say when you see a snail driving by in a sports car? “Look at that s-car go!”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yo mama jokes were ruthless when I was young...

e.g. Yo mama so fat she has her own zipcode

Yo mama so fat she walk in front of the TV and you miss two commercials

[Anonymous]

That golfer is so slow it takes him 2 hours to watch 60 minutes.

[Anonymous]

If you're American when you go in the bathroom and you're American when you come out of the bathroom, what are you while you're in the bathroom?

European (You're-a-peein)

My kids loved this one when they were little and then they added.....and what were you if you were in a hurry? Russian!

[Anonymous]

Q: Why did the chicken stop halfway across the road?

A: She wanted to lay it on the line.


**********************************************

A: Why do elephants paint their toenails red?

B: I don't know, why?

A: To hide in the strawberry patch. Have you ever seen an elephant in a strawberry patch?

B: Of course not.

A: That proves it works!

[Anonymous]

Ein Mann sagt seinem Hund "Platz!" Der Hund platzt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love that Ricky Gervais joke about the Holocaust. It's very specifically pointing out the horror of it.

(Pp again. I'm taking about the one he tells Jerry Seinfeld in Comedians in Cars. Google it and watch the video clip. It plays better out loud than on paper, imo)

Solomon, an elderly Holocaust survivor, dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, he asks to tell God a joke. God agrees and Solomon tells the Almighty a Holocaust joke. When he’s finished, God doesn’t laugh. “I guess you had to be there,” Solomon says.

[Anonymous]

Solomon, an elderly Holocaust survivor, dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, he asks to tell God a joke. God agrees and Solomon tells the Almighty a Holocaust joke. When he’s finished, God says "That's not funny." “I guess you had to be there,” Solomon says.

[Anonymous]

An elderly man went to the doctor to complain about gas he’d been having. The doctor asked him to describe his symptoms, and the man said he keeps having silent farts. The doctor said, “the first thing we’re going to do is check your hearing.”