Men who date younger but unable to perform

[Anonymous]

The way people talk so casually about sex outside marriage is so heartbreaking

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The way people talk so casually about sex outside marriage is so heartbreaking

Why is that?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I'm a mid 40s woman, just sharing my frustration here.Recently tried to make things work with three (!!!) mid 50s to early 60s men. Not ONE was able to perform in bed. Early ejaculation (like, in 2 min in), or the opposite not able to hold it up and cant take viagra because of heart conditions. All three tried to delay sex until they are "mentally ready" and "emotionally connected" to me. I had to tell that I prefer to have sex on date 5-6 as I do need sex and have physical needs that I expect my match to meet.

Why date a 10+ years younger woman if you can't perform? Date your age - a late 50s woman. So frustrating!

They "tried" to say no, but you had to "insist" is a really creepy sentiment.

Great, I'll only date men who say yes and often. Sounds like the way to go.

Not pressuring people into sex is, indeed, the "way to go." You sound like a rapist.

I thought when men put on their profile they look to date, they are looking for sex among other things? If there is a medical problem that prevents you from taking V pill shouldn't you disclose it early on, and not a few months after "dating", when the woman is attached is gets hard to break things off?

Man here and PP above. I totally agree with this. Sex is an expectation of any relationship. Doesn't matter if it's first date or after 6 months of dating. Whatever the couple decides but it is an end goal. If he's not able, he should not be in the game or needs to search for someone who only wants a non-sexual relationship.

Thank you - finally, someone understands where I'm coming from. I feel like I was totally led on and was used for social and emotional companionship reasons. I think we'll break up

Yeah, but you want to sleep with them immediately, and not just one guy, either. And you are put off by someone who wants a connection (?) now, but you are looking for a long term relationship. Not adding up, really. Secondly, if you are stunned by all this non- performance, and still claim that in 10- 15 years you won't be dating because you assume you will be in a relationship with potentially one of these guys, what you you think THAT will look like? You'll be in your 50s and this guy will be pushing 80. I mean does any of this make sense?
You don't want anyone your age because they have kids and you no longer do as they are launched, so you are picking men who have been there, done that, have $$ presumably, but can't really do this. It's about this, it seems, to you.
You need a Mr.Goodbar experience for about 10 years, then hook up with an age appropriate life partner when his kids are grown. He can take his viagra, and you can slap on the estrogen patch and cream at the same time. It'll be fun.

You have wild phantasies about my sex life, lady. There are no wild risky encounters. I was seeing them with a goal of finding one long term relationship, and it just happened that way I’m still seeing both. I don’t sleep around. There is no third man.
And my suitors won’t be pushing 80, they are about 10 years older. True that I don’t want to get too attached or invested by being exclusive before I’m certain all aspects of the relationship are satisfying. Not sure what’s wrong with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The way people talk so casually about sex outside marriage is so heartbreaking

Why is that?

Not pp, but it's meaningless to a lot of people these days. Not that all sex has to be some sort of sacred ritual, but...

It's not intimate/intimacy at all. It's just some sort of cheap exploitation of another human's body by people who are usually trying to wrangle something in their own head. The solution for your mental problems isn't in someone else's pants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a mid 40s woman, just sharing my frustration here.Recently tried to make things work with three (!!!) mid 50s to early 60s men. Not ONE was able to perform in bed. Early ejaculation (like, in 2 min in), or the opposite not able to hold it up and cant take viagra because of heart conditions. All three tried to delay sex until they are "mentally ready" and "emotionally connected" to me. I had to tell that I prefer to have sex on date 5-6 as I do need sex and have physical needs that I expect my match to meet.

Why date a 10+ years younger woman if you can't perform? Date your age - a late 50s woman. So frustrating!

You're in your mid-40s and you "need sex"?

Babygirl, if you haven't figured out how to meet your needs for yourself, no man can help you. Demanding that a stranger want to be inside you after 5-6 brief visits is... really saying something about how you see men. If you "need" a dick-on-demand service, hire one. Stop "dating" if you're just looking to get laid.

