WWYD? Struggling to help my devastated teen DD whose friends/teammates pranked her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The number of people who believe that parents of aggrieved parents can dictate punishment is ridiculous. You can demand that the school address the issue, but you can’t tell the school what the punishment t should be.

X10000

Absuolutely this.

OP can't "dictate punishment", but she can absolutely tell everyone in the community and the media what happened. Sometimes that's enough of an incentive for the school administration to do the right thing.

Do you even know any teen girls?

Not only is that a terrible idea, but if they are as connected as OP says, I guarantee 110 percent, that they have outstanding lawyers. Plural.

Outstanding lawyers will work for anyone who hires them, including OP. If they want to argue that OP is slandering them, burden of proof is on them.

[Anonymous]

An outstanding lawyer may consult on such a case pro bono.

OP, your job is to document this completely and present to the administration. If they drop the ball, then you may need to consider lawyers etc. If you are going to do anything at all, move quickly. If the teens and parents who perpetrated this ridiculousness have not yet found the thread, someone will forward it to them soon.

And hey, the parents and the teens who did this - if you are not reading this now, I know you will eventually.
What you did what shameful.
We likely will never know if the OP pursues this against you or not.
But just like a habitual rapist, eventually you will hit upon a victim who will not walk away, awed by your connections, status, your seeming infallibility.
If you do this enough times, you will find yourself in the same place as Brock Turner, with just as much moral authority as he currently enjoys. Remember that being in Stanford and having influential parents protected Brock from a long prison sentence, but frankly his life as he envisioned it is likely over anyway. If you keep pulling these stunts, yours will be over, too.
This is not a threat.
This is a glimpse into the abyss of reality.
Don't you EVER do this again.
This was not nice.
Even if the OP with her daughter make a decision to let it slide, life is long, and you won't always be so lucky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The number of people who believe that parents of aggrieved parents can dictate punishment is ridiculous. You can demand that the school address the issue, but you can’t tell the school what the punishment t should be.

X10000

Absuolutely this.

OP can't "dictate punishment", but she can absolutely tell everyone in the community and the media what happened. Sometimes that's enough of an incentive for the school administration to do the right thing.

Do you even know any teen girls?

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Eh I think you are way blowing this out of proportion. Yes it was mean, yes it was cruel. These girls are not her friends. But this is actually a really good learning opportunity for her. Lots of assholes in the world and your DD needs to learn how to fight her own battles.

I can 100% guarantee coach will be sympathetic yet powerless and the parents will be indifferent if not defensive.

I am a coach and would absolutely, 100% want to know about this. A large part of my job (Probably even the majority of it) is fostering team camaraderie
Among the girls and I absolutely would not stand for this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:An outstanding lawyer may consult on such a case pro bono.

OP, your job is to document this completely and present to the administration. If they drop the ball, then you may need to consider lawyers etc. If you are going to do anything at all, move quickly. If the teens and parents who perpetrated this ridiculousness have not yet found the thread, someone will forward it to them soon.

And hey, the parents and the teens who did this - if you are not reading this now, I know you will eventually.
What you did what shameful.
We likely will never know if the OP pursues this against you or not.
But just like a habitual rapist, eventually you will hit upon a victim who will not walk away, awed by your connections, status, your seeming infallibility.
If you do this enough times, you will find yourself in the same place as Brock Turner, with just as much moral authority as he currently enjoys. Remember that being in Stanford and having influential parents protected Brock from a long prison sentence, but frankly his life as he envisioned it is likely over anyway. If you keep pulling these stunts, yours will be over, too.
This is not a threat.
This is a glimpse into the abyss of reality.
Don't you EVER do this again.
This was not nice.
Even if the OP with her daughter make a decision to let it slide, life is long, and you won't always be so lucky.

They've already raised their daughters to be bullies. The daughters can behave for a few weeks, maybe a few months, if this incident scares them enough. Then they'll do it again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eh I think you are way blowing this out of proportion. Yes it was mean, yes it was cruel. These girls are not her friends. But this is actually a really good learning opportunity for her. Lots of assholes in the world and your DD needs to learn how to fight her own battles.

I can 100% guarantee coach will be sympathetic yet powerless and the parents will be indifferent if not defensive.

