Separated and not yet ex DH is bringing girlfriend to kids events--can this be stopped?

[Anonymous]

My exW tried to keep my GF out of DD's life. But, I never saw her when DD was around, except after we were together for a year and we had gotten engaged. She tried to change the joint custody agreement...judge did change it, when judge found out that she was having multiple men sleep over with DD, sometimes at the same time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you even care? It's not like exDH's girlfriends are going to molest or beat your kids.

Lol. This is legit the dumbest thing I've ever heard. You realize how many women are molested by the partner of their mother? Not a big stretch to think the same couldn't happen if the genders were reversed. I think you should put something in the PSA about sleepovers. But that will obviously apply to you as well.

Yes it is a huge stretch. You are flat-out ignorant and a complete moron if you think children are molested by step-mothers/girlfriends at anywhere near the rate they are by step-fathers/boyfriends.

So because it's not at the same rate it doesn't happen? If you read the post it said couldn't happen. So if it does then it's just "oh well, what's important is to remember that what happened to you happens at a greater rate to someone else!" You are an inspiration, truly. You should be a spokesperson for RAINN.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's an ass OP. Doesn't he know he was supposed to be learning his lesson, realizing how good he had it with you and beg you to take him back? I swear men are so dense

Jesus, there is so much trash hanging out on this forum. A man is bringing a girlfriend of six weeks around his young children and you think the problem here is that the wife is jealous?

You are incredibly stupid if you think that's what this is about. OP is pissed because he is happy. Happier than she is and happier than SHE thinks he is allowed to be. I'm sure the Ex's new girlfriend is younger and prettier and that sent OP off to bat shit crazy land

Bingo!

I am not divorced, am not in danger of being divorced, have no intentions to ever divorce my husband. We are very happy. So I am not bitter.

And yet I know clear eyed and not bitterly that I would be VERY uncomfortable knowing my children met a woman he started dating after 6 weeks.

My parents were divorced and I met three of their significant others. Two of whom are my stepparents, one my dad proposed to.

This is how it should be, children need stability.

Pffft. Once the parents split up, stability is permanently busted. You can't glue that pot back together by trying to stop the ex-spouses from seeing other people.

That mentality is a recipe for permanently screwing up your kids. There are absolutely decisions that can make divorce harder or easier on a kid.

[Anonymous]

I wish I had read threads like this before I got married and had kids.

[Anonymous]

My ex-husband started parading the women around our kids less than a month after he moved out. Hooked up with one on a cruise with the kids (in front of them), the following week had dates on back to back nights when he had the kids-the first was a woman he had over to his house so the kids hid in their rooms. The next night he left them for a few hours to go out on a date. That's when I found out-they called from their dad's house and asked if they could just stay with me on nights their dad had dates. So I got to have that conversation with him. Which wasn't awesome.

He has reigned it in since then but that period of time definitely tarnished what had been a very strong relationships he'd had with the kids. He was acting like the kids were his buddy's and seeming to want to show them just how cool he was. He's an idiot.

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I wish I had read threads like this before I got married and had kids.

What difference would it have made? Are you saying that you did not marry the best man you could?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP are these school events? When the kids are with you don't let ex know about any events. Put them in sports on your time or hobbies without letting him know. We did that. Swimming, and dance that were not school and near where we lived. We didn't want any exes or their "friends" showing up. We did camping trips and family things too.

That's absolutely ridiculous.
You're telling me that a parent with joint custody can't go to their kids little league or soccer game, just because it's during YOUR week to have them, or because it's a sport that YOU paid for?? Where the f#ck do you get off??

That's so incredibly messed up & the only one who's gonna pay the price for your jealousy & insecurity is your kid, who is never allowed to have both parents at the same game.
I'd love to hear the ridiculous excuses (lies) that you give little Billy as to why daddy can't come to his playoff game

You REALLY need to get over yourself & put your kids first.
That just sounds like a whole lot of selfishness & self centeredness & it's absolutely disgusting.

[Anonymous]

Of course he can't be stopped.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been separated from my ex-DH for a year but we are not yet divorced. He cheated and wanted to end the marriage. He is now bringing a brand new gf (not even 6 weeks) around the children; having sleepovers when the kids are with him; bringing her to events where I will be etc. Can this be stopped since he's not yet my EXDH and we have very small children?

Sorry but you can't control him anymore.

Yes she can control who is around her children.

No, she can't. Impossible to enforce.

biglaw here.

