Stay at home Dad: My kids not accepted?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Ah I see pp attempted to explain. She just doesn't have male friends.

I think you are very anxious to fit people into the boxes you've designed for them. I have a ton of male friends. And when we want to spend time together, we go have coffee. Or lunch. Or dinner. Out in public. Not in each other's houses when no one else is present. Why are you so bothered by people's preferences? I'm not telling YOU how to conduct yourself. I am simply explaining why I - a person wholly separate and different from you - would choose to meet up with SAHD and his kids at a playground or a park but not at his or my house when no one else is around.

Can you please just answer my original question that I asked in the post before the one you quoted, then? Like I said this is really foreign to me and I do not get it and I want to. What is the inappropriateness you feel around being IN A HOUSE with someone of the opposite gender? I gave three reasons that are about as far as I can imagine it: fear of rape, fear of temptation, or concern about appearances/misinterpretation by people who don't know the two of you. ???

I'd answer it for you but I think you are committed to "not getting it". But let me try. I feel that it is inappropriate for me, as a married woman, to solicit and impose on myself, without any actual need, the scenario of being in a private setting with a member of the opposite sex. My DH feels the same way - he wouldn't hang out with a woman in her house. Coffee shop, sure. House, no. That's our deal. You don't have to sign up for it.

Yes, believe you me, I am FULLY AWARE that I don't have to agree with you. Thanks for the permission though.

You're still not answering my question. You are just saying the word "inappropriate" again and again. My question is WHAT IS INAPPROPRIATE?
Are you concerned about being raped?
Are you concerned about having an affair?
Are you not concerned about either of those things, but are concerned that you might be judged by third parties?
Or is it something else I have not thought of?

See, I knew you were committed to not getting it.

Try this, I'll put it in all caps:

IT FEELS WRONG.

Thank you. It helps me understand where you are coming from that that's as specific as you can get.

Actually, I was trying to simplify it for you since you persist you need more and more explanation. You say you want to understand, but really, all you want to do is argue. This is why I am not getting more specific since I know you'll just circle back with questioning every letter I type, and I find that tiresome. You're like my five-year old who keeps saying, "but WHYYYY?"

Different people are different, PP. 5-year-olds (and adults) ask why a million times when the answer doesn't make sense to them. When it does, they stop. I get you find it's inappropriate, I get you are uncomfortable, I get it makes you feel a way you don't want to feel. You can assume negative intent on my part all you like and nothing I can say will change your mind. Since I am a WOHM/SAHD family, our paths will clearly never cross in any significant way, so it doesn't matter to me.

Well all right, you convinced me, I will give you the benefit of the doubt.

It's like this: in our marriage, certain things are reserved for spouses only. Seeing you naked is one. Having leisurely social contact in a fully private setting is another. Hanging out in another man's house when no other adults are present would feel to me as a violation of my and his marriage boundaries. Hanging out socially and in private with your SAHD husband should be reserved only for you in my mind. So I wouldn't want it. And my husband wouldn't want me to either. This has nothing to do with my fear of your husband who I am sure is an upstanding man and father, or temptation. It also has nothing to with perceptions since I don't care what other people think if I'm not married to them. I just feel that hanging out with him in private is for his wife and his wife alone.

[Anonymous]

ctually, I was trying to simplify it for you since you persist you need more and more explanation. You say you want to understand, but really, all you want to do is argue. This is why I am not getting more specific since I know you'll just circle back with questioning every letter I type, and I find that tiresome. You're like my five-year old who keeps saying, "but WHYYYY?"

Not the pp, but you are an asshole.

[Anonymous]

This thread is blowing my mind right now, in a really sad way. I truly cannot comprehend why anyone would be concerned about the appearance of impropriety if a parent was taking his or her child over to another family's house for a playdate with a parent of the opposite sex and his/her child. How could that situation ever be considered "inappropriate"? It's not as though you are alone with the other person for illicit purposes. It is extremely disheartening to hear so many old-fashioned, close-minded opinions on this issue, particularly when people in this area like to tout how open-minded they are on other social issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't want to write this, in case I come off as a crazy Christian, but the first thing that jumped into my mind is that we're to avoid the appearance of "evil". I personally think that's good thinking for everyone. What would my neighbors of fellow congregants think if they saw me go into a man's house, or having regular playdates with him?

If you don't like the religious aspect, one of the tests we use for ethics at my company is, "How would this look on the front page of the paper?". Would I want everyone to know I was regularly socializing with a man alone in his house?

I just...I can't even.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't want to write this, in case I come off as a crazy Christian, but the first thing that jumped into my mind is that we're to avoid the appearance of "evil". I personally think that's good thinking for everyone. What would my neighbors of fellow congregants think if they saw me go into a man's house, or having regular playdates with him?

