Behavioral Issues at Private Schools

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're assuming that all or even most parents are paying for outcomes re: college admissions.

I think anyone who pays top dollar for a private school, especially if that school is selective and academically rigorous (and not selected because the child has a severe special need or something similar) is absolutely interested in college outcomes. Anyone who says they don't care where - or if - their kid goes to college after they paid 50k+ / year for schooling is lying.

+1
not to mention it would be completely normal for a parent in that situation to feel uneasy / jealous / second guessing themselves if a public school neighbor ended up at the same college. That's human nature.

It actually isn't though. And this is a good thing. People know that there are many paths to the same places. One person's journey is not devalued by the price or experience or bumps along the way of another person's journey. I can only speak for myself, but I fully expect that there will be plenty of kids in other schools who get into more prestigious colleges than my kids. That doesn't change my opinion of the school we chose or the reasons we chose it for our kids. I know they will choose a college that is a good fit for them. The fact that a friend from a different school also chose a great college is also great news to me. It doesn't diminish the value of my child's experience and choices.

“Many paths to the same place.”

What’s this ”same place” you talk of? Love and happiness, feeling good? No hard work, no tests, no competition, no losing, no tough academics, no grit. The lower school we are in uses this Love of Learning front for teaching via osmosis play. Fundamentals are lacking. It gets masked over by strong academics brought in in intake years but it’s just a feel good/ learn minimal place for the non-hungry.

Just play your way through school, then a small liberal arts education, then back home, maybe get a job to complement your grandparents/parent’s allowance....

I have no idea what you are talking about. Nothing about my education or my children's education resembles what you wrote.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's clear from this thread that lots of PPs view their kids as investments/commodities to extract ROI.

Find a new cause.

An investment in education, or anything, is not what you are misguidedly harping about as a commodity (is mass produced something of little differentiated value versus peers?) or an ROi outcome (r u talking about fungible monetary value or something intangible?).

We invest in Hebrew school for our boys to now their religion, we invest in a healthy diet so we take care of our bodies, we invest in music lessons so our kids can better enjoy singing/the arts/have a positive interest, we invest in large family gatherings so our families build memories and relationships, we invest in our various communities so we can help and get help, we invest in our children’s education so they can learn the best they can, develop interests and grow them.

Roi of a good education comes in the form of developing well-adjusted, well-balanced, hard working kids who become productive members of society. Now we can go define each of those words but I’ll tell you right now, my spouse and I do not need any monetary ROI from our kids. They will have to support their own lives and endeavors after college via their own marketable skills, jobs and careers. And they have been told this for years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're assuming that all or even most parents are paying for outcomes re: college admissions.

I think anyone who pays top dollar for a private school, especially if that school is selective and academically rigorous (and not selected because the child has a severe special need or something similar) is absolutely interested in college outcomes. Anyone who says they don't care where - or if - their kid goes to college after they paid 50k+ / year for schooling is lying.

No, we're not. I want my kids to go to college at the best school for them where they will fit in and enjoy their experience and thrive. My parents felt the same. You just don't get it, and that's ok, but it's not ok of you to accuse all private school parents of lying about their reasons for sending their kids to private school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're assuming that all or even most parents are paying for outcomes re: college admissions.

I think anyone who pays top dollar for a private school, especially if that school is selective and academically rigorous (and not selected because the child has a severe special need or something similar) is absolutely interested in college outcomes. Anyone who says they don't care where - or if - their kid goes to college after they paid 50k+ / year for schooling is lying.

+1
not to mention it would be completely normal for a parent in that situation to feel uneasy / jealous / second guessing themselves if a public school neighbor ended up at the same college. That's human nature.

It actually isn't though. And this is a good thing. People know that there are many paths to the same places. One person's journey is not devalued by the price or experience or bumps along the way of another person's journey. I can only speak for myself, but I fully expect that there will be plenty of kids in other schools who get into more prestigious colleges than my kids. That doesn't change my opinion of the school we chose or the reasons we chose it for our kids. I know they will choose a college that is a good fit for them. The fact that a friend from a different school also chose a great college is also great news to me. It doesn't diminish the value of my child's experience and choices.

This x 1000

We didn't put our kids in private so they could beat the public school kids and take all the Harvard spots. Our friends with kids at our school are the same. Many of them went to state schools (some didn't even go to college, gasp!), and trust me, none of us are fretting about whether our kids get into HYP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good Lord, the Ivy obsession on these boards. Most of us know that where you go to college has little to do with where you end up. It's true. Just look around you at your own place of work and in your own neighborhood. It is also true of URMs. If you think every successful URM went to an Ivy league school, you are in a bubble.

And, it is why we do not obsess over and probably won't even encourage our kids to apply to those schools.

Get over it. You will enjoy your child's short time with you much more.

The only people who seem obsessed with the Ivy League schools are the people who want to bash private school parents...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's clear from this thread that lots of PPs view their kids as investments/commodities to extract ROI.

Find a new cause.

