Do I Tell My Husband's Mistress's Husband About the Affair?

[Anonymous]

Yes, please mind your own business. Oh wait, it IS your own business now! This is your lucky day, go right ahead and call him. Let him know. He will thank you for it, if not right away, then later. He will eventually find out anyway, they always do, sooner or later. Let it be sooner and let it be from someone who can relate.

[Anonymous]

OP, any updates?

[Anonymous]

OP Here-
No updates yet. I'm going to tell him, I'm just waiting until the ink dries on my divorce--the process begins today actually. I just don't want to do anything at this time that will jeopardize my soon-to-be ex-husband's cooperation. But as I walk out the door after signing that final piece of paper, the husband's phone number will be pre-programed and ready to dial.

[Anonymous]

OP, how is your husband coping with your plan to divorce him? Is he in despair? Begging for forgiveness or another chance?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP Here-
No updates yet. I'm going to tell him, I'm just waiting until the ink dries on my divorce--the process begins today actually. I just don't want to do anything at this time that will jeopardize my soon-to-be ex-husband's cooperation. But as I walk out the door after signing that final piece of paper, the husband's phone number will be pre-programed and ready to dial.

A parting shot! Klassy!

[Anonymous]

Good luck with your new life, OP. You were dealt a crappy hand. Hopefull some good will come out of all of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

RHinVA wrote:What about telling the OW that if she doesn't tell him you will? That puts the drama of it all on her at least. Although how would you know whether she really did it.

A 3-year affair is a pretty big truth to keep from someone. That's not an "oops" affair, that's polyamory. I don't think you're creating drama, or sharing the pain, or whatever these other people have said. I think you're throwing back a veil for someone that they didn't even know was there.

It's almost like knowing someone else has cancer and wondering whether or not you should tell them about it.

Anyway, be sure to update us on what you decide to do.

Are you polyamorous? Has anyone threatened you into telling your husband?

If you're poly, "telling your husband" isn't a threat. I'm in an open marriage. Any potential partner or current partner of my husband is welcome to call me at any time to discuss whether my marriage is open or if DH is a cheater. (He's not cheating.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

RHinVA wrote:What about telling the OW that if she doesn't tell him you will? That puts the drama of it all on her at least. Although how would you know whether she really did it.

A 3-year affair is a pretty big truth to keep from someone. That's not an "oops" affair, that's polyamory. I don't think you're creating drama, or sharing the pain, or whatever these other people have said. I think you're throwing back a veil for someone that they didn't even know was there.

It's almost like knowing someone else has cancer and wondering whether or not you should tell them about it.

Anyway, be sure to update us on what you decide to do.

Are you polyamorous? Has anyone threatened you into telling your husband?

If you're poly, "telling your husband" isn't a threat. I'm in an open marriage. Any potential partner or current partner of my husband is welcome to call me at any time to discuss whether my marriage is open or if DH is a cheater. (He's not cheating.)

PP, did you bring up this lifestyle with DH or was it his idea? How is that working for you? Would you prefer that only you get to experience that freedom? Lot's of guys are into the latter, it seems.

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

Go ahead and tell, OP. The high road is a bunch of BS that cheaters are counting on you taking. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

I'd definitely tell whore's husband!!

She deserves her life to be fucked up.

[Anonymous]

No body wins in any of this. The kids have the potential to suffer the most. I don't think you should tell her. You should be focused on your own healing and protecting your children from ever learning of the affair until they are old enough. The more that know the more chance of rumors spreading and again this is very very bad for the kids.

I was a cheating wife. I ultimately confessed and am now getting divorced. Cheating is a deep dark ugly place to be. I can guarantee you she's punished herself enough.

I am so sorry you had to suffer through this. Wishing you peace love and healing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No body wins in any of this. The kids have the potential to suffer the most. I don't think you should tell her. You should be focused on your own healing and protecting your children from ever learning of the affair until they are old enough. The more that know the more chance of rumors spreading and again this is very very bad for the kids.

I was a cheating wife. I ultimately confessed and am now getting divorced. Cheating is a deep dark ugly place to be. I can guarantee you she's punished herself enough.

I am so sorry you had to suffer through this. Wishing you peace love and healing.

Bullshit! The victims should tell the other spouse. Fuck her-- why are you the only one that has to suffer?

Cheating whore--take your feelings of guilt and multiply by a billion and then maybe you can begin to understand the hurt and pain the wife is feeling.

[Anonymous]

No. I would not tell. You have enough issues to resolve. She is not your problem. Be classy!

[Anonymous]

Ugh...this is still going on!? Of course you tell. Are you kidding me? You don't do anything else, but you tell. If you know something like this about someone you tell them. Give them the chance to save their life for heaven's sake.