Men who date younger but unable to perform

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was told by a guy and I think it’s true that it’s easier if they are used to you. A new person isn’t used to you and unbelievably to women there may be performance anxiety. Women (especially at that age) don’t have this and it’s hard for us to understand why there is fear of performing. I always think, what’s the issue with performing? At this age we should all feel very comfortable with sex and know what we want. Seems pretty clear and simple to me. Husband is 60 and still no issues. Must be that he’s used to me?

If he can't perform, he's history. Easy.

This is gross. Let men be whole human beings, not just D services. Lordy...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't want a connection or really any relationship, and you aren't patient, really. You aren't exclusive and don't expect your dates to be. This isn't dating, you want an escort for sex. You want just sex, and apparently a lot of it. Just buy it. I really don't get what the problem is here.

Going forward...come back here in about 10 or 13 years. Story will be reversed.

How can I commit to one man if he’s not making me entirely happy and satisfied ? I do want a fulfilling relationship which includes the physical part.
In 10-13 years I won’t be dating plain simple

I think you will be dating, because the relationship part really isn't a priority for you. No judgment here, you are just wanting sex. If I were dating for a relationship, and a guy said he wants more of a connection, that's a green flag for me, not red. If he's trying to move quickly, I that's red. This is of course because I would be looking long term. And yeah, most men need a pill or something. Everyone knows this. You will too in 10 years.

I don't think you're being fair to OP. She's emotionally close to one guy and maybe two. She's in real relationships. She's not JUST having sex. She's also not ready to settle for either one of them exclusively. She's saying she might find a man she's ready to be with exclusively at some point.

Here's the thing that some women in their late 40s or 50s sometimes say. They have trouble finding a man who they connect with mentally, physically, and emotionally AND who doesn't have big problems (like job or financial or alcohol issues). But that's not the whole story sometimes. When they do find a guy who checks all the boxes, he's so popular that it's hard to be sure he'll be there for the long haul. Attractive , smart, financially secure women in their late 40s and 50s have lots of options but they still can feel a little insecure about the long term.

OP here - the issue of my non-exclusivity with the men is off-topic but I agree with the above, it describes the situation. But it's true for women at any age, including 20-30. I think it is only fair for women to take time before becoming exclusive with any man when she's 100% sure the relationship is satisfying. Men do the same.

So it's 'only fair' for women to take time, but men, not so much? You can take time until you're comfortable, but he can't?

Double standards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Forgot to add, all three didn't know how to properly use condoms, which brand is the best (were buying the CVS cheap stuff which was further complicating things for them), refused to use a warming gel in foreplay before condom to make it work. That also raised sex safety issues for me as I don't sleep without protection when dating.

Did you, like, try talking to them before asking them to dick you down? Since these are dealbreaker-level issues for you, you could try using your words to communicate, upfront, exactly what you're expecting.

Yes, condoms are a dealbreaker for me. Wonder how men in their 50s on dating apps don’t realize they need to use protection and figure out themselves their favorite brand ???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't want a connection or really any relationship, and you aren't patient, really. You aren't exclusive and don't expect your dates to be. This isn't dating, you want an escort for sex. You want just sex, and apparently a lot of it. Just buy it. I really don't get what the problem is here.

Going forward...come back here in about 10 or 13 years. Story will be reversed.

How can I commit to one man if he’s not making me entirely happy and satisfied ? I do want a fulfilling relationship which includes the physical part.
In 10-13 years I won’t be dating plain simple

I think you will be dating, because the relationship part really isn't a priority for you. No judgment here, you are just wanting sex. If I were dating for a relationship, and a guy said he wants more of a connection, that's a green flag for me, not red. If he's trying to move quickly, I that's red. This is of course because I would be looking long term. And yeah, most men need a pill or something. Everyone knows this. You will too in 10 years.

I don't think you're being fair to OP. She's emotionally close to one guy and maybe two. She's in real relationships. She's not JUST having sex. She's also not ready to settle for either one of them exclusively. She's saying she might find a man she's ready to be with exclusively at some point.

Here's the thing that some women in their late 40s or 50s sometimes say. They have trouble finding a man who they connect with mentally, physically, and emotionally AND who doesn't have big problems (like job or financial or alcohol issues). But that's not the whole story sometimes. When they do find a guy who checks all the boxes, he's so popular that it's hard to be sure he'll be there for the long haul. Attractive , smart, financially secure women in their late 40s and 50s have lots of options but they still can feel a little insecure about the long term.