I am a coach and would absolutely, 100% want to know about this. A large part of my job (Probably even the majority of it) is fostering team camaraderie
Among the girls and I absolutely would not stand for this.

+1

[Anonymous]

Hey OP this is a crappy situation, so sorry. You must honor your DDs wishes or lose her trust. Continue talking with her about options. Passive bullying is insidious and has become the new norm. If you involve lawyers/media to blow this up, your DD will be mortified. Sure, some compassionate supporters will emerge but the end result will not be in your DDs favor. Of course, if this were a case of physical bullying, assault, social media attack...then yes, legal action.

I’m a firm believer in passive revenge and have been very successful a couple of times. If DD agrees, meet with coach and give details. Ask that your DDs privacy be respected. Most schools cannot act (i.e. kick girls off team) when passive bullying happens off school property. Heck, passive bullying is rarely punishable. I bet the coach knows team and their parents, well enough. I bet coach can figure out a way to send some pain toward the offenders.

If DD is a valuable player, might be the time to rethink DD as captain. Reason is that she handled poor sportsmanship by team mates with grace. She did not
trash talk about them to others. She can teach them that her strength and dignified approach is very much needed in a team captain. If the parents bitch about it, then coach exposes their precious bullies. Do not even get involved with parents.

If coach will not consider this option, present plan B. Plan B is moving DD up to varsity. If not now, then soon after she proves she is athletically ready. Varsity is not just reserved for the stars, but for the athletes with integrity. This should be the goal and reason why others will not get the opportunity before your DD.

Stay quiet with others. Only involve coach and DD. As time goes on, your DD takes a leadership role as captain or varsity. The bitch moms and their spawns will out themselves by complaining to coach, who will then expose them. Put it on the coach. You and DD remain gracious and more empowered. Your DD (with patience) wins, in the end.

Please try this! Coach doesn’t want to deal with a shit show and might like this plan. If you have any other connections to a pro player that would consider a meet and greet with your DD, do it. Pay for tickets to an event with VIP pass. Invite one of her real friends and get pics for the gram! DCUM, help her DD out...some of you must be connected!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op tell the school and coach and they should tell the parents if they are any good. Hopefully they are decent parents and will make this right. In the meantime your daughter is probably embarrassed and humiliated. That’s why you need to speak up for her. In meantime say a prayer with her, take her for a treat to get it off of her mind, maybe a movie, or plan something with other friends. Good luck.

And you can also contact the athlete and explain the situation. Many would reach out to your daughter personally and that would help a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op tell the school and coach and they should tell the parents if they are any good. Hopefully they are decent parents and will make this right. In the meantime your daughter is probably embarrassed and humiliated. That’s why you need to speak up for her. In meantime say a prayer with her, take her for a treat to get it off of her mind, maybe a movie, or plan something with other friends. Good luck.

And you can also contact the athlete and explain the situation. Many would reach out to your daughter personally and that would help a lot.

Mia Hamm and similar don't have a ton of time to meet with high school kids. That's why it was a special occasion. Sure, Hamm might send her a nice message on Instagram, but that won't make up for what this girl's teammates did to her.

[Anonymous]

Coach and Principal only. They will handle, your daughter will move on. Totally sucks, and my heart is breaking for your daughter. And, in the long run she will be stronger for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op tell the school and coach and they should tell the parents if they are any good. Hopefully they are decent parents and will make this right. In the meantime your daughter is probably embarrassed and humiliated. That’s why you need to speak up for her. In meantime say a prayer with her, take her for a treat to get it off of her mind, maybe a movie, or plan something with other friends. Good luck.

And you can also contact the athlete and explain the situation. Many would reach out to your daughter personally and that would help a lot.

Mia Hamm and similar don't have a ton of time to meet with high school kids. That's why it was a special occasion. Sure, Hamm might send her a nice message on Instagram, but that won't make up for what this girl's teammates did to her.

It’s nit Mia Hamm

[Anonymous]

Honestly, it sounds a bit like a troll post to me. The coach of the team wasn't invited to this event? Other parents (when you've all known each for years) weren't invited? Not one other child on the team gave your daughter a heads up they were being excluded? It is hard to imagine how the coach, parents, girls would not all be talking about this "once in a lifetime event" weeks/days in advance. If you are a troll, well-played my friend, it is an interesting scenario to discuss.