She can't.

NP. Another big law attorney here. Yes, she can, but only as part of divorce proceedings. When I divorced, I made my husband agree to a clause in our settlement that barred him from having any significant other around our children until they had been dating for at least three years. I also barred him from bringing any friend (except for those listed in the agreement) around our children without prior approval from me. I agreed to be similarly bound. I also had a fine (and reimbursement of attorneys' fees needed to enforce the clause) attached to each violation. These clauses expire when our youngest child turns 14.

It has been 9 years since our divorce and we have done well for the most part. I had to enforce the clause once when he had a girlfriend of several months skulking around our kids and was claiming she was just a tenant. I gathered evidence she was more than a tenant. He called my bluff regarding enforcing the girlfriend clause, so I went to court and had him enjoined from having her around the kids. And I enforced the fine (no attorneys' fees because I handled the matter myself).

You can do a lot with a settlement agreement, but an agreement is only as strong as you are. My ex knows I will strangle him and send his soul to Hades if he brings any of his shady friends, exes, nextses, and drama around our children.

Three years?? You've got issues.
You sound like a controlling nightmare & you found a way to be your control freak self & continue control him still after the divorce.

Ugh, no wonder he divorced you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been separated from my ex-DH for a year but we are not yet divorced. He cheated and wanted to end the marriage. He is now bringing a brand new gf (not even 6 weeks) around the children; having sleepovers when the kids are with him; bringing her to events where I will be etc. Can this be stopped since he's not yet my EXDH and we have very small children?

Sorry but you can't control him anymore.

Yes she can control who is around her children.

No, she can't. Impossible to enforce.

biglaw here.

She can't.

NP. Another big law attorney here. Yes, she can, but only as part of divorce proceedings. When I divorced, I made my husband agree to a clause in our settlement that barred him from having any significant other around our children until they had been dating for at least three years. I also barred him from bringing any friend (except for those listed in the agreement) around our children without prior approval from me. I agreed to be similarly bound. I also had a fine (and reimbursement of attorneys' fees needed to enforce the clause) attached to each violation. These clauses expire when our youngest child turns 14.

It has been 9 years since our divorce and we have done well for the most part. I had to enforce the clause once when he had a girlfriend of several months skulking around our kids and was claiming she was just a tenant. I gathered evidence she was more than a tenant. He called my bluff regarding enforcing the girlfriend clause, so I went to court and had him enjoined from having her around the kids. And I enforced the fine (no attorneys' fees because I handled the matter myself).

You can do a lot with a settlement agreement, but an agreement is only as strong as you are. My ex knows I will strangle him and send his soul to Hades if he brings any of his shady friends, exes, nextses, and drama around our children.

You are a rock star! Good for you for making the extra effort to protect your kids.

It's the pathetic self high five!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been separated from my ex-DH for a year but we are not yet divorced. He cheated and wanted to end the marriage. He is now bringing a brand new gf (not even 6 weeks) around the children; having sleepovers when the kids are with him; bringing her to events where I will be etc. Can this be stopped since he's not yet my EXDH and we have very small children?

Sorry but you can't control him anymore.

Yes she can control who is around her children.

No, she can't. Impossible to enforce.

biglaw here.

She can't.

NP. Another big law attorney here. Yes, she can, but only as part of divorce proceedings. When I divorced, I made my husband agree to a clause in our settlement that barred him from having any significant other around our children until they had been dating for at least three years. I also barred him from bringing any friend (except for those listed in the agreement) around our children without prior approval from me. I agreed to be similarly bound. I also had a fine (and reimbursement of attorneys' fees needed to enforce the clause) attached to each violation. These clauses expire when our youngest child turns 14.

It has been 9 years since our divorce and we have done well for the most part. I had to enforce the clause once when he had a girlfriend of several months skulking around our kids and was claiming she was just a tenant. I gathered evidence she was more than a tenant. He called my bluff regarding enforcing the girlfriend clause, so I went to court and had him enjoined from having her around the kids. And I enforced the fine (no attorneys' fees because I handled the matter myself).

You can do a lot with a settlement agreement, but an agreement is only as strong as you are. My ex knows I will strangle him and send his soul to Hades if he brings any of his shady friends, exes, nextses, and drama around our children.

Your prescriptive settlement is missing the forest for the trees. While it makes you feel in control and might be satisfying, I wonder what long-term impact that has had on the kids.

Agreed. This sounds super controlling to me.

+1. Feel bad for the kids.

