Unmarried men, at what age is something seriously amiss?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You know whats weird, I view women AND men who aren't married yet by their early 30s as people with something amiss. Between 24-27 people are actively looking to date to marry. If they havent been married by their early 30s...something's wrong.

Early 30s can still be explained by region, culture, and education. A DC lawyer marrying at 33 is normal and common. Nowhere is marrying for the first time at 37 common, however. Outliers merit some scrutiny, especially when there is no apparent reason beyond the person's own issues.

On a different note, lack of interest in marriage until age 35+ is a red flag IMO because it indicates the person does not place the same value on marriage and family as most people do. From what I have seen, that is the kind of person who is more likely to quit and cheat, check out emotionally, or get divorced when the going gets tough in the marriage. When I was on the market, I stayed away from bachelors over 35 even if I couldn't find something clearly wrong because at the very least, they did not share my values.

I assume that you were under 30 when you were doing this. If you were over 30 yourself, I doubt you would have just summarily rejected an otherwise good guy because he was over 35.

[Anonymous]

uh women are getting married later and later. I have a bunch of single girlfriends in NYC and they're in their early 30s. If they blew off men in their mid to late 30s there will be no one to partner up with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:uh women are getting married later and later. I have a bunch of single girlfriends in NYC and they're in their early 30s. If they blew off men in their mid to late 30s there will be no one to partner up with.

They are probably content to enjoy variety now and skip the whole baby thing altogether. They might wait until they are in their 50's or older to get married, retire early and travel the world. Whatever makes them happy. We are not all the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some attractive people just fall through the cracks and don't get married until their 30s. But when I was 25, I had a fling with a woman who was 37 and single. She said that anyone -- man or woman -- that age had "issues" and would likely never marry.

Don't we all have issues?

We do. That was a trendy term in the 90s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:uh women are getting married later and later. I have a bunch of single girlfriends in NYC and they're in their early 30s. If they blew off men in their mid to late 30s there will be no one to partner up with.

They are probably content to enjoy variety now and skip the whole baby thing altogether. They might wait until they are in their 50's or older to get married, retire early and travel the world. Whatever makes them happy. We are not all the same.

No I get it. What I am saying is that these women if interested in marriage (and I know my friends are) will be looking at men in the same age range, so 35 to 40 is not too late. The people who are commenting men above 35 are spoilt are too young. There are many women in their 30s that will date these men. We're not THAT young.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You know whats weird, I view women AND men who aren't married yet by their early 30s as people with something amiss. Between 24-27 people are actively looking to date to marry. If they havent been married by their early 30s...something's wrong.

Early 30s can still be explained by region, culture, and education. A DC lawyer marrying at 33 is normal and common. Nowhere is marrying for the first time at 37 common, however. Outliers merit some scrutiny, especially when there is no apparent reason beyond the person's own issues.

On a different note, lack of interest in marriage until age 35+ is a red flag IMO because it indicates the person does not place the same value on marriage and family as most people do. From what I have seen, that is the kind of person who is more likely to quit and cheat, check out emotionally, or get divorced when the going gets tough in the marriage. When I was on the market, I stayed away from bachelors over 35 even if I couldn't find something clearly wrong because at the very least, they did not share my values.

I assume that you were under 30 when you were doing this. If you were over 30 yourself, I doubt you would have just summarily rejected an otherwise good guy because he was over 35.

Yep, I was under 30, looking to be married, and not interested in letting a commitmentphobe waste my time until I was over age 30. I got married at 28 and we have been happy in the years since. The women I know who pinned their hopes on bachelors over 35 are still waiting for a ring. There is always some excuse why marriage doesn't make sense now, but might make sense later for these men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:uh women are getting married later and later. I have a bunch of single girlfriends in NYC and they're in their early 30s. If they blew off men in their mid to late 30s there will be no one to partner up with.

They are probably content to enjoy variety now and skip the whole baby thing altogether. They might wait until they are in their 50's or older to get married, retire early and travel the world. Whatever makes them happy. We are not all the same.