Men you haven't even known for a month aren't responsible for meeting your so-called needs. Get a vibrator or hire a dick service.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Forgot to add, all three didn't know how to properly use condoms, which brand is the best (were buying the CVS cheap stuff which was further complicating things for them), refused to use a warming gel in foreplay before condom to make it work. That also raised sex safety issues for me as I don't sleep without protection when dating.

Did you, like, try talking to them before asking them to dick you down? Since these are dealbreaker-level issues for you, you could try using your words to communicate, upfront, exactly what you're expecting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a mid 40s woman, just sharing my frustration here.Recently tried to make things work with three (!!!) mid 50s to early 60s men. Not ONE was able to perform in bed. Early ejaculation (like, in 2 min in), or the opposite not able to hold it up and cant take viagra because of heart conditions. All three tried to delay sex until they are "mentally ready" and "emotionally connected" to me. I had to tell that I prefer to have sex on date 5-6 as I do need sex and have physical needs that I expect my match to meet.

Why date a 10+ years younger woman if you can't perform? Date your age - a late 50s woman. So frustrating!

Ignoring the obvious ageism here...

You really see yourself as a catch, don't you?

Why date at all if you're expecting a "performance"? Pay a "performance artist" and get the results you're demanding.

You're creepy, OP. This is a you problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it is you OP. Once your clothes come off, they are no longer excited.

Nah, I'm a former athlete have a model "Pilates" body, flawless skin, nice butt, thin waist and size 3 tits. I workout 15 hrs a week, 20 BMI. If not with me I don't know maybe Jessica Alba would get their Ds move upward?

You sound like a demanding brat, OP. Men past maybe 21 aren't going to want to just stick it in anymore. All of these people gave you clear indications that they're looking for connection, not just genital alignment.

You're not entitled to dick, no matter what kind of body you (think you) have. Gross, OP. Gross all around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a mid 40s woman, just sharing my frustration here.Recently tried to make things work with three (!!!) mid 50s to early 60s men. Not ONE was able to perform in bed. Early ejaculation (like, in 2 min in), or the opposite not able to hold it up and cant take viagra because of heart conditions. All three tried to delay sex until they are "mentally ready" and "emotionally connected" to me. I had to tell that I prefer to have sex on date 5-6 as I do need sex and have physical needs that I expect my match to meet.

Why date a 10+ years younger woman if you can't perform? Date your age - a late 50s woman. So frustrating!

They "tried" to say no, but you had to "insist" is a really creepy sentiment.

Great, I'll only date men who say yes and often. Sounds like the way to go.

Not pressuring people into sex is, indeed, the "way to go." You sound like a rapist.

+1 If OP were writing as a man (and not trolling as a woman) that's exactly what we'd all be saying. Zero respect for boundaries, framing wants as "needs" that other people are expected to magically meet for them... Creepy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a mid 40s woman, just sharing my frustration here.Recently tried to make things work with three (!!!) mid 50s to early 60s men. Not ONE was able to perform in bed. Early ejaculation (like, in 2 min in), or the opposite not able to hold it up and cant take viagra because of heart conditions. All three tried to delay sex until they are "mentally ready" and "emotionally connected" to me. I had to tell that I prefer to have sex on date 5-6 as I do need sex and have physical needs that I expect my match to meet.

Why date a 10+ years younger woman if you can't perform? Date your age - a late 50s woman. So frustrating!

They "tried" to say no, but you had to "insist" is a really creepy sentiment.

Great, I'll only date men who say yes and often. Sounds like the way to go.

Not pressuring people into sex is, indeed, the "way to go." You sound like a rapist.

I thought when men put on their profile they look to date, they are looking for sex among other things? If there is a medical problem that prevents you from taking V pill shouldn't you disclose it early on, and not a few months after "dating", when the woman is attached is gets hard to break things off?

