Spouse lost his job and its ruining our life

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should get a second job. He should be working at McDonald’s if he has to.

I have been looking for jobs that pay more money. Ive told my husband he has to give up on finding a new job in his career and just find something else, like working in a restaurant, as you suggest. He hasnt gotten there yet because he is determined to keep his career.

NP. Until you actually find a job that pays a lot more money, I don’t think you have a leg to stand on here. You seem to be criticizing him for the same issue you are having yourself.

Well the purpose of my post was seeking out people who have been in this situation who could share their story. That doesnt seem to be you np. If you read my prior comment, my dh not only supported my decision to work in education but encouraged it because he probably never envisioned that this would happen to him.

Yes, sweetie, and now your situation has changed and you need to find a new job.

[Anonymous]

I left a low paying but stable job for a higher paying less stable job at 46. I was laid off 2 months later. Then went into a depression. My marriage greatly suffered and my ex wife kept giving me deadlines to take any job else she would filed for divorce. I refused because I knew I was close to my dream job. She eventually filed for divorce. 5 years later I now make $300k. And of course I have to share with her. I wish I could help my kids without going through her.

[Anonymous]

OP, if his hair is gray, get some just for men hair coloring.

Stop by your unemployment office. They should have some free classes on interviewing.

He also may qualify for free retraining.

Generally, the stuff is not mentioned on the website you need to stop by the office and talk to people.

[Anonymous]

You need to prepare for divorce. Protect yourself and your kids first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP probably enjoyed when he was making the big bucks for a short while, but then tries to blame him for being laid off, which is outside his control. No one has 20/20 foresight.

Maybe you should go get a better job yourself, OP. Stop blaming your husband. The economy is in shambles and no one is hiring right now for senior positions. Worse comes to worse, you sell your house, car, and posseions to downgrade your lifestyle. No big deal, they're just material things.

You need to do more to contribute yourself, from the sound of it.

One things thats been made clear from many posters is the confirmation that no one has respect for the people who teach, help and support their children in school. Its so interesting to see.

Get real, my parents were teachers. 90% of the people who become teachers are there because they want a stable job and can’t really figure out how to get a better job and want summers off, and usually to have the flexibility for the kids.

It’s a job, and a low paid one of that, but it’s stable and attracts a certain type of person looking for that lifestyle

Your parents must have taught older grades. Most elementary teachers I knew felt it was a calling.

That is true. But we have kids now and I absolutely see the teachers who “work for summers off”. I recognize the signs.

Elementary school teachers are mostly there because they know it’s a great job for when they have kids — they have the same breaks and only need aftercare for an hour. High school is way more demanding with endless grading, extracurricular expectations by the administration, dealing with real discipline problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, if his hair is gray, get some just for men hair coloring.

Stop by your unemployment office. They should have some free classes on interviewing.

He also may qualify for free retraining.

Generally, the stuff is not mentioned on the website you need to stop by the office and talk to people.

The unemployment office? They don’t give guidance for executive professional interviews. They more geared towards people making the leap from retail to office work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should get a second job. He should be working at McDonald’s if he has to.

I have been looking for jobs that pay more money. Ive told my husband he has to give up on finding a new job in his career and just find something else, like working in a restaurant, as you suggest. He hasnt gotten there yet because he is determined to keep his career.

NP. Until you actually find a job that pays a lot more money, I don’t think you have a leg to stand on here. You seem to be criticizing him for the same issue you are having yourself.

Well the purpose of my post was seeking out people who have been in this situation who could share their story. That doesnt seem to be you np. If you read my prior comment, my dh not only supported my decision to work in education but encouraged it because he probably never envisioned that this would happen to him.

Yes, sweetie, and now your situation has changed and you need to find a new job.

Her job is secure at least. if they both lose employment, they are F'd. Safer to put her energy into getting him employed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if his hair is gray, get some just for men hair coloring.

Stop by your unemployment office. They should have some free classes on interviewing.

He also may qualify for free retraining.

Generally, the stuff is not mentioned on the website you need to stop by the office and talk to people.

The unemployment office? They don’t give guidance for executive professional interviews. They more geared towards people making the leap from retail to office work.

Yeah, better to ask old friend or alumni to do mock interview. Get pointers.

[Anonymous]

People can be so snarky and unkind when they have no idea how hard it can be to watch your partner flounder and your dreams for your family go down the drain. OP, I was in a very similar situation to you. DH took a severance package and voluntarily left his well paid job when his company merged with another. We thought he would quickly find another job. It took almost 18 months! I was panicking as the months ticked on and his severance ran out. I had a decent job and we have supportive families but I knew that if he didn’t find something soon we were going to have to sell our house and completely change our lifestyle. I felt ashamed, desperate and alone. And yes sometimes I blamed my husband and secretly imagined an alternative life for myself and our kids. What changed for me was that I realized that it wasn’t my DH’s fault that he was in that situation. We had both decided he should take the severance and it wasn’t like he wasn’t trying his best to find a new job it was just a bad time and his field is limited. I realized that if we ended up divorced that would have been the real tragedy. We would have allowed our circumstances to destroy our family, our children would have been miserable and we both would have been left even poorer. I decided to focus on what was in my control. Despite the fear and the embarrassment I focused on supporting him, remembering that we were a TEAM, that the only way forward was together, one day at a time. It would have been impossible to pull myself together if DH had been moping all the time or not trying to find another job. Or unhelpful around the house. I don’t know what I would have done then. We focused on trying to walk outside every single day, exercising, reading instead of doomscrolling, and we kept networking like it was a job. All of the emotion I had put into feeling terrified and dread I tried to focus on things I could control. There are no guarantees happy endings. DH got lucky and eventually found another job. We are doing very well now and that scary time is in the rear view mirror. I rarely think about it although I know we bear the scars. But our marriage is stronger because we didn’t give up on each other. You can do this. Stand by your husband, help him to believe in himself, if he is getting interviews you should have hope that his chances are good. Others have offered solid advice about how he can get over the finish line. Don’t lose everything because you lost your faith in him and put too much importance on how you thought your life was going to turn out. If you stay strong your family will eventually land on its feet. You’ve got this. Deep breaths. Journaling helps for you to process your grief over the life you thought you had and the fears that are overwhelming you. Don’t share all of that with your DH. You can tell trusted friends or family. You have to be strong for both of you now so that DH can walk into interviews with some confidence instead of being riddled with fear. Good luck!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should get a second job. He should be working at McDonald’s if he has to.

