Separated and not yet ex DH is bringing girlfriend to kids events--can this be stopped?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still wanna know how these "you can't date anyone for X years, I get to approve your new love interests" clauses even get into the divorce agreement. Why would anyone agree to that?

You are deliberately mis-stating this clause. Wach party can go out with whomever they want on their own time. No one gets to "approve" love interests. These clauses are signed because both parents acknowledge that it's in the best interests not to be introduced to boyfriends or girlfriends until a stable long term relationship has developed between the adults. It's about putting the best interests of the child first.

Exactly. I am struggling with this. My STBXH began dating someone while we were still married (separated currently) and I have a strong suspicion he is intending to bring her and her children on a vacation with our child this summer. We haven't even filed for divorce yet. And yes, I asked him explicitly if she is going/invited and he brushed me off with "We can talk about significant others after the divorce is final."

Well no, that's not how it works. It is part of the parenting plan that will be submitted when we file. He can date who he wishes on his own time, but when it comes to our child, this woman and her children should be introduced to our child gradually and in an age appropriate fashion - only if this is a long term relationship (now or planned for the future).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still wanna know how these "you can't date anyone for X years, I get to approve your new love interests" clauses even get into the divorce agreement. Why would anyone agree to that?

You misunderstand. No one is interested in who the exes date. The divorce agreement only dictates what they are allowed to do around their children. They can all go crazy on the days they don't have the kids - which, let's admit it, is probably ample time if they are male since moms typically get more custody time. If I divorce, I wouldn't get two shits who my ex-h dates. But I will do all I can to control what happens around my children.

+1. I'm not jealous of new wife, I feel sorry for her. She has no idea what she is getting into, ex admitted to me he is keeping her in the dark about significant matters. Dated my ex for 1 yr exactly when they got engaged. There are many red flags waving but she is ignoring them in favor of marrying quickly and trying to have one last chance for a baby at age 43.

I don't want my monkeys pulled into another circus. Ex has made his bed, but we don't all have to lie in it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I still wanna know how these "you can't date anyone for X years, I get to approve your new love interests" clauses even get into the divorce agreement. Why would anyone agree to that?

You misunderstood. You can only get a order to prevent a new person from spending the night when the children are there. I don't believe the one that posted the 3 year stuff. A judge will do it if one parent is irresponsible. My friend got one because her husband was using drugs, and getting tested by the court so he didn't have to keep having supervised visitation.

Either way, in a ideal world it would be nice if both parents could agree and put the kids first. Too many don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still wanna know how these "you can't date anyone for X years, I get to approve your new love interests" clauses even get into the divorce agreement. Why would anyone agree to that?

You are deliberately mis-stating this clause. Wach party can go out with whomever they want on their own time. No one gets to "approve" love interests. These clauses are signed because both parents acknowledge that it's in the best interests not to be introduced to boyfriends or girlfriends until a stable long term relationship has developed between the adults. It's about putting the best interests of the child first.

Exactly. I am struggling with this. My STBXH began dating someone while we were still married (separated currently) and I have a strong suspicion he is intending to bring her and her children on a vacation with our child this summer. We haven't even filed for divorce yet. And yes, I asked him explicitly if she is going/invited and he brushed me off with "We can talk about significant others after the divorce is final."

Well no, that's not how it works. It is part of the parenting plan that will be submitted when we file. He can date who he wishes on his own time, but when it comes to our child, this woman and her children should be introduced to our child gradually and in an age appropriate fashion - only if this is a long term relationship (now or planned for the future).

You'd better get that one worked out. Plus you don't know if any of her kids are problem kids or what. I'd certainly look her up to see what I could find out. I would make it clear your child is not going on a vacation with them. You said "we" file. That tells me he's probably taken advantage of you so he could get the upper hand. Why don't YOU file and get it all in writing asap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still wanna know how these "you can't date anyone for X years, I get to approve your new love interests" clauses even get into the divorce agreement. Why would anyone agree to that?

You misunderstand. No one is interested in who the exes date. The divorce agreement only dictates what they are allowed to do around their children. They can all go crazy on the days they don't have the kids - which, let's admit it, is probably ample time if they are male since moms typically get more custody time. If I divorce, I wouldn't get two shits who my ex-h dates. But I will do all I can to control what happens around my children.

OK, so answer the question I should have asked. How do these "your kids can't meet your ex's new love interest for X amount of time" get in there? Why would your ex-DH agree to that? Can the court really force that down his throat if he doesn't want it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still wanna know how these "you can't date anyone for X years, I get to approve your new love interests" clauses even get into the divorce agreement. Why would anyone agree to that?