Maybe if you "need" dick on demand, YOU should be more clear about your expectations? You're not looking to date, you're DTF.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a mid 40s woman, just sharing my frustration here.Recently tried to make things work with three (!!!) mid 50s to early 60s men. Not ONE was able to perform in bed. Early ejaculation (like, in 2 min in), or the opposite not able to hold it up and cant take viagra because of heart conditions. All three tried to delay sex until they are "mentally ready" and "emotionally connected" to me. I had to tell that I prefer to have sex on date 5-6 as I do need sex and have physical needs that I expect my match to meet.

Why date a 10+ years younger woman if you can't perform? Date your age - a late 50s woman. So frustrating!

Why are you even trying to date older men? I don't see what's in it for you. Stay single or find someone in their mid-40s or younger.

Mid 40s men often have very young kids and I'm an empty nester so we are on different stages of life and it's complicated even to spend the weekends together. Or those who were never married are not attractive or have other hangups/security issues.

Valid. Date younger. As a woman not looking for marriage or more kids, you hold all the power in dating, so perhaps stay away from the old dudes and see if you like 30-somethings better? Just give it a try....

I don't want kids but I do want to find a long term partner which hopefully results in marriage after a few years together. I dont want to hookup with different 30s men well into my 50s. Don't thing a man who is 10 years younger would stay with me long term.

Search continues...

Why do you want a long-term partner and marriage? Many women our age find that the companionship of other women is preferable to men. Also, women outlive men, so if you marry someone your age or older, statistically, you're signing up to be his caretaker and then dying alone. If you invest the same amount of time into developing close friendships with other women, then you'll have a support network that is more likely to last you into your old age. You can have men for friendship and sex, but anything more is generally a losing proposition once you're in your 40s or beyond.

Another woman is not going to travel with me, attend family events, go to museums, hikes, biking, spend most weekends together. I love men, sex, male companionship. Even if this relationship lasts for 10 years, it would be still a great run. Maybe when I'm late 50s and no longer need all these things, I would be happier just being a "lady who lunches".

In my age group women are also busy with kids, work - it's not like they can devote a lot of time to friends

Wow. I thought I might've been being a bit harsh to suggest you should hire someone, but... that's all you want. A man as a functional accessory.

Hire one. Plenty of men would love your paid companionship, and be happy to be your arm candy at events, then meet your "needs" later. Stop acting like you're actually interested in loving whole people when all you want is what you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The way people talk so casually about sex outside marriage is so heartbreaking

Why is that?

Not pp, but it's meaningless to a lot of people these days. Not that all sex has to be some sort of sacred ritual, but...

It's not intimate/intimacy at all. It's just some sort of cheap exploitation of another human's body by people who are usually trying to wrangle something in their own head. The solution for your mental problems isn't in someone else's pants.

The solution to your mental hangups about sex is not going to be solved by trying to shame adults on the internet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Forgot to add, all three didn't know how to properly use condoms, which brand is the best (were buying the CVS cheap stuff which was further complicating things for them), refused to use a warming gel in foreplay before condom to make it work. That also raised sex safety issues for me as I don't sleep without protection when dating.

I would rather not have sex than wear a condom. You can’t feel a thing wearing one.

Jerk it less. You'll feel more.

[Anonymous]

Wow - sudden outburst of angry responses above. Not that I need to provide detail but I did date both of these men 1 and 3 months respectively before attempting sex. We had 6/15 dates and connected over many aspects, did various activities and even had a weekend trip with one before attempting sex . I now feel both men were leading me on by claiming they wanted to build a connection. Whereby in reality they just tried to delay sex.
I’m not saying the sex should happen on date 1-3 but maybe if a man is not offering to take you home after a few dates it should be a red flag of either lack of chemistry or inability to perform.
I don’t know the right answer - which is why seeing opinions on the forum and trying to find a solution.
Obviously I have toys but I’m dating to find a physical match, among other things.
Maybe a third date rule is not a bad idea - but I’m usually not ready for sex that early.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't want a connection or really any relationship, and you aren't patient, really. You aren't exclusive and don't expect your dates to be. This isn't dating, you want an escort for sex. You want just sex, and apparently a lot of it. Just buy it. I really don't get what the problem is here.

Going forward...come back here in about 10 or 13 years. Story will be reversed.

This.