OP here - the issue of my non-exclusivity with the men is off-topic but I agree with the above, it describes the situation. But it's true for women at any age, including 20-30. I think it is only fair for women to take time before becoming exclusive with any man when she's 100% sure the relationship is satisfying. Men do the same.

So it's 'only fair' for women to take time, but men, not so much? You can take time until you're comfortable, but he can't?

Double standards.

I didn’t say men can’t take their time. Everyone should , before committing to exclusivity

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a mid 40s woman, just sharing my frustration here.Recently tried to make things work with three (!!!) mid 50s to early 60s men. Not ONE was able to perform in bed. Early ejaculation (like, in 2 min in), or the opposite not able to hold it up and cant take viagra because of heart conditions. All three tried to delay sex until they are "mentally ready" and "emotionally connected" to me. I had to tell that I prefer to have sex on date 5-6 as I do need sex and have physical needs that I expect my match to meet.

Why date a 10+ years younger woman if you can't perform? Date your age - a late 50s woman. So frustrating!

They "tried" to say no, but you had to "insist" is a really creepy sentiment.

Great, I'll only date men who say yes and often. Sounds like the way to go.

Not pressuring people into sex is, indeed, the "way to go." You sound like a rapist.

I thought when men put on their profile they look to date, they are looking for sex among other things? If there is a medical problem that prevents you from taking V pill shouldn't you disclose it early on, and not a few months after "dating", when the woman is attached is gets hard to break things off?

Man here and PP above. I totally agree with this. Sex is an expectation of any relationship. Doesn't matter if it's first date or after 6 months of dating. Whatever the couple decides but it is an end goal. If he's not able, he should not be in the game or needs to search for someone who only wants a non-sexual relationship.

Sex may be YOUR expectation of any relationship, in which case, it's on YOU to ask relevant questions of your partner, rather than demanding they understand your unspoken expectations.

OP rushed multiple people who all said they wanted to wait, then got upset they couldn't "perform". That's not "whatever the couple decides" so much as OP demanding she get exactly what she wants, when she wants it, without having to have even a simple conversation making her expectations clear.

OP is the problem here.

[Anonymous]

I don't think OP is telling the truth. Her writing style and weird word choices are reminiscent of several other threads that have popped up over time in this forum. The way she describes herself--give me a break--and sounds just like the other threads. I think she's a nutcase and a liar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a mid 40s woman, just sharing my frustration here.Recently tried to make things work with three (!!!) mid 50s to early 60s men. Not ONE was able to perform in bed. Early ejaculation (like, in 2 min in), or the opposite not able to hold it up and cant take viagra because of heart conditions. All three tried to delay sex until they are "mentally ready" and "emotionally connected" to me. I had to tell that I prefer to have sex on date 5-6 as I do need sex and have physical needs that I expect my match to meet.

Why date a 10+ years younger woman if you can't perform? Date your age - a late 50s woman. So frustrating!

They "tried" to say no, but you had to "insist" is a really creepy sentiment.

Great, I'll only date men who say yes and often. Sounds like the way to go.

Not pressuring people into sex is, indeed, the "way to go." You sound like a rapist.

I thought when men put on their profile they look to date, they are looking for sex among other things? If there is a medical problem that prevents you from taking V pill shouldn't you disclose it early on, and not a few months after "dating", when the woman is attached is gets hard to break things off?

Man here and PP above. I totally agree with this. Sex is an expectation of any relationship. Doesn't matter if it's first date or after 6 months of dating. Whatever the couple decides but it is an end goal. If he's not able, he should not be in the game or needs to search for someone who only wants a non-sexual relationship.

Thank you - finally, someone understands where I'm coming from. I feel like I was totally led on and was used for social and emotional companionship reasons. I think we'll break up

Yeah, but you want to sleep with them immediately, and not just one guy, either. And you are put off by someone who wants a connection (?) now, but you are looking for a long term relationship. Not adding up, really. Secondly, if you are stunned by all this non- performance, and still claim that in 10- 15 years you won't be dating because you assume you will be in a relationship with potentially one of these guys, what you you think THAT will look like? You'll be in your 50s and this guy will be pushing 80. I mean does any of this make sense?
You don't want anyone your age because they have kids and you no longer do as they are launched, so you are picking men who have been there, done that, have $$ presumably, but can't really do this. It's about this, it seems, to you.
You need a Mr.Goodbar experience for about 10 years, then hook up with an age appropriate life partner when his kids are grown. He can take his viagra, and you can slap on the estrogen patch and cream at the same time. It'll be fun.

You missed the part about how this is obvious to anyone OP is even being marginally honest with, but not being divulged to any of her multiple partners, each of whom is expected (demanded, even) to just magically be what OP wants/demands/"needs".

