Regret having children

[Anonymous]

No way! Spent years TTC and then “easily” adopted. She is my joy (despite bratty days such as today.) Love motherhood and live my 5 year old.

[Anonymous]

Live/love

[Anonymous]

I have a teenager. I regret having her almost every day. I got breast cancer when I carried her and I refused doctor's advice to have an abortion and treat the cancer. I work and have given my all for her. I need her to outgrow her selfishness. It has eaten a hole in my soul. Everything, all the time, every moment of everyday is about her...or she feels it is.
I am exhausted and cannot wait for her to leave for college. Her Dad funds everything for her and does not allow her to have any consequences for her actions.
So yes OP I do regret it. I wish I had put myself first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a teenager. I regret having her almost every day. I got breast cancer when I carried her and I refused doctor's advice to have an abortion and treat the cancer. I work and have given my all for her. I need her to outgrow her selfishness. It has eaten a hole in my soul. Everything, all the time, every moment of everyday is about her...or she feels it is.
I am exhausted and cannot wait for her to leave for college. Her Dad funds everything for her and does not allow her to have any consequences for her actions.
So yes OP I do regret it. I wish I had put myself first.

I don't have the same circumstance, but I hear and feel you. Much love. ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a teenager. I regret having her almost every day. I got breast cancer when I carried her and I refused doctor's advice to have an abortion and treat the cancer. I work and have given my all for her. I need her to outgrow her selfishness. It has eaten a hole in my soul. Everything, all the time, every moment of everyday is about her...or she feels it is.
I am exhausted and cannot wait for her to leave for college. Her Dad funds everything for her and does not allow her to have any consequences for her actions.
So yes OP I do regret it. I wish I had put myself first.

I don't have the same circumstance, but I hear and feel you. Much love. ?

That question mark above was supposed to be a heart!

[Anonymous]

NP - to all of you crapping on people who are admitting regrets, I bet you never had to make a safety plan for the family and for any other siblings to ensure no physical injuries when the SN child of your house becomes violent. Probably not, right? Then you have no idea what my life is like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP - to all of you crapping on people who are admitting regrets, I bet you never had to make a safety plan for the family and for any other siblings to ensure no physical injuries when the SN child of your house becomes violent. Probably not, right? Then you have no idea what my life is like.

They are in another world, pp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP - to all of you crapping on people who are admitting regrets, I bet you never had to make a safety plan for the family and for any other siblings to ensure no physical injuries when the SN child of your house becomes violent. Probably not, right? Then you have no idea what my life is like.

I hear you and am sorry for you and all of us in similar situations. It is terrible and heartbreaking.

[Anonymous]

I can totally understand people regretting having children. We are so conditioned by society to have them that it is not always a conscious choice to do so. I feel for you.

I don’t regret having children. One of mine has nagging medical issues that have required quite a bit of intervention, which is hard in part because DH and I both work. This is where my regret comes into play...I regret marrying a man who while professionally successful is not a go getter in other facets of life and I end up being the primary parent to make sure that shit gets done. I married a child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a teenager. I regret having her almost every day. I got breast cancer when I carried her and I refused doctor's advice to have an abortion and treat the cancer. I work and have given my all for her. I need her to outgrow her selfishness. It has eaten a hole in my soul. Everything, all the time, every moment of everyday is about her...or she feels it is.
I am exhausted and cannot wait for her to leave for college. Her Dad funds everything for her and does not allow her to have any consequences for her actions.
So yes OP I do regret it. I wish I had put myself first.

I’m sorry for your situation. When my first was 18 months my DD started having Major health issues that no doctor could seem to diagnose or cure and a specialist at Hopkins told me “you really need to quit your job to take care of her, I’ve never seen such a young child so stressed in my career.” So I did, although I was pregnant with my second and loved my career. Three months later, just poof my daughter’s health issues just disappeared, no explanation. And I couldn’t get my job back. Or any job. I looked for 5 years, and no one would hire me despite my experience and credentials. My career was over, for nothing.

Now my DD is a teen and like yours it’s all about her 24/7. She’s rude, salty in the mouth, uncooperative, and just so hard. She fights with me constantly. It turns me into someone I can’t stand to me. The arguing, the discipline, the exhaustion. I feel like she took my career, my livelihood, for what? Yes, I’ve beem to therapy over this. No, I don’t tell her these feelings. Yes, I love her. But it kills me a little each day what could have been. And she has no clue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:No regrets! I’m more proud of the wonderful young adults we’ve raised than anything else we’ve ever accomplished. They are all married and parents themselves and I really enjoy when they ask me for advice on parenting, investing etc. and OMG do I ever adore my grandchildren. For part of the year we all live less then an hour apart and it’s a perfect day for me when we are all together.

I do feel very sad for those who regret having children and I feel sorry for their children.

I'm assuming none of your had special needs. Great for you. Please allow people to express how hard it can be. You can't understand.

+1000 Completely different ball game.

