DD's teacher won't call her by her nickname

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The bottom line here is that the teacher does not get to decide the child's name. That is the parent's job. They've done that here. The child goes by Bella, regardless of what her full name is. That people go by a shortened version of their full name is not a novel act.

It doesn't matter that the teacher is busy, prefers something else, or whatever the reason is. The kid's name is Bella. I'd send a note/email and if it doesn't stop, speak to her at the fall conference. Frankly, if she couldn't remember my child's name, or was choosing to disregard my wishes, I would ask to move classes. Any reason the teacher could offer as why she isn't calling my child by her name doesn't reflect well on him or her. And, I consider myself pretty laid back as far as teachers go (I don't email, call, etc. constantly. I've never made any sort of special requests).

The child's name is Isabella the teacher is calling her by her legal name. The mother doesn't have a leg to stand on.

Bullshit. People name their kids one thing and call them something else all the time. The "leg to stand on" is the kid goes by the name Bella and it is the mother's direction that she be called that. The teacher doesn't get a say in what the child is called. And, I am 100% the principal would agree with me on that last point.

[Anonymous]

Wow, most of the posters on this thread are nut jobs. It's a valid legitimate nickname for gods sake. It's her right to be called what she prefers to be called. It's not the teachers decision. IF the teacher calls everyone by their proper names and refuses to use nicknames for any child then I don't see anything being able to be done. However, if it's just this child then absolutely OP can and should talk to her about it.

FWIW, my DS goes by a nickname. He has a proper name. He knows his proper name and he has NEVER been referred to by this proper name when he (or I) have said he is called "X". It's really not that hard a concept people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The bottom line here is that the teacher does not get to decide the child's name. That is the parent's job. They've done that here. The child goes by Bella, regardless of what her full name is. That people go by a shortened version of their full name is not a novel act.

It doesn't matter that the teacher is busy, prefers something else, or whatever the reason is. The kid's name is Bella. I'd send a note/email and if it doesn't stop, speak to her at the fall conference. Frankly, if she couldn't remember my child's name, or was choosing to disregard my wishes, I would ask to move classes. Any reason the teacher could offer as why she isn't calling my child by her name doesn't reflect well on him or her. And, I consider myself pretty laid back as far as teachers go (I don't email, call, etc. constantly. I've never made any sort of special requests).

The child's name is Isabella the teacher is calling her by her legal name. The mother doesn't have a leg to stand on.

Bullshit. People name their kids one thing and call them something else all the time. The "leg to stand on" is the kid goes by the name Bella and it is the mother's direction that she be called that. The teacher doesn't get a say in what the child is called. And, I am 100% the principal would agree with me on that last point.

If I was the principal and a parent came to me demanding their child be called a nickname I would laugh in their face.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
If I was the principal and a parent came to me demanding their child be called a nickname I would laugh in their face.

Seriously, who are you people?! This thread is like an alternate universe full of people who feel really strongly about something I never imagined could be controversial. This has to be the single oddest thing I've ever seen posters on DCUM get up in arms about...and that's saying something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
If I was the principal and a parent came to me demanding their child be called a nickname I would laugh in their face.

Seriously, who are you people?! This thread is like an alternate universe full of people who feel really strongly about something I never imagined could be controversial. This has to be the single oddest thing I've ever seen posters on DCUM get up in arms about...and that's saying something.

I agree -- I find it very odd as well. As though nicknames were some kind of odd personal habit best kept in the privacy of the home. This is a weird belief not just in general society (we have former presidents who go by nicknames!), but in DCUM specifically, where people are always saying that even if you plan for your child to go by its nickname, you must always give it a full name, because Supreme Court justices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, most of the posters on this thread are nut jobs. It's a valid legitimate nickname for gods sake. It's her right to be called what she prefers to be called. It's not the teachers decision. IF the teacher calls everyone by their proper names and refuses to use nicknames for any child then I don't see anything being able to be done. However, if it's just this child then absolutely OP can and should talk to her about it.

FWIW, my DS goes by a nickname. He has a proper name. He knows his proper name and he has NEVER been referred to by this proper name when he (or I) have said he is called "X". It's really not that hard a concept people.

Valid? Legitimate? It's no different than if this mother asked the teacher to call her child Sugarpie or Loviedear because that's what they call her at home. The child's name is Isabella. If this mother wanted her child called Bella, that us what they should have named her. If the child doesn't even turn her head when someone says "Isabella" then the parents have not done a good job educating the child on what her name actually is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, most of the posters on this thread are nut jobs. It's a valid legitimate nickname for gods sake. It's her right to be called what she prefers to be called. It's not the teachers decision. IF the teacher calls everyone by their proper names and refuses to use nicknames for any child then I don't see anything being able to be done. However, if it's just this child then absolutely OP can and should talk to her about it.

FWIW, my DS goes by a nickname. He has a proper name. He knows his proper name and he has NEVER been referred to by this proper name when he (or I) have said he is called "X". It's really not that hard a concept people.

Valid? Legitimate? It's no different than if this mother asked the teacher to call her child Sugarpie or Loviedear because that's what they call her at home. The child's name is Isabella. If this mother wanted her child called Bella, that us what they should have named her. If the child doesn't even turn her head when someone says "Isabella" then the parents have not done a good job educating the child on what her name actually is.