The rest is spot on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a mid 40s woman, just sharing my frustration here.Recently tried to make things work with three (!!!) mid 50s to early 60s men. Not ONE was able to perform in bed. Early ejaculation (like, in 2 min in), or the opposite not able to hold it up and cant take viagra because of heart conditions. All three tried to delay sex until they are "mentally ready" and "emotionally connected" to me. I had to tell that I prefer to have sex on date 5-6 as I do need sex and have physical needs that I expect my match to meet.

Why date a 10+ years younger woman if you can't perform? Date your age - a late 50s woman. So frustrating!

They "tried" to say no, but you had to "insist" is a really creepy sentiment.

Great, I'll only date men who say yes and often. Sounds like the way to go.

Not pressuring people into sex is, indeed, the "way to go." You sound like a rapist.

I thought when men put on their profile they look to date, they are looking for sex among other things? If there is a medical problem that prevents you from taking V pill shouldn't you disclose it early on, and not a few months after "dating", when the woman is attached is gets hard to break things off?

Man here and PP above. I totally agree with this. Sex is an expectation of any relationship. Doesn't matter if it's first date or after 6 months of dating. Whatever the couple decides but it is an end goal. If he's not able, he should not be in the game or needs to search for someone who only wants a non-sexual relationship.

Sex may be YOUR expectation of any relationship, in which case, it's on YOU to ask relevant questions of your partner, rather than demanding they understand your unspoken expectations.

OP rushed multiple people who all said they wanted to wait, then got upset they couldn't "perform". That's not "whatever the couple decides" so much as OP demanding she get exactly what she wants, when she wants it, without having to have even a simple conversation making her expectations clear.

OP is the problem here.

OP here - if clearly communicated that. You are making things up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The way people talk so casually about sex outside marriage is so heartbreaking

Why is that?

Not pp, but it's meaningless to a lot of people these days. Not that all sex has to be some sort of sacred ritual, but...

It's not intimate/intimacy at all. It's just some sort of cheap exploitation of another human's body by people who are usually trying to wrangle something in their own head. The solution for your mental problems isn't in someone else's pants.

The solution to your mental hangups about sex is not going to be solved by trying to shame adults on the internet.

The solution to your lack of "needed" D is not going to be solved by trolling anons on the mommy board.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The way people talk so casually about sex outside marriage is so heartbreaking

Why is that?

Not pp, but it's meaningless to a lot of people these days. Not that all sex has to be some sort of sacred ritual, but...

It's not intimate/intimacy at all. It's just some sort of cheap exploitation of another human's body by people who are usually trying to wrangle something in their own head. The solution for your mental problems isn't in someone else's pants.

The solution to your mental hangups about sex is not going to be solved by trying to shame adults on the internet.

The solution to your lack of "needed" D is not going to be solved by trolling anons on the mommy board.

I'm not the OP, but again, examine why you need to lash out at people for having the most basic biological need. Therapy for you is in order.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow - sudden outburst of angry responses above. Not that I need to provide detail but I did date both of these men 1 and 3 months respectively before attempting sex. We had 6/15 dates and connected over many aspects, did various activities and even had a weekend trip with one before attempting sex . I now feel both men were leading me on by claiming they wanted to build a connection. Whereby in reality they just tried to delay sex.
I’m not saying the sex should happen on date 1-3 but maybe if a man is not offering to take you home after a few dates it should be a red flag of either lack of chemistry or inability to perform.
I don’t know the right answer - which is why seeing opinions on the forum and trying to find a solution.
Obviously I have toys but I’m dating to find a physical match, among other things.
Maybe a third date rule is not a bad idea - but I’m usually not ready for sex that early.

Maybe if a man is not offering to take you home after a few dates, and has said he wants to wait until he feels a connection, you should respect that instead of pressuring him into sex he has clearly stated he doesn't want and then being butthurt that the sex you pressured him into having didn't please you. Do you want to pressured into sex on date ____ when you're not ready? I mean, this is pretty basic "treat others as you'd want to be treated", right?

And if you're ready, and he's not, and not catching that D literally RIGHT NOW is a dealbreaker for you, then break the deal (and maybe go to therapy to work out why you're so adamant that everyone adhere to your timeline).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a mid 40s woman, just sharing my frustration here.Recently tried to make things work with three (!!!) mid 50s to early 60s men. Not ONE was able to perform in bed. Early ejaculation (like, in 2 min in), or the opposite not able to hold it up and cant take viagra because of heart conditions. All three tried to delay sex until they are "mentally ready" and "emotionally connected" to me. I had to tell that I prefer to have sex on date 5-6 as I do need sex and have physical needs that I expect my match to meet.