I have been looking for jobs that pay more money. Ive told my husband he has to give up on finding a new job in his career and just find something else, like working in a restaurant, as you suggest. He hasnt gotten there yet because he is determined to keep his career.

NP. Until you actually find a job that pays a lot more money, I don’t think you have a leg to stand on here. You seem to be criticizing him for the same issue you are having yourself.

Well the purpose of my post was seeking out people who have been in this situation who could share their story. That doesnt seem to be you np. If you read my prior comment, my dh not only supported my decision to work in education but encouraged it because he probably never envisioned that this would happen to him.

Yes, sweetie, and now your situation has changed and you need to find a new job.

Her job is secure at least. if they both lose employment, they are F'd. Safer to put her energy into getting him employed.

How convenient that she can stay on the mommy track and kick back and complain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should get a second job. He should be working at McDonald’s if he has to.

I have been looking for jobs that pay more money. Ive told my husband he has to give up on finding a new job in his career and just find something else, like working in a restaurant, as you suggest. He hasnt gotten there yet because he is determined to keep his career.

NP. Until you actually find a job that pays a lot more money, I don’t think you have a leg to stand on here. You seem to be criticizing him for the same issue you are having yourself.

Can I just say that it's really terrible that we as a society don't value teaching as a profession? Advising teachers to go find a job "that pays a lot more money" means moving on from education. Who do you think should be teaching in your kids' school, trust fund babies or those who marry rich?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People don't realize low paid job is actually a bad solution. A man getting laid off a high paid job at 58 making around 360K a year. With two kids in college and a mortgage and a SAHM wife for instance getting a job in McDonalds or becoming a substitute teacher or school bus driver is not going to help. He can cut expenses but when you had income of 30K a month a job that pays 60K a year is not much help.

Even a 160K job you will bleed out. The clock is ticking he should be looking for 40-60 hours a week for a high paid job. He has to do at least 1,000 to 5,000 applications, following up on leads, reaching out on LinkedIn, meeting up for coffee, presenting at conferences, coming to trade groups.

I think his best choice is to find a start up looking for someone with gray hair and a good resume looking to work for peanuts with pre-IPO stock in exchange a good title. Then do that 1-2 years and try to land a good job again.

And it is ALL ON HIM. I have sisters and sister inlaws who were teachers, nurses, working in lower level marketing jobs that are jobs that never pay a ton or have been a SAHM for years. Not like their husband at 55 loses their 360K job they can magically make 360K .

Get real. 99% of 58 y.o. men who get laid off from a $360K job will never find another job like that again. I’ve been with a F500 company for 30 years and I don’t know a single comeback story. You have to be pretty special to land on your feet in this situation.

I do know two guys who retired, they were fairly well known in the industry, and their contacts begged them to come out of retirement for a few years to fill a gap.

Yeah, I find it hard to believe there are 5,000 360k jobs to be gotten through cold applications.

I have applied to 400k-600k jobs and getting interviews (no offers), but someone must have gotten it that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It amazes me how married women think they should control the kind of risks a man takes. Let me send a PSA to women. If a man wants to take a risk he will do so regardless married or not. It's in our nature to be risk takers. I feel bad for him that he doesn't have a supportive wife.

It’s also your fault for eyeing the woman out of your league. Why didn’t you marry the overweight banker? Haha!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women can be extremely unforgiving when they perceive that their husbands ruined whatever perfect life they had. I have seen many men loose their wives, end up depressed and just miserable from the enormous pressure that their wives put on them when they loose their jobs.

Well, if the division of labor in their family has been:
Woman - cook, clean, childcare, social life, family connections, holiday planner, vacation planner
Man , earn money to fund life, enjoy life woman provides and take credit for kids" success

Then he doesn't hold jo his end of the bargain and you want to blame the woman? Crazy! When the house if dirty and the kids go off the rails, does he take the blame? No it's the mom's fault.

A better split is the both work and split everything else. Then when one loses a job not everything goes pear shaped and he can lean into more of the household duties as he looks for a job and she can lean more into work for a promotion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should get a second job. He should be working at McDonald’s if he has to.

I have been looking for jobs that pay more money. Ive told my husband he has to give up on finding a new job in his career and just find something else, like working in a restaurant, as you suggest. He hasnt gotten there yet because he is determined to keep his career.

NP. Until you actually find a job that pays a lot more money, I don’t think you have a leg to stand on here. You seem to be criticizing him for the same issue you are having yourself.

Well the purpose of my post was seeking out people who have been in this situation who could share their story. That doesnt seem to be you np. If you read my prior comment, my dh not only supported my decision to work in education but encouraged it because he probably never envisioned that this would happen to him.

Yes, sweetie, and now your situation has changed and you need to find a new job.

Her job is secure at least. if they both lose employment, they are F'd. Safer to put her energy into getting him employed.

How convenient that she can stay on the mommy track and kick back and complain.

It's called maintaining stable employment. Why do you hate teachers, or her? Weird, chill.