I have a special needs kid who is nonverbal so not high functioning. It completely disrupted and changed my life. I wouldn’t have it any other way. It’s like the unconditional innocent love and pure joy that you have for your very young child only it lasts a lifetime. It was intense for a while, but I’ve had more fun with this guy then I ever could have imagined having in a lifetime.
I could care less about what my life used to be.

You’re lucky, so far.

Another SN needs mom here. People like you are the worst part of SN parenting. I don’t care if you are a SN parent yourself. You are so arrogant to think you know that the other shoe hasn’t dropped on Poor Naive Mom. Take your pity and stick it where the sun don’t shine.

Do I wish my kid didn’t have a major disability? Yes. But I choose not to dwell on it and honestly, she is so much more pleasant and fun than many typical girls her age. Not all kids, SN or not, are the same. Each family is a complicated equation that can veer into the positive or negative and changes over time.

No matter what your experience is with your own SN kids or someone else’s that you are using as a point of reference, you are wrong to tell another adult what her feelings and experiences are. You don’t speak for her. She knows her own self and you owe her an apology, though I doubt you have the insight or character to give one.

I agree with the dad who said having a challenging kid taught him a lot and he was no longer the self-absorbed arrogant jerk he once was. For me, having a disabled child that others look down on was painful but I am thankful that I won’t leave this Earth as the shallow and unaware person I once was.

It has changed me in ways I deeply appreciate. And I have a wonderful, adorable, loving daughter to enjoy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s the purest form of love I have experienced in life, no other love even comes close.

Exactly. Yes parenting is very hard, but it's the only unconditional love that exists.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:If I had known how hard it was going to be and how much of my life would have been affected, I may have made a different choice. Once they are here, there is no going back.

I am grateful that my mother was pretty clear with me on this. Yes, it was also hard knowing she regretted having kids, but it saved me from making the same mistake. Her words were basically 'think long and hard before you do it, because there's no way out for the rest of your life'. I am a content DINK with a fun, meaningful life, and I get to be honorary aunt to my friends' children.

Sorry but you are probably 32. Some day you will long for kids.

Why do you assume that everyone wants/will eventually want what you do/did??? I am 40, don’t want kids, & never have.

I have a pet Pygmy goat, wanted one for years, has never once regretted getting one. Do you want a goat? If the answer is no, you just think you don’t want one. There is no way you can live a happy, full life goatless, you are just too young to realize this.

People are biologically driven to want children, not pet Pygmy goats.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, I will raise my hand, and hang my head in shame.

I suspect most people here either have kids who have launched, and thus have some more distance, or, as some previous poster, have very young kids.

I have a tween and a teen, and if you had asked me even two years ago, I would have said that my kids are amazing, that I love them more than my own life, and that I couldn't imagine my life without them. The first two of those statements still hold true, but over the past year I have been longingly daydreaming about the day when they are finally out of the house.

They both have some mild special needs, and the hormones are not helping, but they are both difficult, rude, argumentative, stubborn and dare I say lazy. We have spent countless hours and $ on various therapies for both, we put every support imaginable in place to help them, we spent a lot of time exposing them to every possible beneficial EC but let them chose their own path and interests in which we have been unfailingly supportive. Yet, they barely get by academically, are selfish and inconsiderate of the effort that it takes to keep our household running and meeting their every need, and take little to no responsibility for their own failings - everything is always someone else's fault.

I am sure that we as parents are partially to blame for this, but I am not sure what else we could have done. I have read many parenting books, taken classes, I am in therapy myself for the anxiety that keeps mounting because I worry so much about my children. We support them academically, help with homework, remind about projects, instrument practice, take them to playdates, drive them to and from their chosen sports, make sure they have enough downtime, spend enough time outdoors, provide healthy meals, travel to both fun and educational places, and yet, none of it seems to make any difference.

I fervently hope that this is just a stage, and that my smart, funny, sunny kids will eventually return to us, but right now I am dejected and almost dreading walking through the door each afternoon, only to be faced with a new drama, or some other way that I have allegedly failed them. I am not sure how much more of this I can take. So maybe you just caught me at a bad time, but if you are asking me today whether I regret having children, the answer is "yes, absolutely".

There, flame away.

(Hugs) I don't have a lot of advice to give, as I only have a 2yo and one on the way. I don't know if this will help, but my MIL talks a lot about how difficult my H was as a teenager. Constant fighting, drugs and alcohol, etc. The entire family was in therapy because of him, according to her. I find these stories SHOCKING because H now is the most incredible person I know. He's smart, gentle, hard working, a complete equal to me in our household, and obsessed with our daughter. He has a top 5 MBA and well paying job that he loves. I am not saying all this to randomly brag about my H but to say that your post sounded a lot to me like how MIL talks about his teen years, and now it's clear he is a joy in her life (as is our kid). I hope you have a similar light at the end of your tunnel. You sound like a great mom and your kids are lucky to have you. And they will leave eventually one way or another

My MIL also (affectionately says that if my DH had been her first, he'd be her last. But he is now an awesome husband and father.

[Anonymous]

I would have said yes to this question when mine were teens, it was awful. Now they are grown and have become nice people. Most of the time I'm thrilled to have my family.