Separated and not yet ex DH is bringing girlfriend to kids events--can this be stopped?

[Anonymous]

I have been separated from my ex-DH for a year but we are not yet divorced. He cheated and wanted to end the marriage. He is now bringing a brand new gf (not even 6 weeks) around the children; having sleepovers when the kids are with him; bringing her to events where I will be etc. Can this be stopped since he's not yet my EXDH and we have very small children?

[Anonymous]

I don't know the laws, but just want to say I'm sorry. That sucks OP.

[Anonymous]

There's not much you can do. Sorry OP.

[Anonymous]

Ask a lawyer...not DCUM. If you are going to ask the DCUM law firm, at least tell us what state you live in, what stage the pending divorce is in, and when the divorce will be final.

Either way, it sounds like you guys have created a lovely environment for your small children.

[Anonymous]

looks like he's moved on. You should too.

[Anonymous]

See if you can get a no-fornicating clause in your PSA. But it works both ways. Neither party shall have overnight guests when the children are in the home.

[Anonymous]

You can put rules into your separation agreement about overnights with significant others. You can ask that he not bring girlfriends around without notifying you first. You can ask that they not come to events unless he discusses it with you. But honestly, all you can do is ask. Who he associates with when he's not with you and what he does with the kids on his own time isn't really something you can dictate.

[Anonymous]

You've been apart for a year and should have filed. I would certainly do so now. You can't stop him from bringing her to events, but the sleepovers you can. My friend got a court order detailing he couldn't have any sleep over girlfriends while the kids stayed over on the weekend. Also, he couldn't leave the kids alone with girlfriends. He would have to get an approved babysitter by both parents, or the ex husband would need to watch them.

OP do you have joint custody? What events does he bring her to? Your DH is totally irresponsible, and should have waited until he was serious with someone or almost engaged to do that kind of thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been separated from my ex-DH for a year but we are not yet divorced. He cheated and wanted to end the marriage. He is now bringing a brand new gf (not even 6 weeks) around the children; having sleepovers when the kids are with him; bringing her to events where I will be etc. Can this be stopped since he's not yet my EXDH and we have very small children?

Sorry but you can't control him anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ask a lawyer...not DCUM. If you are going to ask the DCUM law firm, at least tell us what state you live in, what stage the pending divorce is in, and when the divorce will be final.

Either way, it sounds like you guys have created a lovely environment for your small children.

You mean, it sounds like her POS STBX has created a lovely environment? Because he's the one who f**ked up.

[Anonymous]

OP are these school events? When the kids are with you don't let ex know about any events. Put them in sports on your time or hobbies without letting him know. We did that. Swimming, and dance that were not school and near where we lived. We didn't want any exes or their "friends" showing up. We did camping trips and family things too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been separated from my ex-DH for a year but we are not yet divorced. He cheated and wanted to end the marriage. He is now bringing a brand new gf (not even 6 weeks) around the children; having sleepovers when the kids are with him; bringing her to events where I will be etc. Can this be stopped since he's not yet my EXDH and we have very small children?

Sorry but you can't control him anymore.

Yes she can control who is around her children.

[Anonymous]

I was in a similar situation. The truth is cheaters create fake fronts for themselves to look like good people while they engage in their predatory behavior. When you were married, you were your Ex's false front that made him look like a good guy. Now that your marriage is over, your ex is using the kids to create his fake image. He holds them out to girlfriends and orhers so that he can be seen as a good dad. If he brings a woman to an kids' event, in his mind he wins. He is a good dad showing up to see his kids who is loved by another woman, if not you.

It's messed up, but hard to change. I sent my ex an email saying that experts say neither of us should introduce the kids to dates unless it was a serious relationship that passed the one year mark. I xeroxed some pages from the Sandcastles divorce book and highlighted the relevant passages and attached it to the email.

It worked, although he them didn't really think at all about how to introduce his fiance at the one year mark - which was a different sort of problem.

As you divorce you can negotiate a no paramours overnight with the kids clause, but it's basically unenforceable.

Try to take the high road. Model the behavior you would like to see your kids enjoy and your husband mimic.

Kids are smart. Mine were very young at the divorce. But after 10 years they see their Dad for what he is - sort of an irresponaible loser that they still have feelings for.

[Anonymous]

OP here---this is in VA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been separated from my ex-DH for a year but we are not yet divorced. He cheated and wanted to end the marriage. He is now bringing a brand new gf (not even 6 weeks) around the children; having sleepovers when the kids are with him; bringing her to events where I will be etc. Can this be stopped since he's not yet my EXDH and we have very small children?

Sorry but you can't control him anymore.

Yes she can control who is around her children.

No, she can't. Impossible to enforce.