No I get it. What I am saying is that these women if interested in marriage (and I know my friends are) will be looking at men in the same age range, so 35 to 40 is not too late. The people who are commenting men above 35 are spoilt are too young. There are many women in their 30s that will date these men. We're not THAT young.

My friend who is now 33 wouldn't date men over 37 when she, herself, was 31 because she didn't want a "confirmed bachelor" type. Her reasoning is that men do the asking, so if a man hasn't met anyone worth asking in 37+ years, he will probably never think any woman is good enough. She got married a few months ago to a 32 year old man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:uh women are getting married later and later. I have a bunch of single girlfriends in NYC and they're in their early 30s. If they blew off men in their mid to late 30s there will be no one to partner up with.

They are probably content to enjoy variety now and skip the whole baby thing altogether. They might wait until they are in their 50's or older to get married, retire early and travel the world. Whatever makes them happy. We are not all the same.

No I get it. What I am saying is that these women if interested in marriage (and I know my friends are) will be looking at men in the same age range, so 35 to 40 is not too late. The people who are commenting men above 35 are spoilt are too young. There are many women in their 30s that will date these men. We're not THAT young.

My friend who is now 33 wouldn't date men over 37 when she, herself, was 31 because she didn't want a "confirmed bachelor" type. Her reasoning is that men do the asking, so if a man hasn't met anyone worth asking in 37+ years, he will probably never think any woman is good enough. She got married a few months ago to a 32 year old man.

Forgive me if I don't see a whole lot of difference between 32 and 37 year old men.

Also, she seems a little old-fashioned with the "men do the asking." Old-fashioned people tend to be the worst when it comes to labeling people as "spinsters" and "confirmed bachelors."

[Anonymous]

35-38.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is missing in the discussion is that it is treating all men the same, when we are individuals.

I would argue that someone who is professionally established and healthy is the criteria. Not an arbitrary age limit.

I was in school through my 20's. At that time, I was working very hard -- 14 hour days -- and did not have the time to date.

My life settled down after finishing my PhD (33); I was earning good money, and I was married by 35.

I have a friend that had a chronic medical condition that would probably kill him before he was 45; he did not want to leave a family fatherless, and did not want to risk passing on to children. When he was 35, medical science developed treatment for it. By 37, it was clear the treatment was working. He married at 40.

It should be obvious that OP and other posters are referring to men who are stable and established, but still unmarried at advanced ages. We all know respectable, hard working men who didn't finish their education until their mid- to late 30s because they pursued graduate and professional degrees. No one expects a broke student who doesn't know which city he'll end up in after a 5-10 year course of study to start a family. But a 35 year old who has been working a good job for 7+ years and isn't unduly short, fat, ugly, or socially anxious is almost always someone who has serious issues in relationships. He might make a good match for a commitment-shy woman who also has issues, but women who are capable of healthy, normal relationships should steer clear.

What woman (any woman) is capable of this? its a unicorn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:uh women are getting married later and later. I have a bunch of single girlfriends in NYC and they're in their early 30s. If they blew off men in their mid to late 30s there will be no one to partner up with.

They are probably content to enjoy variety now and skip the whole baby thing altogether. They might wait until they are in their 50's or older to get married, retire early and travel the world. Whatever makes them happy. We are not all the same.

No I get it. What I am saying is that these women if interested in marriage (and I know my friends are) will be looking at men in the same age range, so 35 to 40 is not too late. The people who are commenting men above 35 are spoilt are too young. There are many women in their 30s that will date these men. We're not THAT young.

My friend who is now 33 wouldn't date men over 37 when she, herself, was 31 because she didn't want a "confirmed bachelor" type. Her reasoning is that men do the asking, so if a man hasn't met anyone worth asking in 37+ years, he will probably never think any woman is good enough. She got married a few months ago to a 32 year old man.

Forgive me if I don't see a whole lot of difference between 32 and 37 year old men.

Also, she seems a little old-fashioned with the "men do the asking." Old-fashioned people tend to be the worst when it comes to labeling people as "spinsters" and "confirmed bachelors."

Ask the happily married couples in your circle if the man or the woman did the asking.