Have you heard of nicknames? They are a very common thing in US society. Many people use nicknames. Even presidents use nicknames! Common examples of nicknames are Jim or Jimmy for James, Bill or Billy for William, Jen or Jenny for Jennifer, Izzy or Bella for Isabella, Peggy for Margaret, and so on.

[Anonymous]

My child's first and middle name are frequently used as a double name, but my child goes by just the first name. A few teachers and others over the years have used both my child's names. She doesn't care, and actually thinks it is sort of sweet. My grandparents always called me by slightly different versions of my first name and I always answered to them and today treasure that memory. Lots of people answer to different names or different versions of a name; it is really not that unusual. Maybe this is a good chance for your child to become familiar with hearing her full name and to learn that it is okay to answer to different names in different contexts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
If I was the principal and a parent came to me demanding their child be called a nickname I would laugh in their face.

Seriously, who are you people?! This thread is like an alternate universe full of people who feel really strongly about something I never imagined could be controversial. This has to be the single oddest thing I've ever seen posters on DCUM get up in arms about...and that's saying something.

Agree 100%. I don't understand this at all. It's a common nickname we are talking about here. This is just bizarre.

[Anonymous]

When I was growing up there were lots of kids that us classmates only ever called "Trish" or "Kris" but the teachers all called "Patricia" or "Kristen." How is this different?

I can't imagine a mother back then threatening the teacher for calling a Kristen "Kristen" instead of "Kris," or claiming that failing to use the nickname was some kind of hostile action against the child.

[Anonymous]

The teacher will call your child whatever he or she wants, unless you have contracted otherwise. Don't like it? Leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was growing up there were lots of kids that us classmates only ever called "Trish" or "Kris" but the teachers all called "Patricia" or "Kristen." How is this different?

I can't imagine a mother back then threatening the teacher for calling a Kristen "Kristen" instead of "Kris," or claiming that failing to use the nickname was some kind of hostile action against the child.

That's interesting. When I was growing up, there lots of kids that we classmates only ever called "Susie" or "Katie", and what the teachers called them was "Susie" or "Katie".

And yes, if the mother says, "Please call her Bella," and Bella says, "Please call me Bella", and the teacher nonetheless purposely calls her "Isabella", then it actually is a hostile action against the child. Polite, non-hostile people call people what they want to be called.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was growing up there were lots of kids that us classmates only ever called "Trish" or "Kris" but the teachers all called "Patricia" or "Kristen." How is this different?

I can't imagine a mother back then threatening the teacher for calling a Kristen "Kristen" instead of "Kris," or claiming that failing to use the nickname was some kind of hostile action against the child.

+ 1 This seems crazy to me! Like overbearing parents gone wild. I definitely think the mother should ask again, nicely, but getting the principal involved?!?! And the fact that the child doesn't even seem to know or respond to her full name? So, so weird.

Signed, Melissa who has always been called Missy but was certainly able to answer to Melissa in first grade!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was growing up there were lots of kids that us classmates only ever called "Trish" or "Kris" but the teachers all called "Patricia" or "Kristen." How is this different?

I can't imagine a mother back then threatening the teacher for calling a Kristen "Kristen" instead of "Kris," or claiming that failing to use the nickname was some kind of hostile action against the child.

+ 1 This seems crazy to me! Like overbearing parents gone wild. I definitely think the mother should ask again, nicely, but getting the principal involved?!?! And the fact that the child doesn't even seem to know or respond to her full name? So, so weird.

Signed, Melissa who has always been called Missy but was certainly able to answer to Melissa in first grade!!!!

I agree it's too much to get the principal involved, but it really isn't unreasonable that the teacher call the kid what the kid wants to be called. If she went by her full name and the teacher used a nickname, I would not expect her to be happy. I am a Katherine who has never gone by any nickname. Kate, Katie, Kathy -- these are not me. I don't answer to them. I don't even recognize them as referring to me, and as a child, I corrected any teacher who tried to call me by anything other than my name. (Including a teacher who for some reason decided that my name should really be Elizabeth.) Presumably the teacher wouldn't be pleased if her student repeatedly called her by the wrong name. She should extend the child the same courtesy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My friends who are in MoCo had a similar issue. Their son's first name is a family name that is never used. He has ALWAYS been called by his middle name, but everyone he knows. He didn't even know his first name until pre-k.

In kindergarten the teacher insisted on calling him by his first name, and told my friends that the policy in MoCoPS is to use the name on the birth certificate, period. The parents finally went to the principal to get the issue resolved, but she confirmed that yes, in MoCo, at least, the child is to be called what is on the birth certificate (unless the parents make enough of a fuss, apparently).

My question is, what circumstances compelled the school systems to come up with this rule? My guess is parents fighting over custody with different name preferences ...

Our DC daycare told us a similar policy, when they insisted on using my daughter's given name (Katherine) instead of her common nickname (Kate) in the Ones Room. Of course, they finally changed their practice when I pointed out that the policy was only being applied to my child, and not to Ellie (Elizabeth), Jon (Jonathan), or Tim (Timothy), and I wanted an explanation for the discrimination. Either way, it's a stupid policy, and even more stupid when applied to toddlers.