I feel bad for the kids too! What kid wouldn't want the chance to get attached to the flavor of the month only for her to disappear or turn out to be crazy? It is definitely best for the kids to be exposed to as many short-term flings as possible. Think of all the fun people they've missed out on. Terrible mom.

And now we have the defending myself posts as someone else... even more pathetic!

For someone who works in big law, you sure do have a ton of free time to stalk DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been separated from my ex-DH for a year but we are not yet divorced. He cheated and wanted to end the marriage. He is now bringing a brand new gf (not even 6 weeks) around the children; having sleepovers when the kids are with him; bringing her to events where I will be etc. Can this be stopped since he's not yet my EXDH and we have very small children?

Sorry but you can't control him anymore.

Yes she can control who is around her children.

No, she can't. Impossible to enforce.

biglaw here.

She can't.

NP. Another big law attorney here. Yes, she can, but only as part of divorce proceedings. When I divorced, I made my husband agree to a clause in our settlement that barred him from having any significant other around our children until they had been dating for at least three years. I also barred him from bringing any friend (except for those listed in the agreement) around our children without prior approval from me. I agreed to be similarly bound. I also had a fine (and reimbursement of attorneys' fees needed to enforce the clause) attached to each violation. These clauses expire when our youngest child turns 14.

It has been 9 years since our divorce and we have done well for the most part. I had to enforce the clause once when he had a girlfriend of several months skulking around our kids and was claiming she was just a tenant. I gathered evidence she was more than a tenant. He called my bluff regarding enforcing the girlfriend clause, so I went to court and had him enjoined from having her around the kids. And I enforced the fine (no attorneys' fees because I handled the matter myself).

You can do a lot with a settlement agreement, but an agreement is only as strong as you are. My ex knows I will strangle him and send his soul to Hades if he brings any of his shady friends, exes, nextses, and drama around our children.

Your prescriptive settlement is missing the forest for the trees. While it makes you feel in control and might be satisfying, I wonder what long-term impact that has had on the kids.

Agreed. This sounds super controlling to me.

+1. Feel bad for the kids.

I feel bad for the kids too! What kid wouldn't want the chance to get attached to the flavor of the month only for her to disappear or turn out to be crazy? It is definitely best for the kids to be exposed to as many short-term flings as possible. Think of all the fun people they've missed out on. Terrible mom.

You're teaching your kids to be bitter, vengeful, and controlling. This is no doing them a favor for future relationships, romantic or otherwise.

I completely agree with you. Only a bitter mom would cheat her kids of the chance to meet as many of their father's randoms as possible. How does it make any sense to wait until the relationship is solid? Studies show that kids are happiest when introduced to the new girl after the first date.

Geez lady, you're cray Cray.
Your writing style gives you away every single time you write in defense of yourself or post as someone agreeing with you.

Why aren't you writing books on this, your way should be everyone's way, right?

Good God are you a controlling, arrogant, know it all, sanctimommy.
Those traits are so attractive to the opposite sex... I'm sure men look at you & they're emasculated beyond repair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been separated from my ex-DH for a year but we are not yet divorced. He cheated and wanted to end the marriage. He is now bringing a brand new gf (not even 6 weeks) around the children; having sleepovers when the kids are with him; bringing her to events where I will be etc. Can this be stopped since he's not yet my EXDH and we have very small children?

Sorry but you can't control him anymore.

Yes she can control who is around her children.

No, she can't. Impossible to enforce.

biglaw here.

She can't.

+100

I noticed her writing too. Because she writes fairly articulately, reflecting her legal background, it is quite a contrast to the usual word salad/stream of consciousness that comes from most other people.

Anyway, its a lost cause. No amount of commentary on an anon board will make her see the big picture about her kids/control issues.



NP. Another big law attorney here. Yes, she can, but only as part of divorce proceedings. When I divorced, I made my husband agree to a clause in our settlement that barred him from having any significant other around our children until they had been dating for at least three years. I also barred him from bringing any friend (except for those listed in the agreement) around our children without prior approval from me. I agreed to be similarly bound. I also had a fine (and reimbursement of attorneys' fees needed to enforce the clause) attached to each violation. These clauses expire when our youngest child turns 14.

It has been 9 years since our divorce and we have done well for the most part. I had to enforce the clause once when he had a girlfriend of several months skulking around our kids and was claiming she was just a tenant. I gathered evidence she was more than a tenant. He called my bluff regarding enforcing the girlfriend clause, so I went to court and had him enjoined from having her around the kids. And I enforced the fine (no attorneys' fees because I handled the matter myself).