[Anonymous]

OK, everyone who is unmarried and over 35: go jump off a bridge. You're past your expiration date. No women, or man, will ever be able to trust, or love, you creepy weirdos.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is missing in the discussion is that it is treating all men the same, when we are individuals.

I would argue that someone who is professionally established and healthy is the criteria. Not an arbitrary age limit.

I was in school through my 20's. At that time, I was working very hard -- 14 hour days -- and did not have the time to date.

My life settled down after finishing my PhD (33); I was earning good money, and I was married by 35.

I have a friend that had a chronic medical condition that would probably kill him before he was 45; he did not want to leave a family fatherless, and did not want to risk passing on to children. When he was 35, medical science developed treatment for it. By 37, it was clear the treatment was working. He married at 40.

It should be obvious that OP and other posters are referring to men who are stable and established, but still unmarried at advanced ages. We all know respectable, hard working men who didn't finish their education until their mid- to late 30s because they pursued graduate and professional degrees. No one expects a broke student who doesn't know which city he'll end up in after a 5-10 year course of study to start a family. But a 35 year old who has been working a good job for 7+ years and isn't unduly short, fat, ugly, or socially anxious is almost always someone who has serious issues in relationships. He might make a good match for a commitment-shy woman who also has issues, but women who are capable of healthy, normal relationships should steer clear.

What woman (any woman) is capable of this? its a unicorn.

That's the exact kind of thing a bitter, damaged man would say. I guess your mother is crazy too. Keep talking this way so that smart women know to leave you by the wayside.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:uh women are getting married later and later. I have a bunch of single girlfriends in NYC and they're in their early 30s. If they blew off men in their mid to late 30s there will be no one to partner up with.

They are probably content to enjoy variety now and skip the whole baby thing altogether. They might wait until they are in their 50's or older to get married, retire early and travel the world. Whatever makes them happy. We are not all the same.

No I get it. What I am saying is that these women if interested in marriage (and I know my friends are) will be looking at men in the same age range, so 35 to 40 is not too late. The people who are commenting men above 35 are spoilt are too young. There are many women in their 30s that will date these men. We're not THAT young.

My friend who is now 33 wouldn't date men over 37 when she, herself, was 31 because she didn't want a "confirmed bachelor" type. Her reasoning is that men do the asking, so if a man hasn't met anyone worth asking in 37+ years, he will probably never think any woman is good enough. She got married a few months ago to a 32 year old man.

Forgive me if I don't see a whole lot of difference between 32 and 37 year old men.

Also, she seems a little old-fashioned with the "men do the asking." Old-fashioned people tend to be the worst when it comes to labeling people as "spinsters" and "confirmed bachelors."

Ask the happily married couples in your circle if the man or the woman did the asking.

Are you referring specifically to "popping the question" or to just generally being the one to initiate dating? I know men still almost always do the former, but I'm not sure if that's what the PP meant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:uh women are getting married later and later. I have a bunch of single girlfriends in NYC and they're in their early 30s. If they blew off men in their mid to late 30s there will be no one to partner up with.

They are probably content to enjoy variety now and skip the whole baby thing altogether. They might wait until they are in their 50's or older to get married, retire early and travel the world. Whatever makes them happy. We are not all the same.

No I get it. What I am saying is that these women if interested in marriage (and I know my friends are) will be looking at men in the same age range, so 35 to 40 is not too late. The people who are commenting men above 35 are spoilt are too young. There are many women in their 30s that will date these men. We're not THAT young.

My friend who is now 33 wouldn't date men over 37 when she, herself, was 31 because she didn't want a "confirmed bachelor" type. Her reasoning is that men do the asking, so if a man hasn't met anyone worth asking in 37+ years, he will probably never think any woman is good enough. She got married a few months ago to a 32 year old man.

Forgive me if I don't see a whole lot of difference between 32 and 37 year old men.

Also, she seems a little old-fashioned with the "men do the asking." Old-fashioned people tend to be the worst when it comes to labeling people as "spinsters" and "confirmed bachelors."

If you don't see a difference then go date all the 37+ men your heart desires. No one is telling you what to do in your love life.