Why date a 10+ years younger woman if you can't perform? Date your age - a late 50s woman. So frustrating!

They "tried" to say no, but you had to "insist" is a really creepy sentiment.

Great, I'll only date men who say yes and often. Sounds like the way to go.

Not pressuring people into sex is, indeed, the "way to go." You sound like a rapist.

I thought when men put on their profile they look to date, they are looking for sex among other things? If there is a medical problem that prevents you from taking V pill shouldn't you disclose it early on, and not a few months after "dating", when the woman is attached is gets hard to break things off?

Man here and PP above. I totally agree with this. Sex is an expectation of any relationship. Doesn't matter if it's first date or after 6 months of dating. Whatever the couple decides but it is an end goal. If he's not able, he should not be in the game or needs to search for someone who only wants a non-sexual relationship.

Sex may be YOUR expectation of any relationship, in which case, it's on YOU to ask relevant questions of your partner, rather than demanding they understand your unspoken expectations.

OP rushed multiple people who all said they wanted to wait, then got upset they couldn't "perform". That's not "whatever the couple decides" so much as OP demanding she get exactly what she wants, when she wants it, without having to have even a simple conversation making her expectations clear.

OP is the problem here.

The point of my thread is why men who can’t and don’t want to perform within a very reasonable period of time (1-3 months of dating) seek younger women ? Don’t men who push 60 realize women in their 40s still need sex ?
Do they need a younger woman for aesthetic reasons?
It’s reasonable to assume that if sex is not your weekly need, you should disclose that you seek a companionship and perhaps date women your own age or even older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow - sudden outburst of angry responses above. Not that I need to provide detail but I did date both of these men 1 and 3 months respectively before attempting sex. We had 6/15 dates and connected over many aspects, did various activities and even had a weekend trip with one before attempting sex . I now feel both men were leading me on by claiming they wanted to build a connection. Whereby in reality they just tried to delay sex.
I’m not saying the sex should happen on date 1-3 but maybe if a man is not offering to take you home after a few dates it should be a red flag of either lack of chemistry or inability to perform.
I don’t know the right answer - which is why seeing opinions on the forum and trying to find a solution.
Obviously I have toys but I’m dating to find a physical match, among other things.
Maybe a third date rule is not a bad idea - but I’m usually not ready for sex that early.

This makes sense to me, but they might not have been leading you on more than you were leading them on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow - sudden outburst of angry responses above. Not that I need to provide detail but I did date both of these men 1 and 3 months respectively before attempting sex. We had 6/15 dates and connected over many aspects, did various activities and even had a weekend trip with one before attempting sex . I now feel both men were leading me on by claiming they wanted to build a connection. Whereby in reality they just tried to delay sex.
I’m not saying the sex should happen on date 1-3 but maybe if a man is not offering to take you home after a few dates it should be a red flag of either lack of chemistry or inability to perform.
I don’t know the right answer - which is why seeing opinions on the forum and trying to find a solution.
Obviously I have toys but I’m dating to find a physical match, among other things.
Maybe a third date rule is not a bad idea - but I’m usually not ready for sex that early.

Maybe if a man is not offering to take you home after a few dates, and has said he wants to wait until he feels a connection, you should respect that instead of pressuring him into sex he has clearly stated he doesn't want and then being butthurt that the sex you pressured him into having didn't please you. Do you want to pressured into sex on date ____ when you're not ready? I mean, this is pretty basic "treat others as you'd want to be treated", right?

And if you're ready, and he's not, and not catching that D literally RIGHT NOW is a dealbreaker for you, then break the deal (and maybe go to therapy to work out why you're so adamant that everyone adhere to your timeline).

I actually did wait for a month with one man and 3 months with the second

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Forgot to add, all three didn't know how to properly use condoms, which brand is the best (were buying the CVS cheap stuff which was further complicating things for them), refused to use a warming gel in foreplay before condom to make it work. That also raised sex safety issues for me as I don't sleep without protection when dating.

Did you, like, try talking to them before asking them to dick you down? Since these are dealbreaker-level issues for you, you could try using your words to communicate, upfront, exactly what you're expecting.

Yes, condoms are a dealbreaker for me. Wonder how men in their 50s on dating apps don’t realize they need to use protection and figure out themselves their favorite brand ???

Then ask them before you even agree to meet. Or meet them, and ask them before you're willing to meet them again. But waiting until you're in bed with these dudes, plural, to even get to this info is a failure to communicate on YOUR behalf. It's your boundary. Use your words.