If you don't like the religious aspect, one of the tests we use for ethics at my company is, "How would this look on the front page of the paper?". Would I want everyone to know I was regularly socializing with a man alone in his house?

It would look completely normal on the front page of a newspaper and if someone tried to gossip it by telling me it happened I would only judge the person gossiping, not the two grown adults running a playdate or even being friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is blowing my mind right now, in a really sad way. I truly cannot comprehend why anyone would be concerned about the appearance of impropriety if a parent was taking his or her child over to another family's house for a playdate with a parent of the opposite sex and his/her child. How could that situation ever be considered "inappropriate"? It's not as though you are alone with the other person for illicit purposes. It is extremely disheartening to hear so many old-fashioned, close-minded opinions on this issue, particularly when people in this area like to tout how open-minded they are on other social issues.

You're kidding, right? Because people don't know you're over there at a playdate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is blowing my mind right now, in a really sad way. I truly cannot comprehend why anyone would be concerned about the appearance of impropriety if a parent was taking his or her child over to another family's house for a playdate with a parent of the opposite sex and his/her child. How could that situation ever be considered "inappropriate"? It's not as though you are alone with the other person for illicit purposes. It is extremely disheartening to hear so many old-fashioned, close-minded opinions on this issue, particularly when people in this area like to tout how open-minded they are on other social issues.

Yes, the pressure to conform to your own stance - as manifested by so many on this page - is VERY open-minded. Why can't you accept that people will have different opinions on the subject?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is blowing my mind right now, in a really sad way. I truly cannot comprehend why anyone would be concerned about the appearance of impropriety if a parent was taking his or her child over to another family's house for a playdate with a parent of the opposite sex and his/her child. How could that situation ever be considered "inappropriate"? It's not as though you are alone with the other person for illicit purposes. It is extremely disheartening to hear so many old-fashioned, close-minded opinions on this issue, particularly when people in this area like to tout how open-minded they are on other social issues.

You do realize that neighbors can't tell what you're doing in the house, right? And people gossip. That gossip can ruin careers. Why take the chance?

[Anonymous]

Sorry but I dont want to hang out with your husband, alone. I just don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is blowing my mind right now, in a really sad way. I truly cannot comprehend why anyone would be concerned about the appearance of impropriety if a parent was taking his or her child over to another family's house for a playdate with a parent of the opposite sex and his/her child. How could that situation ever be considered "inappropriate"? It's not as though you are alone with the other person for illicit purposes. It is extremely disheartening to hear so many old-fashioned, close-minded opinions on this issue, particularly when people in this area like to tout how open-minded they are on other social issues.

You're kidding, right? Because people don't know you're over there at a playdate.

Aren't they going into and out of the house with the kid tagging along?

Not that I would think a thing of it if two male and female friends had coffee inside alone. That's such a twisted view of human nature.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is blowing my mind right now, in a really sad way. I truly cannot comprehend why anyone would be concerned about the appearance of impropriety if a parent was taking his or her child over to another family's house for a playdate with a parent of the opposite sex and his/her child. How could that situation ever be considered "inappropriate"? It's not as though you are alone with the other person for illicit purposes. It is extremely disheartening to hear so many old-fashioned, close-minded opinions on this issue, particularly when people in this area like to tout how open-minded they are on other social issues.

What's that Tom Perotta novel and movie called, Little Children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry but I dont want to hang out with your husband, alone. I just don't.

Because he's not a person to you, he's just a male.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry but I dont want to hang out with your husband, alone. I just don't.

Because he's not a person to you, he's just a male.

Right. Like if you had a teenage babysitter who watched your kids. I wouldn't want to spend a play date/afternoon with her either

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is blowing my mind right now, in a really sad way. I truly cannot comprehend why anyone would be concerned about the appearance of impropriety if a parent was taking his or her child over to another family's house for a playdate with a parent of the opposite sex and his/her child. How could that situation ever be considered "inappropriate"? It's not as though you are alone with the other person for illicit purposes. It is extremely disheartening to hear so many old-fashioned, close-minded opinions on this issue, particularly when people in this area like to tout how open-minded they are on other social issues.

You do realize that neighbors can't tell what you're doing in the house, right? And people gossip. That gossip can ruin careers. Why take the chance?[/quote

So you wouldn't go on such a play date because the neighbors might see you and ruin your career?? Um, ok.

[Anonymous]

OP,
Do group play dates and when you do the invite, make it very clear that there are other people coming

"hi Susan, hoping you and Aiden can come over Thursday morning. I'm inviting the Jones and Smith's too, hoping all the kids can have a fun day in our yard while it's still nice out."

I would be into that (sorry, not going to just come over by myself and hang out with you)