You can do a lot with a settlement agreement, but an agreement is only as strong as you are. My ex knows I will strangle him and send his soul to Hades if he brings any of his shady friends, exes, nextses, and drama around our children.

Your prescriptive settlement is missing the forest for the trees. While it makes you feel in control and might be satisfying, I wonder what long-term impact that has had on the kids.

Agreed. This sounds super controlling to me.

+1. Feel bad for the kids.

I feel bad for the kids too! What kid wouldn't want the chance to get attached to the flavor of the month only for her to disappear or turn out to be crazy? It is definitely best for the kids to be exposed to as many short-term flings as possible. Think of all the fun people they've missed out on. Terrible mom.

You're teaching your kids to be bitter, vengeful, and controlling. This is no doing them a favor for future relationships, romantic or otherwise.

I completely agree with you. Only a bitter mom would cheat her kids of the chance to meet as many of their father's randoms as possible. How does it make any sense to wait until the relationship is solid? Studies show that kids are happiest when introduced to the new girl after the first date.

Geez lady, you're cray Cray.
Your writing style gives you away every single time you write in defense of yourself or post as someone agreeing with you.

Why aren't you writing books on this, your way should be everyone's way, right?

Good God are you a controlling, arrogant, know it all, sanctimommy.
Those traits are so attractive to the opposite sex... I'm sure men look at you & they're emasculated beyond repair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been separated from my ex-DH for a year but we are not yet divorced. He cheated and wanted to end the marriage. He is now bringing a brand new gf (not even 6 weeks) around the children; having sleepovers when the kids are with him; bringing her to events where I will be etc. Can this be stopped since he's not yet my EXDH and we have very small children?

Sorry but you can't control him anymore.

Yes she can control who is around her children.

No, she can't. Impossible to enforce.

biglaw here.

She can't.

NP. Another big law attorney here. Yes, she can, but only as part of divorce proceedings. When I divorced, I made my husband agree to a clause in our settlement that barred him from having any significant other around our children until they had been dating for at least three years. I also barred him from bringing any friend (except for those listed in the agreement) around our children without prior approval from me. I agreed to be similarly bound. I also had a fine (and reimbursement of attorneys' fees needed to enforce the clause) attached to each violation. These clauses expire when our youngest child turns 14.

It has been 9 years since our divorce and we have done well for the most part. I had to enforce the clause once when he had a girlfriend of several months skulking around our kids and was claiming she was just a tenant. I gathered evidence she was more than a tenant. He called my bluff regarding enforcing the girlfriend clause, so I went to court and had him enjoined from having her around the kids. And I enforced the fine (no attorneys' fees because I handled the matter myself).

You can do a lot with a settlement agreement, but an agreement is only as strong as you are. My ex knows I will strangle him and send his soul to Hades if he brings any of his shady friends, exes, nextses, and drama around our children.

Your prescriptive settlement is missing the forest for the trees. While it makes you feel in control and might be satisfying, I wonder what long-term impact that has had on the kids.

Agreed. This sounds super controlling to me.

+1. Feel bad for the kids.

I feel bad for the kids too! What kid wouldn't want the chance to get attached to the flavor of the month only for her to disappear or turn out to be crazy? It is definitely best for the kids to be exposed to as many short-term flings as possible. Think of all the fun people they've missed out on. Terrible mom.

You're teaching your kids to be bitter, vengeful, and controlling. This is no doing them a favor for future relationships, romantic or otherwise.

I completely agree with you. Only a bitter mom would cheat her kids of the chance to meet as many of their father's randoms as possible. How does it make any sense to wait until the relationship is solid? Studies show that kids are happiest when introduced to the new girl after the first date.

Geez lady, you're cray Cray.
Your writing style gives you away every single time you write in defense of yourself or post as someone agreeing with you.

Why aren't you writing books on this, your way should be everyone's way, right?

Good God are you a controlling, arrogant, know it all, sanctimommy.
Those traits are so attractive to the opposite sex... I'm sure men look at you & they're emasculated beyond repair.

+100

I noticed her writing too. Because she writes fairly articulately, reflecting her legal background, it is quite a contrast to the usual word salad/stream of consciousness that comes from most other people.

Anyway, its a lost cause. No amount of commentary on an anon board will make her see the big picture about her kids/control issues.