S/o SAHMs - why do so many men want one?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP above, if you were so happy with your life, you would not be spuing vitriol on the internet. There is no "superior life." Every family chooses what works for them at that time in their lives. If it's easier for you to have 2 working parents, then good for you! Right now it is far easier for my family to have a SAH parent. Live and let live.

If you are so happy with your life why can't you just see that my life is easier and happier for me. Why can't you live and let live. I don't see being a single parent all night long as easier or better, can't you see both sides?

Your life must be pretty easy because you have a lot of time to write long posts on DCUM!!

[Anonymous]

We wanted a lot of kids so it made sense so have a dedicated at home person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP above, if you were so happy with your life, you would not be spuing vitriol on the internet. There is no "superior life." Every family chooses what works for them at that time in their lives. If it's easier for you to have 2 working parents, then good for you! Right now it is far easier for my family to have a SAH parent. Live and let live.

If you are so happy with your life why can't you just see that my life is easier and happier for me. Why can't you live and let live. I don't see being a single parent all night long as easier or better, can't you see both sides?

Your life must be pretty easy because you have a lot of time to write long posts on DCUM!!

It is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP above, if you were so happy with your life, you would not be spuing vitriol on the internet. There is no "superior life." Every family chooses what works for them at that time in their lives. If it's easier for you to have 2 working parents, then good for you! Right now it is far easier for my family to have a SAH parent. Live and let live.

If you are so happy with your life why can't you just see that my life is easier and happier for me. Why can't you live and let live. I don't see being a single parent all night long as easier or better, can't you see both sides?

Your life must be pretty easy because you have a lot of time to write long posts on DCUM!!

Is this the hard life olympics? That's one I happily will lose. I enjoy my easy life.

[Anonymous]

I can't believe you guys were able to correlate fitness with working in or out of home! LOL What a crock of bull, seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe you guys were able to correlate fitness with working in or out of home! LOL What a crock of bull, seriously.

More time = more exercise and healthier food. How is that a crock? Sure, I bet you're super mom and can do it all but some of us like time to relax, too! And fitter + more relaxed me = more sex for DH!

[Anonymous]

Men know that (in most cases) no one will take care of his child as well as it's mother will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not going to quote since it's already long enough, but in my opinion, for parents who both want to work, the best situation is to have flexible jobs. Obviously this does not apply for families where one parent stays at home, but for those that don't having flexible jobs is key. DH and I have that and honestly our kids spend very little time in daycare and we have time to make home cooked meals and have a clean house (we don't outsource anything). Our weekends are spent doing things as a family not running around getting errands done.

The all or nothing portrait of life with a SAH parent or life with two working parents gets old. Most people I know fall somewhere in between. I know plenty of SAHMs who don't cook a home cooked meal every night or have spotless houses and plenty of families with WOH parents who have very flexible schedules/jobs and maybe use daycare one or two days a week.

This.

I can't really relate to these debates. For me working is a no brainer. I do it from home, my DH is in sales and he works from home when not visiting clients or traveling. I actually get sick of seeing him so much. We don't even have daycare anymore. I'm in Loudoun county, elementary school starts at 730 and both kids do PTA activities after school and we get them at 345. They play or do homework for about an hour while we finish up.

We do though have a housekeeper because who likes chores and grocery shopping? Since we don't have daycare, we easily divert $300/wk to the housekeeping services.

In summer we do hire a college nanny to take the kids to the pool and usher them to various sports camps. At least once a week I go to the pool with them or take them somewhere fun.

Our flexibility is probably the result of continuous work in the same industry in order to be able to be choosier about the jobs we have taken.

[Anonymous]

PP above, you do realize there are fields where no matter how much seniority/experience you have, you cannot work from home, right? You're lucky you have such a nice arrangement. Obviously others have different circumstances to deal with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP above, you do realize there are fields where no matter how much seniority/experience you have, you cannot work from home, right? You're lucky you have such a nice arrangement. Obviously others have different circumstances to deal with.

Of course i realize this, that why i dont work in those fields! Maybe it is because I had kids early and from the age of 25, I knew I didn't ever want to be boxed in like that. I've been offered nice jobs that would require a security clearance. There is no way in hell I'd sign up for that because I couldn't do my work from home.

