Unmarried men, at what age is something seriously amiss?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After 28, I expect a man to date for the purpose of looking to settle down. Before that it is for everything else but marriage.

By 35 - he is not marriage material.

+1. 35 is APA; not good for making healthy babies.

Gimme a break.

[Anonymous]

My husband was 41 when we married. I am his only wife. He said he had planned to never marry, but then I tricked him with my wiles. I don't know what to tell you OP, I was 39 when we married, set in my ways and close to contentment. I don't know if there is an age. Warren Beatty and Jack Nicholson were 50 or 50+ when they married for the first time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Any guy I know who is 40+, straight, and never married-has ISSUES.

I knew straight, good looking, good earning potential guys who had serious issues at the ripe age of 21, 28, 35, etc. What's the point of your post PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband was 41 when we married. I am his only wife. He said he had planned to never marry, but then I tricked him with my wiles. I don't know what to tell you OP, I was 39 when we married, set in my ways and close to contentment. I don't know if there is an age. Warren Beatty and Jack Nicholson were 50 or 50+ when they married for the first time.

Many men who have no intention of marrying marry late in life because they realize nobody will care for them when they are on their death bed.

So, while I think it is an outlier to find a 41 yo normal male that "never wanted to marry" then did and is happy. I think the rule changes once the man turns 55+.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Any guy I know who is 40+, straight, and never married-has ISSUES.

I knew straight, good looking, good earning potential guys who had serious issues at the ripe age of 21, 28, 35, etc. What's the point of your post PP.

Not PP but many married people have issues we all know that. But when a man is older and never married it is usually because there is some huge problem with him. Of course there are exceptions to the rule but an unmarried 45 yo man is probably a pain in the ass and nobody could deal with him.

[Anonymous]

There are redder flags than just age. Lack of a long relationship in their history for example. I once dated a 28yo guy who had never dated anyone longer than 6 months. While almost normal in the DC area, that was a red flag that he was not built for the long haul.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any age - just like women, sometimes relationships don't work out, you just don't meet someone you can see yourself with for the rest of your life, or you think you have found that person but they don't feel that way about you. I would rather a guy be unmarried at any age then find out he married someone just for the sake of getting married.

This. I met my husband when he was 40. He had been in a couple of very serious long-term relationships, but they didn't work out. If someone reaches 40 and has never been married, I would want to know why, but I wouldn't assume that it meant there was something "wrong" with the person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think that some guys decide that they aren't the LTR/marriage/kids/white picket fence type...and they just plain choose not to marry. I've known some happy bachelors before - great varied dating life, freedom to hang with the guys whenever they want to w/o answering to anyone, responsible only to themselves. There are trade offs, I'm sure, but they seem fine with those trade offs.

I would consider it "amiss" if they seemed odd or unhappy about their life, needy but doing nothing about it...trade offs not really working for them.

+1

Better that they do this than go along with the accepted norms and become resentful and shitty husbands, fathers, cheaters, absentee, etc. It's not "wrong" to be not married.

[Anonymous]

I am 28 and have been married for a couple of years. Most of my friends are in serious relationships with the plan of marrying that person, but only a couple are still married. the ones who are still single and who are still dating, are taking their time making sure they find someone with the right potential down the road. None of my friends, both male and female, want to do the whole dating scene without it potentially leading to something more. Most got over that in their mid 20s.

DH's friends on the other hand, who are in their early 30s, are turning out to be hopeless causes. One has had a gf for 4 years and still doesn't know if he wants to marry her. Another 4 enjoy just playing the field. Another has been divorced twice at 36.

I don't think there is an age at all. You'll find some people in their 30s who are ready to settle down now because their lives are more put together. You'll find some of that age who never want to settle down. You'll find some in their 20s ready to get married and some who still want to play the field.

[Anonymous]

I married my husband when he was 38 (I was younger). He honestly had just never found the right person. He is an exceptional dad, a great husband, he has a good, interesting job, and he does all the laundry. I wouldn't write off a bachelor at any age.

