WWYD? Struggling to help my devastated teen DD whose friends/teammates pranked her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is bizarre, I am guessing there was drama between your daughter and other girls on the team well before this event. Who knows what the dynamics were but obviously your daughter was targeted for a reason. In addition, everyone else on team was okay with her not coming either. She must have already been on the periphery of the group. I am curious about what she meant by them being her friends - maybe they were more just teammates. This wasn't a prank...what is the prank part? This was them being catty and mean and not inviting her to a fun event. It isn't bullying either by definition.

Mother of the bully has found the thread, and she’s in panic mode.

I think possibly some of the teen girls involved may also have found this thread.

OP, I agree that you should contact the coach and describe exactly what happened. This was a cruel thing to do. It was malicious and planned in a way to be as hurtful as possible. I don't know how they thought this could be described as a "prank."

Those girls are not good team mates. I hope that action will be taken that will teach them why their actions were wrong and also teach them to never do such a thing again.

[Anonymous]

Find a new team--those girls are bitches.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The number of people who believe that parents of aggrieved parents can dictate punishment is ridiculous. You can demand that the school address the issue, but you can’t tell the school what the punishment t should be.

X10000

Absuolutely this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The number of people who believe that parents of aggrieved parents can dictate punishment is ridiculous. You can demand that the school address the issue, but you can’t tell the school what the punishment t should be.

X10000

Absuolutely this.

OP can't "dictate punishment", but she can absolutely tell everyone in the community and the media what happened. Sometimes that's enough of an incentive for the school administration to do the right thing.

[Anonymous]

Op tell the school and coach and they should tell the parents if they are any good. Hopefully they are decent parents and will make this right. In the meantime your daughter is probably embarrassed and humiliated. That’s why you need to speak up for her. In meantime say a prayer with her, take her for a treat to get it off of her mind, maybe a movie, or plan something with other friends. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The number of people who believe that parents of aggrieved parents can dictate punishment is ridiculous. You can demand that the school address the issue, but you can’t tell the school what the punishment t should be.

X10000

Absuolutely this.

OP can't "dictate punishment", but she can absolutely tell everyone in the community and the media what happened. Sometimes that's enough of an incentive for the school administration to do the right thing.

Do you even know any teen girls?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd email the arranger mom and let her know how thoughtful it was to arrange such an exciting event for the team. I'd then say something about it being too bad Larla received the wrong information and didn't get to attend. I'd end with something about hoping their would be future opportunities for the girls to meet other stars of the sport because it looks like the other girls really enjoyed it.

If she didn't know about the prank, it is enough for her to question you or her daughter about Larla receiving the wrong information without knowing for sure if you calling her out or just letting her know how great it was for her to arrange something so special.

Excellent advice!

Terrible advice! Don't pussy foot around the arranger mom. Set a strong and confident example to your daughter. Go to the coach. Agree with PP that parents are going to protect their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Find a new team--those girls are bitches.

Then they win and she may feel defeated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Find a new team--those girls are bitches.

Then they win and she may feel defeated.

This isn’t about “winning”. This is about showing your DD how to literally move away from toxicity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The number of people who believe that parents of aggrieved parents can dictate punishment is ridiculous. You can demand that the school address the issue, but you can’t tell the school what the punishment t should be.

X10000

Absuolutely this.

OP can't "dictate punishment", but she can absolutely tell everyone in the community and the media what happened. Sometimes that's enough of an incentive for the school administration to do the right thing.

Do you even know any teen girls?

Not only is that a terrible idea, but if they are as connected as OP says, I guarantee 110 percent, that they have outstanding lawyers. Plural.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd email the arranger mom and let her know how thoughtful it was to arrange such an exciting event for the team. I'd then say something about it being too bad Larla received the wrong information and didn't get to attend. I'd end with something about hoping their would be future opportunities for the girls to meet other stars of the sport because it looks like the other girls really enjoyed it.

If she didn't know about the prank, it is enough for her to question you or her daughter about Larla receiving the wrong information without knowing for sure if you calling her out or just letting her know how great it was for her to arrange something so special.