We ALL make choices in life. Choose if we want to work, choose the type of education we pursue, choose they type of career we want these choices are made (hopefully ) with the future in our line of sight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH valued having a SAHM for our kids. Thankfully, we talked about it before we got married and were in agreement.

He has never had to worry about getting a call about a sick kid. Last minute travel is never a problem. He doesn't have to juggle his schedule to fit in doctors or dental appointments. Snow days are not stressful here- they are cause for celebration! Our house is always clean. Dinner is almost always homemade and ready when he walks in. I had everything done and the kids bathed and in pajamas so that we could eat dinner as family and relax in the evenings. We've never had to scramble to make last minute child care decisions. I've never sent a child to daycare or school sick. Family vacations are easy because we only need to work around his schedule.

All those things make life easier for all of us - my DH, me, and our kids. But above everything else, we were willing to do absolutely anything to avoid daycare or a nanny. We both felt very strongly about this and would have sold our home and everything in it and moved to a lower COL area before resorting to daycare.

We all have different values. Leaving our children in the care of someone other than a parent for 40+ hours a week in those first few years was not something either of us was comfortable with. No amount of extra income would have been worth it.

I went back to work when our kids were older. I am so glad I was home in those earlier years. We've been married close to 30 years. It's amazing what that kind of perpective does. Money was tight in those early years, but I wouldn't change a thing.

My H would have hated never taking kids to the doctors, he really valued being a part of that.
My H loves snow days, are you serious that your H has never taken a snow day off to spend the day with the kids?
He never gave your kids a bath? Never read books to them before bed?
We have somebody clean our house and our kids are at school all day so it does not really get too dirty.

Let me guess he never "HAD TO" coach a sport, help with a play, volunteer in the classroom, go on a field trip, help with homework, get to know your children.

No nanny or daycare? Do you also home school?

Maybe life is "easier" but is not spending time with your kids and being fully a part of their life "better"?

We definitely have "different values".

Surely you are smart enough to see the point. Of course my DH took kids to the doctor. He loved snows days! He's a Fed so he usually gets the day off as well. But because I am home, he has never HAD to miss a meeting or call in sick. Because I am home, his last minute travel is never an issue.

If you can't see how having a parent at home makes like easier, I don't know what else to say. I've often joked that I would have returned to work earlier had I had a SAH wife. Our life is and always has been fairly simple. We don't rush around from activity to activity. We enjoy a much, much slower paced life even when we are in DC. That hamster wheel so many people are on holds no value to us.

You being home makes HIS life easier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Our flexibility is probably the result of continuous work in the same industry in order to be able to be choosier about the jobs we have taken.

This is so funny to me. In my line of work, and my husbands, choosing to take a job that you could do from home would be a huge step back. Basically, it would mean giving up on your career entirely in order to have more of a "job" that you could do from home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Our flexibility is probably the result of continuous work in the same industry in order to be able to be choosier about the jobs we have taken.

This is so funny to me. In my line of work, and my husbands, choosing to take a job that you could do from home would be a huge step back. Basically, it would mean giving up on your career entirely in order to have more of a "job" that you could do from home.

Ok?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP above, you do realize there are fields where no matter how much seniority/experience you have, you cannot work from home, right? You're lucky you have such a nice arrangement. Obviously others have different circumstances to deal with.

Of course i realize this, that why i dont work in those fields! Maybe it is because I had kids early and from the age of 25, I knew I didn't ever want to be boxed in like that. I've been offered nice jobs that would require a security clearance. There is no way in hell I'd sign up for that because I couldn't do my work from home.

We ALL make choices in life. Choose if we want to work, choose the type of education we pursue, choose they type of career we want these choices are made (hopefully ) with the future in our line of sight.

Well aren't you the perfect planner! Some of us choose careers based on our skill set and passions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband made it very clear from the beginning that he did not want a SAHM

This is a red flag to me. Sounds like he forbade you from making a life decision that he didn't want at that time. Any many who either "wants" a SAH or WOH spouse is messed up. You come to this decision as a couple.

+1. And I don't understand why being a SAHM is at all incompatible with being a feminist, as the OP suggests.