An investment in education, or anything, is not what you are misguidedly harping about as a commodity (is mass produced something of little differentiated value versus peers?) or an ROi outcome (r u talking about fungible monetary value or something intangible?).

We invest in Hebrew school for our boys to now their religion, we invest in a healthy diet so we take care of our bodies, we invest in music lessons so our kids can better enjoy singing/the arts/have a positive interest, we invest in large family gatherings so our families build memories and relationships, we invest in our various communities so we can help and get help, we invest in our children’s education so they can learn the best they can, develop interests and grow them.

Roi of a good education comes in the form of developing well-adjusted, well-balanced, hard working kids who become productive members of society. Now we can go define each of those words but I’ll tell you right now, my spouse and I do not need any monetary ROI from our kids. They will have to support their own lives and endeavors after college via their own marketable skills, jobs and careers. And they have been told this for years.

There is great privilege in saying you are investing $500k in a K-12 education just so they can grow and develop interests. The vast majority of people can’t afford that so they take the risk that children can somehow grow and develop interests for free.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're assuming that all or even most parents are paying for outcomes re: college admissions.

I think anyone who pays top dollar for a private school, especially if that school is selective and academically rigorous (and not selected because the child has a severe special need or something similar) is absolutely interested in college outcomes. Anyone who says they don't care where - or if - their kid goes to college after they paid 50k+ / year for schooling is lying.

No, we're not. I want my kids to go to college at the best school for them where they will fit in and enjoy their experience and thrive. My parents felt the same. You just don't get it, and that's ok, but it's not ok of you to accuse all private school parents of lying about their reasons for sending their kids to private school.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's clear from this thread that lots of PPs view their kids as investments/commodities to extract ROI.

Find a new cause.

An investment in education, or anything, is not what you are misguidedly harping about as a commodity (is mass produced something of little differentiated value versus peers?) or an ROi outcome (r u talking about fungible monetary value or something intangible?).

We invest in Hebrew school for our boys to now their religion, we invest in a healthy diet so we take care of our bodies, we invest in music lessons so our kids can better enjoy singing/the arts/have a positive interest, we invest in large family gatherings so our families build memories and relationships, we invest in our various communities so we can help and get help, we invest in our children’s education so they can learn the best they can, develop interests and grow them.

Roi of a good education comes in the form of developing well-adjusted, well-balanced, hard working kids who become productive members of society. Now we can go define each of those words but I’ll tell you right now, my spouse and I do not need any monetary ROI from our kids. They will have to support their own lives and endeavors after college via their own marketable skills, jobs and careers. And they have been told this for years.

There is great privilege in saying you are investing $500k in a K-12 education just so they can grow and develop interests. The vast majority of people can’t afford that so they take the risk that children can somehow grow and develop interests for free.

That's just silly. Somehow it is "privilege" or not depending on why the parent opts for private school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's clear from this thread that lots of PPs view their kids as investments/commodities to extract ROI.

Find a new cause.

An investment in education, or anything, is not what you are misguidedly harping about as a commodity (is mass produced something of little differentiated value versus peers?) or an ROi outcome (r u talking about fungible monetary value or something intangible?).

We invest in Hebrew school for our boys to now their religion, we invest in a healthy diet so we take care of our bodies, we invest in music lessons so our kids can better enjoy singing/the arts/have a positive interest, we invest in large family gatherings so our families build memories and relationships, we invest in our various communities so we can help and get help, we invest in our children’s education so they can learn the best they can, develop interests and grow them.

Roi of a good education comes in the form of developing well-adjusted, well-balanced, hard working kids who become productive members of society. Now we can go define each of those words but I’ll tell you right now, my spouse and I do not need any monetary ROI from our kids. They will have to support their own lives and endeavors after college via their own marketable skills, jobs and careers. And they have been told this for years.

There is great privilege in saying you are investing $500k in a K-12 education just so they can grow and develop interests. The vast majority of people can’t afford that so they take the risk that children can somehow grow and develop interests for free.

Okay!

I don’t think that anyone who is able to drop $500k on schooling isn’t aware that it’s a privilege. Due to FA I spend a lot less than that and it’s still a privilege. What’s your point? That you’re salty about it?

[Anonymous]

I think it's really weird how some of the PPs above insist that they know exactly what is going on in the life and motivations of every single person who sends a child to private school in the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're assuming that all or even most parents are paying for outcomes re: college admissions.

I think anyone who pays top dollar for a private school, especially if that school is selective and academically rigorous (and not selected because the child has a severe special need or something similar) is absolutely interested in college outcomes. Anyone who says they don't care where - or if - their kid goes to college after they paid 50k+ / year for schooling is lying.

No, we're not. I want my kids to go to college at the best school for them where they will fit in and enjoy their experience and thrive. My parents felt the same. You just don't get it, and that's ok, but it's not ok of you to accuse all private school parents of lying about their reasons for sending their kids to private school.

+1

+2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're assuming that all or even most parents are paying for outcomes re: college admissions.

I think anyone who pays top dollar for a private school, especially if that school is selective and academically rigorous (and not selected because the child has a severe special need or something similar) is absolutely interested in college outcomes. Anyone who says they don't care where - or if - their kid goes to college after they paid 50k+ / year for schooling is lying.

