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[quote=Anonymous]People can be so snarky and unkind when they have no idea how hard it can be to watch your partner flounder and your dreams for your family go down the drain.  OP, I was in a very similar situation to you.  DH took a severance package and voluntarily left his well paid job when his company merged with another.  We thought he would quickly find another job.  It took almost 18 months!  I was panicking as the months ticked on and his severance ran out.  I had a decent job and we have supportive families but I knew that if he didn’t find something soon we were going to have to sell our house and completely change our lifestyle.  I felt ashamed, desperate and alone.  And yes sometimes I blamed my husband and secretly imagined an alternative life for myself and our kids.  What changed for me was that I realized that it wasn’t my DH’s fault that he was in that situation.  We had both decided he should take the severance and it wasn’t like he wasn’t trying his best to find a new job it was just a bad time and his field is limited.  I realized that if we ended up divorced that would have been the real tragedy.  We would have allowed our circumstances to destroy our family, our children would have been miserable and we both would have been left even poorer.  I decided to focus on what was in my control.  Despite the fear and the embarrassment I focused on supporting him, remembering that we were a TEAM, that the only way forward was together, one day at a time.  It would have been impossible to pull myself together if DH had been moping all the time or not trying to find another job.  Or unhelpful around the house.  I don’t know what I would have done then.  We focused on trying to walk outside every single day, exercising, reading instead of doomscrolling, and we kept networking like it was a job.  All of the emotion I had put into feeling terrified and dread I tried to focus on things I could control.  There are no guarantees happy endings.  DH got lucky and eventually found another job.  We are doing very well now and that scary time is in the rear view mirror.  I rarely think about it although I know we bear the scars.  But our marriage is stronger because we didn’t give up on each other.  You can do this.  Stand by your husband, help him to believe in himself, if he is getting interviews you should have hope that his chances are good.  Others have offered solid advice about how he can get over the finish line.  Don’t lose everything because you lost your faith in him and put too much importance on how you thought your life was going to turn out.  If you stay strong your family will eventually land on its feet.  You’ve got this.  Deep breaths.  Journaling helps for you to process your grief over the life you thought you had and the fears that are overwhelming you.  Don’t share all of that with your DH.  You can tell trusted friends or family.  You have to be strong for both of you now so that DH can walk into interviews with some confidence instead of being riddled with fear.  Good luck!!![/quote]

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