Behavioral Issues at Private Schools

[Anonymous]

I'm currently a private school parent, but I have heard this about one non-Big 3 private school near us--that they tend to take kids that have undiagnosed behavioral issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd be interested to know what school this is.

We were told when we toured our kids' school (which is well regarded but not a so-called "Big 3") that one of the appeals of the school was that if they had a kid with significant behavioral issues, he or she would be expelled, and you just can't do that in public schools.

How many of the students at your child's school are legacy admissions or have siblings concurrently enrolled at the school? How many are faculty children? How many current members of the board have children or relatives in the student body? Do you think those children would be expelled quickly? IME these children can be some of the most challenging members of the school community, often because they know they are untouchable. If things do go poorly for these children, they are at times quietly given assistance in transferring to another private school.

Anonymous wrote:Also, I think diagnoses are quicker to be made because there is so much individualized attention. It's much easier to "get away" without a adhd or anxiety (or whatever) diagnosis in public school. I know several kids with various diagnoses and it seems to have been handled really well, and with individualized care and attention, by the school (as well as by hte parents).

Yes, it is harder for students who cannot meet expectations to hide in a smaller classroom community. Yes, teachers do notice, and yes they do often make an effort to compassionately contact the parents. No that does not necessarily mean that appropriate diagnoses are made in a timely manner.

In order to get the diagnosis, parents have to agree there is a problem and consent to getting their child treatment from an outside medical provider. For a host of complicated reasons, a not insignificant numbers of families do not always want to pursue this. Many don't see the utility in getting a diagnosis. Some do not trust the assessment of the child's teachers. Others feel that they have invested so much money in tuition that spending the significant funds needed for private assessment is a burden they cannot afford or do not want to pay. By the way, the wait time for an appointment with a provider who takes insurance is one year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd be interested to know what school this is.

We were told when we toured our kids' school (which is well regarded but not a so-called "Big 3") that one of the appeals of the school was that if they had a kid with significant behavioral issues, he or she would be expelled, and you just can't do that in public schools.

How many of the students at your child's school are legacy admissions or have siblings concurrently enrolled at the school? How many are faculty children? How many current members of the board have children or relatives in the student body? Do you think those children would be expelled quickly? IME these children can be some of the most challenging members of the school community, often because they know they are untouchable. If things do go poorly for these children, they are at times quietly given assistance in transferring to another private school.

Anonymous wrote:Also, I think diagnoses are quicker to be made because there is so much individualized attention. It's much easier to "get away" without a adhd or anxiety (or whatever) diagnosis in public school. I know several kids with various diagnoses and it seems to have been handled really well, and with individualized care and attention, by the school (as well as by hte parents).

Yes, it is harder for students who cannot meet expectations to hide in a smaller classroom community. Yes, teachers do notice, and yes they do often make an effort to compassionately contact the parents. No that does not necessarily mean that appropriate diagnoses are made in a timely manner.

In order to get the diagnosis, parents have to agree there is a problem and consent to getting their child treatment from an outside medical provider. For a host of complicated reasons, a not insignificant numbers of families do not always want to pursue this. Many don't see the utility in getting a diagnosis. Some do not trust the assessment of the child's teachers. Others feel that they have invested so much money in tuition that spending the significant funds needed for private assessment is a burden they cannot afford or do not want to pay. By the way, the wait time for an appointment with a provider who takes insurance is one year.

And others know that having a diagnosis is the school’s first step in counseling out the student the school no longer wants to support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd be interested to know what school this is.

We were told when we toured our kids' school (which is well regarded but not a so-called "Big 3") that one of the appeals of the school was that if they had a kid with significant behavioral issues, he or she would be expelled, and you just can't do that in public schools.

How many of the students at your child's school are legacy admissions or have siblings concurrently enrolled at the school? How many are faculty children? How many current members of the board have children or relatives in the student body? Do you think those children would be expelled quickly? IME these children can be some of the most challenging members of the school community, often because they know they are untouchable. If things do go poorly for these children, they are at times quietly given assistance in transferring to another private school.

Anonymous wrote:Also, I think diagnoses are quicker to be made because there is so much individualized attention. It's much easier to "get away" without a adhd or anxiety (or whatever) diagnosis in public school. I know several kids with various diagnoses and it seems to have been handled really well, and with individualized care and attention, by the school (as well as by hte parents).

Yes, it is harder for students who cannot meet expectations to hide in a smaller classroom community. Yes, teachers do notice, and yes they do often make an effort to compassionately contact the parents. No that does not necessarily mean that appropriate diagnoses are made in a timely manner.

In order to get the diagnosis, parents have to agree there is a problem and consent to getting their child treatment from an outside medical provider. For a host of complicated reasons, a not insignificant numbers of families do not always want to pursue this. Many don't see the utility in getting a diagnosis. Some do not trust the assessment of the child's teachers. Others feel that they have invested so much money in tuition that spending the significant funds needed for private assessment is a burden they cannot afford or do not want to pay. By the way, the wait time for an appointment with a provider who takes insurance is one year.

And others know that having a diagnosis is the school’s first step in counseling out the student the school no longer wants to support.