.+10000

There is a vast difference between saying it’s the only reason people pay for private school (which no one said) and that it is 100% one of the reasons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're assuming that all or even most parents are paying for outcomes re: college admissions.

I think anyone who pays top dollar for a private school, especially if that school is selective and academically rigorous (and not selected because the child has a severe special need or something similar) is absolutely interested in college outcomes. Anyone who says they don't care where - or if - their kid goes to college after they paid 50k+ / year for schooling is lying.

+1
not to mention it would be completely normal for a parent in that situation to feel uneasy / jealous / second guessing themselves if a public school neighbor ended up at the same college. That's human nature.

No. Many if not most parents are paying for the experience/journey. The outcome/destination is a nice-to-have, but it's secondary for us.

So if your kid ended up in a 2-year state associates program after all that cash, you'd be ok with it? I highly doubt that, assuming you're at the kind of school described (selective etc). Why do you think parents on here and in real life salivate over the college acceptance lists of those schools?

Delusional.

For me the "outcome" of college acceptance is totally separate from "all that cash". We are paying for the experience, and we can easily afford it. And yes, we have the privilege of not being so worked up about college admissions, because both DH and I come from families in which everyone (and nearly everyone we all married) went to Ivy league schools, and mostly HYP. Which means first, our children probably have an advantage in admissions, but second, and more importantly, there. is. more. to. life. than. getting. into. an. ivy. league. school.

I will strongly encourage my kids to go to college for so many reasons, but if one of them didn't go to college and instead pursued a different path (even after all that cash of private school!) I'd be fully supportive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's clear from this thread that lots of PPs view their kids as investments/commodities to extract ROI.

Find a new cause.

An investment in education, or anything, is not what you are misguidedly harping about as a commodity (is mass produced something of little differentiated value versus peers?) or an ROi outcome (r u talking about fungible monetary value or something intangible?).

We invest in Hebrew school for our boys to now their religion, we invest in a healthy diet so we take care of our bodies, we invest in music lessons so our kids can better enjoy singing/the arts/have a positive interest, we invest in large family gatherings so our families build memories and relationships, we invest in our various communities so we can help and get help, we invest in our children’s education so they can learn the best they can, develop interests and grow them.

Roi of a good education comes in the form of developing well-adjusted, well-balanced, hard working kids who become productive members of society. Now we can go define each of those words but I’ll tell you right now, my spouse and I do not need any monetary ROI from our kids. They will have to support their own lives and endeavors after college via their own marketable skills, jobs and careers. And they have been told this for years.

There is great privilege in saying you are investing $500k in a K-12 education just so they can grow and develop interests. The vast majority of people can’t afford that so they take the risk that children can somehow grow and develop interests for free.

That's just silly. Somehow it is "privilege" or not depending on why the parent opts for private school?

Ok, I’ll restate. The OP asked why people choose private. Many say essentially “because I want them to grow and learn and enjoy school.” My point is, this statement implies you are making a $500k bet that students can only grow and learn and enjoy life at private schools. The only people willing to take that bet are those with crazy high incomes. Sure, any of us would pay that kind of money to save our children’s lives. But only a precious few would pay it on the off chance that their kids will be a little happier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's clear from this thread that lots of PPs view their kids as investments/commodities to extract ROI.

Find a new cause.

An investment in education, or anything, is not what you are misguidedly harping about as a commodity (is mass produced something of little differentiated value versus peers?) or an ROi outcome (r u talking about fungible monetary value or something intangible?).

We invest in Hebrew school for our boys to now their religion, we invest in a healthy diet so we take care of our bodies, we invest in music lessons so our kids can better enjoy singing/the arts/have a positive interest, we invest in large family gatherings so our families build memories and relationships, we invest in our various communities so we can help and get help, we invest in our children’s education so they can learn the best they can, develop interests and grow them.

Roi of a good education comes in the form of developing well-adjusted, well-balanced, hard working kids who become productive members of society. Now we can go define each of those words but I’ll tell you right now, my spouse and I do not need any monetary ROI from our kids. They will have to support their own lives and endeavors after college via their own marketable skills, jobs and careers. And they have been told this for years.

There is great privilege in saying you are investing $500k in a K-12 education just so they can grow and develop interests. The vast majority of people can’t afford that so they take the risk that children can somehow grow and develop interests for free.

That's just silly. Somehow it is "privilege" or not depending on why the parent opts for private school?

Ok, I’ll restate. The OP asked why people choose private. Many say essentially “because I want them to grow and learn and enjoy school.” My point is, this statement implies you are making a $500k bet that students can only grow and learn and enjoy life at private schools. The only people willing to take that bet are those with crazy high incomes. Sure, any of us would pay that kind of money to save our children’s lives. But only a precious few would pay it on the off chance that their kids will be a little happier.

And even assuming that were true, I should feel how....? You seem to be driving toward some end. I can guarantee you that I would not feel guilty or ashamed. If that's what you were hoping for.