You are deliberately mis-stating this clause. Wach party can go out with whomever they want on their own time. No one gets to "approve" love interests. These clauses are signed because both parents acknowledge that it's in the best interests not to be introduced to boyfriends or girlfriends until a stable long term relationship has developed between the adults. It's about putting the best interests of the child first.

Exactly. I am struggling with this. My STBXH began dating someone while we were still married (separated currently) and I have a strong suspicion he is intending to bring her and her children on a vacation with our child this summer. We haven't even filed for divorce yet. And yes, I asked him explicitly if she is going/invited and he brushed me off with "We can talk about significant others after the divorce is final."

Well no, that's not how it works. It is part of the parenting plan that will be submitted when we file. He can date who he wishes on his own time, but when it comes to our child, this woman and her children should be introduced to our child gradually and in an age appropriate fashion - only if this is a long term relationship (now or planned for the future).

You'd better get that one worked out. Plus you don't know if any of her kids are problem kids or what. I'd certainly look her up to see what I could find out. I would make it clear your child is not going on a vacation with them. You said "we" file. That tells me he's probably taken advantage of you so he could get the upper hand. Why don't YOU file and get it all in writing asap.

Oh no, I've met her and her kids. I had her over to dinner once a few years back and got to go on a "date" with her and my ex and all the kids last summer to a local attraction.

We're working on getting it into writing. My lawyer is asking me to be patient re: filing, as it will be in my longterm interest to wait.

I think he and the OW are still together (though he's denied it all along. I'm like Comey- I have the receipts, literally), but I was laughing when I saw him looking at a dating app on his phone a few weeks ago. I want to feel bad for this woman but nah.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still wanna know how these "you can't date anyone for X years, I get to approve your new love interests" clauses even get into the divorce agreement. Why would anyone agree to that?

You misunderstand. No one is interested in who the exes date. The divorce agreement only dictates what they are allowed to do around their children. They can all go crazy on the days they don't have the kids - which, let's admit it, is probably ample time if they are male since moms typically get more custody time. If I divorce, I wouldn't get two shits who my ex-h dates. But I will do all I can to control what happens around my children.

OK, so answer the question I should have asked. How do these "your kids can't meet your ex's new love interest for X amount of time" get in there? Why would your ex-DH agree to that? Can the court really force that down his throat if he doesn't want it?

How does someone prove it? Hire a PI to stake out his house? Or more likely, cross-examine the kids on the phone every time you talk to them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still wanna know how these "you can't date anyone for X years, I get to approve your new love interests" clauses even get into the divorce agreement. Why would anyone agree to that?

You misunderstand. No one is interested in who the exes date. The divorce agreement only dictates what they are allowed to do around their children. They can all go crazy on the days they don't have the kids - which, let's admit it, is probably ample time if they are male since moms typically get more custody time. If I divorce, I wouldn't get two shits who my ex-h dates. But I will do all I can to control what happens around my children.

OK, so answer the question I should have asked. How do these "your kids can't meet your ex's new love interest for X amount of time" get in there? Why would your ex-DH agree to that? Can the court really force that down his throat if he doesn't want it?

How does someone prove it? Hire a PI to stake out his house? Or more likely, cross-examine the kids on the phone every time you talk to them?

'

Kids talk about everything. The first time they visit dad, and has her over they are going to tell mom as soon as they get home. How that one works.
You can't micro-manage someone's home, but I'd be disappointed if my ex was having sleepovers on their time with the kids unless it's a serious relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still wanna know how these "you can't date anyone for X years, I get to approve your new love interests" clauses even get into the divorce agreement. Why would anyone agree to that?

You misunderstand. No one is interested in who the exes date. The divorce agreement only dictates what they are allowed to do around their children. They can all go crazy on the days they don't have the kids - which, let's admit it, is probably ample time if they are male since moms typically get more custody time. If I divorce, I wouldn't get two shits who my ex-h dates. But I will do all I can to control what happens around my children.

OK, so answer the question I should have asked. How do these "your kids can't meet your ex's new love interest for X amount of time" get in there? Why would your ex-DH agree to that? Can the court really force that down his throat if he doesn't want it?

A court wouldn't do that. Maybe ex DH because the woman constantly takes him back to court and he's tired of paying all the fees.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been separated from my ex-DH for a year but we are not yet divorced. He cheated and wanted to end the marriage. He is now bringing a brand new gf (not even 6 weeks) around the children; having sleepovers when the kids are with him; bringing her to events where I will be etc. Can this be stopped since he's not yet my EXDH and we have very small children?