A lot of times, the kid has already been expelled before they get a diagnosis. It’s not public school so they get expelled or simply don’t get invited back for next year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd be interested to know what school this is.

We were told when we toured our kids' school (which is well regarded but not a so-called "Big 3") that one of the appeals of the school was that if they had a kid with significant behavioral issues, he or she would be expelled, and you just can't do that in public schools.

Also, I think diagnoses are quicker to be made because there is so much individualized attention. It's much easier to "get away" without a adhd or anxiety (or whatever) diagnosis in public school. I know several kids with various diagnoses and it seems to have been handled really well, and with individualized care and attention, by the school (as well as by hte parents).

So, no, I do NOT think parents go private so they can avoid their kids' issues.

I'd be interested to know what school your kids' attend. Rather than do their diligence on fit in the admissions process, they accept the kid, take their parent's money, and then expel them if they have difficulties?! That is not the kind of community I'm looking for in a school.

[Anonymous]

We left a private because even with small class sizes, the kids with behavioral issues created enough of a distraction in the classroom that it it became too much of a distraction for all the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This post is from yet another public school parent trying to make themselves feel better about not paying the money to send their child to a private school. Yes private is better and well worth the money.

Last time I checked my public high school had 9 kids admitted to Harvard, 7 Georgetown, and etc....I think someone who had paid $100k for the same outcome who has paid $0 should feel too good.

Both of the above posts are offered and received as coming from bitter, petty participants. We all know there are pros and cons to both public and independent educational environments. What ever happened to “if you don’t have anything of value to share, remain silent?” It still applies to anonymous forums folks...

[Anonymous]

This all comes down to how the school is managed. We have been in small and large independents that are principled about maintaining their educational environment, helping families understand what resources are available and what profiles can be accommodated - and helping those who are not a good fit find another school, regardless of influence status. Make the best choice for your family and child and let the chatter go...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd be interested to know what school this is.

We were told when we toured our kids' school (which is well regarded but not a so-called "Big 3") that one of the appeals of the school was that if they had a kid with significant behavioral issues, he or she would be expelled, and you just can't do that in public schools.

Also, I think diagnoses are quicker to be made because there is so much individualized attention. It's much easier to "get away" without a adhd or anxiety (or whatever) diagnosis in public school. I know several kids with various diagnoses and it seems to have been handled really well, and with individualized care and attention, by the school (as well as by hte parents).

So, no, I do NOT think parents go private so they can avoid their kids' issues.

I'd be interested to know what school your kids' attend. Rather than do their diligence on fit in the admissions process, they accept the kid, take their parent's money, and then expel them if they have difficulties?! That is not the kind of community I'm looking for in a school.

But the schools do try and do screen out the kids that aren’t going to fit.

It’s a difficult task compounded by the school they are coming from not being completely honest or not being aware of the problems. And the parents aren’t necessarily going to be as forthcoming as they might be.

[Anonymous]

It's really because they are all spoiled brats who are just entitled by their elitist parents. These kids are in for a rude awakening when their future employers don't give a shit where they went to school and who their parents are, although I'm sure Mommy and Daddy will call them to complain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:psychotic - most kids aren't psychotic. that teacher should be terminated. And, learn to teach.

Normally, I would totally agree. I’m all for meeting children with love and empathy. Yet, I have witnessed children making repeated, violent, and escalating threats that, if an adult made them, would absolutely be reported to law enforcement.

Good for you? In any event, what you describe is not psychosis. Your whole conversation sounds pretty misinformed and uneducated, honestly.

There are definitely children with behavioral issues and mental health problems in private schools. But public schools by far have a larger population. But it's typically not a reason to avoid either type of school. If your friends' specific school is having a problem, don't send your kids there. There are lots of other great schools to choose from.

Also, curious as to why your friends have jobs at such terrible schools? Are they not able to get a job elsewhere?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This post is from yet another public school parent trying to make themselves feel better about not paying the money to send their child to a private school. Yes private is better and well worth the money.

Last time I checked my public high school had 9 kids admitted to Harvard, 7 Georgetown, and etc....I think someone who had paid $100k for the same outcome who has paid $0 should feel too good.

Normal people do not care about Harvard. Truly.

[Anonymous]

According to my kids, the things that get kids labeled as "trouble" in their private school would not have even been a blip on the radar at their public school. They are constantly amused by what gets a kid is "serious" trouble in private school. They are also much happier with the behavior and learning atmosphere.

So, when a private school teacher says kids are "psychotic," aside from that being enormously inappropriate, I also take it with huge shaker of salt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:According to my kids, the things that get kids labeled as "trouble" in their private school would not have even been a blip on the radar at their public school. They are constantly amused by what gets a kid is "serious" trouble in private school. They are also much happier with the behavior and learning atmosphere.

So, when a private school teacher says kids are "psychotic," aside from that being enormously inappropriate, I also take it with huge shaker of salt.

+1.
I'd also add that a lot of discipline in some private schools is driven by squeeky-wheel parents who complain about other children's normal age-appropriate but imperfect behavior. It can be exhausting and stressful if you haven't figured it out.

[Anonymous]

People often choose (or claim to choose) private because their public doesn't meet a need. Not sure why that wouldn't make it obvious that of course, some of the most problematic kids are at private.