I think if this happened to my child, I would first bounce the whole situation off my closest (or potentially most discreet, sympathetic) parent friend in the group-- you have known each other for years, right? I would mention it to the coach as well.

I would also make sure there haven't been other incidents. A one time "prank" like this is not bullying. I also think it is very unusual that this just suddenly happened, and no other excluding behaviors have been going on (either directed at your daughter or other girls on the team).

Be prepared to have no resolution. It is not your right to know how the coach is going to "punish" the offenders (if he even does). No way these girls will get kicked off the team or any of the other completely outlandish punishments have been suggested in this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, it sounds a bit like a troll post to me. The coach of the team wasn't invited to this event? Other parents (when you've all known each for years) weren't invited? Not one other child on the team gave your daughter a heads up they were being excluded? It is hard to imagine how the coach, parents, girls would not all be talking about this "once in a lifetime event" weeks/days in advance. If you are a troll, well-played my friend, it is an interesting scenario to discuss.

I think if this happened to my child, I would first bounce the whole situation off my closest (or potentially most discreet, sympathetic) parent friend in the group-- you have known each other for years, right? I would mention it to the coach as well.

I would also make sure there haven't been other incidents. A one time "prank" like this is not bullying. I also think it is very unusual that this just suddenly happened, and no other excluding behaviors have been going on (either directed at your daughter or other girls on the team).

Be prepared to have no resolution. It is not your right to know how the coach is going to "punish" the offenders (if he even does). No way these girls will get kicked off the team or any of the other completely outlandish punishments have been suggested in this thread.

I think the mom of the bully found this thread. Otherwise why would you think this is made up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, it sounds a bit like a troll post to me. The coach of the team wasn't invited to this event? Other parents (when you've all known each for years) weren't invited? Not one other child on the team gave your daughter a heads up they were being excluded? It is hard to imagine how the coach, parents, girls would not all be talking about this "once in a lifetime event" weeks/days in advance. If you are a troll, well-played my friend, it is an interesting scenario to discuss.

I think if this happened to my child, I would first bounce the whole situation off my closest (or potentially most discreet, sympathetic) parent friend in the group-- you have known each other for years, right? I would mention it to the coach as well.

I would also make sure there haven't been other incidents. A one time "prank" like this is not bullying. I also think it is very unusual that this just suddenly happened, and no other excluding behaviors have been going on (either directed at your daughter or other girls on the team).

Be prepared to have no resolution. It is not your right to know how the coach is going to "punish" the offenders (if he even does). No way these girls will get kicked off the team or any of the other completely outlandish punishments have been suggested in this thread.

Nope. You can get some Type of resolution. If the school or coach are somewhat professional which I’m hoping they are, they will handle this directly and be able to keep you and your daughter out of it indirectly. There’s a good chance they already know and they can just say they heard it from other kids or parents which I’m assuming they have by now? There must be some decent parents on the team who are not happy that this happened to your daughter. You’re not alone. I definitely don’t think your daughter should be forced to just brush these feelings off though. She needs to process it, take appropriate action, and see what happens. The bullies may apologize and it could turn out to be a positive resolution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:An outstanding lawyer may consult on such a case pro bono.

OP, your job is to document this completely and present to the administration. If they drop the ball, then you may need to consider lawyers etc. If you are going to do anything at all, move quickly. If the teens and parents who perpetrated this ridiculousness have not yet found the thread, someone will forward it to them soon.

And hey, the parents and the teens who did this - if you are not reading this now, I know you will eventually.
What you did what shameful.
We likely will never know if the OP pursues this against you or not.
But just like a habitual rapist, eventually you will hit upon a victim who will not walk away, awed by your connections, status, your seeming infallibility.
If you do this enough times, you will find yourself in the same place as Brock Turner, with just as much moral authority as he currently enjoys. Remember that being in Stanford and having influential parents protected Brock from a long prison sentence, but frankly his life as he envisioned it is likely over anyway. If you keep pulling these stunts, yours will be over, too.
This is not a threat.
This is a glimpse into the abyss of reality.
Don't you EVER do this again.
This was not nice.
Even if the OP with her daughter make a decision to let it slide, life is long, and you won't always be so lucky.

You really need to stop.

Several people have asked. Do you have teenagers?

None of your posts are reasonable given the situation OP described.