Sorry but you can't control him anymore.

Yes she can control who is around her children.

No, she can't. Impossible to enforce.

biglaw here.

She can't.

NP. Another big law attorney here. Yes, she can, but only as part of divorce proceedings. When I divorced, I made my husband agree to a clause in our settlement that barred him from having any significant other around our children until they had been dating for at least three years. I also barred him from bringing any friend (except for those listed in the agreement) around our children without prior approval from me. I agreed to be similarly bound. I also had a fine (and reimbursement of attorneys' fees needed to enforce the clause) attached to each violation. These clauses expire when our youngest child turns 14.

It has been 9 years since our divorce and we have done well for the most part. I had to enforce the clause once when he had a girlfriend of several months skulking around our kids and was claiming she was just a tenant. I gathered evidence she was more than a tenant. He called my bluff regarding enforcing the girlfriend clause, so I went to court and had him enjoined from having her around the kids. And I enforced the fine (no attorneys' fees because I handled the matter myself).

You can do a lot with a settlement agreement, but an agreement is only as strong as you are. My ex knows I will strangle him and send his soul to Hades if he brings any of his shady friends, exes, nextses, and drama around our children.

Three years?? You've got issues.
You sound like a controlling nightmare & you found a way to be your control freak self & continue control him still after the divorce.

Ugh, no wonder he divorced you.

Lawyer PP here. Ah, the "he left you!" dig. Except that I left him. Nice try though!

And to the person accusing me of sock puppeting: Er, no. Try again.

So, you left him but he's not allowed to move on with his life and find love again. Nice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's pathetic that so-called parents can't put off dating for a few years while their small children are dealing with their parents' divorce. Just pathetic. Everyone thinks with their groins.

Sure, it's perfectly acceptable for divorcees to go out and party with their friends constantly (all the ones I know do) but God forbid someone start dating again because they want to share their life with someone.

Personally, I would much rather see my ex settled down and happy then out living it up the single life way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

So, you left him but he's not allowed to move on with his life and find love again. Nice.

He's allowed to find love. He's just not allowed to enjoy it when he's around his kids. He has all the non-custody time in the world to do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's pathetic that so-called parents can't put off dating for a few years while their small children are dealing with their parents' divorce. Just pathetic. Everyone thinks with their groins.

Sure, it's perfectly acceptable for divorcees to go out and party with their friends constantly (all the ones I know do) but God forbid someone start dating again because they want to share their life with someone.

Personally, I would much rather see my ex settled down and happy then out living it up the single life way.

Again, you are mis-stating the argument. Divorcees are free to date to their heart's content. The decree only dictates what happens when they are with their children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been separated from my ex-DH for a year but we are not yet divorced. He cheated and wanted to end the marriage. He is now bringing a brand new gf (not even 6 weeks) around the children; having sleepovers when the kids are with him; bringing her to events where I will be etc. Can this be stopped since he's not yet my EXDH and we have very small children?

Sorry but you can't control him anymore.

Yes she can control who is around her children.

No, she can't. Impossible to enforce.

biglaw here.

She can't.

NP. Another big law attorney here. Yes, she can, but only as part of divorce proceedings. When I divorced, I made my husband agree to a clause in our settlement that barred him from having any significant other around our children until they had been dating for at least three years. I also barred him from bringing any friend (except for those listed in the agreement) around our children without prior approval from me. I agreed to be similarly bound. I also had a fine (and reimbursement of attorneys' fees needed to enforce the clause) attached to each violation. These clauses expire when our youngest child turns 14.

It has been 9 years since our divorce and we have done well for the most part. I had to enforce the clause once when he had a girlfriend of several months skulking around our kids and was claiming she was just a tenant. I gathered evidence she was more than a tenant. He called my bluff regarding enforcing the girlfriend clause, so I went to court and had him enjoined from having her around the kids. And I enforced the fine (no attorneys' fees because I handled the matter myself).

You can do a lot with a settlement agreement, but an agreement is only as strong as you are. My ex knows I will strangle him and send his soul to Hades if he brings any of his shady friends, exes, nextses, and drama around our children.

Three years?? You've got issues.
You sound like a controlling nightmare & you found a way to be your control freak self & continue control him still after the divorce.

Ugh, no wonder he divorced you.

Lawyer PP here. Ah, the "he left you!" dig. Except that I left him. Nice try though!

And to the person accusing me of sock puppeting: Er, no. Try again.

So, you left him but he's not allowed to move on with his life and find love again. Nice.

She can't control that, if he finds someone and wants to have that person around his kids it's up to him.