"...hoping there would be future opportunities for the girls to meet other stars of the sport"?? You sound like a total social climber. Ew.

And it's got NOTHING to do with the other mom. What do you want? For her to yell at her daughter? You seriously think she's raised a teen girl and has no idea she's a b!tch? No way. Girls like that are always a product of their upbringing. She won't care at all, and even if she did, it doesn't help OP's DD at all.

The only thing that would help OP's DD is to get the girls kicked off the team for gross unsportsmanlike behavior. That would help her because she could relax that the mean(est) girls are gone and be able to focus on building relationships with the other girls and getting the trust back so they can be actually successful in their sport.

How on earth does getting the girls kicked off the team help OPs daughter?

You don't know as much about teen girls, high school and social media as you think you do.

Are you the poster who wants to keep the girls out of college over this?

NP, this was evil. Pure evil and the fact they didn’t even try to say it was a mistake is the worst. Not a prank. It’s mean, deliberate, and borderline sociopath to try to hurt someone like that in a public way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Find a new team--those girls are bitches.

Then they win and she may feel defeated.

This isn’t about “winning”. This is about showing your DD how to literally move away from toxicity.

I agree--why try to fit in with shitty people? Those girls suck--why would they all go along with this mean plan? Are they all cowards that can't stand up to the ring leader? Go find good team with real athletes that demonstrate good sportsmanship and integrity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Find a new team--those girls are bitches.

Then they win and she may feel defeated.

This isn’t about “winning”. This is about showing your DD how to literally move away from toxicity.

I agree--why try to fit in with shitty people? Those girls suck--why would they all go along with this mean plan? Are they all cowards that can't stand up to the ring leader? Go find good team with real athletes that demonstrate good sportsmanship and integrity.

+1

The most important message here is “we’re not one of them, and that my dear is a wonderful thing!”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To clarify, it was not a sanctioned team event -- it was during the weekend outside of regular after school practice.

The parent should have emailed all the parents the information. It was on the parent who allowed their child to behave that way. However, I'd find a new team. The coach should know and she is clearly not wanted on that team and continuing is only setting her up for future failure. That is not a prank. That is just cruel.

This.

It doesn't matter if the parent knew (thought disgusting if they did...but still irrelevant). The point is that the Queen Bee girl(s) decided to exclude your daughter and did it deliberately. And even those who *may* have felt sorry for her were either too afraid of Queen Bee (or happy not to be excluded themselves) to be a good friend/teammate to your daughter.

Whatever the case, they have made it clear that she is not "with" them. So I see no reason why your daughter she have to act as though she is part of the team. Clearly, she is not.

If I were you, I would support her decision to leave the team. If she doesn't want to tell the coach directly, that's too bad. If the coach asks you directly I would honestly answer "she loves the sport, but is not willing to be part of a team where she is deliberately excluded. And I can't blame her for that." Life is too short, OP. If coach needs more details, say "I'm sorry...she asked me not to talk specifics. But I assure you it's not a mystery to the rest of the girls on the team" and leave it at that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would alert the coach and/or the parents. That's pretty crappy behaviour on the part of those kids, and I have my doubts it was the first time or the last time they've done something that mean. I would let them know in a factual way, not demanding an apology or any action, but I wouldn't let it go unnoticed by people with some authority in their lives.

Kids who behave that way usually have parents who behave that way or have no issue with it. I would not contact the parents. Either the coach or take her off the team and go private. Those kids are cruel and this was not a prank. They don't want her on the team.

Yes. This. 100%.

And don't think those parents won't be ready with a very innocent and condescending "oh I'm sure Larla misunderstood and just got the date and time mixed up. I can't imagine Sue and Sally would have deliberately given her misinformation...they ADORE Larla!"
And then what proof do you have? Surely if Sue and Sally can convince others to stay quiet about the orignial event and then laugh about it later, they will have no trouble getting them to play along during the cover-up if they get called out for it.