[Anonymous]

My DH never wanted to marry or have children before he met me. We married at 36 (me) and 43 (him). First marriage for both. Happy together with a young child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^No particular age.

It isn't the age. It's the personality and character of the guy. I was 37 when I got married in large part because I didn't meet the right person until I was 34. We have been happily married for 11.5. My best friend was 39 when he finally found the right person. He was looking for a long time and found the wrong match a few times, but finally eharmony matched him with the right life partner. Happily going on 7+ years. I have another friend who just got married at 41 because he finally found the right person. Again, a good match.

The high rate of divorce is largely due to some people who have some soft of artificial standard for when they have to be married by and then end up married to the wrong person for the wrong reasons. Some of us waited for the right person and have not yet become another statistic.

Question for you, PP: when your friends finally found the right person later in life, where their partners significantly younger than them?

My wife is slightly older than me. My best friend's wife is about 6 years younger (they are in their 40's so I don't think that's too big a difference). I have no idea how old the 41 yo friend's new wife is but from pictures, I would guess she's somewhere in her 30's possible mid-to-late 30's, so not too far. I could be wrong.

But I will say that in all three of our cases, we were older single never-married guys and each of our spouses are divorced second-time brides. I still think that some people get so worried about their age and rush to marry the wrong person and some people wait to marry the right person. For some reason, I know a lot of very happy marriages between first-time husbands and second-time wives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^No particular age.

It isn't the age. It's the personality and character of the guy. I was 37 when I got married in large part because I didn't meet the right person until I was 34. We have been happily married for 11.5. My best friend was 39 when he finally found the right person. He was looking for a long time and found the wrong match a few times, but finally eharmony matched him with the right life partner. Happily going on 7+ years. I have another friend who just got married at 41 because he finally found the right person. Again, a good match.

The high rate of divorce is largely due to some people who have some soft of artificial standard for when they have to be married by and then end up married to the wrong person for the wrong reasons. Some of us waited for the right person and have not yet become another statistic.

Question for you, PP: when your friends finally found the right person later in life, where their partners significantly younger than them?

My wife is slightly older than me. My best friend's wife is about 6 years younger (they are in their 40's so I don't think that's too big a difference). I have no idea how old the 41 yo friend's new wife is but from pictures, I would guess she's somewhere in her 30's possible mid-to-late 30's, so not too far. I could be wrong.

But I will say that in all three of our cases, we were older single never-married guys and each of our spouses are divorced second-time brides. I still think that some people get so worried about their age and rush to marry the wrong person and some people wait to marry the right person. For some reason, I know a lot of very happy marriages between first-time husbands and second-time wives.

Oh one other point. We all are the "nice guy" that got passed over when we were younger. A lot of the best marriage potential guys are the best friend types and not the exciting bad boys that seem to attract a lot of younger women. So, while so many talk about how immature men of like age are, I think many women are pretty immature in their 20's and look to match up with the wrong type and end up divorced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In your opinion, if a man is I married, but typical background (college, maybe masters or grad school, healthy dating background) no long trips or absences. At what point do you begin to thing it's that either he doesn't want to be married or is not marriage material?

At what point do you begin to think this about a woman of similar circumstance?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband was 41 when we married. I am his only wife. He said he had planned to never marry, but then I tricked him with my wiles. I don't know what to tell you OP, I was 39 when we married, set in my ways and close to contentment. I don't know if there is an age. Warren Beatty and Jack Nicholson were 50 or 50+ when they married for the first time.

Many men who have no intention of marrying marry late in life because they realize nobody will care for them when they are on their death bed.
So, while I think it is an outlier to find a 41 yo normal male that "never wanted to marry" then did and is happy. I think the rule changes once the man turns 55+.

Wow, so you think the reason people get married is so that there will be someone to take care of them at their last hours of life. Is that why you got married? What if you outlive your spouse, you have then wasted your time if that was the only reason to marry.